Wife might suspect I shave my legs

[Jenniferr]

Recently, while my wife was out of town for two weeks, my fem self took over and against my usual better judgment, I shaved my legs top of foot to groin. It made me feel so feminine to do it and the feel of nylon stockings gliding up my silky smooth legs was exquisite. She was home a week and had not noticed or at least did not say anything. I?m not a hairy person and I occasionally shave areas of my legs so that in after a week?s time, they look pretty clean. My wife keeps a pad of paper and pen on her nightstand to jot down things she remembers as she is drifting off. Three days ago I discovered she had written ?shave legs? on a note. I might have passed it off as she wanted to remind herself but then I started thinking how many women have to write notes to remind themselves to shave their legs? Also the note was flipped over?I don?t know if she did that to use the back side or if she did not want me to see it. Then I started freaking out that it was a reminder to herself to ask me if I am shaving my legs. She has known of my CDing since we were dating, and periodically would participate with me, but that devolved into DADT. While she could accept me wearing womens? clothes she would not accept female activities like using makeup or even just pretending I was the girl in the relationship. So I was certain shaving my legs would be another forbidden female activity and we were about to go to war again.
So I am curious what other crossdressers? take on this is? Should I be worried or am I overthinking this?

[docrobbysherry]

Neither!

If u want to dress, discuss it with her, not us, before you're caught! Like you're already worried has happened!:doh:

RE: Her "note to self". If I have to write notes to remind myself to trim my toe nails after my showers. Why wouldn't she?:straightface:

[char GG]

It seems that she already knows that you shaved your legs. Since she has known about your CDing since you were dating, but are living DADT, what are you wondering about? Just ask her.

Edit: The note that she wrote certainly wasn't a note reminding herself to shave her own legs, lol!

[Karren H]

I would just keep shaving and see if it becomes the new normal. A lot of men are into manscaping these days and shave just about everywhere on the body. If she asks the, tell her you are just being trendy!

[DianeT]

From what you told us the inescapable conclusion is that your wife wants to remind herself that she has to shave your legs.

[kimdl93]

You have shaved your legs, so i think it is safe to assume she noticed. Its probably also safe to assume that if she wanted to talk about it, she would have.

It seems that this is bothering you more than it is bothering her. So, as others are suggesting, talk with her.

[GretchenM]

I think you may be assuming something that is not really in evidence. It is more likely to be a reminder to herself to do that than a reminder that you "violated" something she does not want you to do. It is natural to wonder about the meaning of the note, but I would just leave it be and see if she brings it up. It is easy to fall into that trap when you know you are doing something she may not like on the basis of other negative indications she may have toward your needs to dress to some extent. But presuming something that is not true would likely be viewed more negatively by her because that is an afront to her values. It could be taken as a criticism of her view - not good.

[Cheryl T]

TALK TO HER!
Don't guess, don't drive yourself crazy wondering and don't look for advice here.

Talk to her. She already knows you dress.

[Heather76]

You're overthinking this. If she says anything, tell her the truth. If she doesn't say anything, don't give it another thought. She knows you CD. Shaving one's legs is generally a part of the experience. If she asks why you shave them, a simple (and correct) answer is shaved legs make wearing nylons so much nicer.

[Paula_56]

Own it, let the chips fall where they may.

I have the same situation and each time she finds something, she eventually just adjusts.

I no longer see being transgender as a problem to be solved. I am not doing anything wrong. I’ve cast off society’s condemnation of being transgender and realized that I am a good person and that part of my personality and character involves being transgender. Attributes I see missing in many men, such as nurturing, kindness, compassion and cooperation are parts of my personality that I believe come from my feminine side.

[Gillian Gigs]

I will add my piece and agree with the others, talk to her. Open and honest communication is always the best method in a marriage relationship. You are already in a DADT situation, so what can a little honesty do? If she doesn't like the idea of shaved legs, then try trimming the hair instead. I trim, or shave all of my body hair. My arms are always at 3mm, my legs epilated clean in the winter and a 3mm trimmed in the summer. Good communication should have win-win compromises, so everybody gets something.

[Stephanie47]

Not much you can do about it. Since she knows you're a cross dresser what's your alternatives? None! Own it. If I were you I'd keep shaving. I see many men with hairless legs and hairless chests. Me? I am blessed with no hair follicles on my calves and thighs. My father was the same way, so it is genetic. My daughter asked me when she was 35+ years old if I shaved me legs. I kidded her that it took her this long to notice. Then I explained the lack of hair follicles. Due to diabetic neuropathy I wear shorts maybe nine months of the year and nobody else has asked.

PS: My wife has made comments over the years about my lack of hair on my legs and underarms. She says "It is wasted on a guy!"

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

I question how your wife of all people would NOT notice if you shaved your legs. Yeah, she knows you did it. The lack of questioning is what I find interesting. Either she flat out doesn't care (then why the note?) or she doesn't want to bring it up for some reason.

I first shaved as a joke, I was tired to the point of almost being drunk (I wasn't though) and thought it was a good idea. The next day, realizing that I'm not going to get away with this, I opened up with "Well, I did something!" I think once she realized it didn't involve lawyers and handcuffs she was relieved enough to laugh. Then it turned out she loved my smooth legs even more than I did, who woulda guessed?

Figure out a way to talk to her, hopefully you can keep it light and maybe even silly.

[Crissy 107]

Women do not miss much, I agree with the others, have a talk.

[Diane P]

I have to disagree with everyone here who is telling you to talk to her. You said she knew about your CD'ing when you were dating but it has since moved into DADT. Since it is DADT I say don't talk to her about it, if she wants to talk to you about it let her bring it up. The note could be about noticing you legs were shaved but if she has broached the subject just let it go, if you bring it up you could make things worse.

Just my two cents worth.

[DianeT]

DADT doesn't have to be a permanent thing. Talking and being honest about your feelings can go a long way. I wonder how many CDers are locked in a DADT of their own making, not because they dress, but because they can't be honest with their wives, and their wives know it.
I think that real DADT (the no-talk version) is the worst. It lets some CDer think everything is on the table (since nothing was discussed), which usually worsens the situation since GGs will pick up on a lot of things and not necessarily mention them, and it gives little to no chance to the couple, because without talk and intimacy there is no way the situation can evolve favorably. I suppose that once a CDer in DADT starts wearing female stuff like panties 24/7 and the spouses sleep in separate rooms, it can only go downhill, talking less and less to the wife and posting more messages here.

[alwayshave]

Jennifer, If she is aware that you crossdress, I don't see an issue.

[Gillian Gigs]

DianeT, I think you are spot on with your comments. Only open communication will let a person know exactly where everything sits.

Alwayshave, you are also correct in asking if your spouse knows how active you are in your dressing.

[Rhonda Jean]

I agree that it's probably a "note to self".

A note on leg shaving, though. If you're going to do it (and I think everybody should), you've got to commit to it. I've shaved my legs nearly every day for over 50 years. She may tolerate shaved legs, but stubble is just not cool. Even if you thing she may not notice shaved legs, she'll darn sure notice stubble.

[AmeeJo]

My wife does not associate my leg shaving with my crossdressing. I am about halfway through the process of having all of my body hair from my waist up lasered and I have been shaving my legs for a while now. We are definitely in a DADT situation but she actually helps me shave my legs in the areas I have a tough time reaching. I think she likes the look on me but will never admit it! Lol!!

[MistyCD]

My wife did not know about my dressing. I was also a volunteer firefighter and had the hair worn off my legs by the hip boots we used to wear. That took care of half of my hairy legs..... So instead of shaving them all at once, I did it in stages. I used an electric shaver which could remove a little here and there. for example if the hair length is a half inch, I would trim it down to 1/4 of an inch... leave it for a week and shave it again. Slowly it disappeared... And after a few months of seeing my hair disappear, she never caught on.

[Bea_]

From my viewpoint and experience, sometimes you have to just decide whether you are an extension of her or have a will of your own. I got a wild hair one day last year and shaved from the neck down, minus my arms (which I trimmed). Like your wife, mine never really said anything about how it looked, but would comment on how prickly I was every time she we came close to any kind of intimacy. Shaving only leaves me smooth for about 8-12 hours so I gave up shaving. I'd love to be able to have it all removed permanently, but it's not in the budget for now.

For me, my having hairless legs or not isn't her choice. I chose to shave, she never complained about the look. But, the fact that the stubble got to be a problem made me rethink and I'm still working on a solution. I'm well aware that she prefers a hairier me, but certain circumstances have caused her opinion to carry less weight for me. I'm not out to offend her desires, but I have learned to give my own desires more weight than I have in the past.

[Jamie001]

The parts of your body that you choose to shave are not her choice. She needs to understand that.

[CrossKimmy]

I believe that she does more than suspect if you two share a bed and you wear something other than pants. I?m deeply closeted but I shave my legs every day. My SO likes it and thinks it?s much better than having body hair. I agree!

[BethanyCross]

Jennifer, they are your legs. I would keep up with the shaving especially before you get stubble. If it really bothers her she will tell you eventually. If so, tell her the truth - you wanted to see how it felt and you found out that you like having smooth legs.

[Sara Ann]

Back when my ex and I first got together, we had a regular bedroom game in which she would help me crossdress and we would go out for a 'ladies night' on the town. Later, as my crossdressing became more practiced and sophisticated, I suspect she became more and more insecure as her own natural physical appearance radically and rapidly changed. I knew the turning point came when she objected about my legs and chest being shaved because she didn't like having sex with a 'pre-pubescent boy'. And so, that's how crossdressing eventually turned 180 degrees into DADT until we finally split.

[tbryant2k16]

This is another gender social expectation that must go way. This expectation that a man can't shave legs, arms, or any part of their body that isn't a beard.

[Nyla F]

Hi Jenniferr,

I agree with Diane P. I'm also in a DADT situation which means you must let her decide if she wants to talk about it. In the mean time RELAX! Instead of constantly worrying if she has noticed you now know she has and the world didn't end.

[Jenniferr]

Her note has disappeared, she has not said anything, and her demeanor toward me has not changed, so I am going to look at this as some here have suggested—that I am overthinking or making this into something that is just not there. For those that pushed for me to talk to her, I guess I was not clear: yes, she knows or knew that I CD but talking about it is what led to the DADT. It would be great to get out of DADT but so far the fear of discussing it and making it worse has stopped me in my tracks. Thanks to all who replied.

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

That's encouraging news! Let me amend my advice from "find a way to bring it up" to "if there's no problem don't try to fix the problem." I would agree with others that you need to keep it up, the first time her hand runs over 80-grit sandpaper on your legs, it'll be hard for her to NOT make a comment. BUT if you keep it smooth, she just might like it better than the carpet she used to have to deal with!

[DianeT]

My wife loves my carpeted legs and doesn't want me to shave because she's afraid it would grow back thicker (currently my carpet is smooth since it never saw a razor in its entire life).
I could follow the advice of Jamie001 and consider that my wife has no saying in the body parts I shave or don't shave:

The parts of your body that you choose to shave are not her choice. She needs to understand that.
After all, that's an advice that's often given in these forums. I would be interested to know if whoever gave that advice would support their wife (if they have one and are still intimate with her) the day she decides to stop shaving her armpits and legs, and to shave her hair? Since these are parts of her body too and therefore the rule should apply.

[Jamie001]

The parts of her body that your wife chooses to shave are her choice. There is no double standard here.

[DianeT]

And then I have to ask Jamie: does your wife agree with that too? Even if she does, the dynamics of a couple will vary from one to another. In ours, my wife has a saying and I have a saying about things. Not a saying as in "do what I tell you", but as in discussing with the other before making a significant change. For example I am being asked my opinion when my wife wants to grow or cut her hair shorter. We try to please each other and make each other comfortable. Sometimes one will make some efforts. I shaved my mustache after I met my future wife as a teenager. Honestly it was a dirty little mustache that I kept just to avoid shaving it and see it growing thicker. My then girlfriend said I should shave it. But had I cared about it I would have shaved it nonetheless, because I loved that girl and I wanted to stay with her, and hence please her. She returned the favor in spades when I told her 36 years later that I dressed in secret and she decided to not run to the hills and accept me.

[Natalie5004]

If you really think about it, how could your wife not know you shave your legs. Do you live in different houses or do not share a bedroom?

[Nyla F]

Easy, she probably doesn't look that closely. I painted my toenails and it took my wife a week to notice, but I in all fairness I wore socks most of the time so she only had the opportunity before and after my shower. Four days into wearing the nail polish I thought she saw my toenails when she grabbed a towel from the cabinet in front of my bare feet. A few days after that we gave the dog a bath and this time she said in a surprised tone "you painted your toenails!". And a few days after that on the deck in the sun "what do you have on your feet!" (same nail polish), she noticed the glimmery top coat I put on my big toes.

Like Jenniferr, I'm in DADT land. And she really doesn't like to ask, or talk about, or look closely, or have anything to do with it. I think it would make her uncomfortable to engage in conversation about my nail polish, or anything else feminine. So the point isn't that my wife is clueless or anything when she doesn't notice stuff. This is her coping strategy to not look closely at certain things related to my crossdressing.

To anyone who thinks crossdressers should do whatever they want, sure you could do that, but actions often have consequences. Those of us in DADT relationships are constantly weighing our actions with possible consequences.

[JulieC]

I think the idea that anyone could hide shaving their legs from their wife is highly unrealistic. About the only circumstance that would work is if there is no longer any intimacy in the marriage. It will be noticed, guaranteed. Some people are less observant than others and it might take more time, but it WILL be noticed.

To the idea that shaving leads to thicker hair follicles; this is complete bunk. If it were true, most men would have tree trunks growing out of their chins. It's just false. When you shave, you're not affecting any living part of the hair tissue. Even if you were, it's unlikely it would affect the thickness of the hair follicle.

I agree with Nyla; a spouse doesn't have a right to dictate what you do and don't shave, but that doesn't mean she has to gladly accept it either. When you enter into a marriage, you have to accept you're part of a team, and not all members of a team instantly agree to what one member of the team says is ok. You give up some autonomy.

[Jamie001]

It is hard to believe that anyone likes hairy legs. It's just not kosher unless you are a relative of Chewbacca. I have even seen commercials for shaving products with men shaving their legs and armpits. Even of crossdressing is still taboo in the 21st century, men shaving body parts is no longer an issue.

[Jenniferr]

Nyla gets it! My wife is not clueless but I think she finds it easier to deal with what is reality by ignoring it—if she doesn’t see something then it doesn’t exist. Some may feel this is a juvenile way of dealing with issues but it is what it is. The alternative is for her to acknowledge something she does not like which always leads to a fight which quite often leads to threats of divorce and further retreat from intimacy.
Yes, Natalie, we do not share a bedroom anymore. Partly due to snoring by both of us, an uncomfortable mattress, and my bad back. But mainly due to the loss of intimacy from our discussions about crossdressing which led to the DADT.
Both my brother and I have been losing and regaining hair (but less volume) on our legs for years. The males in my family, me included, are not hairy. That, combined with my wife’s pretending some things do not exist and not being in close quarters while in various states of undress is probably why my wife may not realize for awhile that my legs are shaven.

[BrendaPDX]

So much information, so much advice. I think you know she knows, she's your wife. Part of DADT os honesty.

[oh to be rachel]

I've been taking medication for enlarged prostate for several years now. It has just wiped out my leg hair.
My wife has asked if I'd been shaving my legs but I can point out some peach fuzz areas so, I get a pass.

[Miel GG]

It is hard to believe that anyone likes hairy legs. It's just not kosher unless you are a relative of Chewbacca. I have even seen commercials for shaving products with men shaving their legs and armpits. Even of crossdressing is still taboo in the 21st century, men shaving body parts is no longer an issue.

You have to believe me : I like hairy legs ! I am not in the Chewbacca thing but I think that nobody has the right to say that Chewbacca must shave. Sometimes on this forum there is such a lack of body positivism...
And yes this is no longer a taboo for men to shave but it is still a taboo for women to NOT shave, does this double standard bother you ? Unshaved women are still a taboo in the 21st century.

[April Rose]

To answer Diane T. There was a time when my wife did stop shaving her legs and I supported her. I'm am always in favor of challenging social norms. I have no investment in the gender binary.

[happybra]

If she complains...it will grow back

[Debs]

Shaving your legs these days as a man is no big deal, all cyclists do it young and old, all the young ones at work who go to the gym do it, I do it every 3 days because I can and have done for years, so when I wear shorts people are used to seeing me with smooth legs, never been questioned, actually I shave all my body arms and eyebrows included have done for years, so to everyone I know thats my appearance, if I changed it now and say for instance let my eyebrows grow back Im sure there would be a few eyebrows raised (pardon the pun). People get used to how you present yourself, so keep it constant and nobody bats an eyelid.

[April Rose]

That's a good point, Debs and agree completely. The other day I went for a walk, and about a block from home realized I didn't have my earrings in. I turned around and went home and got them. Now that I've established my look I don't want to be seen without them.

[Nicci]

Way I always got away with shaving mine. I'd just claim I got some chemical I was allergic to on one of my legs. And I shaved both so it'd be even. I do similar with my beard. Wife prefers a beard. But can't get angry at allergies

[JamieJ]

My wife and I have found the secret to a happy marriage.....we live in separate houses together 60 miles apart. We've been married for 44 years now, and I can see it lasting for another 44.:):):)

That having been said, tonight I shaved my legs for the first time, and the feeling I got when I put on my Sheer Energies is absolutely phenominal. I am now sitting at my computer desk wearing my skin tight bell bottoms, Legg's Sheer Energy hose in Suntan, Jessica Simpson Mary Jane pumps and a pheasant top. I don't know if I have ever felt so sensual or comfortable. Before when I dressed I would have to be careful to choose opaque hose, as I am convinced there is a silverback gorilla somewhere in my family tree. Fortunately, on my drab side, I don't even own a pair of shorts, so I don't have to worry about questions when in drab about my legs being smooth.

Although I only wear long-sleeved shirts with the sleeves rolled up a couple of turns (can't really explain it, I got used to wearing long sleeves in the Navy and just never dropped the habit) I am somewhat concerned about shaving my arms. Any advice there? Keep in mind the gorilla part I mentioned before, I'm sure it would be pretty noticeable.