Uninspired. A post about nothing in particular

[Rhonda Jean]

I've been traveling for work over the last several months more than I have in a very long time, and I've added a day or two every time to do my thing. This is a rare weekend at home, and alone, since that's how it is now. In years past I would have been dressed and shutting down some store or mall, then off to a sit-down restaurant. Now, nothing.

I don't know how long its been, though, that I've gone a week without dressing and going out at least one night. That used to sound like heaven. Now, I do look forward to it (so that's an improvement) but the prep for it, all the packing, etc. is just kind of a drag. I've had moments when I've been out that have been fulfilling, sort of. Not like it used to be, but what is? Coming home is even more of a drag because I've got some undoing to do and I'm still asking myself every time if it was worth it.

This isn't an "I'm quitting" post, but I think I'm done with the "whole nine yards" thing (which has only been about 5 yards anyway) for a while. I'll probably be very solidly in the MIA___ (nail polish, sandals, leggings...) camp for a while.

Speaking of nail polish. I just about never do my own nails. I did wear a set of press-ons I found in an old purse a few weeks ago, but I've spent an inordinate amount of time in random nail salons in various cities over the past several months. Most of the time I was not the only male getting their nails done, and this has been the case for a long time. This year I've seen more guys in the nail salon and fewer guys out in public with their nails done. This year there has been a particular drought of it. Seems like every year I think "this is going to be the year" for some relatively high percentage of guys to be wearing nail polish, then it never happens. You see it on TV, it's certainly gained acceptance in a lot of places, but there's not much follow through where I go. I keep expecting it to happen with nails like it did with earrings years ago. Unbelievable that back in the day you NEVER saw a guy with earrings.

I've gained a lot of insight lately from GG input on here. You'd think I'd have this all figures out by now, or that I would have at least stopped caring. Guess I'll always be intrigued by the mysteries and nuances of it and how it's viewed differently depending on what side of the fence you're on. Seem like there's always a different twist.

[Karren H]

I miss traveling for work a lot. Don’t miss work, ok maybe a little bit. But I have had those same feeling before, a number of times. Probably if you think hard enough about it, it’s not really worth it. But then again it’s not like you have a choice or at least I didn’t, don’t. Don’t get too twisted up! Hang in there, Rhonda!

[kimdl93]

I happen to dress based on mood. Theres absolutely nothing wrong with that. (Please excuse the Seinfeld quotes)

[GretchenM]

Rhonda, you bring up an interesting subject. Trends; and what do they mean? Like you, I see these periods when I think that maybe "this is going to be the year" for this or that. And then it fizzles out like a defective sky rocket. I too wonder about the nail polish phenomenon. What happens to all that nail polish? Maybe it was just for a particular event? Maybe an SO was horrified and lowered the boom? What was the motivation in the first place? All mysteries. But perhaps there is something deeper going on that is providing an underlying motivation.

Maybe because women are exhibiting a great deal more self determination, rather than following the old traditions, that some men want to show some respect for women gaining more independence and are showing more feminine traits and characteristics? Not really a gender thing at all but rather an acceptance that things are better when men and women collaborate instead of the superior and subordinate arrangement of tradition. Men letting their feminine sides show a bit more than tradition expects. And even to the extent of men wearing slightly more female-like clothing. Not really a crossdressing, but a bit borrowed from that realm; a step toward a more widely accepted mild non-binaryism. Of course, the is happening more so in some geographic areas than others. And perhaps that is where at least some of the political backlash comes from - strong masculine males in some geographic areas where sticking to tradition is more the norm and who want to push back against this somewhat greater feminization of society. Those same men do not like femininists, especially males who support feminist views.

I see all of this indicating that society in general is beginning to establish a new relationship between males and females that allows for a great deal more equality. Even to the point of allowing for more gender variance for both males and females. These kinds of revolutions or evolutions do tend to happen in bits and pieces that may or may not merge into a wholesale shift in social attitudes as the bits and pieces join up to produce a finer fabric. Your example of earrings is a good one. Perhaps not a fad but a bit or piece of a long term trend in the shifting of male and female roles to be more collaborative rather than competitive.

The science has capably shown that males and females are far more alike than they are different when it comes to all the things we do in the course of our lives. And perhaps deep in the background a lot of males are finding that loosening the ropes that confine the gender roles produces some very positive effects. But such gender expression shifts are also evident in the traditional female roles as well. Many females are being more independent and that requires them to show more of their male-like sides.

To me, the bottom line is that society is discovering that the long standing gender standards are really not fixed as if popped out of a plastic mold. But those of us, males and females, who do show various degrees of gender variance in who we fundamentally are end up playing a bit of a role in showing the world what is possible or what is natural - diversity is rule rather than uniformity and conformance. In particular I am referring to you, many others here, including me who tend to show this other side, and not necessarily by choice but as a result of fundamental diversity in human behavior that defines and distinguishes us humans from our cousins the chimpanzees. Seven million years ago our common ancestors split into two lines and the chimps went one way and we went to other way. The Chimp Road ended up not producing a lot of diversity but the Human Road provided a lot more push toward diversity including a major overlap in male and female gender roles that is now being discovered as a collaborative advantage in a technological world. Male earrings and nail polish and flowery shirts are an expression of that joining that is just getting a foot hold and experiencing the ups and downs of a changing world.

[Gillian Gigs]

In our youth there was an excitement about doing many things. Going to a sports event was fun, exciting, then three days later you couldn't even remember the final score. Getting dressed for whatever reason was a thrill, exciting, and then the thrill quickly wore off.
In my case going the whole 9 yards became such a hassle, it interfered with my enjoyment of the dressing. So I started to cut out what I considered to be the hassle part and went strictly with what I enjoyed the most. Fortunately my accepting wife made the room for me to dress as I pleased. I look like a MIAD, so what! The question is, what do you want? I just want to be a guy who likes to wear lingerie, skirts and hosiery. Wear what makes you feel good about yourself, and forget the hassles that might interfere with your enjoyment of this life we live.

[audreyinalbany]

I suppose it all comes down to defining what 'crossdressing' is to you. I read so many stories on here about people spending an hour or more getting their makeup right. Seems a bit excessive. I've got a npretyshore make up routine and, when opportunity arises, I can be dressed and out the door in about 15 to 20 minutes Now that being said, I tend to dress in suburban mom mode, so maybe a lot of you gals are way more dressy

[Helen_Highwater]

I've come to the conclusion that the more we dress and the better we get at it the more it becomes "normal". We would perhaps in the earlier days amaze ourselves with our transformations, the very fact we could do this and then when out there would be that tinge of excitement at the newness of it.

But we get more confident, we normalise it.

I've just posted about going out Friday to meet another member. Afterwards I remembered I needed some antihistamine cream for insect bites I'd picked up the day before. Sat nav'd it to the nearest super market, parked up and when looking for the medicine's aisle. No angst or nervousness, no glancing about other than to check out the shelves. I could have been in drab.

So yes it's possible we start to wonder why bother but then we need to remember that for so many of us we dress to be the person that we are. And those times we don't bother it's afterwards we have the regret of an opportunity missed.

And perhaps we should appreciate more why many women don't bother to change into "nicer" clothes and put on makeup just to go buy groceries. Not worth the effort.

[Rhonda Jean]

Good way to put it, Gillian. Cutting out the hassle. Of course, through the years I relished all of it. Now there are things I just don't like, even thought I still feel like I should. I don't like polishing my nails, for instance, but I LOVE wearing nail polish. Going to the nail salon is the obvious solution, but even if I don't get a full on mani-pedi every time it still gets expensive . I hate taking off my makeup. TBH, I'm not that crazy about putting my makeup on, but when the mood strikes me I do like wearing it. The hassle part of it is starting to outweigh the good part. I have made great progress in packing for a trip, though. Back in the old days I'd literally fill up an SUV for a couple of nights. Lot's of trying on before I decided what to wear out. Now I'm over that. I decide (pretty much) what I'm going to wear before I leave, and there's really very little more than if I were traveling entirely in male mode. I'll never fly pretty, but I'm not paying any extra baggage fees to bring the girl along. I check one bag, I carry a big purse as my personal item, and a carry on.

Gretchen. As to trends. They have to start someplace, right? I've enjoyed watching the runway fashion shows ever since they became easily accessible on YouTube. Every year there are a lot of skirts and dresses for men, and almost every one of the male models is carrying a purse. I don't know where those fashions go. A lot of them are so ridiculous that I don't think anybody would ever wear them on the street. I've always thought that the purpose must be to show fashions that are many steps ahead, then the street fashions "advance" by maybe a few. I can't tell that that actually happens. I don't know the origin of trends, but I think the mainstreaming of the fashion trends that interest me are mainstreamed in the black community. At my first real job I worked with a very masculine young black man who wore his nails extremely long with clear polish and had long hair that he'd wear in a huge afro, straightened, flipped up at the ends, high pony, low pony, one braid, pigtail braids, and nobody ever said anything to him about any of it. He certainly gave me the courage to wear my nails long with clear and to be a little more adventurous with my hair. I got crap for it, though (particularly my nails) and he didn't. I think he was the only guy who was not a crossdresser who I could talk hair and nails with. Now 45 years later I still see the black community leading the way in mainstreaming trends.

[Stephanie47]

When some of the GG's indicated many women just do not go the full makeup and nail routine on a daily basis it reflected what I see around me all the time. In my early years I did the full makeup and nails; either painted or fake nails. Now, if I am at home, it's zero makeup. Nobody, including me, is going to see it. If anything, a little lipstick with its slight scent or leaving lip marks on a cup will suffice. When I have the opportunity to take an evening stroll I may apply lip color, eyebrow pencil and some rouge; stuff that is easy to wash off in a hurry if need be.

And, that brings me to a clear example of not doing makeup when there is no reason other than self vanity. When my wife was visiting our daughter in Chicago I did the entire routine; full makeup and nails. Then a frantic call from our daughter-in-law who locked her car keys in her home along with her house keys. Help! Granddaughter was standing there too, needing to get to school. I had a spare key. Please come over she said. I did a quick wash off of the facial makeup and tried to remove the nail polish. You know how long it takes to remove all traces of makeup. When I got there I hid my hands, curling my fingers into my palms and wore tinted eyeglasses. All went well, but caused a lot of reflection. Time applying and removing takes time away from other activities, if at home.

[docrobbysherry]

I'd say you're quite lucky, Rhonda Jean!:thumbsup:

Some of us won't dress unless it's to the 9's. I haven't been satisfied just doing my nails or throwing on a few fem things for 25 years!:battingeyelashes:

And, I have recently skipped a couple of week long T events in Vegas because the huge hassle of packing all the gear Sherry requires for these exhausting but enervating events!:doh:

[sometimes_miss]

I've come to the conclusion that the more we dress and the better we get at it the more it becomes "normal". .
Much like gay men have gained acceptance from the world, crossdressers and trangendered have also started being recognized as falling within the range of normal variations of sexual gender identity.
Trouble is, for us anyway, that being tolerated as just another normal variation, women still find crossdressers and transgendered MtF people, well, less than attractive as potential mates. A lot of us are just not at all attracted to males; and it leaves us with almost zero hope of finding a life partner. Despite the few CD'ers here who have found a tolerant female mate, most of us have come to realize that the likelihood of ever finding a woman who actually LIKES us that way, is almost non existent. I still spend most of my interpersonal time, with gogo girls, aka 'exotic dancers', to get what minimal affection I can. Yes, they seem to understand why normal women don't want me, but it doesn't make it hurt any less when that session is over and I have to go home alone one more time. I likely have dated well over 50 women in the past decade, none of which felt CD'ers or transgendered MtF were acceptable as a mate.

[Natalie5004]

Regarding makeup. I am now using some foundation and mascara in male mode when I get dressed to go out for a dinner or when I need to look my best.

I added some lipstick but my wife sees it right away as a give away to my cross dressing or maybe Trans lifestyle.

The longer I dress and more often I dress I feel it is become normal to me to dress this way. I like the way I look and I would love to go almost full time as a trans woman. I have a strong desire to remove a set of body parts and add a set of other body parts.

But that is not in the cards unless I have a terrible change in my circumstances.

[Rhonda Jean]

I think I look better in makeup in male mode, too. It's a rabbit hole, though. If I could just stick with mascara, a light foundation, a little blush, and some unobtrusive lipstick or even just lip balm I'd be good. 10 minutes max. I've done it and I'll do it again. Thing is, I do this once. Then next time I'm adding eye shadow, next time I'm trying to cover beard shadow, then eyeliner... you get my drift. Don't get me wrong. In the right setting and on the right person (which I'm not sure I am anymore), full makeup in male mode is the bomb! But, then I'm back to 30-45 minutes to do my makeup and obsessing over details, and then going over and over to take it off before bed.

I wore tinted moisturizer and clear mascara and clear brow gel to work every day for many years. You couldn't tell I was wearing it, so what's the point. Then my shirt collar would rub my neck and although you couldn't see it in my face, tinted moisturizer is most certainly makeup when it gets on your collar.

[Natalie5004]

There is tinted facial sun screen that works. I use that often too.

But I do not go past a little mascara and foundation. Eyeliner and eye shadow in male mode is too much for me too.

Thanks for the private message.

[alwayshave]

Rhonda, I understand that full dressing is a lot of time and energy. But, I so love the final product, I can't imagine doing it otherwise.

[AmyJordan]

Oh Rhonda I read your post all I know is my heads hurting now that's far to deep for my simple brain.

[April Rose]

My late wife went through phases when she was into clothes and makeup and phases when she couldn't be bothered with anything but jeans or shorts and tees. I'm sure lots of GG's go through the same thing. Why shouldn't that apply to transfolk?

[kimdl93]

It occurs to me, upon further reflection, that one way to diminish the enthusiasm a person has for any, lets call it hobby, is to pressure oneself to pursue it, or in some way feel guilty for not feeling motivated. Motivation is basically an expression of interest, and interest in pretty much any activity can ebb and flow.

That goes somewhat against another piece of advice I received during a period of depression. That is, it is easier to ACT your way into a new way of thinking than it is to THINK your way into a new way of acting. Its the basis of cognitive behavioral therapy. And I suppose its correct. If you are having a motivational low and would like to someday feel that motivation come back, maybe the answer is found in slowly easing back into the grove. Accept that lack of motivation as just a part of the process.

Also, its really a question of what you want from the experience today and tomorrow. As a mature person, I have a much different interest in how and when I present myself to the world than I had when I first started openly crossdressing. I do not feel the exhilleration or at least not in the same way. And yet, I do value my opportunities to dress and at times publically present as a woman. I do not NEED to do so, and I have the option of deciding when, but when I do, I also want to do my best to look good.

[TAG]

The way you feel is pretty common among CDers.
I wouldn't worry about it and sometimes change is a good thing. Not like there are hard and fast rules to all this.
Not doing the whole nine yards is you coming to reality that you don't have to.
Some feel they have to for some reason but actual women don't do the whole nine yadrs thing all the time.
I have been 24/7 for so long all the CDing aspect never crosses my mind anymore.