do you care if you pass....

[mykell]

so i feel a need to get as close as possible but covid made me lazy and i just dont care if i do....i use a mask where i volunteer....im 5ft 12" and if i hover around fixing up the shoe dept or a rounder folks feel my gravity pull....and i have wonderful interactions with our customers, especially the regulars....if i find a disapproving look i think i must have emotional eyes as when eye contact is made the connection is averted....being here has made it a second home and family....may have something to do with it but i take this attitude along with me wherever i go now....

now i share this with the hope that those on the fence can find inspiration to get over that procrastination and jump at the chance to take that next step.

now it can be a risk/reward case as ive come into some possible outing situations....but for me the risk is worth it....

[Jenn A116]

Yes, I care if I "pass" when I go out. My actual ventures out of the house are very few. Mostly to group meetings in a secure environment. But one meeting was at a local restaurant that required walking across a parking lot and into a mall past many others. I think I looked good on that outing, but I'm sure I was still spotted.

[bridget thronton]

I just want to be treated politely and if I get a ma'am it is gravy

[alwayshave]

Yes, I care if I pass. I know that I don't. I'm 6'2 and am somewhat chubby, so I don't pass, but I try.

[rachelatshop]

Yes, I care if I pass. When I'm dressed in girl mode I want to be as passable as possible, and don't want to be seen as a guy in a dress. Not doing my best, I feel reflects badly on all the other cross dressers and Transgender girls out there, and in some small ways makes a mockery of being a woman. These are my feelings, so I hope I have not offended anyone. Hugs Rach

[Cheryl T]

Yes, I care.
I've come to realize that I most likely don't in all cases, but that isn't a deal breaker for me. Mostly I just want to be accepted and treated decently by everyone.

[ShawnaL]

I absolutely care to the point that I make every effort to be recognized as a woman (clothes, mannerisms, speech) - however it's not a blow to my ego or psyche if someone figures out that I'm trans. I know that I'm a woman, and that's all that really matters.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Sure, I would like to pass, and I make every effort to look attractive and womanly. But I realize that I don't pass anytime someone comes within 20 paces. I just hope that they go on with their day and don't harass me. Even better if they give me positive affirmation about my outfit or my presentation.

[Sandi Beech]

As I think about this topic more and more, I think I have come to the realization that my goal is to look feminine and pretty, not necessarily to pass. The thing is, I go bar hopping and clubbing. In a way, I would prefer to not be misgendered by the people I am interacting with.

I will say this. I absolutely do want to be treated like a lady , passing or not. And I do love complements. You do not need to pass to get them, but it helps to put in a little effort.

Sandi

[AmyJordan]

I try very hard to be as presentable as I can because that's how my wife likes to see me, she wants me to make the effort as she says "how she made the effort " when I was the 'man' of the house. When she comes home she likes it if I'm pretty.

[docrobbysherry]

I think I'm my most judgemental critic!:straightface:

I could never pass in a million years.:sad:

But, Sherry has and does pass occasionally!:battingeyelashes:
Up until I have to speak, that is!:sad:

[daphne g]

No ,I don?t think I can pass I?m a bit burley but I do the best I can and try my hardest to look ladylike ,I do get a lot of compliments and I have been asked on a couple of occasions if I?m a man or woman
But lately I?ve tried to answer that what makes me feel comfortable and not try to conform to what others should think

[kimdl93]

Yes, I care. I have realistic expectations, but try my best to look my best. I wanted to be treated respectfully, so I try to present myself respectfully. Like others, I am a bit taller than the average woman, but I have nieces who can look me directly in the eye. Beyond that, there are any number of tells that I just have to live with.

[Fiona_44]

Yes I do care. I like to look nice and act feminine and do pass in a good number of instances. But I have also had many, many interactions with people who knew I was a CD and have not had a bad experience so far. It does not bother me when I am clocked, it's just part of living life as a woman.

[Natalie5004]

I most certainly do care. That is why I only dress fully or not at all.

I love it when I look in the mirror and I see a woman looking back at me.

[Judy-Somthing]

I feel I could pass at 30 ft. any closer definitely no!
When I was in my 20s, two men in cars tried to pick me up. It was at night so it was hard to see me that well.

[Sara Ann]

Years ago, when my then-gf-and-later-wife used to help me dress and do my make up as part of a 'girls night out' for our bedroom games, I didn't care if I passed or not. She was my wing girl and I didn't have to worry about getting confronted by jerks or getting outed in public.

Last fall, with my ex now long gone, I finally decided to give it a shot solo. I'm not tall, big or very muscular, but my face has aged and sagged a little in the last 20 years. So, I bought a bunch of new stuff like clothes, make up, and hair (lots of hair!), observed what women in my town usually wore and how they behaved when out and about, and I practiced, practiced, and practiced!

First time I got up the courage to go out, I was nervous and anxious as hell. As I stood in line at the post office to pick up a package and a few other things, my biggest fear was someone yelling "Hey, everybody! That's really a dude!" But it never happened. Most people, including the postal clerk, barely looked up at me or gave me a second glance. I got such a boost of confidence and feeling of exhilaration that I kept doing it again and again and again.. at the mall, running errands, grocery shopping at all the local stories, movie theater, even going into a local bar (They were actually hosting a drag show so it was a safe space. But I'll count it as a win). I was doing it so often that I wondered if I was getting addicted to the rush that I was feeling. I have yet to go out in a skirt or dress, even though I have a few favorites in my closet. I have yet to see any woman wear something like that during this time of year. Though, admittedly, I did border on a little shameless exhibitionism once by wearing a full women's workout ensemble, including short gym shorts and tights, as if I was running errands before heading off to the gym.

So, do I pass? Probably, at least in some instances. Do I care? Both no and yes. I live in a pretty accepting and tolerant liberal community, and most people here won't be so rude to question my gender in public. On the hand, I have had so many more interactions (the nice and pleasant kind) with other people than even when I'm dressed in drab, believe it or not. I'm actually a middle-aged, white introvert/curmudgeon who has always had this impenetrable shield around me. But I've had to really think on my feet and respond very quickly (nicely and in a more femme voice) to someone starting a conversation with me. It happens all the time and it's challenging, but it's super fun and adds to the exhilaration of being possibly passable.

And since I'm on the subject of social interactions, could some please explain something to this socially inept doofus? Three times already, I experienced cis women locking eyes with me. Not just 'Oh, that's cute top' glance. But the unblinking-stare-into-my-soul-and-what-I-had-for-breakfast-last-Tuesday locking eyes for at least 15-20 seconds. Am I being silently judged for my make up skills or is there something else going on here? If I wasn't in a different line than them or heading off in a different direction, I probably would've approached them and struck up a conversation with them.

[Diane P]

Sara you have more courage than I do. I've only been dressing since last Sep and my first time out as Diane was a week ago yesterday. That was to a Girls Night Out in OKC, I got makeup done and had a really good time. I'm going again next month and to a three day event in May but I don't think I could go out in public on my own. Even with the wonderful makeup job that was done for me I don't think I could easily pass, maybe at a distance but not up close. Where in Alaska do you live? In 92 I spent a year at King Salmon, courtesy of the Air Force.

[Ann Simpson]

We were very much into Gap and The Limited, we dressed androgynously, shorts and shirts of course panties. I like dressing androgynously.
Now that we're older is is different


I haven't cut my hair since pre covid.. I'm 74, wife channels Nora Charles and says I look like a retired P.E. teacher, what with my track suits and androgynous dress.

[Taylor Dame]

I do care if I pass, so I try to look as feminine as possible. Dressing is all or nothing for me, so I always like to be fully dressed with makeup and tasteful jewelry. I know I get clocked on occasion, but it doesn't stop me from being as feminine in looks and mannerisms as possible.

[Aunt Kelly]

I'll say it again, for the vast majority of us who went through male puberty, passing is a myth. That process creates physical changes that humans, if given the slightest cue, are hard wired to assess. Oh, lots of us can blend quite well. Especially if we've had the benefit of HRT, facial surgery, etc. That is, we escape notice unless until we speak. Very, very few of us have a feminine sounding voice and it is at that point that the hard wired gender assessment causes the observer to notice everything.

And you are absolutely right, Mykell. If we are acting like any other female of similar age and in similar circumstances, most people will treat us with the respect and courtesy that social decorum dictates. It's rather amazing, actually. Right after the gape-mouthed, wide-eyed expression of shock, they regain their composure, smile and carry on. Yes, even in a BBQ joint in deepest redneck Texas, on a Sunday morning, with a clientele made up of hunters and the after-church crowd (true story). :)

[Kieroney]

Alot of feeling passable depends on the individual not so much what someone else considers passable, passable is in the eyes of the person, not what one may think is passable. Just my two cents.

[BrendaPDX]

Yes, I try to pass every time I go out, if I am staying home and not taking pictures not so much.

[Princess Chantal]

I am with Sandi, my goal is to have fun in a feminine and pretty state with no care of passing. Matter of fact I prefer to be taken as a crossdresser enjoying their day.

[TheHiddenMe]

Amen to Aunt Kelly. She nailed it.

You might delude yourself that you do but you will never know, because you will never know what the people seeing you are thinking.

I've been out the last three nights, the two nights before to a casino (to watch the NCAA basketball games) and tonight with my GG friend Michelle to Hooters. People can take one look at Michelle and one at me and know which one is a GG and which one is a CD. The important thing is the servers who I met all three nights KNEW I wasn't a GG, and it didn't make one ounce of difference, because I was treated respectfully.

If you wait to "pass" before you go out you will be waiting your entire lifetime.

In answer to the question, no I don't care, because I can't "pass" and never will. But because I don't care I'm out having fun and many of those reading this are still afraid of their shadows.

[Majella St Gerard]

I care if I look good.

[SaraLin]

I do care.
I don't pass.

I also have a S.O. who has definite boundaries in place.
So - I don't go anywhere or even try any more.
(I sure WANT to, though)

[Ursula Harrison]

An absolutely miniscule percentage of us ever pass, if by "pass" you mean being mistaken for a genetic female.

But there is a standard I aspire to which I refer to as passing in a crowd or passing at a distance. It would annoy me if people were reading me a hundred yards away or everybody stopped and stared at me. It would tell me that I hadn't put enough effort into my hair, makeup, wardrobe, or especially my walk.

I've learned that it's relatively easy to avoid that when going out dressed in the daytime simply by making a bit of effort. People are too busy wrapped up in their own worlds worrying about their own problems to notice, or even care, if the person over there in a dress is actually a genetic female.

Of course I won't fool anybody in a one-to-one interaction. But most such interactions are with shop assistants where my money is as good as anyone else's.

[Genifer Teal]

No. Surprisingly this helped me pass better. Lol when you stop obsessing over details and just go about your business, you look more natural. You don't stand out as much. From day one I figured they would know, probably due to my height . I'm OK with that if their next thought is but he looks good. Looking good enough is actually kind of helpful. When you cross a certain threshold Of appearance you somehow become much less Of A threat and Gain more acceptance even if your secret is known.

[Jillcder]

Yes, I care but also understand I will never 100% be mistaken for a women.

[sara66]

I try not to scream out crossdresser, but I doubt I could ever 100% pass. The best I could ever pass is the 50' test, just tall and ugly :eek:. I just want to look nice and blend.
Sara

[Beano980]

I very much try to pass or at least blend. But I have a lot of work to do to get past the mental fragility of being clocked. Getting clocked as a man has way to strong of a hold on my enjoyment and absolutely limits my enjoyment when I'm out. It's my kryptonite and I need to put in the work to take away it's grip on me.

[Stephanie Michelle]

I do care to pass. I never will at 6'3" won't be fooling anybody. Si I don't go out. Might dress and drive around at night. Its better than sitting at home. Always worried that I might get stopped, or break down.

[Jillian Faith]

My goal is to pass or at least blend in, some-days I do it very well other days...well at least I enjoy my femme time out in public.

[NancySue]

When I was younger, it definitely mattered. In our small town, blending in, is a must. Anymore, Knowing I won?t pass, I always dress underneath, panties, thigh highs, bra, etc. which is fine with me. Occasionally, when I?m out in my car, I?ll add a touch of makeup, a skirt, top and low heels. I do fear a flat tire, fender bender, police, etc.

[Princess Chantal]

Nancy you fear the police? Thought they are obligated to serve and protect. I sure would not want to pass as a female when pulled over by the police. “Sorry lady, this is not your ID. Please produce the proper identification!”

[Krisi]

Yes, I care if I pass. That's really the whole point for me. I try to put myself in situations where I won't be examined closely by others or have to converse with them.

[Snide_lobster]

My shoulders are too broad, my chest is too barrel-y, my arms too muscular to be deluded into thinking I pass. Sure I can hide those features in a well taken photo but life is not lived with excellent lighting and camera angles. That being said I always give it my best.

[sometimes_miss]

Of course, I care if I pass. But I don't. Even though I'm only four foot twenty eight inches tall.


Nancy you fear the police? Thought they are obligated to serve and protect. I sure would not want to pass as a female when pulled over by the police. “Sorry lady, this is not your ID. Please produce the proper identification!”

Of course, you are right. I just hope that you are never in a situation which might leave you dead right.
Mother told me to never assume that everyone will obey the laws, and it's kept me alive, at least so far.
Be careful out there. Never assume that everyone else will do the right thing; tens of millions of people have died, making that mistake.

I don't pass. I wouldn't pass at midnight, in a coal mine, during a blackout, and a solar eclipse, from a hundred yards.
So I don't go out, and don't plan to. I could pass when I was 14. After my shoe size went way past that, as did the rest of my body size expanded to coincide with the foot size, I gave up on ever hoping to pass, again.

The only female I could possibly pass as, would be a female sasquatch. But even then...... I don't think a male sasquatch would be fooled.

[Diane P]

sometime_miss I LOVE the way you described your height :). Going by your description I'm four feet nineteen inches. I'm certain I'd have trouble passing also. So far though my only time out dressed was at a Girls Night Out in OKC. So, of course, I was very comfortable there.

[Teresa.Smith.VA]

Over the years of cross dressing and with lots of help from my wife, I have succeeded in blending in public. Thats enough to make me very happy.

[Wendy me]

Do I care if I pass ??? Yes no don?t worry much I am a older girl. I lost a bunch of weight and I try I had back surgery and still have balance issues ? so I stand out more do than a gg would ? I go I?d what I want and smartly just go out

[Helen_Highwater]

Do I care whether or not I pass, no. I know I don't certainly up close but I've come to believe from the experiences I've had that my camouflage, my overall appearance, is good enough to allow me the merge into the crowd (avoided the B word there eh!)

And being just another face(less person) in the crowd will do for me. I can go about my business as other theirs. I'll always try to improve my appearance, hone my makeup skills, get the mannerisms off pat, work on my speech bt as it stands I'm content that the image I present is good enough for me to go out and about without hinderence.

[Debs]

I do care, in my head I assure myself that I do look like a woman and believe me thats a big part of the confidence of going out. Helen your just a natural now when we are out and about.

[Angela Marie]

Yes I do. I am lucky that i'm small for a guy, 5ft 6 140-145 and I workout daily so I keep myself trim. I'm confident when I go out; but I think we all experience some level of uneasiness.

[MonicaPVD]

So much of what we can or cannot do is in our heads. Attitude is everything, as they say. I spent so many years fretting over my big feet, big hands and broad shoulders, convinced that I would never pass or even blend in. Until I decided that none of that mattered and that people tend to treat you the way you want to be treated. I interact with the world constantly as Monica and I have never not been treated like a woman. I carry myself as such and people treat me as such, everything from the most basic greeting to flirting and courting, even though I'm not trying to fool anyone into thinking that I'm a cis woman. Attitude.

[Krisi]

"Attitude" is not quite everything. "Reality" is something to consider. If you are built like Hulk Hogan, adding a wig and boobs isn't going to fool a lot of people into thinking you are an actual woman.

We have to accept reality and we have to live with what we have been given. We can do a lot of things to make ourselves appear to be women, but there's a practical limit to what we can do. We should also realize that many times, people will smile and be pleasant to us and then laugh and make comments as soon as our backs are turned.

[ronny0]

Oh I wish I could 'pass'... But from 50ft or so I would guess no one can 'really' tell. (Joke) Beer Goggles also help :-)
Still out and about, doing people watching, many GG's don't 'present' all that 'feminine' as in they may have all the correct parts.
But they make little to no effort to appear 'feminine' and many times appear to be dressing to be unisex or even masculine.
Could be they are tired of all the attention etc etc etc.... Or maybe they just want some ME time w/o having to fend off all the horny dogs.
Bottom Line, I guess I WISHED I could pass when on a near encounter, but like many it is a hard sell when our proportions are an the extreme range of what would be considered as 'normal' for a GG.
Do-Over: IMO many on this site dress (or show images) far more 'Feminine' / 'Sexual' / 'Provocative' than the average GG you / I see at the local mall. As a great example, many of 'us' love Pantyhose / Stockings & heels far more than it appears the average GG do. As in for me, 99% of the time I 'dress' I am in hose & heels, but if I go to any mall / store etc.... I can spend hr's w/o viewing a GG wearing a dress (skirt) or heels. Stockings / Pantyhose apparently are a item of clothing ALMOST never worn out in public? Apparently from many quips / articles I have read about the sale of pantyhose and stockings. It may be that crossdressers are now the major buyers of 'Nylon Leg Coverings'. I guess my thought's would be that many GG's don't dress to impress like many crossdressers do.

[char GG]

I would like to comment that GG's typically dress for the "venue". They do not typically consider a grocery store, movies, or a mall, a dressy venue. That is why I do like to attend concerts, plays, clubs, and dances where I get a chance to wear cute dresses and heels. (I do work at a concert venue and the GG's are dressed beautifully!)

As to passing, wear what you like. However, remember, if you aren't dressing for the venue that typically warrants GG's to wear the type of clothes that some CDers are attracted to, you may stand out and be scrutinized more closely. If you truly "care if you pass", keep in mind the "place" that you are trying to pass. The idea of "blending" in with the crowd usually helps people who "care" about "passing".

Wear what you like, it's all ok. Just remember that GG's will probably be dressed more casually when they are doing a casual activity. Don't get the impression at the mall that GG's don't want to dress like what a CDer would consider feminine, because we don't usually care what anyone else thinks while shopping. Feminine is a state of mind no matter what the clothes are.

[TheHiddenMe]

I agree completely Char.

Last night I went to a Bruce Springsteen concert. Virtually all of the women were in some combo of comfy clothes, and well, I wore an outfit that was more fun (at least for me).

To repeat my thoughts on passing (no, we don't).

https://kandis-land.com/wwywtw/

I had reconfirmation today. I was shopping at the local Nordstrom in Durham, NC, visiting my friend Renee. I saw an SA and immediately thought she was Transgender, and after talking to her, I am 99.9% sure she was. She was young and beautiful and beautifully dressed and clearly Transgender. Renee agreed.

Trying to "pass" is an impossible standard and an unobtainable goal. A lot of people on this board would be a lot better off if they just gave up the ghost and just accept they aren't going to meet that impossible goal, that the vast majority of people you will encounter just don't care if you do or don't "pass".

[prene]

Yes, I care.
I just want to blend in and from afar I hope I do.
But I am almost 6' and put on a few lbs, therefore so I don't pass, but I always try.

[ColleenA]

IMO many on this site dress (or show images) far more 'Feminine' / 'Sexual' / 'Provocative' than the average GG you / I see at the local mall. .... I can spend hr's (there) w/o viewing a GG wearing a dress (skirt) or heels.

First off, ronny's statement reminds me of a joke I heard a few decades ago: How can you spot the crossdresser in a group of women? She's the one wearing a dress.

As to the main question: I am learning right now not to care.
For more than 40 years, I never went out. I knew I could never pass and feared risking the consequences. That sort of began to change in 2015. That was the year I began going out dressed as often as I could - but only from October 29th to 31st, when I could fall back on the excuse "It's a Halloween costume." Every year I took those days as vacation to maximize my time out.

Two things have recently changed so that I have now started going out - a lot!

The first happened on Halloween itself. I was in one of my favorite thrift stores shopping for clothes. At one point, just as I was passed by a small group of teens, I heard some snickering. Fearful, I immediately assumed one of them was laughing at this man all dressed up. It occurred to me that if some of my facial features were covered, I might not be clocked so fast. **A light bulb went on.** Just wear my Covid mask anytime I go out. It can't address every tell, certainly, but at least it will blunt one of the most obvious when someone is in my vicinity.

The second happened two months ago. I attended a Disney-themed party as Cinderella. I had been lucky to find a wonderfully comfortable pair of shoes for the costume. Usually, I would buy shoes at a thrift store in drab - and hurriedly buy most any marginally adequate pair; and too often they were uncomfortable. The day after the party, I saw a co-worker with shoes similar to my costume's. Suddenly, I had to find more, comfortable shoes. On my next day off, I decided to venture out as Colleen to shop for shoes (thank you, mask). However, being winter, the weather was cold and wet. As we all know, dresses and skirts are forbidden to men - thus, those were about the only outer garments I had in my wardrobe. Well, it would look odd on such a dreary day for a woman to be wearing a dress. I decided to borrow a pair of slacks from my SO. Since I have trouble tucking completely, I decided to also borrow a long-ish top from her, one that easily covered my crotch area.

I got to the store and noticed that I was dressed similar to virtually every other woman there - casual top, jeans or slacks, basic shoes, jacket or sweater. Since I was not a dude looking at ladies shoes, I didn't have to rush this time. I blended in just fine, so I casually tried on shoes (and bought three pairs).

That outing opened a door I had never dared approach before - going out wearing ladies slacks. And since I was now dressed like 98% of women doing everyday things, I didn't have to care if I passed, only that I didn't stand out. **mind blown** Since then, I have gone out at least seven times without drawing undue attention to myself. Most of the outings have been to shop for my own separates - long tops, as well as pairs of jeans, slacks, and now leggings (wow, they are sooooo comfortable). But the trips have also included restaurants - sit down and fast food - grocery stores, the park, and the library. And of course, I still employ plenty of other cues that help indicate to the casual observer that I'm just a woman going about her day - nail polish, jewelry, scarves, etc. Meanwhile, I now plan on going out at least twice a month - whether in pants or in dresses as the weather gets better.

I realized, as Helen says:

being just another face(less person) in the crowd will do for me. I can go about my business as other theirs. I'll always try to improve my appearance, hone my makeup skills, get the mannerisms off pat, work on my speech but as it stands I'm content that the image I present is good enough for me to go out and about without hindrance.

[Vintage4sarah]

An absolutely miniscule percentage of us ever pass, if by "pass" you mean being mistaken for a genetic female.

But there is a standard I aspire to which I refer to as passing in a crowd or passing at a distance. It would annoy me if people were reading me a hundred yards away or everybody stopped and stared at me. It would tell me that I hadn't put enough effort into my hair, makeup, wardrobe, or especially my walk.

I've learned that it's relatively easy to avoid that when going out dressed in the daytime simply by making a bit of effort. People are too busy wrapped up in their own worlds worrying about their own problems to notice, or even care, if the person over there in a dress is actually a genetic female.

Of course I won't fool anybody in a one-to-one interaction. But most such interactions are with shop assistants where my money is as good as anyone else's.

I feel the same way Ursula. Thank you for sharing !

[kimdl93]

I had a pleasant surprise in this regard late last Saturday afternoon. I stopped by my favorite coffee/wine bar for a glass of wine after a busy day. I was dressed much as in my avatar. During a conversation with the proprietor, she asked how tall I was and I responded six feet - two. Then she asked if I played any sports, to which I responded all of them. Then she looked a bit puzzled, and remarked that she was surprised, because really we are the same age, and back then there were no girls high school sports. It was then I realized, after more than 3 years of patronizing this wine bar and dozens of conversations, she still thought I was a woman. My quickly considered response was that I had six older brothers, so playing sports was unavoidable, which was true.

[Suzie Petersen]

Good for you Kim! You have arrived :)

[Rhonda Jean]

For the first 30+ years of going out I knocked myself out trying to pass. So much so that my everyday male image was... let's call it "compromised". Hair, nails, brows... that stuff that you can't just change at the end of an outing. Not to mention the incessant dieting and other things. It's usually not apparent whether you pass or not. Just because nobody gives you some obvious reaction doesn't mean you pass. In certain situations, I asked. Mixed results, and even though I asked I'd say the answers were not always truthful (both ways). I still vividly remember the first time someone called me out. I was 20, and I would have bet anything that no one could tell I was not a girl. I went straight home and tried to critically analyze whatever might have given me away. I still could not see it, but the person who called me out did not hesitate. It shook me up for quite a long time, and I tried even harder.

Now, passing is a lost cause for me. I still wish I could pass, but it'd take a time machine. I've started going out again, but I'm not kidding myself. After quite a long time now of just not feeling it, I'm once again, well, feeling it! It's not like it used to be. Can't put my finger on why. It's not just the "not passing" thing. I'm not sure if it's how I see the world now or how the world sees me. Probably both.

[Amelie]

No, I don't care, never did. Passing to me seems like I should try and look and behave in a way that is acceptable to strangers. They can view me as a man or as a woman. It doesn't matter to me. I don't know who those people on the street are and don't care what they think. I rarely talk to anyone either.

[DianeT]

I dress only at home and I definitely want to look the part, which is a different thing than passing. I'm not sure you can "pass" in your own eyes, but let's say I don't fool myself in the mirror anyway. However that same mirror sends back enough of a feminine version of myself to blur the lines and reach some level of satisfaction. And that, I really care for.

[Sandi Beech]

During my last outing a little over a week ago, a young GG told me that I passed , unsolicited I might add.

Now I am kind of laughing about it after the fact. If I truly passed, she would not have been telling me so, haha. It did not matter. I still had a good time.

Sandi

[JackieD]

I will never pass at 6?2?. Even if I was a ( r e a l ). At 6?2? 200ib I would stand out. At my size not many jokers try to pick a fight.
We all just want to fit in. Feel good about ourselves,, enjoy ourselves, the little time we have on this earth. If you don?t like how I look that?s find ,,,I don?t want to be your friend

[Heather76]

An absolutely miniscule percentage of us ever pass, if by "pass" you mean being mistaken for a genetic female.

But there is a standard I aspire to which I refer to as passing in a crowd or passing at a distance. It would annoy me if people were reading me a hundred yards away or everybody stopped and stared at me. It would tell me that I hadn't put enough effort into my hair, makeup, wardrobe, or especially my walk.

I've learned that it's relatively easy to avoid that when going out dressed in the daytime simply by making a bit of effort. People are too busy wrapped up in their own worlds worrying about their own problems to notice, or even care, if the person over there in a dress is actually a genetic female.

Of course I won't fool anybody in a one-to-one interaction. But most such interactions are with shop assistants where my money is as good as anyone else's.

I'm another who agrees 100% with Ursula's take on oassing. When I went into an ULTA a while back to inquire about a makeover, both SAs addressed me as Ma'am when asking if they could assist me. As soon as I spoke (bass male voice), they both took a double take. I was about 5' - 7' away from them and they were doing stocking chores. Had they been concentrating on me, they would have recognized I wasn't a GG.. I figure 99.9% of the people that will see me when I'm out will be otherwise too occupied to pay close enough attention to me to notice. Now, if I went out in my drab clothes and without a wig, but had a bra on with DD forms, I'd expect to be recognized for what I am and I'd expect to hear nasty/snide/belittling comments.

[SometimesNatalie]

I'm also in the 'I want to blend in' / pass in a crowd camp. I won't ever pass but I'd be thrilled if I could go out in public and not draw any attention at a distance. Of course it's not like I can accurately evaluate that - I'm sorta wired to assume the worst most of the time so my baseline attitude is that everybody who sees me knows what's up.

[Britney Summers]

I would pass from the other side of street, possibly from the middle of it, it really depends. I have tried working with make up apps with my wig and I think I would be reasonably passable. I want to rate myself a 3 or 4, but comparing myself with plus sized models I will bump myself up to a 5 or 6.

As I don't go out as Britney I don't have to worry about it. Maybe I could pass as a middle aged Kirstie Alley. At least I have nice looking feminine hands, I could make my legs nice looking too...That would really get questioned at home.

[Tasha McIntyre]

I used to try my best to pass a few years ago, but being a 6 ft 2 gym junkie found it all a bit challenging.

These days (as opposed to most on here) I am very happy out and about in my dresses without any wig or makeup. Never had a problem.

[Majella St Gerard]

Anyone with decent eyesight can tell you, that there are a lot of REAL women out there that don't PASS. Just sayin'.

[mykell]

I would like to comment that GG's typically dress for the "venue". They do not typically consider a grocery store, movies, or a mall, a dressy venue. That is why I do like to attend concerts, plays, clubs, and dances where I get a chance to wear cute dresses and heels. (I do work at a concert venue and the GG's are dressed beautifully!)

As to passing, wear what you like. However, remember, if you aren't dressing for the venue that typically warrants GG's to wear the type of clothes that some CDers are attracted to, you may stand out and be scrutinized more closely. If you truly "care if you pass", keep in mind the "place" that you are trying to pass. The idea of "blending" in with the crowd usually helps people who "care" about "passing".

Wear what you like, it's all ok. Just remember that GG's will probably be dressed more casually when they are doing a casual activity. Don't get the impression at the mall that GG's don't want to dress like what a CDer would consider feminine, because we don't usually care what anyone else thinks while shopping. Feminine is a state of mind no matter what the clothes are.

i put in bold the part i liked the most from this thread....for the most part people tend to see what is presented, most of us are larger than a typical female, as stated their are some larger and less attractive ladies out there....there is beauty in all of us even though.....

[jjjjohanne]

I am the odd-man-out here. I do not attempt to present female. I just go out in public in a skirt/dress. I wear pantyhose and heels. I try to dress in a way that looks good for my age, gender, and body size. If going out and not passing stops you from trying, I am your case study for how society reacts.
I don't do this full-time. But I go out a couple times per month on average. I am careful about where I go. I do the kinds of things that a boring dad would do. Grocery store, restaurant, even church a couple times. No one who knows me is aware of my dressing, so I am careful to go places where I won't see acquaintances.
I don't care if I pass. I don't try. But I do care that I look good.

I blog about my outings: https://joeypress.wordpress.com

[Stephanie47]

At six foot and 200 lbs I know I would not pass. Knock off six inches of height and I probably could pass. I am dresses only wearer, no pants. I have worked myself up to donning a pretty dress and a comfortable wedge and going for an evening stroll in a safe neighborhood. That is my comfort zone. As a male I shy away from clothes shopping. It's a case of I need this, so I get it and be done with it. I cannot see myself en femme perusing racks of bras and panties at a department store; nor attending a hobby interest en femme. If there was a local support group I'd probably attend all dolled up. I'd be among like minded individuals. I'd rather be a June Cleaver and be a home-body.

[Helen_Highwater]

I'm also in the 'I want to blend in' / pass in a crowd camp. I won't ever pass but I'd be thrilled if I could go out in public and not draw any attention at a distance. Of course it's not like I can accurately evaluate that - I'm sorta wired to assume the worst most of the time so my baseline attitude is that everybody who sees me knows what's up.

Natalie,

Actually, the more you go out, the more relaxed you get, the more you realise that most folks just aren't paying that much attention. This is something I haven't written for a while but as the saying goes, if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck then folks who glance will see a duck. You will get read but you learn not to react, you stop caring and just pass on by. Also remember that most of the people who see you see you not from the front but some other angle and that's where the duck thing really kicks in.

[Genifer Teal]

There is a big difference between passing and not standing out like a sore thumb. Looking female yet walking in an excessively male way can really mess with people. I feel it is much better to blend in somewhat. To look and act somewhat female. I think it goes a long way towards acceptance.

[Rochelle76]

Yes, I care if I pass but during Covid I gained a lot of weight unfortunately, so I definitely don't pass. But I try my best to, I specially have a hard time with makeup but I try to on the hope that I get the courage to go out one day.

[CeCe]

I have absolutely no intention of ever passing. I have facial hair that I will not shave. I love to fully dress only when at home alone and will not be going public except to any friends who visit. I am a fully-realized yet bearded man in a dress at home and an occasionally underdressed man in drab outside the home. I am not expecting any changes forthcoming in my behavior.

[TAG]

Yes, I care if I pass but during Covid I gained a lot of weight unfortunately, so I definitely don't pass. But I try my best to, I specially have a hard time with makeup but I try to on the hope that I get the courage to go out one day.

Women come in all sizes Rochelle76 so wear clothes that fit your curves.
Heck if I can do it you can too.
Throughout my transition (99%) a huge weight gain has been an issue but I deal with it and wear clothes that fit properly.
I do belong to a gym and work with a nutritionist so we will see what happens.

[Krea]

No, i don't care that i don't pass.
As an enby i don't try to pass, i just present however i like and try to look respectable.
Admittedly, even if i wanted to pass i couldn't. At 5'7" and ~135lb i might sneak under the radar from a distance, but close-up there are the inevitable "tells" which don't hide easily. (Wide shoulders to hips ratio. An unfortunate combination of very pale skin and very dark facial hair, which leaves a shadow even after a very close shave.)

[Ann Simpson]

During my last outing a little over a week ago, a young GG told me that I passed , unsolicited I might add.

Now I am kind of laughing about it after the fact. If I truly passed, she would not have been telling me so, haha. It did not matter. I still had a good time.

Sandi

I wouldn't have given you a second glance. LOL

[Lacey New]

I have never tried to pass because I have never gone out in public wearing any women?s outerwear. Now, there have been times that if I were in a terrible car accident and had to be rushed to the emergency room, the folks there might find me wearing some very feminine underwear.

[MonicaPVD]

If you've never dressed in public, you don't pass. If someone tells you that you pass, you don't pass. If you're consumed with passing, you don't pass. That's all for today.

[Melindatv61]

For me I don't think I pass in public ,but try my best to blend in as much as possible given the scenario. I've got some looks when out shopping but it's never drawn a lot of attention. It's an amazing feeling being out and about whether I pass on not.

[JuliannaS]

I don't care if i pass.... don't know if i do, as long as I'm treated respectfully. I go out 3-4 times a month, sometimes i put in more effort than other times. No negative reactions yet.

[Jemima Stephens]

Like many on here have said, I aim to be 'unremarkable' in that I blend into the background and don't warrant any further scrutiny.
i am still a long way from that, but that is the aim! :battingeyelashes:

[audreyinalbany]

I, too, would like to think I'm 'unremarkable"

[BrendaPDX]

Yes, I do care. Do I pass probably not, do I blend probably not. On the few outings I have had I always try to look my best.

[amandagurl2014]

I do care most of the time. People can read me if they look close, but most don?t notice in passing. Ive had mostly positive encounters with people in public.