So is everyone here out of the closet, or am I an anomaly?

[BrendaPDX]

Hi all,
I know I am not much of a poster here, but...
Yes, yes I am still a still quasi in the closet, and I expect to get an earful. But I am curious. Are there any closet cases like me here? Or I an anomaly?
Thanks, Brenda

[GretchenM]

I suspect most here are like you - quasi closeted. But a lot are out of the closet completely while still others are still deep in the closet. The variation is probably caused by a combination of choices based on fear, shame, or simply their personal circumstances. I am in the personal circumstances crowd. But some who have more favorable circumstances and have moved beyond the fear factor go out completely. We are all different.

[Lacey New]

Except for my friends here I am totally still in the closet. I have never admitted my cross dressing to anyone that I know. Now, I obviously admitted my cross dressing to a sales associate when I tried on and purchased a dress at Dress Barn but I used a pseudonym and paid in cash. And I am sure that other sales associates have guessed when I told them I was looking for a size 42 bra with an A cup or size 7 panties. But beyond that, yes, I am very much in the closet. Early in my marriage, I tried to tes my wife?s attitude about crossdressing by pitting on a pair of her panties and while wearing a bathrobe, I would flash her and flirting ly say ? Is this what I have to do to get into your pants?? She shrieked ?Take those off?. I never pushed the issue after that.

[MarinaTwelve200]

YOU are not alone. Lotsa people here, like me, are still "in the closet". Many of us do not find a "need" to "show off" who /what we are. Or we do not want to face the "hassle", potential for abuse, embarrassment, or social life disruptions "exposure" could cause. It is "worth it" to stay "closeted". Crossdressers come in several varieties. Many don't care who knows, others "get off" by revealing themselves publicly, or "being able to get away with it" and fooling people. We are NOT ALL like that. Us closeted types are perfectly happy by ourselves and free to do whatever we want in private. Indeed it also opens up other variants, like "fantasy" and "retro" we couldn't get away with publicly. I personally like to see and photograph different looks and experiment with disguise and makeups. I have quite a bit of fun. This site is all I need to express what, if any "public" aspects I wish to express---and not feel "isolated".

[Elizabeth G]

Hi Brenda,

I guess you could say I'm quasi closeted. I'm out to my wife and kids as well as a few friends.i would be out completely and likely be on a transition path but my wife wouldn't be onboard at this time. Since I love her and truly value our relationship the closet door remains ajar, not thrown wide open.

Elizabeth

[RoxieGrl]

I would say that I have one foot in the closet, and one foot out. I do wear female underwear in public when I am not fully en femme, but once in a while I may want to go out dressed up. I am in need of a haircut, and am contemplating ditching the wig and getting a female hairstyle.

[Debbie Denier]

Hi Brenda, I was out to my late mother. No w back in the closet due to wifes non acceptance. I agree with Marina and Gretchen depends upon one?s circumstances. I would like to do more but limited due to family constraints.

[NancyJ]

Closeted? Yes. Except my wife knows, of course. I respect her boundaries, but she is quite accustomed to seeing me in panties, panty girdles, and feminine pajamas. And I do housework chores wearing a very femme apron :-). Nancy

[Charly52]

I?ve definitely got both feet in the closet! I haven?t told anyone about my cross dressing I?ve brought the subject up a few times with my partner but it gets shut down immediately so the closet door will stay firmly shut.

[Kelli_cd]

I am in the closet. My wife knows but is not accepting.
I do underdress every day, though. Panties every day and bras as often as I can. Occasionally I add pantyhose. All outwear is male.

[Krisi]

What is your definition of "in the closet"?

My wife knows, but nobody else. I sometimes go out in public, but I don't leave the house or return dressed. People where I go see me (hopefully, they see a woman, not a crossdresser), but they don't know me.

[Jenn A116]

Well, there is "out of the closet" and then there is "OUT OF THE CLOSET". Myself, I'm out to my wife, a GG friend, a couple of sales agents at Sephora, and the members of the group I go to.

[Crissy 107]

I think the term, Out of the closet, means different things to different people. I am Out of the closet to my wife but nobody else.
Just like no two of us are alike no two would have the same meaning of that particular phrase

[Vale]

Hi Brenda. This site appears to serve a wide variety of people, some much like you. For me, only my wife and my ex have ever seen me dressed, and only at home. On the other hand my ex outed me to all family and friends, and a few of them now treat me differently as a result. . . . vale

[Bea_]

My wife know. My therapist knows. A very few people have seen me going to and from therapy sessions dressed androgynously. But, I definitely would consider myself to be in the closet.

[NancySue]

Ditto, Kristi. My wife knows. I told her before we walked the aisle. Happily, she is very helpful and supportive. No one else knows, so to that degree, I guess I?m still in the closet. Because of living in a small town, I seldom go out totally dressed. However, being retired, I dress every day. If we run out for an errand, I just change my top, maybe remove my forms, or change into my a cup bras, but keep everything else on. I know the risk when driving, but I?m very careful.

[Patience]

Everybody is in the closet to one degree or another unless they are out to everybody 100% of the time.

Although a number of my friends know, the vast majority do not. So while I am not totally in the closet, I'm not totally out, either.

[Claire M]

In my compartmentalized life, I am in the closet to everybody in my male life except my wife and my former therapist. That said, I enjoy stepping out as female as often as I can. My female me has several friends but none know any particulars about my male side.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Mostly closeted.

My wife knows that I cross dress, but prefers that I didn't.

Except for her, I am not "out" to anyone else in my family, including my daughter.

Except for my wife, I am not "out" to anyone who knows the male me, except for some people who met Steffi first, with a few exceptions. Some of my physicians and other medical associates either know or should have already inferred. Some I have told, some have seen me with female artifacts, typically toenail polish, and a rare few have seen Steffi in full-on female mode. All of my therapists know about Steffi, and most of them have actually had Steffi show up for an appointment on more than one occasion. Many SAs have seen both boy me and Steffi, or have at least helped me select and try on clothing. I've been to a number of nail salons, primarily in boy mode, who must know. Some of the nail techs have seen me in full girl mode. I've had makeovers from a number of makeup associates, so they all know.

As I said, my wife knows and tolerates my CDing. But she allows me to go "out and about", typically to vanilla venues, but in the accompaniment of multiple CDs. If you look hard enough, you may find a picture of me and a hundred or so other trans women on the US Capitol steps (in DC). I have many more friends in the trans community than boy me has.

[April Rose]

Awhile back someone on this site described themself as "in the closet with the door open". I think that pretty well describes me.

[Cheryl T]

For me some people know but most don't. I'm out and about but not advertising the fact to anyone.

[kimdl93]

There are people who are in the closet and people who are out of the closet and people who are in and out of the closet, sometimes both at the same time.

[GaleWarning]

There are very few people who know about me.

[Suzie Petersen]

I am deep in the closet, but there are a few people who know the connection between Suzie and my male self.
There are many others who have seen or even met Suzie over the years, but they do not know the connection.

I told my wife about this side of me a few weeks after we started dating 40+ years ago, and at the time I could do nothing wrong in her eyes. In the early years, I would say she was not exactly accepting but rather was tolerating this side of me and she would sometimes buy me things and would make time for me to dress up at home while she was away. With a few exceptions she would not participate and I would not dress around her.
Later on it changed to a deep hate and fear of my girl side, and this has caused me to pull back into the deep dark corners of said closet. There was never a opening for a compromise, so I think it went from DADT to JDDI (Just Don't Do It) with nothing said.

While I never lost the desire to dress and present as a woman, I have managed to not act on those feelings for years at a time. Recently I had to give in and have taken advantage of some opportunities to dress again, and I am somewhere between loving it and hating it to be honest.
As many others here I am a master of covering my tracks, but I also know how easy it is to miss something. At this point I don't know if she has picked up on it, but there has been no indications that she knows.

Years ago I had kind of a social life as Suzie, and a very few people knew/knows the connection to my male life. My wife has even met these ladies several times, including after they transitioned, and we have had some good visits. I think their life altering transitions are a big part of the reason for her fear, which I can totally understand. I do not have that need, but I understand why it is hard to take someones word for that.

Thinking about something Marina said:

MarinaTwelve: "Many of us do not find a "need" to "show off" who /what we are. Or we do not want to face the "hassle", potential for abuse, embarrassment, or social life disruptions "exposure" could cause. It is "worth it" to stay "closeted"."
I kinda feel the same, but at the same time when I am dressed I long for something to do! The old "all dressed up and nowhere to go" comes to mind. In the past, going somewhere has filled that need, but it didn't have to be out among people. A walk in the woods or along the beach was just fine, and at this point I would really like to be able to do that again.
Another activity that used to fill the need of "doing something while dressed" was taking pictures of Suzie. I have had great fun doing that as it was a way to further polish the illusion of being female. Sometimes mirrors can be pretty harsh, but a camera and the choice of lighting, view angles, and making a story, can show the best and hide the worst, which for me at least is a very good thing.

- Suzie

[Monique65]

I am very firmly in the closet and quite content to remain there. My wife tolerates my wearing panties but will not acknowledge any other feminine traits I have.

[countrygirl]

I am out to those that I trust and to others well if they find out I will not lie.

[WandaRae2009]

I would like to be out, but limits from my spouse are currently keeping be from venturing out. My desire to be out is to socialize with others like me, not so much as out in public on my own.

[Geena75]

I guess I would be considered locked away in a closet -- no one (including spouse) who knows me drab knows anything about Geena. That being said, however, I also have a secret exit from the closet. For almost the last two years, as I settle the estate, I have been using my father's vacant house as a base for Geena outings, or even just dress up times. Although I know that this arrangement is temporary, I have been taking advantage of it in the mean time.

[alwayshave]

My wife knows, all you ladies, and some local gurls. However, I am not out to family and friends.

[Diane P]

I'm firmly in the closet. There is no one, except people on this group, that knows about my Cding and I pretty much intend to keep it that way. There is no one I can think of that needs to kmow what I do.

[AmeeJo]

My wife knows along with My Mom, My daughter, and my daughter's girlfriend. I have also talked to a counselor and had some conversations with various people I have purchased goods and services from. I have never left the house fully en femme but I am moving in that direction.

[docrobbysherry]

I agree with Krisi. How would we know if we dress like u when u haven't told us yet?:heehee:

I consider myself a closet dresser even tho I go out dressed nearly every month and have attended countless T events around the country for 15 years!:battingeyelashes:

But, I NEVER go out dressed near my home town and only my immediate family, (and 100's of people that only know my fem side), know about Sherry!:devil:

[DanielleDubois]

Like so much of crossdressing the in versus out of the closet seems to a be a big spectrum and can mean different things to different people. Personally I think totally in the closet means it is an absolute secret and no one knows anything about it including spouses or online friends. Many, many, years ago that was me until my wife discovered some Danielle stuff hidden away. It then became a DADT situation which I guess means I was teeny bit out of the closet. I became a little further out of the closet when I joined this forum to share Danielle's experiences and through the forum I have found some very close email friends I share everything with. As you know from recent photo posts about fashion shows for my wife her acceptance in seeing Danielle in person means I have come out of the closet even a bit further. For me being totally out of the closet would mean family and friends knew about Danielle and I was comfortable being out in public as Danielle. Both of those things are not of personal interest to me and not something I have a need to add to my Danielle experience which is satisfying enough with how much out of the closet I am.

[ellbee]

Well, I mean, one could argue that if you're 100% out? Aren't you kind of transitioned socially, anyway? :strugglin

In which case, might as well just get HRT at that point. :devil:


If you're still in the closet with some person(s), then who cares? Fairly typical, I'd say.

I'm not out to a decent swath of my life (though quite a few would not be surprised in the least! :laughing: ). Also, a (non-SO) segment where it's basically DADT.


Meanwhile, I'm busy over here gaining the reputation of "The Neighborhood Tranny"! :roflmao:

I've been loving it, though. :c9:

[lmildcd]

I'm partially out of the closet. Some friends and family know about my crossdressing. I have a statement about my crossdressing on my Twitter profile. I may wear panties and stockings underneath my clothes sometimes. I only wear dresses in my own home. doubt that I'll ever go out in public in a dress.

[DrFishnets]

The only people who know about my crossdressing are my partner, psychotherapist and mental health worker who are all women. Nobody male knows of my crossdressing.

My partner is very supportive with me crossdressing and both my psychotherapist and mental health worker say there is nothing wrong with it.

[mbmeen12]

To understand your question better, I'm curious why would want you to know? Obviously not every member is going to respond to your post. Thx ��

[Genifer Teal]

I hear this comment and I'm not surprised yet it feels like we are living on different planets. Hard for me to think back to a time when I wasn't going out. It's so much fun going out being about interacting with people. Things are a bit different here. No wife to deal with. Also living near New York City I spent a lot of time exploring there. I know I've got it better than small town America. But even so the concept is hard to fully appreciate. I'm out so much even locally now that work knows but no one really talks about it. It's that supposedly accepting/ corporate atmosphere where it wouldn't be the appropriate to talk about. So it hasn't really changed anything it's just fun! Don't get me wrong it's been a very slow process. I'm thankful to be so fortunate.

[kimdl93]

It occurs to me that we are all anomalies!

[Suzie Petersen]

I might be the only one in the world who is normal!

Hmmm ... wait a minute ... ;-)

- Suz

[BrendaPDX]

Thank you all so much for your honest comments. I realize that some people on this planet fall into all of the norms, thus "normal". I guess I was just getting worried that I was somehow being left behind here too. So many gatherings, so many adventures, so many stories; when did I put on the breaks, why don't I have any stories? Self confidence is not one of my superpowers. Again, thank you all so much! I'm just happy to see that I am still on the bell-curve. Brenda

[Fiona_44]

Brenda,

Everyone here has their own comfort level when it comes to crossdressing. Just participate at whatever level you are comfortable with and above all enjoy!

[ellbee]

I'm out so much even locally now that work knows but no one really talks about it. It's that supposedly accepting/ corporate atmosphere where it wouldn't be the appropriate to talk about. So it hasn't really changed anything it's just fun! Don't get me wrong it's been a very slow process. I'm thankful to be so fortunate.

Just wait til you & some of your GG co-workers eventually decide to get all dolled-up & have a girls night out together! :confused2:


Seriously, it's a real trip! :battingeyelashes:


You'll see... :devil:

[Genifer Teal]

Just wait til you & some of your GG co-workers eventually decide to get all dolled-up & have a girls night out together! :confused2:



Seriously, it's a real trip! :battingeyelashes:


You'll see... :devil:

That happened long ago. Even been to a work party. Definitely no secret just only talked about with work friends.

[Melanie Therese]

Only my wife knows, but apart from underwear she has never seen me in anything girly. I wear female shorts like denim but not obvious female and pre kids would wear tights at home. I occasionally go out away from home but other family and friends don?t know.

[ellbee]

That happened long ago. Even been to a work party. Definitely no secret just only talked about with work friends.

Ah, got it.

In which case? Let our tales of girly escapades show others that not only can it be done -- but that it's fun as all heck! :GD:


Yeah, obviously not for everyone, or maybe not in this current time of their lives, anyway.

Also obviously not for every employer & group of co-workers, either.


But yeah, if anyone is leaning that way? Sometimes all you need is a gentle nudge in the right direction.

By the time the night is nearly over? You'll wonder what the heck you were even concerned about. You should have done this ages ago! :D

[BustyOlivia]

I am still basically in the closet. I try to use my imagination as best as I can. I don?t get much Olivia time and when I do it feels rushed because my wife is coming back soon from whatever errand. I am currently Olivia so I feel like myself?..for now! I would love to have more time free but it?s just not right timing I guess for me. I wish my company would have to send me on a trip where she wasn?t able to come and then I would have a field day! If only??.


XoxOlivia

[Maria 60]

I'm fully closet except Friday nights between 7PM to 11PM when I go for my Friday night drive in which I usally only get out of the car to put gas in my wife's car. So I don't know what we could consider that.

[SaraLin]

Well - in the past <mumble, mumble> years, I've been out of the house fully dressed - exactly once.
THAT time was my recent visit with a friend, and even then I didn't have any makeup on - so in a sense I still wasn't FULLY done up.

so, I guess you could certainly count me as closeted.


As to who knows - Well, let's see. My wife knows. My sister, my two "real" friends (but only one has seen), a few exes and whoever they told, counsellors, etc.
It seems a fair number of people know about this side of my self, but only a select few have actually seen it.

[Jillcder]

In the closet and hate it! I need to tell my wife my desire to dress is increasing I have been out in public so like others many sales associates know my secret.

[Rachael]

I am very firmly in the closet and quite content to remain there. My wife tolerates my wearing panties but will not acknowledge any other feminine traits I have.
That?s me exactly. I wear fem underwear 24/7. Which my wife tolerates but does not approve of. She knows about the rest but I only dress in private or when away from home. I do this out of respect for her views.

[Genifer Teal]

Going out is the only way for me. What's the point of dressing up if no one sees you? Some might say what's the point if you don't take a picture. I guess that works if you're in the closet. For me going out and finding acceptance is everything. It's difficult to post stories in the exact right place in the exact right way for this board to be happy with my posts. For that reason I'm out. LOL I just resigned myself to offering help on other people's posts. I rarely to almost never start my own. I'm okay with that.

[Joanne108]

I am totally out of the ?closet? as far as my wife is concerned. Nobody else has the need to know.

[linda booth]

I've never thought of myself as being in the closest. I've never had a desire to go out in public. I just love the clothes. Im perfectly happy being dressed up in my home.

[Betty70]

Brenda,
Crossdressing in secret apparently satisfies your needs, so you do not expose yourself to unnecessary complications and do not try to show in public.

We are crossdressers, conforming to women makes us happy.
It is rather only of an external nature, because no normal woman gets excited by the fact of wearing panties or a bra.

The need to dress up is progressive, at least that's how it was for me:
It starts with a trifle - a piece of underwear, a cosmetic and then you just want more and more.
Not a moment goes by and you're parading around in a dress, with makeup and hairstyle.
Then comes the desire to join public life as a woman.
Hence the need to "go to public".
For me, the problem is the question: what's next? And I dread to think....

You are happy that, so far, you have not reached this point.

[Majella St Gerard]

Closets are for hanging clothes in. I'm out. I don't walk up to people and say "Hi I'm a cross dresser" but I don't hide the fact, if you did a search of me you'd find a couple of pictures of me all dolled up. It's so much easier this way than hiding and worrying about someone finding out and using that information against you. But that is my choice and it works for me. Everyone has to make their own dissensions on what works for them and what they feel comfortable with.

Peace & Love
Gerri

[ellbee]

For me going out and finding acceptance is everything.

I was never content alone behind closed doors. :thumbsdn:

And just driving around by myself or whatever got old fast, too.


Simply wanted to be seen, maybe even interact (positively) with some people.

That's where it's at, yo... :rc:


Not everyone is gonna be cool. That's fine.

Even just one who is? Worth it! But there will more than that.


Obviously some people (GG's & men) will be "more into it" than others, and in various ways, only natural.

But never try to push someone too much when really prefer not to be, ya know? Whatever their comfort level is with all this, sets the tone. Always respect that.



Anyway, when it comes to the "gender-bending"? Nothing beats face-to-face human interaction! :GD:


Of course, I also understand that not everyone can always be in such a position. Hey, if it's any consolation? I've had to forgo some things in life that others get to enjoy, in order to be where I am & to have done what I have. Ah, that's how it is sometimes, what can ya do? :strugglin


But again: If yer willing & able? Do it. All kinds of rewards can be yours! :battingeyelashes:

[Genifer Teal]

And just driving around by myself or whatever got old fast, too.
:

Old real fast? Were you testing Einstein's theory? Driving the speed of light?

I was thinking how going out is like taking the red pill or the blue pill. I forget which is which. Once you go out you can't undo it. For those that like it. The genie will not go back in the bottle. The first few experiences will be rough very rough. Mostly because you're rough. You get through. it you get better. your demeanor and presentation change. You can't be nervous about it. it shows it affects everything around you and everyone. Once you get that small bit of comfort you start to glow and people want to be around you and understand you and know you. That's when you can't put the rabbit back in the hole. Even from the beginning I almost never dressed up at home. Sure sometimes you need to try an outfit on but makeup? Why? Back to the no one's going to see you theory. Sorry for those who do only stay home. Im not knocking it. It's what you like and that's fine. There's a whole other world out there literally to be experienced. Fortunately I live in a great place to experience it. I'm not in New York City but close enough to go there a lot and even so I found my acceptance locally too. I guess to some extent I created it. regardless being out can be a lot of fun once you get over the first few fumbles.

[Jenn A116]

Just to add a bit to what I posted earlier. I wonder why the OP feels that most of us might be out of the closet. Yes, I know that many of us are, but there is a bit of survey bias involved here. We are all members of this board, and post here, because we have come to some type of self assurance (we don't stress as much) about what we do. Having achieved that threshold, we find it easier to come out to others.

[Sometimes Steffi]

To think about going out. In public.

I think that there's one quote that's very apropos.

Toto. I have a feeling that we're not in Kansas anymore.

From "The Wizard of Oz", for those who can't place it.)

What made Dorothy think that she might not be in Kansas anymore?

Well, for one thing, the movie switches from Black & White to Technicolor.

Ladies, there's a whole new world out there.

Dorothy would have been just fine in Kansas. But, she had a whole new adventure and made a bunch of new friends in the Land of OZ. She even got her her wish. Maybe you could get yours also.

I'm not saying to go out. Do what's right for you. Dorothy had to live through a tornado to get to the Land of OZ. You might not want to go through a tornado.

[Jessica Secret]

I'm in the closet by choice, my boyfriend is extremely accepting and supportive and wouldn't mind if I was out, but since I enjoy just dressing at home and I wear romantic lingerie to bed every night it would be a bit inappropriate to wear bedtime lingerie in public lol!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Brenda :hugs:out only at Home, We have a very workable DA/DT,

[nancy58]

I am still in the closet. I am gradually becoming more comfortable with interacting with other people while dressed en femme, but I haven't yet had the nerve to tell anyone whose opinion matters to me about this side of me. (My wife knows, and she tolerates me.) My feeling is that many people here are in a similar situation.

[Kasey101]

In the closet, for me its more of safety I would suppose I live in FL. Tallahassee is more accepting, but for now I am in the country I tend to keep it private at the moment out of respect for those around me. Will I ever come out probably but I am not in the season for it yet.:devil:

[Sabine Janus]

In the closet. My business and no one else knows.

Keeping it that way for as long as I can.

[Lorna]

I wonder if this "in or out" of the closet issue is related to age. Undoubtedly - and it's a good thing - there is far greater acceptance (that's greater than tolerance) of LGBT etc lifestyles than was the case very many years ago when I was a teenager and starting to experiment with crossdressing. At that time I remember thinking about whether it would be possible to "change", but the seeming near-impossibility of doing so was enough to keep me closeted. Later in life we have accumulated so many more contacts and situations that the prospect of suddenly appearing as a female is just too daunting to contemplate. In any case, the kind of clothing that attracted us in the first place is no longer generally worn by women and modern female dress, which would be required for everyday "blending" would not be attractive anyway.
It's good to know that modern teenagers and young people can make their choices with less inhibition.

[Kasey101]

In the closet. My business and no one else knows.

Keeping it that way for as long as I can.

This is what makes it so beautiful. Is being true to yourself and your comfortable zone. Keep up the good work girl!:thumbsup:

- - - Updated - - -


I wonder if this "in or out" of the closet issue is related to age. Undoubtedly - and it's a good thing - there is far greater acceptance (that's greater than tolerance) of LGBT etc lifestyles than was the case very many years ago when I was a teenager and starting to experiment with cross dressing. At that time I remember thinking about whether it would be possible to "change", but the seeming near-impossibility of doing so was enough to keep me closeted. Later in life we have accumulated so many more contacts and situations that the prospect of suddenly appearing as a female is just too daunting to contemplate. In any case, the kind of clothing that attracted us in the first place is no longer generally worn by women and modern female dress, which would be required for everyday "blending" would not be attractive anyway.
It's good to know that modern teenagers and young people can make their choices with less inhibition.

Could not word that any better. For me I am learning that when it comes to me dressing right now its more of the girly girly girl wear granted I am 35. Which thankfully my age in my generation is the new 31 hehehe. I do understand overtime if I want to keep enjoying the comfort of what I like with age and time comes with progress change. We can still look good tho and age like fine wine, skin products rock by the way, as well just learned today that the liquid eyeliner I bought yesterday defanantley gave my eyelashes some healthy shine. Less to say I am in the closet yes but I could not stop and notice that my step father was taking a few deep thought stares as he was looking at my face. Not angry or scared instead just giggly that I am looking happy with a shine, afterwards looked in the mirror before removing my foundation I was amazed at how healthy my face and smile is looking again.

Sorry for the rambling!
:heehee::heehee:

[Celee]

Im still in the closet also. My wife knows but doesn?t want to know, if that makes sense. She has asked if I wore her bra and I got the y out for yes and then she looked at me and said I know you love lacy things so you probably just feel it. Then came a nervous giggle. I know my wife well enough so if she wants to know more she will ask in her time. She has a lot of medical issues so I don?t want to burden her but she does give me some alone time at least once a week. I think my kids would understand. They are of the modern generation so it might be easier but as they say, you can?t put the toothpaste back in the tube so I don?t risk it. Im sure my wife will ask more questions as time goes on and I will answer them honestly.

[JulieC]

It's a curious consideration. I think all humans are closeted in some way towards almost all people in our lives. Rare indeed is the person in our lives who knows everything of significance about me. My coworkers know some things about me, but not all. Friends of mine know things too, but each friend seems to know different aspects. I have two people in my life who know everything. My wife is one, and a girlfriend of mine from long, long ago with whom I remain very close (with my wife's knowledge, support, and happiness with it). Everybody else in my life knows only a subset of the whole of me. Several people beyond my wife and friend know about my crossdressing. None are family.

[Mary Loo]

I have appreciated reading this thread and all the responses, but I find it very interesting that there are 2 distinct definitions applied to the terms in or out of the closet.

First there is the version I will restate as who or how many people know about your cross dressing?

Second there is the more literal interpretation of do you venture outside your house and in your own city or travel to a neighboring one, aka do you go out in public.

My thinking of the definition is more the second one, but I was very surprised by the number of responders who say they are still in the closet, but yet post stories about excursions or trips or shopping or whatever while en femme. To me that is out of the closet! I am not trying to say they are wrong, just pointing out the 2 separate definitions and how I find that very interesting.

Personally my wife (30 years ago roughly) the wig shop owner and her aid (almost a year ago), a Therapist during a lone therapy session (last summer) and members of this board (I joined about a year ago) are the only people that know about my cross dressing, which I definitely consider myself as in the closet, BUT ALSO I have never left my house once yet and have no plans to for the foreseeable future, so still fully closeted by my definition.

Thanks for lots of interesting posts in this thread.

[Cacique82]

Out to my wife, she?s the only one that needs to know. Something between just us two.

[Just Dana]

I'm opening the door a bit, in both senses. I've gone out more this month than ever before - even getting dressed at home and walking out to my car in broad daylight in a skirt! Earlier this week, I came out to the first person who didn't need to know. That went very well and felt great! It was an easy one though, as I knew we shared the same... sense of style, shall we say.

Unfortunately, I will soon go all the way to the back of the closet due to upcoming changes in my living situation. I think I'm trying to be myself as much as possible in the time remaining. (Ugghhh!)

Dana

[Natalie5004]

My wife knows and I have been dressed in her presence, told my sister. I have gone out to grocery stores, Macy's, buy gas, Costco, Shoe and Wig shopping, the movies... I also sit in my front patio dressed multiple times. Full view of the street.

I have yet go to a night club, bar, restaurant. Does this make me out of the closet?

[Emily in the south]

In my book... Yes

[Erin Lafleur]

I don't think you're an anomaly Brenda, I think there's plenty of us here that are rather private about our interests. Certainly nothing wrong with that.
I don't have an SO (quite cheerfully) and my son is now grown and left the coop so now that I am left unsupervised, I am free to be 100% femme around the house, which I do in spades. That is enough for me, given the decades of stealing moments here and there. It's my time now and I couldn't be happier or feel freer in my feminine expression. Absolutely nothing to worry about, just enjoy...
Some years ago, I had work in Phoenix for a year and knew virtually no one in town. I felt that it was a perfect opportunity to go out in the wild and really explore my boundaries.
No worries about popping into friend/neighbour Bob and having a weird interaction. It was interesting but not near compelling enough for me. I'm really fine with where I am and hopefully you are too!

[BrendaPDX]

Hello and thank you to everyone who posted. I thought I gave a reply, but I can?t find it, so basically here is what I said. When you become fixated on something you will see it more often. Kind of like a certain make and model of a car, once you start looking around you see them everywhere. What I am getting at is so many people write about going out, traveling, shopping, lunches, or just to meet with others. I began to feel left out; kind of like when I was young and couldn?t share my dressing with anyone. It was reassuring to hear from others telling me that I am not being left out, or missed the train, or that I am not an anomaly. Have things changed? Yes. Are things changing for the better? Yes. Am I alone? Not at all! Thank you all for the help and words of encouragement. I love this place!
Sincerely, Brenda

[abby054]

I live in small town America in a place where the desert and the mountains coexist. Abby appears in public only in big cities. The nearest big city to my small town is 500km distant. But when she appears in public, she has a wonderful time. I am both in the closet and out of it.

[Ursula Harrison]

The short answer is "no".

There are only five women who know about Ursula and a significant amount about my male life. I have not seen two of them for over 20 years.

None of my family or neighbours know and I want it to stay that way. So all of my outings dressed as Ursula take place well away from home - usually hundreds of miles away.

[MarinaTwelve200]

Hello and thank you to everyone who posted. I thought I gave a reply, but I can?t find it, so basically here is what I said. When you become fixated on something you will see it more often. Kind of like a certain make and model of a car, once you start looking around you see them everywhere. What I am getting at is so many people write about going out, traveling, shopping, lunches, or just to meet with others. I began to feel left out; kind of like when I was young and couldn't share my dressing with anyone. It was reassuring to hear from others telling me that I am not being left out, or missed the train, or that I am not an anomaly. Have things changed? Yes. Are things changing for the better? Yes. Am I alone? Not at all! Thank you all for the help and words of encouragement. I love this place!
Sincerely, Brenda

Indeed, I think MOST of us are more like you and me---- It's just that the different personality types who DO often go out and about while dressed are the ones who write POSTS most OFTEN. Us "Closeted" folks might simply get the wrong impression seeing their number of posts.

[April Rose]

:yt: Marina nails it.

[Glenda58]

There's more in than out. I've been in and out for yrs. I'm now in when my wife is around and out when she is out of town.

[Maid_Marion]

I have yet to post a pic of my feminine presentation on Facebook.

[2B Natasha]

Out. Completely out. Shot I don't even know where I fit in anymore. When I first came to I was all over the top makeup and dressing to the 11's. Hit the dance clubs and support groups. Then as time went by I toned down the makeup and rained in the dressing and found my grove. Little later on I lost the wig and just mostly show off the shaved head. Posted photo in contest on sites like Lane Bryant. Never did win anything. That sucks. But I did it. With glasses I toned the makeup down even more. Really what the point of having your eye make-up on point if nobody can really see it. Began mixing my wardrobe and home and at work. The wife and I will get done up to go to the theatre or a show. Have longish acrylic nails mostly done up in red or teal or green to support the local trams. Mixing in skirts and leggings at work. Dresses would not really work for my job really well so I've stayed away from those. Like I said. I am not even sure where I fit in anymore. Am I trans? not really. Am I a crossdresser? Not really. I am more gender fluid and present anyway I want whenever I want.

I take the attitude. I am happy with myself and I would like you to be my friend but if this is too much for you and you can't cope, then I wish you peace and happiness on your journey.

Have I lost friends over this? Not really over gender fluidity. People do seem to come and go in life but there is always other reasons completely unrelated to this topic. I did lose one friend, or so friend I thought. Turned out she was battling alcohol, she won last I checked. And a controlling wife, whom she's left. But the damage is done.

[ShawnaL]

In and out, I would have to say. Since I haven't yet made "the" public reveal on true gender identity, I suppose that makes me "In". But the fact that I go about my life so often in public as my true self - including the town I live in - KNOWING that it's inevitable that I'll eventually meet up face-to-face with someone who knows me, (and not really concerned about it) puts me in the "Out" category...LOL! (I really do love my life...)
Shawna

[Lacey New]

Very much in the closet. The only people who know are sales associates who see an anonymous male purchasing women?s clothing, usually underwear, and paying in cash.

[Cynthia_0101]

I would say I have one foot in and one foot out of the closet. My wife and kid know and I have one close personal friend that knows. I would love to head out dressed at least once and maybe even find a makeup artist willing to help me with some lessons, but we shall see how that works out.

[Genifer Teal]

2B Natasha:

I take the attitude. I am happy with myself and I would like you to be my friend but if this is too much for you and you can't cope, then I wish you peace and happiness on your journey.

Well said. Sums up where I am.

[Alexandrea]

Im in the closet, only 1 friend knows and he has seen pictures of me. I dont think this will ever change.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Very much in the closet. The only people who know are sales associates who see an anonymous male purchasing women's clothing, usually underwear, and paying in cash.

Lacey

I remember being right where you are. But I got lucky and shopped at Dress Barn before they closed down. All of the SAs there were very supportive, and would help you out a lot once they figured out that you were a serious buyer.

I'm much more open about my shopping, but I still pay in cash. My wife carefully reviews the credit card bills each month and a charge fro Dress Barn, or similar women's only store, would certainly be questioned. And rightfully so; it could be fraudulent.

[Majella St Gerard]

I would think that most here are in the closet to some degree and that a small minority are totally out. That's just the way I perceive it. I could be wrong. We need a real poll. I mean, I'm out but there are a lot of people that know me that don't know about my hobby. Not that I'm hiding anything but it doesn't come up in normal work conversation.

[DianeT]

Nobody knows except my wife whom I told a few years ago after more than 36 years of hiding it. So you could say I am more in the closet than not. But I dress in private and don't see how what I do in my privacy could concern the rest of the world, so I don't really feel like being in the closet. Or maybe I am in the closet for all these other things I don't tell the rest of the world. And the dressing is just one to add on top of them.

[Mtoffee]

Hi Brenda,
My wife knows and is very supportive; even amused (!), but she's the only one as far as I know.

[jennifer60]

I?m in the closet with my dressing except here no one not even my wife knows but I do wish i could do it with her

[Heather Anne]

I have been out of the closet since 2004 and even more so since I retired 2016. I get out dressed en femme at least twice a week, usually Wednesday and Saturday. A friend of mine and I went bowling after lunch yesterdasy. I live just South of Atlanta. I am single and have been since 2000.

[JustineFallow]

My wife, several ex-girlfriends, a few friends, and some salespeople/business owners. And my late mother. It was kind of a relief that she finally admitted over a decade ago that she knew (I was wearing her stuff for a long time, only because I had no alternatives).

[JennyOpalstar1]

Hmmm...
For me, my CD experiences are still a very private thing. My wife knows, and is doing her best to find ways to support me. (We even chatted about picking up new stocking at some point.)
For me, I am still searching for situations where getting dressed up is appropriate, outside of the privacy of my house. I guess that classifies as closet-ed.

Jenny xxooxxoo

[Robin777]

If being in the closet means no one knows about my dressing and not going out in public dressed, I'm in the closet. My late wife is the only person that knew about my dressing. She enjoyed it and encouraged it. The furthest I have been out of the house dressed is the back yard, yelling at the dogs in the daylight and the mailbox after dark. I don't plan on changing that anytime soon. I have been that way for over 40 years and I am content just dressing in the house.

[sometimes_miss]

Safely in the closet. Always have been, and decided to stay there, based on real life experience, and listening carefully to what people think of crossdressers, when they don't know one is listening to them.
Told wife (at the time), wound up a disaster and divorce. Told sister, who no longer speaks to me after that. Told mother, she was horrified. Won't ever speak of it. Watched the world's reaction when Ms Jenner came out to the world; most weren't very sympathetic; many were outraged that their champion decathalon champion would turn out to be a girly guy, and horrific as it could get to them, a girl.

So in the closet I stay.


I began to feel left out; kind of like when I was young and couldn't share my dressing with anyone.
See, not everyone here feels the need to 'share our crossdressing' with others. We don't need other people's approval, or have anyone tell us how great we look 'as a woman', because we deep down, know that those are lies. We don't look anything like female at birth women. So that's not the reason everyone here does it.
It's just that the pink fog is extremely thick here, to the point that we sometimes forget that the attitudes here aren't representitive of the general public.

As has been written many times before, if you ask a dozen crossdressers why we do it, you will quite likely get a dozen different answers. Folks, try to remember that. I understand the natural desire to believe that everyone is just like you; this occurs because we all want to feel that we are 'normal'. But that's not reality. Few people are actually normal in every way. As crossdressers, there's not even a 'normal for a crossdresser', because the reasons each of us do it, and the feelings we derive from doing it, are often so different from what others do.

Now then:


What's the point of dressing up if no one sees you?
Again, we don't all do it to get other people's attention / reaction / approval.
For some of us, and I'm not implying that it applies to everyone, it just feels normal to be dressed in female specific attire. It's men's clothing that almost feels like we're wearing a costume, pretending to be something we're not. I feel as if the male clothing I wear when I'm out in public, is more like a uniform which is necessary to accomplish a particular task, much like a deep sea diver wears a special outfit, or a fireman wears a particular outfit to run into a burning building. My male clothing allows me to go out into the world without having to deal with the potential ramifications which could occur had I done it in girl clothes.


We are crossdressers, conforming to women makes us happy. It is rather only of an external nature, because no normal woman gets excited by the fact of wearing panties or a bra.
Another assumption that we all get some sort of enjoyment from crossdressing. Again, that's not it. There's no thrill, no 'happy feeling' derived from wearing female clothes. For some, it just feels normal.

It's one of the things that still amazes me; how many people have been here for a very long time (judging by their join dates), yet, still don't have a clue that others experience different things, than they do, from crossdressing.


Sorry for those who do only stay home. Im not knocking it. It's what you like and that's fine. There's a whole other world out there literally to be experienced.
I don't need that experience. I've read about other's experiences out there in the world as a crossdresser, and I don't see anything there, that I'd either need to, or like to, experience.

[audreyinalbany]

as usual, its all about the semantics...my friends and acquaintances don't know...my wife does and tries to be supportive although doesn't want to see/participate...I have my time at home to dress and sometimes take a few days out of town to indulge...so is this "in" the closet" or "out" of the closet or "party out" of the closet......you tell me. as a (simple) crossdresser and not interested in transitioning or living as female is it necessary that I tell everyone I know that I like to dress in women clothes??? Probably not. Is there a prize for being 'out"? a penalty for being "in"?

[juliannacd]

In the closet for now at least. We will see. Recently out of a LT relationship where I did not share this aspect of my personality and basically stayed away from dressing up for a long time. Just starting to get back into things (bought some forms that arrived today) and I really haven't decided what will happen in terms of letting others know in the future. It depends on if Id be willing to accept that change that would very likely occur as a result of people you know knowing.

[MarinaTwelve200]

I'd say MOST of us are "In the closet" as our "Hobby" is "secret" for the most part. It's just that those who are OUT are MUCH MORE likely to be POSTING as it IS their "personality type" to do so.

[RachelR]

I am not out of the closet but also have not dressed in a very long time (15+ years) before getting married. Since the urge to dress is back and stronger than ever, it sorta feels like I want to bust the closet door down!

[Stephanie Michelle]

In the closet. Ex wife knows. A couple of ex girl friends know.

[JackieD]

These boards are my out of the closet time.

[ShirleyN]

Don't know if I've already answered this question but here we go again, I'm still very much like most here still in the closet as regards to Mr CDing. Only a very few people know.

[JohnH]

I am definitely out of the closet. I go shopping, to doctor appointments, and even go to church wearing a dress. At my church there may be a guessing game: what will John wear? Is it going to be a dress with heels, mens business casual, or a mens coat and tie outfit?

[Jade P]

In the closet mostly because my wife is not happy with my gender issues.

[Marsha Louise]

There's no more room left in my closet, so I'm mostly out! Seriously, though, I've been gradually integrating my wardrobe for long enough now that no one seems surprised at how I dress. I wear what fits my mood, and to some "degree", the current weather. This includes snug jeans, bodysuits, padded sports bras, leggings, and yes, at times even skirts and heels.
I'm usually in some form of hybrid attire that suits my tastes at the moment as well as the situation/task at hand, and am usually recognizable as my male self.
Whatever I wear I just own it, and have never had a negative reaction from anyone.

[Majella St Gerard]

This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine.
This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine.
This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine.
Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine

[Natalie5004]

OK to answer the closet question.

Yes and no.

Wife, her Son, Sister, sales woman at my wig shop. My usual male friends? No way.

My usual girl friends? That happen to really be my wives friends, No.

I do go out at least once a week as Natalie during the day. Shopping at the grocery store and some clothes and person items.

Am I living at Natalie full time? No. Do I want to? No. Do I wish I had larger breasts, Yes. Do I want to be a transwoman? No.

I have my fun as Natalie and at times Natalie will have dinner at home with my wife. She does not want me going out but I do when she is away. I am sneeky like that.

Last week while I was out galivanting, I came home and there was her car in front. She should have been at work. So, I did not stop and drove past and parked for about 15 minutes and drove by again. She was gone.

[BrendaPDX]

Thank you all very much, I never expected to find so much feedback and support. I am normal. Brenda

[Staci]

Only my wife knows and is supportive as long as it is just between the 2 of us.

[Maria in heels]

Hi Brenda!

I think that most of us were in the situation that you describe, some for short times, and other for long periods. I remained mostly closeted even with my wife knowing about Maria and not being really negative toward her as long as no makeup etc. However, almost 30 years later, she shoved Maria out the door by finding a party group on Meetup that I I could attend. I started going to these monthly parties, feeling more and more comfortable as time went on, and then the pandemic hit. Since that time, while I still love and cherish my things, Maria has not dressed much (originally because everyone was home and there was no where to go since everything including school was closed) and now a year later after lock down lifted I still wonder whether I want to go back to the parties. I see pictures of others and looks like the same fabulous times like before, but Maria sort-of backstopped into the closet.... you are not an anomaly

[brynnewilliams]

My wife, ex wife and counselor know and that's it. My now wife is totally cool with it. I dress whenever I want around the house. She buys me stuff too. I get the same reaction from her whether I come down the stairs in shorts and flip flops or stilettos, pantyhose and a dress. Life is too freaking short, your heels shouldn't be.

[betty1253]

If dressing makes you happy that is all that matters.

[Alisonforme]

I am very much in the closet. My wife knows and is hardcore DADT. Panties are my regular everyday underwear, but I don't let her see me in them if I can help it. I have been out on occasion and went to Keystone a few years back (I really want to do that again!). My brother knows because I felt like he should know something so important about me, but he doesn't want to hear another word about it and advised me not to share it with anyone else. My oldest daughter knows, and she is very accepting, but we haven't talked about it in years. She hasn't seen me since I got a better wig! One of my other daughters knows for sure, even though it's never come up, but I know her vibe and she's DADT.

[Stephanie47]

Count me "in the closet." My wife knows I like to wear women's clothing but she does not know the extent of my wardrobe. She is not appreciative of my cross dressing, but has not said "boo" about it. On occasion she has found a garment or two that I failed to sequester away. She has seen the browser open to this site. On occasion, but now it is pre-covid that I have ventured out into the world in evening hours when my wife has been out of town.

[TheHiddenMe]

I'd say MOST of us are "In the closet" as our "Hobby" is "secret" for the most part. It's just that those who are OUT are MUCH MORE likely to be POSTING as it IS their "personality type" to do so.

Let me deal with this comment first and then I will answer the OP's question as I see it.

Marina,

Let's see. The person posting right before me says they are in the closet and they have almost 13,700 posts.

You have almost 4,800 posts. And you say you are firmly in the closet.

There are a ton of people who say they are in the closet that post a LOT.

Please quit insulting people who do go out, which you have done at least twice in this thread. Your first post in this thread was even more insulting to those in the community.

Answering the question.

Everyone's definition of "in the closet" differs. Let's also restrict the conversation to crossdressers, as opposed to those who are transitioning, or present female a significant portion of the time.

I would say the vast majority of crossdressers would consider themselves in the closet. The numbers on this board show it. As of right now, there are 7 members and 112 guests viewing the board. That ratio is pretty consistent over time; something like 15 to 20 times the number of guests versus the numbers of members. Having been a lurker for a LONG time, I believe a large portion of that 112 are crossdressers who are afraid to even create and anonymous ID on a crossdresser board, much less being out and about in public. Of course, no one knows the real numbers, because those 112 are hiding in the shadows and don't want to be seen.

Personally, those who know are my wife, ex-girlfriends from a long time ago, and ONE person from my male life whom I've told.

However, I have made friends while being out, and those friends know both sides of me. Some have seen guy me and girl me. Others are Facebook friends who have met Dee but my Facebook page is guy me. As my friend Michelle seems to know everyone I have been introduced to a lot of people while out.

Yes, I go out regularly (like today for a couple of hours), and I post about it and write about it. Why? Because I like writing. Because I like posting pictures. I also believe there are LOTS of those 112 people in the shadows who wish they could do what I do.

I went out because I read on boards like these (and blogs) about people who were out, and I asked myself, "Why not me?" And I found acceptance and fun and made friends, and ZERO ridicule and issues. I want someone who reads my stuff to ask themself "why not me?"

So no, I don't consider myself to be "in the closet", I am probably in the minority, and my life is better because I stopped thinking about going out and actually started going out.

[Karmen]

I'm still in the closet, but I go out fully dressed or partly dressed occasionally. I always try to stay away from people I know and places where is a good chance of stumbling on someone I know. Only exception are "unisex" type of women's clothes I occasionally wear openly.

[Giddy]

Definitely IN the closest. Too scared to come out.

[Rochelle76]

I'm definitely in the closet to friends and family and I don't think I'll ever come out. Mentally though I've finally accepted that I'm a cross dresser and I no longer see it as some sort of weird thing, fetish or impairment. This acceptance has brought some peace in my mind.

[Brandie.n]

I came out to everyone even did it on facebook. Everyone accepted and mostly said yea I knew we was waiting on you.

[RachelRoxx]

I've been totally out since like 2015. Everyone I know knows I crossdress and has seen me dressed. I'm incredibly lucky to have such great people in my life.

[Diana black]

I am still very much in the closet, only my ex-wife knows that I am a cross dresser.

[Sara Ann]

Ex-wife knows. Some very new trans friends now know.

[Jamie001]

I believe that most of the members here are so deep in the closes that they will never see the light of day. Therefore you are in the majority here.

[Raychel]

For me all friends and family know, I have to say that was the biggest relief to step out of that closet.
But now I live in a mobile home park, and back in the closet here.

I will say that for the longest time I was deep in the closet.
So you are certainly not alone.........

[Jane G]

I was far more out, when I was younger. Family and aunties uncles cousins all knew. My parents never approved though. I could never pass from 50 yards away and over the years I have moved further into the closet. I never got used to the jibes. I found the sweet spot several years ago and I am content here in the closet. As far As I know, no one around here has any idea I cross dress apart from my family. I still sit out in the garden dressed, on star lit evenings. It must be two years since I last ventured further though.

[Joanne108]

I am out. I?ve been out since before I was married. I don?t really throw my crossdressing in her face every day. She knows, and hangs out with me sometimes when I?m dressed up.

[Jessica Secret]

I'm also in the closet, 99% of my wardrobe is romantic lingerie so in my case would look really weird to wear that in public lol!

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

I'm completely out of the closet! But only because I don't fit in there with all my clothes.
My wife knows most, 2 of my kids know some. My friends don't know $***, at least I don't think they do (a couple might suspect that I'm a little off)

[BaileysSecret]

Only out of the closet to you all abd my wife

[BrendaPDX]

Hello, and thank you all so much! I could never have imagined that so many people are just like me and so many have other paths. I don?t feel sorry for myself any longer, I am a little envious, but I am not alone, and that?s what it?s all about. Thank you all again, I am not a loaner anymore! Brenda