Exposure Therapy

[Bea_]

After a couple of years of working on relationship issues in therapy, my need for a more feminine presentation became the main focus of my sessions starting in September of 2022. I immediately began attending sessions dressed. At first I changed into a feminine outfit in her office while she waited in the lobby, but after a couple of months, I began walking into the lobby dressed. With lots of research, I've become aware that my testing the waters in those sessions equated to THERAPEUTIC EXPOSURE THERAPY. I had no idea that it had a name. And, I find that it has been therapeutic. It's really not much different than the advice i've seen on this forum since I came here to "start small and go slow".

It can still be nerve-wracking, but I have made some progress. I even managed to carry several loads of trash and yard debris to the curb yesterday wearing girl shorts and sandals with my toenails done in a red-wine colored polish. The neighbors have seen vague signs over the years that the bearded man next door has a feminine side. I'm curious where it'll end up, but the exposure yesterday was both a major achievement and a non-event, if that makes sense. it seemed normal.

[Stephanie47]

Sometimes I wonder if one is short in stature and thin if just going out all dolled up would be the easiest way to "expose" the femme side. If one does see the person perhaps one could say a sister or niece was visiting and borrowed the car. It might be a plausible explanation.

[docrobbysherry]

If u consider THAT therapy, Bea? What would u consider a visit to the mall completely dressed?:straightface:

Therapy or trauma?:heehee:

[Bea_]

I'm definitely not there yet. Not even sure if that's in the future.

[Aunt Kelly]

If it makes you more comfortable in your own skin, it's definitely therapy. I too, had no idea that "exposure therapy" was a thing, so I looked it up. While not specific to the treatment of gender dysphoria, I can see how it would be effective at getting patients past that internalized transphobia that afflicts so many of us, particularly in older subjects. Then again, I've helped a few individuals during their first outings in public en femme, and let me tell you, the effect on their psyche was amazing to watch. Watching their expressions change from near panic (in some cases) to beaming joy is a thing to behold. :)

[GretchenM]

Wow, your therapist certainly did the right thing, and it is good that you recognize that it may not be perfect. If you experiment with different expressions you will likely find one combination that feels heavenly for long periods of time.

Exposure Therapy works in a lot of different phobias as well as things that are not quite to the level of a phobia but more of a serious discomfort (dysphoria). It tends to work quite successfully in helping our brains resolve a discomfort with something like gender dysphoria. So to speak, it gets you over the hump and into a realm where the person can really explore and find what renders the greatest comfort. It is likely that you will find some mode of expression that produces the greatest comfort and emotional peace and satisfaction.

Eleven years ago a therapist had me do it and it did not take long to find the mode of expression that felt the most comfortable with a relief from the really severe dysphoria I was experiencing. After that I then found, all by myself, the fine tuning that fit. That tuning ended up showing that the best expression for me is not going all the way from head to toe, but a blended expression that has not changed much since I found the sweet mode about 10 years ago. Took awhile, but now dysphoria is very rare because I can use the best expression most of the time with few difficulties socially. The fine points of my identity and the expression are now quite consistent most of the time as it does not take much for me to go from a full masculine expression which is uncomfortable to the blended expression that is very comfortable. Fully dressing generates some dysphoria after a couple of hours but nothing like full drab does. A men's suit drives me a bit crazy with dysphoria. Everything about a suit is wrong and when people say "you look good" my skin crawls. I have never liked a coat and tie and now I dislike it even more. In fact coat and tie has become a bit of a phobia that I really have no desire to fix. I will do almost anything to avoid wearing a coat and tie. Strange.

[Bea_]

Gretchen, I actually found the term while doing some reading and research on general psychology, after I'd gone to sessions dressed multiple times. Once I'd begun referring to my dressing as exposure therapy, things did click into place for both of us.

I'm still fairly early into any public presentation journey. And, my presentation would always be as a bearded man with a femme presentation. I think that part makes it even more challenging.

I pretty much refuse DADT at home. Getting to the point where we're both comfortable (enough) at home with me presenting in a dress or rompers has definitely been a result of some unofficial exposure therapy over a decade or more. She definitely had a certain phobia of the idea of having a feminine husband. Finding a name for the process seems to make it seem more hopeful somehow.

[Heather76]

Bea, I commend you for being able to dress while also having a beard. Over the years I have had a beard, not had one, and then had one again. It seemed I'd have it for 6 months or so and then shave it off only to grow it again in a year or two down the road. However, since I've started CDing, I don't believe I could enjoy my feminine side while also wearing a beard. I've never heard of exposure therapy so had to read a little bit about it. If it works for you, go for it.

[Fiona_44]

Bea - I have been out dressed a couple of hundred times and am very comfortable doing it. But there are still occasions where it may get a little dicey, especially when something unexpected arises while you are out and about and dressed. So the nerves do ratchet up a little on occasion but you learn over time to deal with it, each at our own pace.

Kelly - I was somewhat nervous the first time I went out in public but not as nervous as I thought I would be. I felt a deep sense of liberation and sensed that this was the start of something that would prove to be a very pleasant way of living one's life. It was an awesome first day.

[docrobbysherry]

Bea and Heather, dressing and wearing facial hair in boy mode is quite easy for crossdressers. Up until a few years ago I wore a beard/stash most of the time.:)

When I dressed I'd shave it off. Then, within a week it would grow back.:heehee:

Now, my facial hair is so lite it's invisible unless I dye it. Which is WAY too much work for this CD!:thumbsdn:
So, I just shave every few days.:straightface:

[jacques]

hello Bea,
I love your picture.
My beard is 50 years old this year; my dressing is even older.
Oh to be young again and not feel embarrassed to dress as I wish. I work at a University and to see young men crossdressing, not really trying to present as female, is not that rare.
One day it will be acceptable and unremarkable.
luv J

[Genifer Teal]

I hope your future self looks back on today and laughs.
Many times are fears are unfounded or certainly More than they needed to be. It gets easier I promise!

[CarlaWestin]

At one time I was going to find a female/woman therapist and just show up dressed for the first session because the male/man therapist I had simply felt the CD'ing was just life baggage.
But, that was back when I was very young and confused. And, times were different. But, exactly what are you trying to achieve by keeping the bearded presentation and the therapist for that matter?

[Bea_]

Carla, The beard is as much or more of who I see myself as a skirt and painted toenails. So, I'm just trying to find a balance. Nothing in me wants to be seen as a woman, but I am very inclined to integrate femininity into my overall presentation. I'm not sure what the final presentation would look like. And, I'm not sure how my marriage will respond.

Talking to a supportive therapist just helps me to not work it all out in a vacuum. I started going to her for unrelated relationship issues and the issue of my feminine aesthetic came up towards the end of that process.