CD's in the men's room

[CDMargret]

Hello everyone,

I have been following Kimberly's posting of troubles in a local bar using the ladies room. Most cis women would rather us to not be in there. What I was hoping to read was other's experiences in the men's room while dressed. Now I was visiting an LGTBQ friendly bar and when I need to take care of business without thinking I used the men's room. Never occurred to me I am in the wrong stall so to say. There is a boy and girl and both are one room facilities with locking doors.

My question is have other's en'femme used the men's room and did they encounter negativity?

[Patience]

Yes and no.

I mean, yes, I have used a men's room en femme (I mean, I must have done. Using the restroom is not the part of the outing I tend to remember. I guess in our case a lack of recollection is a good sign) but have never been hassled.

However, I must admit that I organize my outings in such a way that I don't really need the restroom until I get back home - I make sure my stomach and bowels are as empty as possible when I go out.

In situations when I know I will need the restroom, I tend to favor or remember locations that have gender neutral facilities. I have only really been hassled about using the restroom once, when I was walking enfemme thru an airport (https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?280298-First-Time-Flying-Crossdressed-(or-very-nearly)) to my gate. I waited and used the restroom on the plane.

Not an ideal solution but it's worked for me.

[Karren H]

I have never used the mens restroom when out enfemme. Ok maybe once in a park but that was more a photo op than a necessity.

[Jillian Faith]

When out enfemme I have never used the men's room and have always opted for the ladies room. I've never had a negative experience using the ladies room. I go out during the day and never busy crowded venues so I go in, select a stall, sit down do my business, put my self back together, wash my hands, check my hair and makeup in the mirror and leave.

[Sandi Beech]

I have used mens and womens restrooms plenty of times. No one has ever said anything to me whether LGBT or regular club. Nothing negative anyhow. I mean what are they going to do, run out and say there is a man in the men?s room. Haha. It is not a big deal.

Of course I never use a urinal. Always a stall.

Sandi

[Sara Marshall]

I am along with the same outlook as Sandi. I have been to fairly large music festivals, concerts, Casinos and clubs dressed and I usually use the men?s room. Now I will say all of these venues are usually very friendly atmospheres where everyone accepts everything. Most of the time guys just give me a compliment but nothing out of the way. Sometimes I do go in the women?s, but it?s because the girls drag me into there to redo my makeup lol. I have never had any negativity by using the men?s room but I also try not to put myself in places where I would, but of course you never know.

[Natalie5004]

I am seeing more and more Unisex bathrooms these days. It is strange to come out of a stall and see women washing hands and checking makeup. When dressed I use the women's room.

[Aunt Kelly]

While doing so in a gay bar will likely cause nary a raised eyebrow, do not use the men's room in any kind of vanilla venue while en femme.

[docrobbysherry]

U must remember there r huge differences in men's and ladies rest rooms.:devil:

If u use the ladies room when it's not crowded u can slip rite in, enter a closed stall, finish and slip rite out!:battingeyelashes:

Not so the men's room which may have only one or 2 stalls. And, if they're busy u need to wait around until one's available!:doh:

[Stephanie47]

Actually, at crowded venues I have seen more CIS women rushing into a men's room and yelling "Woman on Board!" because the lines for the ladies' room is so long. I never saw any guy having a problem with that.

[GracieRose]

If I have to use the restroom when dressed, I either find a gender neutral room or use the ladies room. Like Jillian, I go directly to a stall, do my business, wash my hands and leave. I've never had a problem. including the time I walked in to a full restroom, and when the next stall became available, the girl in front of me turned and told me to go on in because she was just waiting for her friend. I like to believe that I blend well enough that walking into the men's room would draw more attention than walking into the women's room.

[Fiona_44]

I always use the ladies room or a gender neutral room. Never had a problem. No way would I ever use a men's room.

[TheHiddenMe]

Most cis women would rather us to not be in there.

<Snip>

My question is have other's en'femme used the men's room and did they encounter negativity?

No one knows what most cis women think, and it is foolish to believe we--as most here are AMAB--that we do. Personally, because virtually all women's rooms have stalls, I believe cis women don't really care, as long as it doesn't involve their personal safety.

When there are unisex bathrooms, I use the unisex bathroom. When dressed, I use the women's and never had an issue.

The ONLY issue I've had is when I'm in the ladies room with my GG friends, and they want to discuss things in the stalls. I tell them in advance NOT TO ASK ME THINGS because I don't want other women to hear my voice.

BATHROOM ISSUES ARE FAR OVERBLOWN ON THIS BOARD. GET IN, DO YOUR BUSINESS, GET OUT.

SIMPLE.

[alwayshave]

In DC, most places now have gender neutral restrooms. In the older buildings I use the women's room.

[Debs]

Ive been going out dressed for many years in the uk, and never had a problem in the ladies, I cant understand what the problem is, you go into the ladies you lock yourself in a cubical to which nobody can see in or enter, its completely private, so how do you upset someone in that situation, if your not in the cubical, your fully dressed en femme and maybe stop to wash your hands and put a bit of lippy on, so how is that a danger to other women in the loo ?. When I was working I was sent to Denmark, Norway and Copenhagen, over there there are just Toilets, No ladies or Gents, just toilets with cubicals to which you lock yourself inside and nobody bats an eyelid or complains, and here in the uk is becoming more just toilets for both and just cubicals you can lock, I was in the Trafford Centre Manchester (A massive Mall) last week again just toilets, most cafe bars are just toilets, its the way the world is going, but it seems to be a problem in parts of America, do you not have locked cubicals in America. I can also see the benifits for small cafe and restaurants, they save space not having Ladies and Gents seperate toilets. Here in the uk Im finding its older establishments that have had seperate toilets in the past and have kept them like that at the moment, but all modern and refurbed buildings are going to a single toilet room with cubicals, As the Mandalorian says "This is the way"

[Princess Chantal]

To answer the question, yes I have used the mens restroom while enfemme only when there was a long line up for the womens. I have not had any negative confrontations in doing so. However, I did not do it alone as I always asked my friend Mutt or any other guy in my group to come with me for possible security purposes.

[macada10]

If lavatories are split by sex: Male-Female we should use male ones always.
How would you feel if a man ( crossdresser or not) enters a lavatory and your 9 y/o daughter is its only other user?
No doubt the best solution are individual lavatories without sex restrictions. But let's do the correct.

[prw230]

I was traveling dressed in skirt & blouse, but otherwise presenting male. As I was leaving the mens room, a guy was coming in. As I held the door for him, I could see his eyes scan me. The look on his face was "oh my god, I'm walking into the ladies room". He did a quick look at the sign that confirmed it was the mens room & his expression changed to one of confusion. It was all pretty funny.

I travel this way often & have never had a problem using the mens room

[MonicaPVD]

I have been out dressed and presenting as a woman for years and have never encountered any hostility or negativity from any woman in any ladies room. Now, if I just slapped on a dress and looked like a man in a dress, I would absolutely avoid the ladies room. There are certain social contracts that don't need to be written down. If you present as a woman, most if not all cis women will treat you as one. Even in conservative communities. If you present as a man in a dress, you run the risk of a more conservative woman thinking that you are invading their private space. That usually won't end well.

[Gillian Gigs]

The latest style of washrooms I have seen in Canada are doing away with the concept of male and female. You walk into this hall way and there are several doors on both sides, which are not marked. You step into a small narrow closet which has a toilet, and sink. They are so tight you can bang both elbows against both walls when seated. It would be a tight squeeze for a person of large girth. The church I attend has just renovated one of the washrooms to this standard also. The exception is common sinks and mirrors. Unisex washrooms are on there way in. They are safe and private with doors going from 2 inches above the floor to the ceiling.

[Natalie5004]

I agree. The bathroom thing does get out of proportion. Get in, get out. No issues.

[Linda E. Woodworth]

Last time I was out enfemme the "family" restroom was busy and I didn't want to use the ladies so I went into the men's room. It was empty. Found a stall, took care of business and left.

I passed a young man entering on my way out. The look on his face was priceless!

[GaleWarning]

I am visiting churches in our parish on vestry business. The one I visited last Sunday had just one (unisex) loo. No-one seemed to mind. It's the way to go!

[Patience]

...no pun intended. :iagree:

[Geena75]

The very few times I have used the facilities when out as Geena I have used the ladies' room -- but it was a single occupancy with locking door, and in an accepting venue.

I have a theory about which room to use: a) if I'm dressed and using a ladies' room, I hope to look like a lady and seem to blend in. No one is going to see my personal stuff because there are stalls with doors. Not much of an issue. b) if I'm dressed and using a men's room, I still hope to look like a lady and would not blend in. Again, I would use a stall and hope it has a door. I would stand out more, and be more likely to be harassed.

To those wanting to shelter their child from cross-dressers -- it would be easier to tell a little girl that they saw a homely woman in the ladies' room than to explain the same to a little boy in the men's room. In neither case would one's personal stuff be on display since a stall is used.

[Shelly Preston]

I have never used the men's room while out and about.

It's unusual but I have seen women use the men's room, if the queue for the women's room is far too long.

This has tended to happen when a group of women decide they just cant wait any longer.

[JayBird]

For the most part it comes down to a personal safety issue, but we all (and cis women of different cultures) perceive that safety differently. The venue, time, and location of the world matters. Going into the men?s room at a traditional honky-tonk bar dressed to the nines, on a Saturday night, is different that going into Department Store men?s room during the week at 11am. Everyone needs to feel safe. I have used the ladies room many times out, but I do keep this in mind at all times.

One of the advantages of the ladies room is more stalls, and usually a better chance of there being a clean stall.

I know that there were some replies of ?no one cares?, but depending on the laws and culture of the area, it could be problematic. Even where I live in the south US, I feel okay in 99% of the situations, but my point is that we should be aware of the situation.

[Jillcder]

Ladies room only for me never even considered using the mens room.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Many of the states in the US have recently enacted laws that basically say, "You must use the bathroom of the sex denoted on your (unaltered) birth certificate." The purported reason is to protect women.

I would just like to see what happens when a FAB transgender man on Testosterone uses the ladies bathroom, looking very much like a man.

[Phoebe Reece]

I use the ladies room when out presenting femme about 99.9% of the time. There have been exceptions over the years, but there were special circumstances involved in those. A few months ago, just before leaving a restaurant that I and some friends were having lunch at, I went to the ladies room and found that the cubicle locks on both of the only two stalls in there were broken and the doors would not stay closed unless you held them closed. I decided I didn't need the facilities that bad and left. I thought about going to the mens room, but was so annoyed with the restaurant that I didn't and just held it in until I could go somewhere else. I and my friends did complain to the management of the restaurant before leaving. A month later we were back again at the same restaurant and the door locks had been fixed.

[BrendaPDX]

Well I am fortunate to live in Portland Oregon, a relatively/generally accepting environment for all people. Almost all shops, restaurants, bars, and malls have either unisex bathrooms and or family restrooms. If there was no choice except womens or mens I would use the mens room and use a toilet stall (this happens a lot here, women's restrooms don't have enough stalls, so women use the men's restroom stalls. They just wait in the men's line). In reading these types of threads I am reminded how much easier we (LGBTQIA+ which here includes crossdressers) have it. I have to pause and reflect just how lucky I/we are here. Go Portland, Oregon!

[Tracy Irving]

To my knowledge, I have yet to witness a crossdresser in a bathroom for men other than myself. But I have a lot of clothing that, with a casual glance, one would be hard pressed to identify as exclusively for women.

To comment on the previous post without quoting, I believe crossdressers are not required to be part of the LGBTQIA+ community.

[April Rose]

I've had to use a men's room a couple of times dressed as a woman. Both times I felt awkward and exposed. I'll take my chances in the ladies room.

But, hopefully, good design going forward will mitigate the problem, just as lowering the curbs to street level for handicap access has helped everybody else.

[Maid_Marion]

When I used to go to movies guess where young girls with single dads would go? The men's room with the supervision of dad.
I've also been in the women's room, dressed as a guy, to help my wife in a wheelchair. In Connecticut.

The Taylor Swift stadium concerts are overwhelmingly attended by women. Here's the story.
https://slate.com/culture/2023/06/taylor-swift-eras-tour-mens-bathrooms.html

[MonicaPVD]

Many of the states in the US have recently enacted laws that basically say, "You must use the bathroom of the sex denoted on your (unaltered) birth certificate."

Not sure I would say many states. More like several states. Plus, there are several states where crossdressing is already prohibited by archaic laws. Some random Karen would have to go through the effort of calling the police on you, which while possible seems highly unlikely.

[Jamie001]

It is best to stay out of the ladies room especially in the Southern States because as others here have said, all it takes is one Karen to ruin your life. Also if there is a child in the ladies room it is much much worse!! You can be accused of being a child pervert and will have to register as a sex offender for the rest of your life. It comes down to some Karen's word against your word and who do you think that they will believe?

Stay safe by staying out of the ladies rooms. Always seek you and use gender neutral rest rooms like at Starbucks.

[nancy58]

When it comes to a restroom with a single toilet and a locking door, I would have no compunction about disregarding the sign on the door. My wife has used single-occupant men's rooms, and we thought nothing about it. There's an age-old problem that restrooms are under-designed and do not take into account the fact that women need a little more time for a simple restroom visit, and single-person men's rooms are fair game. Any man who objects to a person presenting as female using a single-person men's room is a heel.

On the other hand, I remember a time when, dressed as a man, my bladder was bursting and the only thing available was a single-use women's room. I used it, and I made darned sure that I left it as clean as if a woman had been there. I was very relieved that no one saw me come out.

I will not use a multi-person men's room while dressed as a woman. The idea feels degrading, but more than that, the female me entering or leaving a men's room is going to call attention to me that I would not receive going into a women's restroom. That puts a target on my back for every trans-phobe who happens to be around. They may not assault me in the restroom, but they might get me on my way to my car. I'll take my chances with the potty police.

[JulieC]

Jamie, with all respect, you are just as likely to end up on a sex offender's list by being crossdressed in a men's room, perceived to be preying upon little boys. The added "benefit" in using a men's room is you are also considerably more likely (than a woman's room) to get the &*(#@&$ kicked out of you.

[Kitty Sue]

When I used to fully dress and go out I would use the men's room.

[BTWimRobin]

I live in Vermont and things are a little different around here. Bathrooms are non-gender specific. The sign on the door usually says "Whatever! Just wash your hands." It takes a while for the tourists to figure it out. For us more gender-fluid folks it certainly relieves the pressure of being in the "wrong" bathroom. When I leave the state, I would not even consider using a men's room dressed. I'll seek out a unisex or family friendly bathroom. I have yet to venture into a ladies room.

[Maid_Marion]

That is good to know about visiting Vermont. I haven't been there in a decade. Most of my recent trips out of state have been to Massachusetts and Rhode Island, though I did get to see what NYC looks like at sunrise when most drivers were still asleep!

[Claire M]

When out dressed as Claire I use either a uni-sex or the women?s bathrooms. Like several have said ... go in, close the stall door, do my thing (sitting down of course), wash my hands, check my hair and leave. I have never had a hassle or even had anyone say anything to me. I have used women's restrooms at busy airports (O'Hare in Chicago) and a couple busy casinos, restaurants and shopping malls. No problem. Even had to stand in line once or twice.

On the other hand, in guy mode I have no issue using the single occupancy bathroom marked "Women" if the men's facility is in use. When you gotta go, you gotta go!!

[Jamie001]

Jamie, with all respect, you are just as likely to end up on a sex offender's list by being crossdressed in a men's room, perceived to be preying upon little boys. The added "benefit" in using a men's room is you are also considerably more likely (than a woman's room) to get the &*(#@&$ kicked out of you.

The problem with using the ladies room is coming out after doing your business. There may be a big redneck transphobe waiting at the door for his girlfriend to come out. When he sees you come out, that is when the trouble starts. Not a good situation.

[racquelr]

I really don't understand the need for a mens or womens distinction on a bathroom when they are only single occupancy.
All single occupancy restrooms should be uni-sex.
Just a little over a week ago I was at an event where they had one of those portable trailers with 4 single occupancy bathrooms.
There were 3 for women and 1 for men. There was a line for the 3 women's units, and no line for the men's
It seemed silly to me that none of the women were using the men's room when no one else was using it.

[ellbee]

CD's in the men's room

Why does this sound like a cringey low-budget horror film?!? :eek: :heehee:


Anyway, back in the day, when I used to present fully en-femme & go out clubbing / bar-hopping with my friends to LGBT *and* "vanilla" venues, alike? Well, I've used both the men's & the women's room in quite a few places, ha!

I've personally never had an issue. Then again, I almost hate to say it, but Monica (post #19) has a very valid point. Just reality, really. In my case, it worked out well, regardless what I did. Unfortunately for others, they may not always be so lucky? :sad:


One time in a vanilla bar, some guy accidentally almost walked in on me when I was using the 1-person yet unlockable men's room. He was absolutely shocked when he saw me in there washing my hands... I even saw him double-check the "MEN" sign on the door, LOL! When I was finished & exited, he was outside waiting. He was like, "Oh, sorry... This is the men's room. The women's room is around the corner," kinda pointing that way. I just smiled & kept walking. He was very nice/polite about it, didn't seem drunk or anything, just probably more concerned of what could potentially happen in there to a... Well, GG? :strugglin Anyway, my friends saw what had occurred, and they were like, what did he say to you? Long story short, they all agreed -- and actually convinced me -- that because of the way I looked that night (i.e., pretty legit & hot)? I needed to be using the *women's* room the rest of the night. And so, I did! :battingeyelashes: (You know, the one that was in full view of the bartenders & staff. ;) )


Like I said, I've never had any problems in any of the women's -- and this was years ago. Just know the rules, and conduct yourself accordingly.

As for using the men's? It was always kinda funny when I did. Always used a stall, though (standing up, didn't care, LOL)... Except one time, with friends at a large & very packed gay *male* club/bar, obviously Mother Nature eventually calls. So, I waited in a very packed line to the huge men's room, by myself, totally en-femme, amongst nobody but a TON of testosterone-fueled gay male strangers -- who were all presenting as MEN! Finally got in, walked up to an available urinal, lifted my dress enough, and did my thing, LOL! (Yeah, no *way* was I going to go in a stall *there*! :eek: ) It must have been a hilarious sight, looking back. And funnily enough, I come to later find out that, unbeknownst to me, there was actually a much smaller women's room tucked away in another part of the place, ha! :roflmao:


But yeah, whatever. Always all good here. Of course, YMMV.

And these days, presenting as a MIAD, of sorts? I'll use the men's room every time, thanks.

[GaleWarning]

The problem with using the ladies room is coming out after doing your business. There may be a big redneck transphobe waiting at the door for his girlfriend to come out. When he sees you come out, that is when the trouble starts. Not a good situation.



Since I don't bother to present as a woman, I've not often used the ladies' room. However, my SO and previous lady friends and wife have all assured me that the ladies' room can be equally foul!

I have had occasion to enter the disabled room on many occasions, as a care-giver, and these, too, can be less than sweet-smelling, and scrupulously clean.

Jaimie, I think your fears are misplaced.

[char GG]

Mod note:

I will remind anyone whose posts have been modified or deleted to read the rules. Search all of them, as many need a refresher. You will find your answers there as to why the modification/deletion.

Any further crude remarks will be removed or the thread will have to be deleted. Don't want to have to continue to babysit this thread.

https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/faq.php

[Karmen]

I never had any problems using ladies room when dressed as a woman, even it is obvious I'm a crosssdresser. Of course every time women notice me as something unusual and worth attention, but they never said anything bad of gave me the feeling that I don't "belong there". But I still try not to use a public bathroom when crossdressed, if possible. I don't want to go to the men's room dressed as a woman, especially because I usually go out crossdressed at night.

[Sophie Yang]

My question is have other's en'femme used the men's room and did they encounter negativity?

I can only remember one time. I was drinking coffee at the Starbucks next to the Ferry building in San Francisco. There was quite a long line to the ladies restroom. After waiting patiently to get in I was by the men's restroom door. I knew no one was in there, went in, and was followed by several others. No negativity, just relief.

[GaleWarning]

Another thought, prompted by my experience of using a unisex toilet today at my local medical centre ...
I had to use a code to get through the door.
Sensible suggestion?

[Krisi]

Obviously, different situations might require different choices. There are some places where it is illegal to use the restroom not designated for your birth sex. Also, which one you use in a crowded biker bar might be different from the one you would use at the opera.

The best plan, by far, is to find a single occupancy unisex restroom. The next best choice would be a "family" restroom.

If none of these are available, I would say you have to consider your presentation. If you honestly believe you pass as a woman (even an ugly woman), the ladies restroom should be your choice. If you are obviously a "man in a dress", the men's room should be your choice.

[Sometimes Steffi]

The problem with using the ladies room is coming out after doing your business. There may be a big redneck transphobe waiting at the door for his girlfriend to come out. When he sees you come out, that is when the trouble starts. Not a good situation.

I'd rather take my chances with the big (male) redneck transphobe waiting outside the women's room door rather than the big (male) redneck transphobe inside the men's room.

[Karmen]

I think that establishments like hardcore bikers bars etc are better to be avoided in general, when you are crossdressed, because it is a good chance to get harassed in there. Usually are filled with people that are not very openminded. I would rather try to find some other place to pee and even risk wetting my pants than go to bikers bar to pee.

[jjjjohanne]

I present male and wear skirts and dresses. I have gone into a multi-person men's room on a small number of occasions. At the airport, it was busy. Crowded normally equals safe. One guy at a urinal was looking over his shoulder at me while I washed his hands. He forgot that I was facing a wall of mirrors and could see him. Otherwise, there were no reactions.
However, one time, I went swing dancing while dressed pretty. At some point, I was hot and sweaty. I had been dancing with numerous ladies for an hour. I was at ease. I walked into the men's room with no thought of my outfit, etc. There was a man in there washing his hands. I walked in and said, "Hey." Walked up to the sink and toweled off my face. I tried to make small talk with him. He had this expression on his face like he didn't know how to react to the situation. I'm glad to say that he survived and no one treated him badly during this whole experience. (giggle, snort)

[dawnmarrie1961]

When I use the men's room it always amuses me to see some dude do a double take at the sign on the bathroom door that say's "MEN".
That's a Kodak moment.

[JohnH]

No matter what I wear I frequently get read as a woman. That includes the times I am wearing male business casual. While wearing such an attire for all of the following: I have been asked if I am waiting to use the women's restroom. I have had a time when a woman followed me into the men's restroom and I had to tell her she was in the men's room. Another time the wife of a couple almost went in the men's room while I was leaving it, and the husband was approaching the women's restroom. In those cases, I have to point out with my masculine bass voice that I am a man or point to the door of the men's restroom and tell the person(s) and tell him/her/them, "This is the men's room".

[jjjjohanne]

Once, when I was with my wife at NASA's space center in Cape Kennedy, Florida, I was outside the ladies' room waiting on my wife. (I was in men's clothes.) While I was waiting a man, dressed as a man, exited the ladies' room with his wife and two kids. They were speaking in an unfamiliar language. I guess the rules are different in their country...

[Ressie]

There's a bar where we were having a problem using the women's. There was one person that was complaining about my friends and I using the ladies room.

This ladies' room only has two stalls and the bar gets totally packed on weekends. So if one of us CDs enters while both stalls are being used it's a bit problematic. We ended up watching to see when someone entered and when someone left. Then make a dash for the ladies' room when the coast was clear!

Using the men's is possible I guess. I would describe most of the clientele as blue collar, a working man's bar.

[Sherry Ann Evans]

I wouldn't dare use a men's room while out dressed! Why provoke any idiots who had a problem with it? Much rather use the ladies room, where I belong. :) I've received compliments from women in the ladies room, never anything bad.

[Cynthia T]

Last year I attended Exxxotica in Rosemont IL. I went into the men's room to finish dressing, planning on waiting until nobody else was there. But there was always some guy in there, so I finally just dashed out.
I wouldn't use a ladies as I don't want to upset anybody.

[jjjjohanne]

I'll add one more thing.
When I dress in women's clothes, I present male. I have gone into the men's room to change clothes in a stall. Sometimes, men come and go while I am in there.
With heels, I am sometimes tall enough to see over the door and see who is in the room. I have seen one guy looking down at my shoes that he could see under the door.
After years, I have become more casual/brave. I have stopped waiting for all of the men to leave before exiting my stall. I have stepped out and washed my hands before leaving while a man was in the room. Several times, he was doing his thing and he never looked my way. A couple times, the man and I would be at the sinks at the same time. There's always a moment of not knowing what to do on their part. I'm nonchalant about it. They follow my lead. The most significant thing that has ever happened is: we both said, "Hey." (Caveat: I have only done this in public restrooms on the interstate highway, or in office-park buildings (where many businesses share a nice building). I am more cautious on the highway.)