Are you unable to cross-dress?

[Judy-Somthing]

I lost my Girl-Cave over a year ago, my wife retired, and my daughter moved home!
My stash is deep in hiding, No chance of letting Judy out! AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR
Sometimes I think of Purging and then I think "what if opportunities change?"
I love my wigs!

[MarinaTwelve200]

I have heard of some CDers in a similar situation, simply going out of town and staying in a MOTEL for a few days to get some "girl-time" in. I was seriously thinking about it myself when I had my ex-boss boarding in my home. Thank goodness, he took a weekend off every now and then to visit his grandkids 150 miles away.

[kimdl93]

For sure do not purge. Living situations change. Who is to say what the situation may be like in a year. Hope for the best

[msniki48]

since retired, we sold the house and are now in a condo community.... needless to say... many more people, less privacy... so msniki is no where to be found....it saddens me to no end sometimes....

[DianeT]

I have heard of some CDers in a similar situation, simply going out of town and staying in a MOTEL for a few days to get some "girl-time" in.
And then the fire alarm rang.

[mbmeen12]

Probably don't want to hear this but it's time for "the talk"....ie wife.

[MarinaTwelve200]

And then the fire alarm rang.

Still less consequential than the wife or boarder coming in on you. no one knows you. ;)

[jessica33]

Build a backyard shade and that will be your new girl-cave .

[Krisi]

Hopefully, your daughter will eventually move to her own place. You may have to push her a bit though. Is your wife a problem? Have you been hiding your dressing from your wife?

[GretchenM]

Forget about purging, Judy. It will only pull you down more. Situations can change and you can also induce changes in creative ways. So, your "what if opportunities change?" attitude is right on. Going to a motel can work, but it is expensive and it can raise suspicions that you are doing something like having an affair. Not helpful. Underdressing can help but it requires a change in your definition of dressing if previously you were an all or nothing type dresser. Also, more fully explore your personal feelings about what dressing means to you and think about the total identity you have without partitioning it into bits and pieces that are viewed as opposing each other but recognizing they form a complete package with a lot of choices relevant for the moment or the present situation.

You have been here for a long time and you can transform yourself into a beautiful woman with the looks and mannerisms that are well tuned to the female-like behaviors that are a big part of who you are. I have always thought there was possibly much more to your feminine-side than perhaps you were willing to accept. For me blending the female-like side with the male-like side lands me in a highly flexible identity that exists with or without the dressing. For me it is the cupcake that matters and not the frosting spread on top. I have discovered I can be Gretchen with or without the clothes and most respond favorably to that and that, in turn, helps me with my own identity.

[NancySue]

As Yogi Berra said?you?ve come to a Y in the road?take it. Don?t purge. Could be time for the talk. She probably already knows. Female ESP is a reality. Good luck.

[CharlotteCD]

I have found that even when I do have time alone to dress, I don't have the hour I need to get dressed before my working day starts, or I have deliveries, or external meetings where I need my webcam on....

I have been waiting to dress for weeks now, but sadly everything is conspiring against me.

[Erin Lafleur]

For Heaven's sake Judy, do not purge unless you absolutely have to. Like the vast majority of us ladies, you will undoubtedly regret it.
What's not entirely clear is what the principal impediment is, your wife retiring or your daughter moving home. My guess is that it's more to do with your daughter than your wife. I can't imagine that you would have a girl-cave without your wife not being at least aware of your CDing.
I was a single Dad for decades and no sooner had my son flown the coop, I had to take my elderly mother in to nurse her back to health (6 months) so I certainly understand your frustration. I had a few months of unfettered girl time and then right back to hiding everything. Certainly not great from a selfish perspective.
Although under dressing was the only option at the time, I took the opportunity to enlarge my wardrobe considerably. That kept the pink fog somewhat at bay but it was certainly frustrating to simply try a new purchase on and immediately stash it away. Now that my Mom is settled and happy in a lovely retirement residence, I can now be femme 100% of my time at home and it's simply glorious and super fulfilling. Hang in there, you'll be happy that you did!

[Natalie5004]

Judy, I feel terrible you you. I have seen your photos for the past few years now. I miss them

You always look great. Do not purge. See if you can get away for a weekend fishing. Then leave your pole a home...if you know what I mean.

Things will change eventually. They always do. Is there a possibility you can come out as a CDer at home?

I purged 1 time. It was 3 weeks before I started buying stuff again. I miss a few of my favorite things. I even tried to go buy them back from the shop I dropped them at, they were all gone. I guess I have good taste in dresses.
You do too. Keep Them! There must be 50 dresses in your stash.

Hugs, Natalie

[Judy-Somthing]

Thanks, everyone,

I tried talking to the wife 4 years ago, it went very badly for about a year as my posts from then show, and I went deeper into the closet.

I miss the feeling I would get from looking in the mirror.

[paulinescotlandcd]

Hang on in there as things constantly change, and let's hope for the better. I have never read a thread about purging and the person saying it was the best thing they ever did. You know it is just such a waste to dispose of things you like and perhaps at some point you will seek to replace.

[Erin Lafleur]

Gaaaa!!! CD'ing is more fun than fishing? Leave your pole at home? Blasphemy I tell ya!
Don't get me wrong, I really, really enjoy my feminine time but let's have cooler heads prevail for heaven's sake...
Just kidding of course. That said, I live in Canada and my profession often takes me to remote northern locations where the fishing is world class (above the 53rd parallel which is considered the magic latitude). It really is.
Sitting in a boat, on a beautiful lake on a warm summer night is almost exactly the same feeling that I get when feminine. It feels peaceful, centered and right. It's a remarkably similar feeling. It's interesting to me that I had never really noticed the connection until recently... go figure...

[Helen_Highwater]

The advice about a few days away from home might be your best bet.

I know I've written endlessly about my weeks away and going 24/7 but the opportunity it gives me to enjoy my dressing to the full cannot be underestimated.

What reason you give for any such holiday is down to your personal circumstances, mine was to go hill walking, which I did, but slowly the dressing expanded and the walking reduced to now the walking is around the shops enfemme.

[Jillcder]

I also enjoy your pictures Judy and hope your situation changes to allow you some girl time. Hard to believe something that brings us so much joy can be so tricky to blend into our family life. Your not alone since my wife and I have retired I too struggle to find time for Jill. Good luck.

[Monique65]

I can certainly sympathize with you, Judy. When covid hit my wife quit her volunteering at a local non profit, which brought a quick end to my weekly girl time. I compensate by underdressing in panties and bra, which does help relieve some of the stress. Good luck and hang in there. You have a beautiful presentation and it would be a shame to see all of those great dresses and wigs go to the thrift shop.

[alwayshave]

Judy, My wife is accepting of my crossdressing. However, I have two adult children living at home, so I can only dress when I go to a hotel.

[Debbie Denier]

Hang on in there Judy.I agree with the hotel option. Your wife and daughter may go out for some retail girl time giving you an opportunity. I share your frustration.Another option could be a few hours away from home for a dressing makeover service. Some provide clothes and makeup. Freeing you from the risk of unintentionally revealing your stash.

[Diane P]

Judy I'm sorry to hear that things went badly when you tried to talk to your wife a few years ago. Please don't purge your things, as Monique said it would a shame to see your things end up in a thrift shop. Hopefully your daughter will move out some time in the near fututre and you'll have your girl cave back. As others have said maybe your wife and daughter will go out together and you'll have a chance to dress for a while. Take this any way you want, I'll be praying for you.

[Kelli_cd]

I can only dress when I go out of town - that's usually a fishing trip. After fishing in the morning, I go back to the room and get cleaned up (shower, shave my legs, etc.).
Of course, the only dressing I can do is underdressing, but I'll do so in a manner that shows my projection. In summer, I'll wear open toe shoes and show off my nice pedicure and pretty polish, too.

[JulieC]

Do

Not

Purge

It's not worth it. Your wife already knows. If she discovers it and blows a gasket, c'est la vie. If she tosses everything, she purges for you. I suspect chances are she won't discover it, since you have hidden it well. Circumstances can indeed change, and who knows what opportunities will arise? Do you really want to be missing all your CD stuff when an opportunity arises?

Purging is a waste.

[66caprice]

I understand , my wife hates my fem side but i still love her very much. Today i have off and fem is the only way i am today until she comes home from work. I pray that you find your fem time .

[Teresa.Smith.VA]

Over the years, my wife and I have been pretty creative to find ways for cross dressing time, or husband and wife private time, even when the children were young.

We called it "weekend get-aways" enabled by trusted baby sitters or other adult close friends. They would take care of our kids over a weekend and we would reciprocate when our friends needed adult time together away from home.