Does somebody know: what is next?

[Betty70]

I repeat the question from Brenda?s thread:

The need to dress up is progressive, at least that's how it was for me:
It starts with a trifle - a piece of underwear, a cosmetic and then you just want more and more.
Not a moment goes by and you're parading around in a dress, with makeup and hairstyle.
Then comes the desire to join public life as a woman.
Hence the need to "go to public".
For me, the problem is the question: what's next?

Did somebody walked it through and knows?

[bridget thronton]

It depends on how soon you accept who you are.

[Helen_Highwater]

Betty,

Going public is in itself a multi staged affair. Perhaps you start with a drive though, move on to filling the car with fuel, pay at pump or go into the shop. That'll be your first face to face interaction.

So you move on to clothes shopping, next big leap, using the changing rooms and also the ladies toilets. Dining out, taking taxi's, bus, train perhaps a plane. You might look for a support group as a way of meeting others from our community.

Going public is about gaining ever more confidence in and getting to know yourself. I'm at the fully confident when out and about stage but I don't see myself going full time or transitioning. It doesn't need to be an endless staircase that you climb.

It's quite possible you'll find your own comfort level and stick with it.

[Ursula Harrison]

This touches on a thread I started here last month - Leaving on the Midnight Train To...?

There the TG experience is compared to a train journey, where you get off at every station until you reach the one where you feel comfortable and stay there.

It seems to me Betty that you have not reached that point yet and wish to continue further on your journey. But really, only you know the answer to the question "what's next?" There does not even have to be a "next" if you are happy where you are. But if not then you decide what you want to try next and if that satisfies you. If not you may want to progress further, try something different, or even come back to where you are now. It's always your decision.

It looks to me that you and I have reached similar points on our journey. I am satisfied where I am so for me there is no "next".

[Genifer Teal]

Many new behaviors have a certain level of excitement from the experience. As we become more familiar with that experience the excitement often diminishes as the newness is lost. Then we typically push the behavior to a new level to revive the original excitement with the newness of the new level and so on and so on. This can be found in all kinds of behaviors. Going further pushing harder making it bigger and better whatever to keep the same level of excitement in the experience. Determining the end game in advance is very difficult. For this, so many factors come into play job family financials health all these factors could be limiting. Besides all that, I can say that what I want later on in life is very different than what I wanted from this early on. I thought about how far it could go and decided not to go there at the time. Given the option again I would think it very differently. Not so much to find that greater level of excitement or enjoyment more just because factors that I thought were limiting really weren't if that makes sense. I'm also much more comfortable with myself and how I am. It's really hard to predict the future of a moving Target.

[Geena75]

In a way, exploring cross-dressing is like the pioneers that came to America. They pressed onward until they found a place they liked and settled in there. Some still had the urge and pulled up stakes and went further, others stayed put.

If you enjoy where you are at in your journey, maybe you are "there." For me, I have found a very nice place in that I can get all gurled up, get out, and found others to meet. If you want a next step, and you haven't done this already, find a social/support group and go meet up with them. Just getting out with a CD friend is so great.

[GretchenM]

Betty, this behavior does not necessarily increase in intensity although it appears that most of us do that. Individually, it can go in many different directions including decreasing. It is a mistake to apply what is usual to everyone to any particular person because we are all different with regard to what role this behavior plays in our lives. So much of it involves exactly how you think of this behavior and what role it plays in your life and your own circumstances.

The train journey is a pretty good analogy. There are many stations and many will stop at a wide variety of stations and because the train has to return to pickup newcomers one can hop on the train and go backwards if where they are turns out to not be a comfortable place and going further is not something they want to do. In short you get on the train for some reason and that reason, in one form or other, may persist as you go along the journey. You experience different things at different places and those experiences can alter the way you view the journey and think about its role in your life. A small percentage go all the way and they do that because it fits them. But others get off much earlier. There is a vast amount that is not known about this behavior and so prediction is next to impossible for anyone.

It appears that we all have a basic outline that we initially got from our genetics, but that outline is very generalized and allows for a great deal of adaptation in accordance with our experiences. It has very little to do with your sex and a great deal to do with how your brain changes as you go through life. The fact is, that pattern applies to everybody and not just us; we just happen to start out with some kind of pattern that sets some crude and very flexible boundaries. It is also possible that the pattern derived from genetics does not really exist, but that is doubtful. We all need to start with at least a few tools that establish a basic identity that changes and evolves over time. In a sense we are a certain variety of variations that are normal for humans. We are not abnormal; it is just that the normal includes a great deal of flexibility and the implementation of that is done primarily in the brain.

[NancyJ]

Betty, I agree with Gretchen. Everyone is different! This notion that every guy who enjoys wearing panties is going to end up fully dressing and going out en femme is simply not true. This is akin to what is called the “milk to heroin” theory as an argument to maintain harsh criminal penalties for marijuana possession, as though anyone who smokes weed will progress to hard core addiction. Simply not true, and it is fear-mongering.


For myself, I have only been out once and that was many, many years ago. I now rarely completely dress. (Why? because the dysphoric down that comes from reverting back to male mode is too great, and I simply am not alone often enough.) I have settled on a compromise that works for me and my wife.

Where your own train will stop, so to speak, is a very individual matter. But, you may well end up settling on a place far short of frequent full dressing and going out. Or maybe not. Nancy

[kimdl93]

Definitely not a one size fits all situation. For some few perhaps transition is in order, but I suspect the vast majority of cross dressers, if they are lucky, are able to incorporate crossdressing as a regular part of their lives. Even if they are largely out to the world.

[Cheryl T]

I don't know what's next. Perhaps that's why the experience is so enthralling.
Every day I become more and more ME. I'm more comfortable in my own skin, as a woman. Where this will all end is a mystery.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Well, there's public, and then there is PUBLIC.

I have a TG friend who I met in public. She transitioned on the job and is now a public advocate for for transitioning. She's has spoken about this in public at her work place and out in the world. She has been interviewed for news reports, in newspapers and in other public media.

Way braver than me.

That's PUBLIC.

I wasn't going to expose her here, but it turns out she is already exposed if you just know where to look.

Bree Fram (https://spartapride.org/bree-fram/) - Lieutenant Colonel - United States Space Force

[Genifer Teal]

And then there's Caitlyn Jenner. Now that's public!! I can only imagine what she went through deciding or hiding and then not. I'm sure many of us here knew long before the announcement. Can only imagine being in the public eye like that and having to face this.

[Fiona_44]

What's next? Wherever you feel comfortable with!

[DianeT]

Sorry Betty, I have no idea. I dress at home for my own pleasure and am already at my maximum. Not longing for anything else.
When I scuba dive, I thoroughly enjoy it every time I do, and there's no expectation of the next time being more spectacular (even if it can sometimes be). I'm plenty content with the level of thrill and pleasure it already gives me, and once I reached the level I was looking for (autonomy), there was no upping the game anymore for me. Same happened with crossdressing once I got my forms, wig and heels (I upgraded the wig however).

[Joanne108]

It is different for everyone. For me it?s full on in the world as a woman sometimes, but mostly I am just a guy. What is is on your crossdressing bucket list? That will set how far you go.

[Jean 103]

Beyond your wildest dreams.

It's totally up to you. There is some commonality but everyone is different.

There's a number of questions you'll have to answer for yourself you'll find the answers as you go.

When the opportunity arrived in my life, I went in all directions at the same time looking for the answer to the question. Who am I.

Yes I am there, living life as Jean.

Love Jean

[Heather76]

I believe I do know what is next and it's really not what I was expecting. A little background: My wife is going away next month on a 5 day/4 night girls' get-away with a group of friends. Since I learned of this trip late last year, I've been stashing some cash for a ULTA makeover, some shopping, a movie, and a couple meals out. However, something's changed. I realized that I dress at will at home. I also realized I won't go out in public dressed very often. What I did realize is I will get much more joy out of kissing my wife good-bye when she leaves and then giving her about $400.00 extra dollars and telling her to enjoy the trip. She will have her own cash and a debit card with her; but, I know she will be careful with her spending (because that's how we are). I want her to not give a 2nd thought to what she spends.

I believe my next step doesn't exist other than doing what I've already been doing. I'll continue dressing at home and going out when the opportunity presents itself. Yes, while she's out of town I still plan to go to a movie, a meal, and some light shopping. But, I'll watch what I spend and keep it under $100.00. I have no desire to transition or to come out of the closet with damily and friends, so this seems a very good spot to put on the brakes.

[mbmeen12]

Well it depends, how far is far....What makes you feel comfortable? I would recommend counseling so you go into it eyes wide open. To answer your question purposed, I stop short because it is what made me feel comfortable.

[Di]

Nothing has to be next.
It is not a race.
Everyone is different and everyone’s life circumstances is different.
Just be you and don’t make it a competition.

[Krisi]

What's next is entirely up to you. Nobody else can tell you what is next for you.

[Bea_]

My question to you would be "What do you want to come next?". Or, maybe, "What do you not want to come next?". We have a certain amount of will in the situation and we can set goals and boundaries to initiate a course and correct as needed.

What's next for many of us is significantly determined by our SO's. So we just factor that in as we set our course.

[Natalie5004]

As a married CDer, I have a pretty good idea where I am going. Nowhere. If I was single at this point in my life I would probably go for HRT. Only to see how it would work out. I expect some folks on HRT has different effect and development.

I am not going to ruin my marriage over this. At this last 20% of my life, it is what it is.
I did not walk through it.

Here is a question for you. When you dress androgynous and are out and about, what pronouns are used to address you?

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Betty, You are ihe one in Control, TheBall is in youe Court, >Orchid**0:daydreaming:0**

[Rhonda Jean]

I've been somewhat chastised for saying it is progressive. I suppose there are no absolutes. For most of us there is no destination, so there's really no "next" to be plotted on a map. It is a journey, and that's the beauty of it. Ignoring the trials and tribulations for a moment. Your "next" can be whatever you want it to be. I've gone from here to there and back. More circular than linear. Enjoy the ride. Just keep your head on straight.

[Marsha Louise]

For me, crossdressing has been an exciting, pleasant experience that I have enjoyed exploring and participating in for the past several years. I've learned a lot and done a lot!
Like many other interests I've pursued in my lifetime, it has at times been something of an obsession. Similarly, at other times I have become less interested in it. Why? The pink fog at work, for sure, but also because I have a tendency to lose interest in an activity once I reach a certain level of understanding or proficiency that satisfies my initial hunger or curiosity. Oftentimes, I reach a plateau where I realize I've gone just about as far as I can go, savor the view for a while, and then, inevitably, set my sights on something else. I've done this with several hobbies; perhaps other readers have too.
Regarding my CDing, I'm very happy to be at the "advanced amateur" level, and to be fully supportive of others, however I don't see myself ever turning pro.
Does this disqualify me and others like me as members here? I certainly hope not.
So, what's next? In my case, I really don't know.

[Betty70]

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences.
Although each of us is different, but the forum posts prove that we have a lot in common when it comes to cross-dressing: similar desires and fantasies, similar dilemmas and fears.
Hence my question, because the path we are on is also similar.
It seems that interacting with other people, as a woman, is the end of that path.
If something more happens, I think it can no longer be called just cross-dressing.

In my case, at the end of this path came an unmissable thing: peace of mind.
The prospect of crossdressing is no longer as attractive as it once was.
When the opportunity to do so arises, crossdressing begins to lose out to other pastimes: going fishing or DIY.

Anyone have similar experiences?

[Maid_Marion]

I find it much easier to dress and socialize as female.

The world is your oyster when it comes to dressing as a 108 lb female with a 24 inch waist.
Nothing for me the men's department.

I've grown out my hair for four years, so it's quite long. These days I dress female most of the time.

I've considered HRT, but I already have an hourglass figure through diet, exercise, and favorable genetics.

I do plan on retiring soon to spend more time with my hobbies. I have plenty saved up and wasn't bothered at all by the financial market gyrations last year.

Marion

[Geena75]

I think I understand you, Betty. Most of my crossdressing had been with an underlying notion of "I wonder what it would be like to .....?" I had enough obstacles that I regarded those thoughts as dreams for fantasies. Over the past few months I have seized many opportunities and have had wonderful experiences. My dream list has been mostly fulfilled. I am not as driven to explore things as I was in November and December. I find most of my motivation coming from meeting up with some CD friends I have made. As spring approaches I find myself equally drawn to outdoor activities that come with it, and other things I want to do, unrelated to dressing. Fast approaching is the time when I let the facial hair grow back, and Geena gets put on the back burner for at least a few months. Hoping this helps me handle it well.

[Diane P]

Betty, my CD journey just began in Sep. Well let me qualify that, my full CD journey began in Sep, for the past 20 years I did underdress, off and on, in panites. Every so often I would throw them out only to replace them later. I don't know if my wife ever knew or guessed, she never said anything. She passed July of last year and in Sep I decided to got to the store and get some panties, since I had tossed the last bunch I had in Mar.

On the way to the store I had a thought pop into my head that I never had before. "I wonder what I would look like in a dress?" Also had a second thought pop into my head "Transforming Dean into Diane", which I had no idea where that came from. At the store besides new bikini panties I bought a dress and a couple night gowns. Put the panties and dress on after I got home and had a feeling of absolute rightness come over me. Take this comment any way you want to, the thought of tranforming from Dean into Diane was my female half introducing herself to me.

Since then I have filled my bedroom closet with dresses, fem tops, night gowns and fem jeans. One dresser in the bedroom is full of panties, fem shorts, bras/sports bras. There are only two drawers that still have male clothes and the rest from the closet are in another room. Do I eventually want to transition? No. I'm happy where I am, and I'm very happy knowing Diane decided to introduce herself.

I enjoy wearing night gowns every night, dresses or jeans and a fem top, sometimes a bra, especially since I got 42AA size bras that fit ME nicely. I do have a sports bra and regular bra that will hold the B forms I bought. I mainly dress at home, but thanks to another member here I will be going to OKC Mar 11th for a Girls Night Out. This will be my first time out as Diane and am looking forward to being among other CD'ers and TG's. Also really looking forward the the 17th Annual Heartland Transgender Spring Soiree & Music Jam in May.

So as I said my journey has only begun but I don't see it going beyond dressing at home, going to OKC Girls Night Out once a month and the Spring and Fall three day events. Will I ever go out in public on my own? Not sure but for now I'm comfortable where I am.

[Maid_Marion]

On my Facebook page I have the spouse of a drag queen. She posts his pictures in drag. I have a mom who has posted a pictures of her MtF daughter. An equality advocate.
And a MtF transgender who just posted a before and after picture composition if you had any doubts about her transition!

Marion

[ShawnaL]

I don't know what's next. Perhaps that's why the experience is so enthralling.
Every day I become more and more ME. I'm more comfortable in my own skin, as a woman. Where this will all end is a mystery.

Well said, Cheryl! IF we're comfortable in our own skin, we can enjoy seeing what's next as it unfolds!
Shawna

[Karen RHT]

I'm not sure what's next for me, but I plan to keep going and keep enjoying as long as I possibly can.


Karen

[gwencd158]

Well, at my advanced age of 60+, I can tell you it never goes away lol. What I did recently experience though, is my past few times to be alone and go the full make-up route, I realized how much work full make-up is and the associated clean-up afterwards. I find myself being content with very limited makeup and just fully dressing, especially times I have the opportunity to dress more than two days in a row. I figured if I lived alone, I might dress everyday and for longer periods. But I doubt I would ever get up and put on full makeup every day. So, for me, I am at highest level of my journey. I?ll die an occasional dresser, with the occasional once or twice a year with full makeup.

[Karren H]

In my case, at the end of this path came an unmissable thing: peace of mind.
The prospect of crossdressing is no longer as attractive as it once was.
When the opportunity to do so arises, crossdressing begins to lose out to other pastimes: going fishing or DIY.

Anyone have similar experiences?

Oh yeah. I have gone through the progression from just wearing bras and girdles to fully dressing. Then makeup and hair and accessories. Then going out enfemme in public. But as time grows shorter, I have been choosing not to dress more often than not vs going to the ice rink to teach my grandson how to skate and play hockey or fixing my daughters house or car. Those seem more important especially since I have done way more than I had ever dreamt in my wildest dreams, CD wise.

What ever your next steps are, make sure you have sufficient time left to complete them.