What should I do?

[Georgina]

Am I doing the right thing?
I have a cousin who is over 80 years old and is very religious. She was a missionary in India for a large part of her life. Years ago I set her up with her first computer and we only communicated if she had a problem. In November last year I got her a new computer with windows 11. I have spent more time with her helping her with the new system and we have become closer. I rang her, one evening, and told her I wanted to talk to her about something that is unusual for a man and that was ladies fashion of the 40s to the 70s especially underwear. She laughed, at first, but we continued to have a great discussion about the topic and she told me what she wore in her early years. I mentioned to her that she was part of the reason I became interested in fashion. She was a teacher at my primary school and left to go to India. Her replacement teacher was young and this being the fifties wore the large petticoated skirts and dresses of the time. One day a gust of wind lifted her skirt and revealed her petticoats and I was totally hooked.
About a month later I told her that I had a collection of vintage underwear and ended up showing her a few girdles, slips and stockings which she enjoyed and we had a nice chat about her experiences with 50s underwear. I have not yet told her that I wear these clothes every day but I did reveal one of my fantasies. That was to wear a large ballgown with a hooped petticoat and all the trimmings. She wasn't shocked but was concerned. She stated that from a religious point of view she wouldn't approve but suggested that doing so might play with my mind. She was worried if I enjoyed the experience that I might end up wearing women's clothes at home. She also wondered if fantasy could also lead to obsession or even if there was a difference. I assured her that at my age my mind was very stable and I will remain the same person.
I will be wearing the ballgown soon and I wonder if I should tell her and maybe show her photos. I don't want to destroy our relationship and I do feel that even though she may disapprove she will not chase me away. She may suspect that I am wearing the clothes anyway. If she reacts favourably should I come clean? That is my dilemma.

[Suzie Petersen]

I would definitely not go down that road!

With what you have shared about her so far, I think it is highly unlikely she will have a positive reaction if you tell her any more, and then you are left with toothpaste all over the place and cant get it back in the tube.

I would also ask myself what good knowing about your crossdressing would do for your cousin? Can anything good come from this.

I would keep to your interest in collecting these items, and stay away from the rabbit hole.

If you have a desire/need to share this with someone, you should look for someone else.

- Suz

[Taylor Dame]

I would not tell her and certainly not show her pictures. I fear your relationship would no longer be the same. At 80 years old and very religious, it likely goes against her beliefs. I think her response to your fantasy tells it all. She might forgive you, but it would not be the same relationship if she knew you actually followed up on your desires. Sometimes it's best to keep things to yourself. I personally would not want to possibly ruin a close relationship due to my dressing.

[Di]

I think it would be selfish of you since she explained why she could not approve.
If she brings it up -OK.
I know many CDs have that need to be seen ( showing pictures ect )
Just keep being kind ,and why would anyone tell what under garments they are wearing?
( me included) that’s just ick.
Plus that just an excuse, if she asks and wants to talk more ok but please don’t go any further. She knows…..end of story.

[char GG]

I am also of the opinion that you should not show her any pictures of you in a ball gown.

Honestly, I love all of my cousins but if they wanted to talk underwear, my creepy alert vibe would go up.

Keep it simple, talk to her about family, computers, her time in India, and stay away from a topic that clearly might make her uncomfortable. At 80 years old, she probably appreciates your communicating with her.

[alwayshave]

Georgina, Given that your cousin has misgivings, I would not push it.

[Laura912]

Do not tell or show her. This woman has had a great and fruitful life. She has formed a nice relationship with you. Why do you want do do something that is uncomfortable for her? Let her be at peace and continue to enjoy your friendship. Quit bringing up the subject. She is too old for the drip-drip torture of pushing things to which women are often subjected by those on this forum.

[Crissy 107]

I have to agree with the others and think to just let it go. Her being 80 and she really likes you so why risk that.

[NancyJ]

Georgina, You seem to be playing with her mind as a way to gratify yourself. This has no benefit to her. Leave her out of your fantasies and fetishes. IMO you have already taken it too far. She has perhaps indulged you because she feels indebted to you for the computer and dependent on you for tech support. In my opinion, you are victimizing her.

[kimdl93]

Its your life, of course, and your family. That being said, I would not recommend doing so. She told her religious perspective and other concerns. I see no reason to share any more than you already have.

[docrobbysherry]

Let me see if I understand, Georgina? U wanted to get closer to your unaccepting aunt by talking about women's underwear, etc?:eek:

And now, you're noodling telling her about your dressing when it will likely change the way that she thinks of u forever?:doh:

I just don't get why you're doing this? R u that desperate to tell someone? Or, maybe u just don't care whether or not u drive your aunt away?:thumbsdn:

[Helen_Highwater]

Georgia,

You have a relationship with an elderly relatives that's not broken, don't fix it. Leave well alone.

It's highly unlikely that she'll suddenly change her viewpoint as to the rights and wrongs of crossdressing and you definitely risk ending up more distant from someone who let's face it, is in the later years of life.

If it goes wrong when you reveal yourself then that's not something you can take back. You could both end up with feelings of regret and for what.

Find someone else if you feel the need to share. Let this elderly lady see out her days having you as someone she likes and can call upon. That will give you more satisfaction, knowing you helped someone more than showing a few photo's of you in a ballgown.

[Elizabeth G]

I'm not trying to heap on here but please consider this. Your cousin is deeply religious. It's probably not just the fact that she can't accept or condone what you're considering doing, she may be deeply troubled by what she may consider to be an action that may damn you eternally. I'm not a religious person but for someone who is that would be a heavy burden.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Georgina :hugs:, Please see Line #4 in my Signature, >Orchid**O:daydreaming:O**

[Shelly Preston]

Quite simply "Don't Tell Her"

She has nothing to gain and you have everything to lose.

Also she thinks it will mess with your mind.

I think you have pushed to the limit already don't turn it into something you will regret.

[GretchenM]

Georgina, I think you have told her enough and considering her religiousness maybe a bit too much. Going further will likely create a good deal of stress in the relationship that is more likely than not to end badly for you and probably her as well. Drop the subject. Be considerate of her age and the fact that she probably does not want revolutions in her life. So, don't go there.

[Debbie Denier]

Hi Georgina, I agree with the others. I would not force it upon your cousin. She has made her position clear.Being deeply religious and probably set in her ways she is unlikely to change her opinion. Its not worth damaging the relationship you already have. From previous posts you have indicated you have an accepting sister. I would concentrate your CD efforts on that relationship as it seems to be the most productive.I came out to my late mother when she was aged 82 . Only because my wife did not accept CD and my marriage was in danger of collapsing.My circumstances were very different to yours. I understand the desire to share with others . We all need to be careful and sure about the consequences.

[Georgina]

Thank you all for your replies. I respect my cousin and I will not do anything to hurt her at this stage in our lives. She has told me some secrets about her life and I assure her that anything she tells me will be between us and I will not trade secrets between us. I will probably tell her that I will not say any more about my wish but if she asks any questions, in the future, I will tell the truth.

[Aunt Kelly]

I am forever puzzled by CD's feeling the need to share their "secret" with those who have no legitimate need to know. Ask yourself, in this case, what would be the impact? Almost certainly, distress, and very likely damage to the relationship. So why do it?

[Charly52]

Don?t tell her as some secrets are best kept!!!

[ColletteC]

I agree with Aunt Kelly. To be blunt this seems to be a pointless attempt at a mild form of shock value.

[Crissy 107]

Just my 2 cents but Georgina has posted this morning that she is not going to tell her cousin anything else, it may be time to stop piling on her.
I feel she has gotten the point we were all trying to make.

[Fiona_44]

I would not discuss it with her at all. Too many downsides and doesn't seem necessary in this case.

[Jeri Ann]

Twenty posts with the same advice should be enough answers to the original poster’s question.

Time to move on.