Fem Male vs. Full Crossdressing

[Rhonda Jean]

This is another chapter in getting my mojo back... I think.

I'm headed out tomorrow for another work trip. Driving distance, one day of work and extending the hotel stay another couple of nights to do my thing by myself, and that's the way I want it. Just like the old days. I've been out quite a bit lately. Honestly, I could still take it or leave it.

I've also been shopping a lot. They've closed the Goodwill changing rooms around here, and that has resulted in me accumulating some clothes that I would have probably tried on and put back. Kind of funny that given all that shopping, the most flattering thing I've bought is a $20 long sundress from Sam's!

These adventures are different than they used to be for me. I certainly can't pass nearly as well. I'm not sure I pass at all anymore. What I have found is, the less I try to pass, the less it matters to me if I don't. I also realize that if I wore exactly what I want to wear it would fall somewhere short of what most of us would consider full-on crossdressing. Every stitch of clothing would be women's, but I'd come across as a feminine male and not a crossdresser. That may seem like a fine line, and it may depend on who judges that, but in this forum you probably get the point. I'm not quite ready for total man-in-a-dress mode, but that may be a fine line, too. One thing is for sure, I'm not 25, or 35, or even 55 anymore. That ship has sailed, and if I'm going to continue to do this thing I'm going to have to get used to some realities.

I've started thinking about the things I LOVE and focusing on that instead of focusing on passing. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to pass, but... the ship thing, you know! Start with nail polish. I do that frequently in total male mode, so that's a given. It's the thing that survived even during and through the absence of any desire to dress. Makeup. Not full-on glam, but not invisible "guy" makeup. Just makeup that I think looks good on me, even in male mode. Flattering clothes. Frankly, I'm a little tired of leggings and oversize tops that have been my go-to in male and female mode for a long time. No getting away from the fact that I find them flattering, but I'm getting a little bored with it. Leaning toward capris now, and maybe even my Sam's dress. Heels. I've worn heels as a guy quite a bit. There's a line somewhere where heels come across as trying too hard. I'm not sure where that line is, and I'm probably on the wrong side of it sometimes. I LOVE them in certain situations, but I'm okay with toning it down a bit. My new thing (as if there's anything new at my age) is jewelry. I've owned and worn plenty, but it was never really my thing. Give me pair of big hoops and some bangles and I'm good. A while back I found a pearl necklace that I inherited from my mother that ignited some interest in jewelry, and I've bought quite a bit lately trying to find some other style other than hoops and bangles. But, big hoops in male mode are cool! Although I've worn them in male mode, it's still up in the air if I can pull it off now. When I had long hair it was easy. Right now they fall into that "trying too hard" category for me when I look in the mirror. I'd like to get to where I'm comfortable with that in some less-than-totally-crossdressed mode (no wig). Some of that comes down to getting used to it. Wigs. Still don't like them. I'm not as opposed to them as I used to be, and I even wore one in male mode several times, but it still seems to be the one item that crosses some kind of line. Depends on the wig, I guess. Although I'm taking a wig on this trip, I'm leaning toward not wearing it. That obviously could change.

Too fine of a point this crossdressing vs. fem male thing? To me, not at all. If you're OK with being a fem male, your choices widen dramatically. Pick one thing you like, all at once, or any combination. It's a pretty freeing concept, really. I don't claim to be quite that free spirit that can pull that off with aplomb. Wish I was. I'm trying to get as comfortable with going part way, a little or a lot, as I used to be going all in. I think it's more acceptable now to be a male wearing any combination of the above. You'd certainly be recognizable, and that's a problem for some of us. I've done a bit of all of it at times, but I never thought about it being more-or-less the destination. I never thought of it as being who I am. At least for right now, I'm not so sure it's not. Of course, that could change before the weekend even gets here!

Another thing that has changed for me that I think influences this thinking is I occasionally see guys doing this. My role models used to be exclusively women. Now, not necessarily. We've all seen the guys at Ulta, Sephora, etc. in full makeup. We've all seen guys wearing nail polish and even long acrylics. No need in going through the whole list. The point is that none of these things are exclusively female at this point. At my age I can't pull that off as well as most of the guys I see doing it. At my age it can all look like trying too hard. I think if I do it right, though (whatever that is) I can still pull it off in an attractive way (read: not clownish). It is downright inspiring to me to see the young guys who so openly and freely flout flout gender norms. It's not just the guys who work at the makeup counters. My tax lady has an office upstairs at a mall and I was there a couple of months ago when the mall employees were coming to work. I was surprised by the number of guys carrying purses (not man bags).

I usually think the headline-grabbing trans issues do us more harm than good. What I think is typically positive is the (mostly) young guys who deal with the public who have the courage to do their thing. I used to see a young guy at a busy retail customer service counter who had attractive feminine shoulder-length hair and long polished acrylic (or something) nails. He dealt with all ages, all walks of life. He was invariably nice, helpful, and knowledgeable. Undoubtedly he encountered a lot of people that didn't like it, but I bet it was a rare individual that didn't come away with a better impression than they started off with. That's the kind of thing that helps us all!

Anyway, we'll see how it goes this weekend. Mostly I'm just looking forward to the time away.

[kimdl93]

I hope you enjoy the weekend, regardless of how you elect to present yourself.

I have to admit, I have not been able to embrace the fem-guy thing for myself. That was kinda my starting point, many years ago. For a few years, I gradually added more womens items to my day to day attire, wore heels, and a touch of makeup. But truth be told, I was never felt comfortable. I really only felt comfortable and complete when I made the plunge and went full fem. Perhaps I was too self conscious and judgmental about myself and others. And I suppose that betrays a degree of intolerance on my part. I am not bothered by younger people who dress in an androgynous manner, but I still react viscerally to some, lets say intermediate presentations.

[Jamie001]

Rhonda Jean,

I have always been a feminine male. It is so liberating to be able to wear whatever I want to wear. Today I am wearing white women's capri pants, a fem highlighted hairstyle, a gray and white top, professional mani/pedi with OPI Kyoto Pearl on fingers, and OPI Big Apple Red (fire engine red) on toes with a 14k toe ring on the second toes of each foot, and strappy open toe sandals along with a lavender Coach Purse. Even though I don't pass, I feel like a lady that can conquer the world. The best thing is that there is no male mode girl mode, I wear whatever I want whenever I want. Girls that have a male mode and girl mode should try fem male mode. It is so liberating and you can always be your true self.

Jamie

[Teresa.Smith.VA]

I am clearly in the full female mode of dressing so that I can easily blend when out in public with my wife.

Now that I think about it, my wife would be uncomfortable with me if I did the "fem male" thing.

[Fiona_44]

Rhonda Jean,

I think you are brave to consider the fem male route. That is something that I have no interest in doing and would be extremely uncomfortable trying. I do get the feeling though that you are a little too worried about the age/passing thing. If you passed before I do not think you are as "unpassable" now as you think. And if getting recognized is a problem for you then the more female you look, the less chance of someone knowing who you are.

Enjoy your trip.

[Bea_]

I'm definitely in the femme male/freestyle camp. My beard is one of my favorite features, so no intention to pass. I don't get out at this point except to therapy sessions and I've been more open to walking in from my vehicle dressed in obviously femme attire. I've run into other clients in her office and have slowly become more comfortable and even proud to just own the look. It's sort of a "exposure therapy" like that used to treat phobias. It can feel brutal at times and it still a work in progress.

Purses are the object I covet most. I have one that I make a point to carry to my sessions, but I'd like to carry one daily in male mode. I'm not there yet.

I hope your weekend is epic.

[Gillian Gigs]

This western culture thing is strangling the freedoms that we fought for and desire. I am reminded of Max Klinger on M.A.S.H. If every man showed up at the Draft office wearing a skirt, it would have not be long before they would start accepting skirt clad men into the military. What am I saying, people need to stop letting others dictate to them what their freedoms should be, or look like!

[Rhonda Jean]

Just for context for y'all who are all or nothing. I'm assuming y'all shave your legs, chest, etc. all the time, right? Do you wear nail polish or at least wear your nails long in male mode? Do you wear earrings in male mode? Do you wear panties all the time? Do you get your brows done? You get the point. Just how "nothing" is your nothing?

[Ladyluck]

When i work i wear panties thats it of fem clothing. Have a work shirt we all wear thats the same. On pants i wear cargo pants bc of pockets would like fem cargo pants but have not found any at stores. I cant stand long nails but have worn mascara but have trouble putting on bottom lashes. Have my eye brows trimmed as in not as long as corner to corner of eye if makes sense Cant have visible piercings or rings unless a plain wedding band and a medical bracelet. Some women have fake nails but not suppose to

[Sometimes Steffi]

Just for context for y'all who are all or nothing.


Pretty much nothing.

I'm assuming y'all shave your legs, chest, etc. all the time, right?

No.

Do you wear nail polish or at least wear your nails long in male mode?

Long, but not polished.

Do you wear earrings in male mode?

No, never.

Do you wear panties all the time?

Only sometimes.

Do you get your brows done?

No. Not even in girl mode.

You get the point. Just how "nothing" is your nothing?

[Crissy 107]

Good luck Rhonda Jean, looking forward to how you did.

[April Rose]

I have had my brows done twice, wear gold hoops in my ears 24/7 and am having my beard removed by electrolysis. I often wear women's tees, sweaters and jackets, and women's Skechers or ankle boots. I don't usually wear women's pants out in guy mode , because any haven't found that seem to work for me. I do sometimes wear women's shorts. I shave my arms and legs in the warm weather.

That said, when I go out like that, I still look like an old balding guy with white hair, and get treated as such. The lines of fashion are definitely getting blurry.

Although I still swear that people have been nicer to me since I started wearing earrings.

[Bea_]

Just for context for y'all who are all or nothing. I'm assuming y'all shave your legs, chest, etc. all the time, right? Do you wear nail polish or at least wear your nails long in male mode? Do you wear earrings in male mode? Do you wear panties all the time? Do you get your brows done? You get the point. Just how "nothing" is your nothing?

I'm obviously not in the all or nothing group. That being said...

I'm assuming y'all shave your legs, chest, etc. all the time, right?

I love my beard and I'd shave my chest and legs if the stubble didn't become an issue within 12 hours. A definite no-go for intimacy of any kind.

Do you wear nail polish or at least wear your nails long in male mode?

I like having my toenails done. Not wanting the upkeep of keeping fingernails done.

Do you wear earrings in male mode?

I got my ears pierced for my 67th birthday last year. I wear studs regularly but have worn some bangles to therapy sessions.

Do you wear panties all the time?

Yes.

Do you get your brows done?

My brow (yes unibrow) is like my beard. I've never been tempted to do more than a slight pruning but I have a definite masculine, almost neanderthal, browline and it doesn't bother me at all.

[Debs]

when I go out on my own shopping or go and see my girlfriends, its very rare that when I step out of the door Im not dressed, I actually find it weird now to walk out in flat shoes.

[EmilyShy]

I'd love to be able to mix n match women's clothes in everyday attire. Guy mode as some call it. I think it comes under the gender fluid umbrella. To me it's ALL crossdressing. Either a full femme dress up with wig or just lingerie under your male clothes. Shoes, make up, nails or even just wearing women's jeans. I struggle understanding how in the cross dressing world people are so accepting (a touchy subject expressing yourself full femme publicly) yet in the same circle people are so critical of different versions of crossdressing. I like to dress but my alone time is very limited (like 3 or 4 times a year) but I wear bra and lingerie whenever I can under my clothes and occasionally put a skirt on if opportunity allows.

I think we all should do whatever makes us happy and comfortable whenever the situation allows

[bridget thronton]

I agree with Emily - wear what ever makes you happy (clothes should be fun)

[Rikidee]

Rhonda Jean, ditto, ditto, ditto right down to the line about the headline grabbers. They have definitely made my situation more dicey and less safe. Riki

[CDMargret]

I'm assuming y'all shave your legs, chest, etc.
Shave my legs yet no need to do my chest as not much there.

Do you wear nail polish or at least wear your nails long in male mode?
No polish. I prefer natural looking nails.

Do you wear panties all the time?
24/7

Do you get your brows done?
Wife does my brows.

Just how "nothing" is your nothing?
Never just nothing, there is always something.

I have seen a recent picture of the fella that plays the Mandalorian and he is wearing shiny silver satin slacks and the Navy wants to use a drag queen to help with recruitments in an article I read. Eye openers to me.

[Rikidee]

Jamie, I love your style and attitude. When I go out in fem male mode I am gendered female at least 75 percent of the time.

[Rhonda Jean]

Very interesting what we do and what we don't in our everyday lives!! Let's agree that there is no wrong way to be, and that one way is not superior to another. I will say that if I'd been all or nothing I might still be married. I'll also say that over the decades of having long hair and long nails, my nails got A LOT more negative reaction than my hair or anything else. Not talking about gnarly nails here. Professionally manicured, clean and always looked after long nails on a guy still seem to trigger a lot of people. Same nails wearing any color of polish, I don't remember a negative reaction. I don't thing that long polished nails on a guy are acceptable but unpolished are not. I think it's probably that people are put off by a straight-appearing guy with long nails. Add polish and you (I) probably cross into some other-than-straight territory that might you a pass. Of course, most of the negative comments came from coworkers, and I didn't wear polish around them, so the numbers are very skewed. When (rarely) strangers (read: redneck males) do react to some of this mixed presentation stuff, it's pretty scary.

[Jamie001]

This western culture thing is strangling the freedoms that we fought for and desire. I am reminded of Max Klinger on M.A.S.H. If every man showed up at the Draft office wearing a skirt, it would have not be long before they would start accepting skirt clad men into the military. What am I saying, people need to stop letting others dictate to them what their freedoms should be, or look like!

Gillian you are correct! We can't let western culture strangle our freedom. Be yourself and stop worrying about how other folks perceive you!! Don't give them control of your lives. Women can now wear anything that a man wears because they were strong enough to wear what they wanted to wear! You see people daily with tattoos all over their bodies, earlobes stretched down to their shoulders, and yet you worry about a little nail polish, earring, long hair, or feminine clothing? Why? Be a big girl and wear what your want to wear!

[Stephanie47]

Not anything I would be interested in doing. I like my male side and my female side to be separate, although my mind influences both, e.g., love of bright colors, shapes and patterns.

[jjjjohanne]

When I first started dressing in public, I felt like I had to either present female or wear clothes that looked like menswear. Some days I would sneak out and take a walk in a skirt with built-in shorts on a walking trail. If I ended up passing someone, I would have my skirt pulled up so that I looked like I was just wearing shorts.

After a few accidents and on-purpose times of letting my skirt down, I got brave enough to wear a skirt that did not contain shorts. No one I passed on my morning walks reacted. That lead to the epiphany that I could wear women's clothes and present male. It was a novel thought.

I started having outings where I would wear a skirt or dress in public. People would look and point in the early days. These days, people are aware that we exist and they don't react much at all. It is still scary and awkward for me, but I get over it after 30 minutes and it is happy and free.

I have a blog where I write about my outings: http://joeypress.wordpress.com I have gone to restaurants, Christmas shopping, barber shops, grocery stores, church, the blood bank, etc... People are kind. (Caveat: I go out in the daytime when school is in session. I go to decent places.)

Joey

[DianeT]

Rhonda Jean, as usual, a pleasure to read your gazette. Always well written and often funny. Good luck in your search for the right balance.

[Natalie5004]

I am a all or almost nothing person.

I do wear nail polish daily, shave everything I can. I flew this week and TSA patted down my back because I was wearing a bra under my male clothes. They do not do that for women.

I trim my own brows, so they are far from perfect.

When I go out I am fully if not overdressed. I tend to try too hard. But that is what I want. I really enjoy my days (only) shopping and running errands. I go out at least once a week as Natalie.

[Jean 103]

Forget about passing as anything. Be you, be an individual. You don't need to follow somebody else's path you can make your own.
I do a very girly guy mode at work everyday yes I carry a purse I wear high-waisted skinny jeans. A sports bra and an oversized t-shirt. Just like most women dress. No make up or nails. I'm good at what I do and everybody loves me.

The rest of the time I'm Jean. Typically in a dress and heels, I rarely wear pants. Most all my friends are women, I'm very popular. I don't pass for anything I'm just me. What I do pass for is a trans woman.

I was traveling with a friend a couple weeks ago and we stopped in at a gay bar that was having drag bingo. I was dressed just the way I normally am. Well I tend to stand out as my dresses are very flattering, I make them that way. I always get compliments them. What surprised me was that they treated me like I was a celebrity. We had gone there because my friend is gay and wanted to. We had way too much fun.

Go and be yourself enjoy

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Rhonda :hugs:. The only person that yiu haze to Please is Yourself, >Orchid**O:daydreaming:O**

[Jamie001]

Jean, congratulations for being yourself on a daily basis. It is a wonderful liberating feeling!

:hugs: Jamie

[SaraLin]

Just for context for y'all who are all or nothing. I'm assuming y'all shave your legs, chest, etc. all the time, right? Do you wear nail polish or at least wear your nails long in male mode? Do you wear earrings in male mode? Do you wear panties all the time? Do you get your brows done? You get the point. Just how "nothing" is your nothing?

I haven't really gone out femme in forever (house rules), but here's my "nothing":

Shave? Even now, I keep my legs and the upper part of my chest (the part that shows) shaved. Fortunately, I'm not very hairy, so the SO doesn't notice the difference.

Nails? They tend to get a bit long - then start peeling or breaking, so I have to trim them back. No polish.

Earrings? I have a set of yin/yang studs that I wear 24/7 - and I mean that literally. I don't remember the last time I had them out. They work for male or female mode.

Panties? You betcha! It's one of my hard-won concessions from the SO. It's rare I wear male undies and that's only for doctor visits etc.

Brows done? Never have had that done. I cut them back from time to time to avoid that "mad scientist" look, but that's about it.

So - when I'm out of the house, my "nothing" is pretty much just that - nothing, with the exception of panties.

[Heather76]

At home I am a male who only partially dresses. My wife has asked to not see me with makeup and a wig. So, I honor that. When I go out I want to be 100% dressed. Do I pass? Not on your life. Do I blend? I suspect from a distance I do but not up close. What I've discovered because of my age (77) is the fact women my age have long ago given up the glam look. That's too my advantage. A great percentage of them walk as though they are taking their last steps. While I have no issues like that, I try to walk much slower than my normal gait with shorter steps. That gets me very close to walking how these women walk. I use a matte primer, concealer, foundation, powder, and a highlight color which may be even more that most women my age might use. I use the primer to cover any hint of facial hair even though I shave close with a razor. I use the concealer to cover spots in my complexion. The foundation, powder, and color (powder applied with a brush) just give me a little color. I sometime might use eye shadow. I don't use eye liner or mascara. Take a look at older women and most of them don't use these either. I suspect they might when going out for an evening to a more formal occasion; but, I rarely see them out with that much makeup. I do add lipstick as many do wear lipstick. I also wear press-on nails when I'm out. A large percentage of women have their nails done or wear fake nails. I wear a neck length gray wig that honestly is styled the way a lot of older women style their hair. It's nothing special. It just is what it is.

Anyway, to me it doesn't take a lot to feel that I fit in assuming I'm trying to fit in where I belong. If I were trying to present as a sexy young lady, what a failure that would be. It would be worse than a train wreck. Anyway, do what you want, enjoy yourself, and don't pay attention to those that might criticize you (unless it's a wife - then pay attention). It is your life, after all.

[Jamie001]

I believe that the take away from this thread is that if you want to do Fem Male mode, (e.g. carry a female purse, wear nail polish, wear a skirt, etc) in your everyday presentation, there is no one stopping your but yourself. It took me years to realize that the problem was in my own mind. You just have to make up your mind and do it, and soon your fem male mode will become second nature. I don't even think about it anymore that I am wearing nail polish or a women's purse. The key is to be comfortable with yourself, and don't let society tell you what you can and cannot wear. Life is too short to let other folks control your fashion choices.

[Rhonda Jean]

Even though I've been out quite a bit lately, this outing seemed a little weird. Finished work mid-afternoon Friday, put on shorts and a T-shirt and went to get my nails done. My usual spring/summer OPI Cajun Shrimp. Uneventful. A very large nail salon with probably 20 stations and only 3 nail techs. Me and one other lady were the only ones there. Went through a drive through for dinner and back to the room for a few margaritas and early bedtime. The other lady at the nail salon was wearing a strapless jumpsuit which she said she got at Academy Sports. Saturday morning I started off by going to Academy where they had the jumpsuit and a similar black strapless dress on sale for about $20 each, so I got both, thinking I might break new ground by wearing something strapless for (as far as I can remember) the first time in my life.

Back at the room while I was doing my makeup I had one of those "I don't know if I can do this" moments. I don't really know where this fear comes from. I'm about as far from a newbie at this as one can get, but I was really having a fear issue. I had several things to try on and messed with my makeup way more than usual and finally by about 2:30 I had had enough of the hotel room so I ran to Walmart for snacks and drinks for the room. Shorts, T-shirt, flip flops and way too much makeup for guy mode, but that's how I went. I was not comfortable, and seriously thought that might be it for at least Saturday.

Back at the room I had a couple of margaritas and got one of my wigs to look almost decent. The black sleeveless dress looked OK. I didn't have a strapless bra but decided to brave it braless. It is one of the strangest things ever to me, the heart-in-my-throat feeling of leaving that room braless en femme. To be totally forthcoming, I was scared as hell anyway, but wearing a strapless dress with no bra was... well, it was a lot. I went to a Bahama Breeze that was one of the places I used to go to when I used to come here all the time to do my girl thing. I had none of the confidence I had back then. It was all I could do to go in and sit at the bar and order cheese dip (which I didn't have any appetite for) and another margarita. I didn't quit trembling until I'd been back at my room for a while. Seriously considered changing clothes in my car before walking through that hotel lobby again, but I braved it and even ordered a drink at the bar to take to my room. I felt like I was glowing with fear, though.

The next day I did an abbreviated makeup and wore my same shorts and t-shirt, but with a wig and big hoops this time. I stopped at one convenience store on the way home. When I got home and caught my reflection in the mirror I thought I looked absolutely ridiculous, and thought I might have had my last time. It just does not make sense to go to so much trouble and expense for this to be the disappointing end result. In 50 years of going out, I've never been this afraid, and I've never had the results be so disappointing in the end.

But... I couldn't bring myself to take my nail polish off. I worked (sort of) from home today, ran a couple of errands and went to lunch. Got a couple of compliments on my nails and reflected on the outing from the night before and decided that I think I'd like to try again. The exact same thing. Build back some familiarity. Also, I had checked the forum and seen Johnna's post with her new wig and that keyhole top and I know I have to get a keyhole top now! I also know I'm not through messing with the strapless dress and jumpsuit. I can't explain the mind thing that going braless did to me, but it's a flavor I haven't tasted before and I think I want to explore that.

This fear I'm feeling is a real issue, though. I don't remember ever having fear to this level before, ever. Even on my recent outings I didn't have near the fear that I had this past weekend. I could come up with 10 "maybe" reasons, but I can't pinpoint why. I know I'm way less passable and way more vulnerable than I've ever been, and that's not a good combo. I will say that when I put it away for a couple of years, one reason I did was that I had become bored with it. The thrill was gone, so to speak. I think I'd rather feel something, even fear, rather than nothing. If I can knock about 25% of that fear away, I'll be left with some amount of excitement. I don't want it to be old hat. I want to be excited about every moment, and to do that I have to feel good about how I look. I've got some work to do. Now I've got to take the polish off my fingers (not my toes) and that always sucks.

[Jamie001]

Hi Rhonda Jean,

Thank you for your post. I believe that the difference between my style and your style is that you put more energy into passing, whereas I am a feminine male and just wear whatever I like to wear. I get a lot of enjoyment without the worry and most of the time when I am in public, I don't even think about what I am wearing. It is just part of my normal presentation with women's pants, women's sandals, red toenails, toe rings, silver fingernails and women's purse. If you are fearful, it will show and you will give off bad vibes. That is why I am comfortable confident with what I am wearing and make no attempt at passing. I am just being me!

Also before you take off the nail polish please see the following reddit group about guys wearing nails. These guys don't take the nails off and wear them 24/7.

https://www.reddit.com/r/malepolish/

There are many such groups on the internet as nail polish is being normalized. If anyone asks you why you have pretty red nails (Dutch Tulips one of my favorites), just tell them that you like wearing polish. It is that simple. There is no other explanation needed.

Take Care,

:hugs:Jamie

[Rhonda Jean]

Hi Jamie,

To clarify a bit... I used to obsess over passing. Not anymore. No amount of obsessing will get it done. I'm a pretty frequent wearer of nail polish in male mode but not to work. My toes are always done. As far as the feminine male thing goes, I think (for me at least) there are ways I can do it that are not so off-putting. My usual leggings, oversize top, nail polish, mules or flip flops, and a purse doesn't make much of a wave and I don't feel like I have a target on my back. I think some makeup is OK, but it's teetering on the brink of too much. I know, "wear what I want to wear", but there are consequences. I wore a bra in male mode for a year and a half. Thought I was doing it just for me and that nobody would notice. They noticed, but didn't confront me about it. I only know they noticed because they said things to my wife about it. From where I stand today I can't believe I did it, and can't believe I deluded myself into thinking it was invisible.

Purses became kind of a thing for me several years ago when a girlfriend bought one for me with the intent of me carrying it in male mode. Before that, a purse had been kind of an afterthought, and I didn't really know what to do with it even in female mode. Once I started carrying one everywhere but at work, I got to where I liked it bought more and felt like we could justify spending more on them because we shared some of them. The most frequent comment I get (and I bet you get it, too) is a woman walking by (usually with a friend) and she'll say "Love your purse", often with a little limp wristed gesture meant to poke fun at me, thinking I'm carrying my wife's or girlfriend's purse. I love running into them later and seeing their expression when they see that my girl friend is carrying her own purse and that the one I'm carrying is indeed mine! (And, no, I'm not offended. That's not even on the radar of things that would offend me).

When I am reluctant about the fem male presentation it is mostly because of my age. Let's face it, it's just weird for "grandpa" to be rockin' nail polish and eye shadow. I totally get why people are taken aback. That said, I'm not at all into the "makeup for men" thing which has about the same effect as water. If I'm going to wear it, I want it to look like I'm wearing makeup. Otherwise, what's the point. I think there's a way to do it and a lot of ways not to. I've played around on the wrong side of that line a lot.