Company Trip

[Sometimes Steffi]

There's a recent thread in which someone wished to go on a company trip.



I wish my company would have to send me on a trip where she wasn't able to come and then I would have a field day! If only??.


Umm...

I've never told anyone this, but I can trust all you girls, right. Right?

One time I "concocted" an out of town, overnight "company trip", except it wasn't for my company.

I went to an out-of-town business to get a makeover and photo shoot.

The makeover was the best money that I ever spent.

It was logistically difficult, but not impossible. You just need to think outside the box.

[MonicaPVD]

The trick to a successful phantom company trip is being able to pay for expenses in a way that she cannot trace. If you're fully transparent about your household finances, that poses a challenge. Also, you have to be ok with lying to her. Since I am a terrible person, I don't have a problem with either. 😂

[Patience]

Oh, what a tangled web we weave...

I love makeovers too, but am glad I don't need to resort to deception to get one. Doing it like that might be still a thrill, but it would put a considerable damper on the whole thing for me.

As long as you can live with it and don't get caught, good for you, I guess.

[bridget thronton]

Most partners seem more upset about hiding than dressing - so it might be wise to be cautious about trying this

[alwayshave]

Steffi, As you know, I don't have to hide my dressing from my wife. However, I did from my ex-wife and admittedly went out of town on business several times to have some Jamie time.

[Cheryl T]

I did that once in the long ago past.
It wasn't a trip though it was to go to a hockey game with the guys in a distant city. Of course we had to stay over.
I don't do that anymore though.

[Sometimes Steffi]

The trick to a successful phantom company trip is being able to pay for expenses in a way that she cannot trace. If you're fully transparent about your household finances, that poses a challenge. Also, you have to be ok with lying to her. Since I am a terrible person, I don't have a problem with either. ��


Like cash, maybe, that I saved from my "discretionary 'allowance'". Or Visa gift card, bought with cash?

I think at the time I had a company travel card which was off the books from household finances. That also made it invisible. I don't have a company travel card, but I wonder if I could concoct one?

BTW, Monica. You're not a terrible person. You sound like a very good person trying to accommodate somewhat terrible circumstances. IMHO

[docrobbysherry]

My wife and kids never even considered traveling with me on my business trips!:eek:

Of course, in those days my dressing was just beginning. And, I never ever considered going out of my motel room dressed!:doh:

[CharlotteCD]

My wife wouldn't come to any of my business trips, but my issue is instead that I would need to get my outfit into my car, along with my makeup, brushes etc. It's just not happening. The best I can hope for is an overnight sleep in a nightdress.

[Melanie Sykes]

I've made fake company trips a couple of times so that I could get some extended time to dress. The longest was three days away, which was a "training course". I'm not proud of it, but I felt I just had to do it. Since then, I've actually had a 4-day trip away to an airbnb on my own with the acceptance of my wife, so I'm hoping to make similar arrangements in the future and not to have to pull the fake trip stunt again.

Pulling off these trips took a lot of planning for a long time in advance. What outfits to take, and how you're going to get them out of the house and back in at the end of the trip are the main things. I used to make copious notes in text files. Sometimes I used the garage as a staging area, and I'd move things there in a spare suitcase the day before I was leaving to make it easier (stealthier) to get it into the car the next day. As a result I'd end up with two suitcases in the car, a "boy" case - which my wife had seen me pack - and a "girl" case. The "boy" case usually never left the car until I came home. As Sometimes Steffi said, you've got to think out of the box. I enjoy the planning and execution, but didn't enjoy the deceit one bit. I say "enjoy" in the present tense because although I got the blessing of my wife to go on the last trip - and she knew its true purpose - she doesn't want to be explicitly reminded of it or to see any of my stuff. So, stealth is still the name of the game to some degree.

Money for these trips isn't an issue because I have a current account just for me. We call it my "little" account. A small amount of money gets transferred into there each month from our main account, and I use it for whatever I want, no questions asked, and she doesn't have (or want) access to look at the account. We've had this arrangement since we got married, well before my dressing became a noticeable cost factor. I could take money from the main joint account if I really needed of course, but I always plan my trips carefully to be within my own personal budget. Same goes for all my CDing purchasing needs - it all comes out of that account, and helps put the brakes on the Pink Fog before it can affect the household finances. I'm well aware that the more I spend on clothes, the less I'll have to spend on my trips, or the longer I'll have to postpone the next trip in order to save up.

[MonicaPVD]

I found it easiest to UPS a box, with all my Monica gear in it, to the hotel it a day or two ahead of my arrival. It's also nice to have all my gear waiting for me upon check-in. No worries about packing, extra luggage, TSA, etc. At the end of the trip, have the hotel's concierge send the box back to your address of choice. In my case, that's usually my office. Totally worth the cost of round trip shipping.

[CarlaWestin]

I sure hope someone didn't get dresses instead of golf clubs.

[Krisi]

This is the same sort of deception that happens when people take "fake" company trips to be with their girlfriend or boyfriend. I would be very careful trying something like this, because if a wife finds out about it, she is going to assume that you were meeting up with a female.

Hiding your dressing is one thing, but I think fake company trips is a bit over the line.

What happens if you have an accident? Have a medical problem? Are a victim of a crime?

[MonicaPVD]

What happens if you have an accident? Have a medical problem? Are a victim of a crime?

Deception is deception is deception. What if...? We will cross that bridge when we get there.

[Karren H]

I miss those company trips. Think I worked for an extra 5 years just to keep them going. Looking back, I should have just kept working!

[Geena75]

Sadly, I am quite deceptive. I have cover stories for my Geena excursions since my spouse doesn't know about Geena and my 'peculiar pastime.' I do have limits, though. She knows generally where I am going and roughly when I will be back, and that I am meeting with friends. I wouldn't feel right about claiming a company trip, or a civil war outing, when I'm actually doing a Geena weekend. That's beyond the financial deception. Like I said, I have limits.

[Sometimes Steffi]

There was a time before my daughter moved back into the basement when my wife was out of town a lot. I used to go out socially with the girls to bars, restaurants, etc.

When she returned, I wanted to continue my outings. I told my wife that I was going out "with the guys", which was technically true, except all "the guys" were wearing dresses, including me. I dressed and returned to male mode in the car.

I don't know if she really bought "the story" or not. I eventually told her the truth, because I was tired of the lies. She didn't like it, but she tolerated it. She let me continue to "go out with friends".

[Jillcder]

I like Karren miss those overnight business trips without them I would not have ventured out dressed in public. Occasionally I will reflect back on my girl outings during those trips it truly was a very exciting time.

[Rhonda Jean]

I didn't have to hide it from my wife, but I went out of town about once a month for years. Not only were those trips wife-approved, she was the one who first suggested it. I also traveled overnight for work (legitimately), and I'd always add at least a day and sometimes dress in the evenings. If I had just been a regular guy at home and saved all the girl aspect for a an out of town "transformation", I think that would have been a pretty satisfactory working arrangement for both of us. But, as many of us are prone to do, my "feminine side" took over and it became more about feminizing my every day appearance as much as I could get away with, and I was rather obsessive about it and had no idea where to stop.

[ellbee]

I'm not sure I'd want to read any replies from any GG's here! :confused2:



Anyway, they could put it way better than me, to say the least, LOL, but I will say this much...


Probably not a cool thing to do. Maybe even a wrong thing to do?

However, I have done (and still do?) things in my life where others could easily say the same thing, and they'd probably have a decent point, admittedly. So, you know...



Regardless: Just my 2 cents, but probably not a model to aspire to. ;)

[abby054]

Perhaps your wife has figured things out and is happy to play along to get a day or two away from you. Deception works both ways.

Speaking of crossing the bridge when we come to it, I had the following phone conversation with my wife five years ago.
Wife. Hello, how are you doing this evening?
Me. Could be better. I took up residence in the largest coronary unit in LA this afternoon?

Getting my girl luggage back to my storage unit undetected took some imagination, to say the least.

For many years, I took more business trips than Abby could handle. Wife despises travel and will only do it only if our forty something daughter comes along. Grand total of two such trips in nearly fifty years. With my business trips, I always stay two or three extra days on my own nickel. My company piles on extra paperwork as a punishment if I stay extra days but I plow through it anyway and enjoy my Abby time. Since covid, Zoom has replaced many of my business trips. They have become no longer enough for growing the business or for Abby. But I pack more into those that I do take. And I now take some trips just for Abby.

[GaleWarning]

Deception is deception is deception. What if...? We will cross that bridge when we get there.

How comforting to believe that this kind of behaviour does not constitute cheating in one's marriage or relationship!

Well, I think it does.

[Heather76]

I have 2 short trips planned for early April and late April (Honor Flights to D.C.) that will require me to be overnight 2 nights each. My wife has a 4 night/5 day trip planned for mid-March (girls' trip) and a 7 night/8 day trip planned for late April (wedding). I can see a lot of Heather time in my near future. I feel fortunate I won't have to concoct any stories. While I won't offer any Heather details to my wife, if she were to ask if I did any dressing, I'll certainly tell her. The fact of the matter is my wife isn't stupid and I'm sure she knows I'll be dressing up while she's gone and while I'm gone.

[JulieC]

Well, I'm not going to sit in judgment of MonicaPVD. All of us have our circumstances. Monica may know very well that telling her spouse will almost certainly kill the marriage, and there may be dramatic reasons why this would be incredibly bad. For some divorce is an option. For others, it just isn't. I know of several members here who are in very bad marriages but remain in them for reasons other than the relationship itself.

Is lying to your spouse ideal? Of course not. Does it undermine relationships? Of course it does. But, our circumstances may dictate this is the best possible way forward.

Being a crossdresser is a massive burden. My wife knows about and supports my crossdressing, and has since a few months into dating. But, crossdressing is still a massive burden. My kids do not know. I routinely have to obfuscate (which most emphatically is a form of lying) to my children. Recently, I had to stop one of my kids from borrowing a car until I had a chance to remove some femme clothes from it. Kid wanted to know why the delay, and I couldn't answer. This is routine, and the obfuscation is constantly happening. If my children were to find out about my crossdressing, they will know that I've been actively lying to them for their entire lives. While I'm not lying to my wife, I am lying to my family. Does this make me a bad person? Probably. But, what option do I have? I'm trying to do the best I can for my kids. In this case, that means lying.

Monica's situation is Monica's situation. I refuse to sit in judgment. I could wish for a happier life for her, but I won't judge.

[GaleWarning]

Monica's situation is Monica's situation. I refuse to sit in judgment. I could wish for a happier life for her, but I won't judge.

You appear to be confused. I am not judging Monica (or Steffi, for that matter).
Monica uses the word "deception" three times in her post. She is judging Steffi.
I am saying that "deception" sounds a lot less cruel than "cheating".
We have become comfortably numb.
(Pink Floyd)

[MonicaPVD]

Life can be complicated. I wouldn't judge someone else's life choices any more than I would judge their choice of outfit. You do you. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have an understanding or tolerant spouse, or to be in a position to walk away from a marriage and start a whole new life. You do you and I'll do me. Everyone's happy.

[Sometimes Steffi]

According to "Mr. Google", these are the 10 most common types of cheating (https://www.marriage.com/advice/infidelity/types-of-cheating-in-relationship/)

Going on a contrived business trip is not included.

Since I use personal funds, not joint marital funds, it doesn't even count as financial cheating.

[Julia B]

Lying, sneaking around, deceiving, hiding costs and money? Gee, what could go wrong?
That kind of activity just adds another level on to the weak house of cards.
Being in a strong successful marriage requires absolute honesty and trust, period.
P.S. if you find yourself in a divorce your wife can and will find these posts that live permanently on the internet. Every post I made on this site from 2009 to 2011 under an earlier identity became evidence exhibits in my divorce.

[GaleWarning]

According to "Mr. Google", these are the 10 most common types of cheating (https://www.marriage.com/advice/infidelity/types-of-cheating-in-relationship/)

Going on a contrived business trip is not included.

Since I use personal funds, not joint marital funds, it doesn't even count as financial cheating.

It's actually #11 on the list, Steffi, which is why you missed it.
You are very often economical with the truth.
This is a statement of fact, not necessarily a criticism.
Feel free to be offended by the truth.

[Sandi Beech]

All of my business trips are legit, so I never need a fake trip to go out crossdressed. Of course if my SO knew of my extracurricular activities when away from home, it would not go over so well. Both are in the deceitful department. True enough. It is obvious. Why is it so necessary to point that out.

I usually avoid threads like this one because someone with an accepting SO or already divorced invariably has to point out others faults. Not everyone can obtain a utopian compromise, so we deal with it in less than optimal ways sometimes. Maybe the fake business trip could help someone cope. It is not my place to judge them. None of us are perfect.

Sandi

[NancyJ]

True enough, Sandi. Not fair for any of us to judge anyone, for sure. A majority of the feedback does not seem so much meant to be judge mental as cautionary and advocating for open and direct communication.

As someone who has felt strong urges to crossdress and significant gender dysphoria since an early age, I know that my urges would become overwhelming if I felt that I had no outlet. As I have written about before on this forum, some of the most difficult conflicts in my marriage have been about crossdressing. Fortunately, we have come to an agreement that suits us both. I know that makes me one of the lucky ones, and I will give her credit for that.

The thing that worries me (makes me cringe) about these stories of deception is the risk of it blowing up. The cost of discovery just seems so great. I guess that says a lot about how strong the urge is?