Conversation with my GG friend.

[Kimberly A.]

Hey y'all! :) I know, it's been a bit since I've posted and I'll be posting pics later on today. LOL..... Anyway, I had a conversation with my GG friend the other night. Of course first of all, she knows that I recently moved to north Mississippi, I now live close to Tupelo and when I go out en femme, I always go to Tupelo. Tbh, there's not really anything else around here worth going to while out en femme. LOL Now, most of my family (my mom and sister, in particular) live in north Mississippi as well and both of them work at restaurants in Tupelo and of course, I do my best to avoid them while I'm out CD'd and I don't go to the restaurants they work at, obviously.

While I was at a karaoke bar in Tupelo Friday night, I saw a woman walk in there that looked a LOT like my sister at first glance. It turned out to not be her, thank GOODNESS! LOL But, I told that to my GG friend and she brought up a very valid point..... She said that I can't hide forever, (meaning I can't hide my CD'ing from my family forever) and they're gonna find out eventually. Now, I've tried my hardest so far to hide my CD'ing from my family and up to this point, I've been successful at it. Shucks, I even had to pad lock Kimberly's closet at the place I moved out of cause my dad had a key to the place! LOL However, if my mom were to find out, I'm afraid that she would shun and disown me because of her beliefs. My sister, she would laugh her butt off and post it all over her Facebook, the rest of my family would find out that way, I'd get called that dredded "F" word that means gay by my family, especially my dad and I'd NEVER hear the end of it!

So now, I guess I'm looking for advice from anyone who may've been in this situation..... If you've hidden your CD'ing from family and they found out, what did you do about it? If my family finds out, what can I do about it?

[Aunt Kelly]

I'll say it again... If you are not ready to be outed, you are not ready to go out. Yes, I know that there's a subset of CD's for whom that is the whole point. For them, the "juice" is the thrill of maybe getting caught. Not judging, mind you. There's nothing quite like an adrenaline buzz.
But if you're feeling the need to present en femme, and genuinely dreading be "caught", why do it? That's not a rhetorical question. Maybe it's time to take a deeper look into the source of that need. What others, friends and family included, think of us may matter a great deal. Then again, it may not, once one comes to grips with who she really is.

[Majella St Gerard]

It's your life to live, no one elses. You have to be true to yourself. What is more important to you? Do you want to be fake just to pacify your bigoted family?
Everyone's cross dressing journey is different and everyone has to make their own decisions on how to live their life. If you're content with the situation then fine. But if you want to go out in public, someone you know will eventually bump into you while you are dressed, it's happened to me several times. Basically you have to accept who and what you are and OWN IT. Don't be a mouse, be a lion.

Peace & Love
Gerri

[docrobbysherry]

If u live alone, not with family, and only go out to gay, LGTB friendly bars/clubs what r u worried about?:battingeyelashes:

Which of your family and/or close friends goes out to those kinds of places? And, if they did? How would they recognize u before u saw them and bailed?:eek:

[Debs]

I travel regular about 40 miles to Blackpool and stay overnight and go out shopping, I have walked past people I know when out and about. Theres a but, they aint looking for me looking as a woman, I walked right by them, do you think that in there heads they can strip all the makeup and wigs and clothes of you, then shout Hi didnt recognise you all dressed up. Believe me the brain doesnt work that way. It would never compute unless you stop them, and at that they would still have a hard time, you would have to convince them. Even if they clock you as a guy, they would still find it hard to put 2 and 2 together to come up with your name.

[kimdl93]

I do not know if discovery is inevitable. You already take measures to avoid that eventuality. Maybe out of town trips would reduce the risk even more.

[Ursula Harrison]

If you go to LGBT venues you should be safe from friends and family. After all, if they frequent those places then they have something to hide too.

But going out close to home is a huge risk. You should maybe research venues some distance away.

[bridget thronton]

You do not need to share with your family until you are ready - my guess is that when you do they will still love you (once the shock wears off)

[Heather76]

I am in much the same situation, Kimberly. I do not care to have any friends find out I enjoy crossdressing. I don't have to worry about family as none of them live within 1,000 miles. The few times I've been out, I have driven far enough from our town, the odds of running into someone I know are extremely small. That said, when I lived in Illinois, I ran into a friend of mine from Richmond, VA at O'Hare airport in Chicago. Not only that, it happened a 2nd time years later. I didn't CD back in those days; but, the point is you may encounter family or friends no matter where you are. My suggestion is to go a reasonable distance from home for your CDing adventures but be prepared to accept discovery if it happens.

One additional thought is if someone you know happens to see you, what are the odds they would recognize you? If they don't recognize you, I doubt they would approach you to interact with you.

[Krisi]

If your family finds out, you will have to "own it". Girl up and admit it. Or, you can quit dressing out of fear.

If you want to minimize your chances of your family finding out, don't go near where they live, work or hang out. And of course, your presentation should be good enough that people who know you as a guy won't recognize you as a female.

[alwayshave]

Kim, I go out, but I'm not out. If people find out, they find out., I'll accept it. My family will be accepting except my brother, no loss.

[Kimberly A.]

Well Kelly, I am not ready to be outed but I have been going out CD'd for a few years now, as most everyone here knows..... Oh, I get an adrenaline rush almost every time I go out, that's one reason I do it, plus it's addictive! LOL But yeah, I do dread getting caught by family. But the reason I go out and present as a woman is because at this point, of course I feel like Kimberly is a part of me now, CD'ing is like second nature to me, plus it's just plain fun! :bs:

But yes, the opinions that my family would have about me, should they find out would mean a great deal to me.

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You are SO right, Gerri! LOL But of course, being true to myself is very important to me..... But what you said, DID raise a question for me: Is my feminine side the fake one, or my male side the fake one? I'll have to ponder this for a while, I suppose.

Peace & Love to you :)
Kimberly

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Well Robby, I can't seem to find any LGBT bars in Tupelo to hang out at..... The karaoke bar that I've been to in Tupelo is a "straight" bar, but they don't discriminate. Matter of fact, the lady who runs the karaoke, (before karaoke started for the night this past Saturday night), came up to me while I was sitting at the bar and she told me of a family member of hers who's a lesbian and she's a very nice woman. But, if my sister and her boyfriend were able to find a babysitter for their daughter, they COULD go to the same bar at the same time that I'm there..... But, I guess chances of that happening are slim-to-none. *Shrug

But, excellent question..... If I were to be seen by family, I guess chances are, they wouldn't recognize me before I bailed! LOL

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LOL I suppose you're right, Debs.

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I honestly don't know either, kimdl..... And tbh, out of town trips is kinda out of the question for me, because anywhere with anyplace worth going to or hanging out at is a bit too far for me, except for Memphis. I've been to Memphis CD'd a couple of times and both times, I was EXTREMELY nervous going. Cause, it's well..... Ya know..... Memphis, TN! LOL

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Unfortunately Ursula, there really aren't any LGBT venues close enough to where I live.

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Bridget, that's just the thing..... I'll NEVER be ready to come out to my family, cause they're so bigoted! Seriously, far as I know, there isn't a single member of my family who identifies as being LGBTQ. If there are any, they ain't "out of the closet"! LOL

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I understand that, Heather..... Well, until some of y'all here brought it up, the thought never occurred to me that they wouldn't recognize me. LOL

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I totally agree, Krisi! LOL

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I completely understand that, Jamie.

[Majella St Gerard]

Kim, both sides are YOU.

[kimdl93]

I had to look on a map because I really had no idea where Tupelo was located. I guess your options really depend on how far you are able to travel on a regular basis.

I live in a very rural area, some 200 miles from the Minneapolis metro area. I am a relative stranger here, so I feel free to go out pretty much wherever I choose. I am also at an age where night life is less appealing.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Kim :hugs:, It just sounds like you moved to the Wrong State, >Orchid**0:daydreaming:0**

[Mermaiden]

If they find out and it plays out badly as you predict, the question will be can you relocate? That?s a big decision.

[Nicole_in_Texas]

It?s happened to me too. My best friend from college & I was walking out w a basket of female garments. I have a daughter & he could have assumed it was for her. But it was for me ☺️

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That is cute the way you said ?girl up and admit it?.

[TheHiddenMe]

1. You don't know they will find out eventually. Maybe yes, more likely no.

2. Do you do anything for your sister or family? Like running errands for them, or something that benefits them? If you do, you can always tell them if they publicly out you that will stop.

3. If your family, especially your mom or dad, find out, would they really publicly out you? If they are bigots, and all their friends are bigots, do you really think they want to advertise their son is a "pervert" (using that term instead of the one you used). How is outing you a "win" for them? They are not likely to say anything to anyone because they DON'T want people to know.

4. What happens if you are outed? Are you going to get fired? In today's labor market? Assuming you are a reliable worker, if Company A fires you there should be a lot of similar companies ready to hire you.

You obviously like going out (so do I). Keep going out, have a strategy like the one I suggest--like the conversation with your dad does he want to tell everyone at the local watering hole his son is a f*****?--and this too shall pass.

[RachelB.]

Try to check out Columbus or Starkville. Columbus is an air force and college town and Starkville is a big college town. It's not that far to Memphis area for that matter.

Racjel

[JulieC]

I think it's inevitable that if you go out crossdressed in the same town where family frequents, you are eventually going to bump into them. That said, I don't think it's inevitable that you will be outed...assuming you don't go out in Tupelo.

It's a risk/benefit scenario; how much are you willing to risk being outed? What's the potential damage? Is the benefit worth it? I'm with others who suggested other towns nearby. I think a couple hours drive now and then isn't much of a hassle to avoid your entire family knowing. Is there still a chance? Yes, but it's very much reduced.

[sometimes_miss]

As always, before allowing yourself do wind up in a situation that you cannot live with, consider carefully the ramifications of what you do.
If you can deal with all the worst case possibilities and still live happily, then go ahead and out yourself. If not, perhaps reconsider.
If someone else tries to out you, there is always denial denial denial, and you can think up some lie about why they found you in a dress somewhere, or found girl clothes in your possession. The general population will tolerate amazing things, instead of being a crossdresser. Women will date wife beaters, convicts, murderers, diseased cretins, before they would ever consider dating a crossdresser. It's that bad.

I had pondered many times, whether to tell anyone that I'm a crossdresser. It's harmless, I would tell myself. I'm hurting no one, certainly not to anyone I planned to tell. Over many years, I would consider what I would say, and inevitably, figured that all the good things about me would easily outweigh any negative feelings about crossdressing, right? I would be tolerated, most likely accepted, right?
NOPE.
Wife found out and eventually divorced me; we even went to a therapist to try to work it out, but eventually she admitted that had she known before we got married, she never would have married me. Things went from bad to worse, as our therapist steered her to crossdresser's wives support groups, where she would hear all the horrible stories by women who told the tales of 'he done her wrong' over and over again. We wound up divorced; when she threatened to out me to my family, friends, co-workers if I didn't give her everything.
So to get ahead of that, I decided to come out to my family first; better they hear it from me. It would be okay, wouldn't it? Again,
NOPE.
I was oh, so wrong. I told my sister. She was horrified. In short order, I became someone that she didn't want to be around. Phone calls became one word or short answer responses from her, and she NEVER called me. I told my mother; again, the horrified look on her face. After that, she wouldn't talk about it. Any slight inference was ignored, and she would change the topic of conversation. Years later when I looked through one of her Lane Bryant catalogs in the mail, she looked at me with disgust and said, 'Are you still doing that?', and then left the room, and when she came back was once again discussing something completely different.
That was 24 years ago. Sister still won't contact me. Mother died a few years ago.

Wife? I wound up giving her all our assets, and assuming all the debt during the divorce.

So be prepared for the worst possible outcome, and if you're okay with that situation, then, well, don't worry about other's responses. But once you're out, you can't 'climb back in'.

[Diane P]

Kimberly A. What was the reason you moved from your former home to northern Mississippi? Was it to get closer to family or for another reason? The only family I have left are two brothers and some distans relatives. I would not in a million years consider telling either of my brothers, because I KNOW what their reaction would be, considering that they are 72 and 82. I realize it would be a lot longer drive, and maybe you could make it a weekend trip. What about going over to either Birmingham or Huntsville Alabama?

sometime_miss I'm sorry to hear that you had such a bad experience with the ex and your family. I under dressed for 20 years before my wife passed last July, had I started fully cross dressing before she passed I'm not cetain how she would have reacted. In Sep I finally decided to completely cross dress and love every minute of it.