Major changes have happened

[AmeeJo]

Hello everyone! Some have noticed that I have not been around much lately. I realized that my dressing was causing issues with my relationship with my wife. She never said anything but, after 28 years of marriage, I know her too well and I could see the signs. I reevaluated where my dressing came from and where it was headed and I decided to revert back to the way I dressed most of my life. Just some underdressing and lingerie in private only. My oldest is a transgender female and she is the same size as me so I sent her most of my wardrobe (gotta keep it in the family). I have nothing out in the open any longer and I told my wife that I would not be fully dressing any more. It has taken a couple weeks but things are MUCH better now. I never really wanted to dress full time and I never went out fully en femme. After thinking about it all, it was a lot of work getting all dolled up for just a couple hours to enjoy it. I absolutely treasure my time as AmeeJo and I have every pic I have ever taken. Maybe one day I'll revisit it but, for now, I'm happy with who I am. I love my wife more than ever and I am not willing to do anything that might jeopardize our relationship. Anyway, I just thought I'd share.

[DianeT]

Whether you stick to it or have some temporary relapses, it's nice that you try taking care of your wife and couple. Did you discuss this with your wife? If you didn't maybe you should. It's good if she's included in your reflection.

[Suzie Petersen]

Good for you AmeeJo, always good to see when people have their priorities straight, many of us here could learn from you!

- Suzie

[Kris Burton]

If you are satisfied and your relationship remains in good shape,it would appear you have achieved a balance for you. Kudos for recognizing the situation and making the appropriate adjustments. I think it's important to realize that the balance we all strive to achieve is different for each of us.

[AmeeJo]

I knew I'd get some great support here! That's why I love this site and all of you lovely ladies. I did talk with my wife about this and it went very well. I think she was worried that I was going to fully transition and she was not ready for that. I could sense her relief after we talked.

[docrobbysherry]

Whatever it takes for two adults to remain in a loving, intimate, relationship is their business and theirs alone!:devil:

Hope this works for both of u, AmeeJo!:thumbsup:

[Diane P]

Ameejo glad to hear things have worked out for the best with your wife.

[kimdl93]

I am glad to hear you have reached a satisfactory place with respect to your needs and your relationship.

[BaileysSecret]

You have to do what's healthy for you ans your relationships

[Fiona_44]

You done good girl, very very good.

I never told my wife of 42 years about my dressing because I was hesitant to introduce that might impact our relationship. My wife was a progressive thinking person and would have accepted me with some rules in place for both of us but you just never know exactly how a relationship may change. Even though we were very much in love and very close, something might have changed and I did not want to risk that. I loved our relationship just the way it was. So I stayed closeted for a very long time. My wife passed away 18 months ago and last May was when I decided to dress fully and go out in public.

Your decision to put your wife and your relationship ahead of dressing can be difficult for some CD's to make but I think that in your case it was easier because the love you two share is very strong. Thank you for sharing this with us.

Fiona

[Di]

Do what is best for you both always.
You sounds like a lovely couple….makes me happy.

[ShawnaL]

Yours is the very definition of outgoing love for another. Good for you!
Hugs! Shawna

[Crissy 107]

AmeeJo, Hey, you absolutely did the right thing. You have a great wife and your relationship comes first.
Good luck with everything!

[BrendaPDX]

Hi AmeeJo,
As I read your post I found myself saying "Yes" to each of your points and thoughts. I did have a giggle about your eldest being able to take the clothes. Wishing you nothing but best for your and your family. Thank you for letting us know and not just dropping off the proverbial cliff. Again wishing you nothing but the best. Maybe stop in from time to time just to say hi?
Brenda

[Geena75]

Good for you AmeeJo! As has been said, you have your priorities right. Dressing up is an enjoyable pastime, but our relationships at home are full time and much more rewarding. Now don't be a stranger -- we still like hearing from you.

[Maria 60]

I believe you made a great decision,I believe in family first. When our kids were young and opportunitie was scarce my wife didn't like my frustration and aggressivence. I seen she was starting to get discouraged and just like yourself I pulled away and gave her some fresh air, just to say. Just like yourself I keeped it low key with just underdressing and when some time came around she approached me why I wasn't dressing.
It sounds like you have a great wife because when someone does something or gives up something they love for there partner you just know it worth it. I hope you don't forget about us here.

[Mary Loo]

Ameejo,

You may recall that we both joined this site at near the same time. I can 100% relate to your post and made a similar one of my own several months ago when I felt my relationship with my wife was taking a turn for the worse. I took a sabbatical from this site for 4 months. My wife and I have had lots of lengthy discussions and though they can be emotional, airing our feelings always ends up helping both of us. Again, I can relate to sensing and feeling the relief from your wife. You are to be congratulated for taking your approach and it will help your overall happiness, but hopefully more discussions and mutual openness and respect will ultimately lead to a healthier situation for both that doesn’t have to exclude dressing when you need to.

[mbmeen12]

It says it all, you love your wife. Maybe you'll find time to dress at a hotel and quality time for yourself.

[GretchenM]

Change can be difficult, but it appears you have shifted your priorities to an alignment that serves the totality of your life better than the fracturing that can occur when we focus on only one aspect or a select few aspects. I join with the others in supporting your choices.

If you find there is an empty hole in your life as a result of the decision there are many other ways to address that. I think it is important for us to keep in mind that the dressing is a consequence of other things going on in our brains that are driving that need. The feelings that we have are very real and are very much a part of us and who we are, but there are many, many ways to address the feelings that keep them alive and avoid the plunge into a turbulent dysphoria pool. In fact, you are making this shift because your brain sees a conflict that needs resolution. What it comes down to is to "follow your heart" which is not really your heart but rather brain activity that is sorting out what is most important to a stable and comfortable existence.

Over the last year I have also gone through a vaguely similar shift, but in my case I think it has more to do with advancing age and a feeling that I must not harm the generally very happy 54 year marriage for my remaining time. That is really the most important thing in my life. Gretchen is still very much there as she has been in one way or another all my life, but I have learned to incorporate it in what might be called a more "mature" fashion relative to the entire context of my life. Perhaps something similar is happening to you.

[alwayshave]

AmeeJo, You do what you need to do for your marriage. I hope the underdressing meets your needs.

[Debbie Denier]

Good luck Ameejo. I think you have made the right decision. I have come to the same conclusion myself. Your relationship is more important.

[NancyJ]

AmeeJo, I totally get this. I have made very similar choices. Our marriage comes first. You know who you are inside and you know what you can look like. For me, underdressing, is a constant reminder of my femininity. Nancy

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi AmeeJo :hugs: Good Luck with saving your Marriage, It is a great Sacrifice, >Orchid**O:daydreaming:O**

[msniki48]

My therapist said to me, when i did just what you have done.... When you need Ameejo she will be there... going thru a bit of that right now.... hugs
msniki48

[Gi Gondin]

Congratulations for reaching a balance that makes you and your wife happy. We all have to consider other’s reactions in our decisions and when we clearly know what’s important, it makes the process easier!

That said it seems that also that your wife was anxious about your dressing and gender expression. Just mentioning because most of us have learned that even if our needs to dress fluctuates a lot during our life, it does not go away for good. Communication will always be the best relationship development tool available, no matter what subject!