View Full Version : Reverse Affirmation
Claire M
04-20-2023, 03:08 AM
A few weeks ago I was out shopping as Claire. I was looking for a particular product in one store but it was out of stock. I got talking with the owner (it's a small local business) who offered to order the product for me. She texted me a few days later to let me know they had received their shipment. A week or so went by without getting a chance to pick up my order. Yesterday I was in the neighborhood in male mode, but I stopped in anyway.
When I told the owner I was there to pick up my order, she gave me a puzzled look. I told her it was for Claire. She kept looking at me quizzically, then made the connection. She gushed on for several minutes how well I had done my makeup and outfit, and the had I not told her, she would have never made the connection i was the same person. I was quite pleased that this woman had been so complimentary of my presentation as Claire.
When I first considered stepping out in public, I read on a website for a CD support group that people will likely see you as a man in a dress but with the wig, makeup and outfit it is unlikely someone will see YOU in a dress. That interaction affirmed the website observation.
Jolene Robertson
04-20-2023, 04:42 AM
Hi Clare,
That's a cool story. I'd say you have your presentation down pretty good. Congratulations!
kimdl93
04-20-2023, 05:33 AM
I suppose we all prepare ourselves mentally to be read. It is wonderful and memorable when we realize we have exceeded our expectations.
Suzie Petersen
04-20-2023, 06:05 AM
That is very neat Claire, good for you.
- Suz
GretchenM
04-20-2023, 06:46 AM
To me this kind of experience shows that in the minds of some, identifying gender has become somewhat more difficult in some cases. Some women are expressing as a bit more male-like and without makeup and the like it is sometimes hard to tell if a person is male or female simply by looking. And there is no lack of women with a good deal of masculine facial features; they just don't fit the stereotype and stereotypes still loom large in most people's thinking. Sadly, a lot of negative hoopla about gender is founded on stereotypes and some kind of expectation that males and females are supposed to all fit the stereotypes. Ain't gonna happen. Humans are simply too variable and the differences between males and females in physical form is confined to a comparatively small number of features that are magnified in importance by our thinking and expectations. Younger men and women are more distinguishable but as we get older we tend to converge when the makeup is washed off and they are wearing the same clothes. Once again it is not a one-size fits all situation.
That said, this experience certainly must have been a huge boost to your confidence and was a feel good event. Congratulations are in order.
ShawnaL
04-20-2023, 07:24 AM
Sometimes it's the unexpected things which makes our day...I'm happy for you!
JenniferR771
04-20-2023, 08:46 AM
Way to go, Claire!
You do look cute. And with your small size and with a smart outfit--it is no wonder you fit in almost without notice.
I hope you get a few pictures.
Maybe even outside pictures. Weather is warm.
Stephanie47
04-20-2023, 09:16 AM
With reference to Gretchen's post (#5) I often wonder how many elders fly under the radar because body shape seem to "converge." Many times the defining waistline disappears as the extra pounds appear. The face ages and the skin elasticity is lost. However, not all that much height is lost with aging spinal compression (moi) so that six foot one has not shrunk to something more passable.
Claire, happy for your experience.
Sandi Beech
04-20-2023, 01:34 PM
It is certainly validating when our transformation is good enough that people who meet us in one mode then the other fail to recognize us.
Funny thing is I have had it go both ways. Few have seen both sides of me. Last month I went to a club crossdressed and went back the following night in guy mode. Neither my bartender or the bouncer recognized me until I showed them a picture.
Then last year I was in the makeup department in Dillards and went back to the same female SA working there the next day. She recognized me immediately. I said something to her about it and she said my mouth gave me away. Wow, my mouth is pretty normal looking in either mode. I guess some people are super observant.
Sandi
docrobbysherry
04-20-2023, 02:55 PM
Excellent post, Claire! Closet dressers need to understand that there r 2 different levels of being made.
One level is passing to everyone u meet. That is practically impossible! But, don't worry about a lot of problems when you're out among strangers that make u. Most will ignore u. And, SA's and servers have been trained to respect gays and T's!:thumbsup:
Level 2 is not passing but being made by someone who knows u. As Claire and others point out, few people who r used to seeing Fred Jones shop at their market will recognize that Freida, who mite resemble Fred but is a crossdresser or T, is actually Fred unless u tell them!:eek:
I've read tales here of dressers passing close friends or family when out dressed and they never gave them a second glance!:daydreaming::thumbsup:
Fiona_44
04-20-2023, 04:30 PM
That is very cool Claire.
alwayshave
04-20-2023, 06:23 PM
Claire that is a wonderful fun story of passing. Good for you.
Debbie Denier
04-21-2023, 05:10 AM
A wonderful experience Claire. Thanks for sharing.
CDMargret
04-21-2023, 08:18 AM
How wonderful. That really must feel great. Way to go!
TheHiddenMe
04-21-2023, 03:01 PM
I've had several instances of that, including one lately.
Girl me was shopping at a store in Australia. I interacted with one of the SAs and she even said she wanted to see me in a certain dress. I went back a week later in guy mode and she didn't recognize me.
I was at a Ted Baker store in Vegas. I was looking for a dress I had tried on at a store in St. Louis (I was dressed as a guy in Vegas). I pulled up a picture of me wearing the dress (female mode, of course) and asked if they had the dress. The SA asked when my wife tried it on.
A couple of weeks ago I was flying pretty home from Raleigh, NC. At the TSA check-in the guy took my (male) driver's license, ran it through the machine, then looked at it and looked at me. Obviously, it took him a bit of time to connect the dots.
Claire M
04-22-2023, 04:14 AM
Dee, I had a similar TSA experience the first time I flew pretty. When the TSA agent figured it out he just gave me a very friendly smile and said "I really like your new glasses". I was pretty nervous but after that interaction I felt a lot more at ease the rest of the trip.
michelleddg
04-22-2023, 07:57 AM
Several years ago I was dressed to the 9's at a fancy restaurant. I wasn't tolerating my waist cincher so took it off in the ladies room. And, alas, left it at the table.
Next day I called and, yes, they had it. I went back to the restaurant in boy disguise. Without my having said a word the hostess (who did not work the night before) handed me my waist cincher! I asked her how she knew it was mine. Embarrassed and flustered, she was unable to answer. Too strange.
Hugs, Michelle
************************************************** *******
In that same time frame I had a boudoir shoot. I arrived at the studio completely made up, and spent an hour in close quarters with photographer Theresa having 100's of photos taken.
Alas, I left my wallet behind, and called ahead to say I'd be by to pick it up.
Hello, may I help you?
Yes, I was here this morning.
Long pause. Finally the penny dropped. OH MY GOODNESS! Another long pause as she collected herself, then handed me my wallet.
Theresa has long since moved on from boudoir but we remain pals to this day.
Hugs, Michelle
Geena75
04-22-2023, 02:53 PM
Having met you as Claire, it wouldn't surprise me if I did not recognize you drab, and I'm certain the same would go for me. It would be amusing if we were at the same place drab and didn't recognize each other.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.3 Copyright © 2025 vBulletin Solutions, Inc. All rights reserved.