Been a long time away from here

[cpt2669]

So a lot has happened since I was here.
About 2 years ago my oldest child came out as transgender. Male to female. She was afraid I would not except it but her mother told her about my dressing. She got mostly positive reaction from family.
My wife has tried to except my dressing more. I didn't know how to react to finding one of her bras in my dresser, she says i could have. See even said she found one of my swimsuit and tried it on. I guess I am at odds with all this because she of course except are new daughter, but I believe that deep down she hates my dressing. I think that if she tried to do something dressing wise with me that I wouldn't do it, I would be uncomfortable.
One positive is that I may get to shave/remove my chest hair. She was curious about what it would be like smooth.

Well, thanks for reading
Christina

[char GG]

Thank you for sharing.

It sounds like all three of you are working through some things. Maybe your wife doesn't "hate" your dressing but it sounds as if you are uncomfortable with her knowing. Think about it and see if you think you are "projecting" what you think she feels rather than how she really feels. It may be time to have a little conversation about it so that you are both on the same page.

I think it's easier to accept a child as transgender (just my opinion). It's at the beginning of their journey and parents often times are more understanding. With a spouse, I'm not sure if your wife knew in the beginning but I am guessing not. In that case, she married a man and had expectations that you would always present as a man. Couple that with how some men feel uncomfortable with their wives knowing their "secret" that they tend to keep hiding things.

Anyway, thanks for coming back here.

[alwayshave]

Christina, I'm glad your wife seems a little more accepting.

[kimdl93]

One thing I think each of us should try to learn is to avoid guessing what our partners might be thinking. Most often, we are likely to be mistaken, and we may project our fears or own doubts onto our partners. Sounds to me like your wife is trying to adjust and accept. Neither comes automatically, so cut her some slack and also cut yourself some slack. The best thing we can do is be kind to ourselves and each other.

[bridget thronton]

Welcome back - sounds like your family is making good progress on accepting each other

[GretchenM]

I agree with Char and with Kim that we tend to assume things that may not be true or are only partly true. It is hard to know precisely what another person feels about something. And that is especially true in us because most of us have had a lifetime of feeling a bit of shame in not being able to be fully "normal" with regard to gender identity.

Normal is often taken to be the most common form. But in that mode of thinking "Normal" and "Common" do not necessarily cover the same territory. When we look at the Common we are using a concept that filters out the variability found in the full range of personality types. And many of those less common forms are actually quite normal for humans in general. Wide gender behavior variation is probably normal in humans. The foundations of our behaviors lie in genetics with adaptation within the boundaries set by genes creates the full expression and personality of each person. Genetics in general and human genetics in particular allow for a huge range of behaviors that are normal but not necessarily common. Most of us are in the normal range but we are not abundant in the population.

It is wonderful that the family positively reacted to the revelation of her being trans. It is just what needs to happen and should happen. She is really very much the same person but she now just looks differently and is probably happier being out. If she is your genetic child then the fact that you show trans traits and she does as well is a wonderful additional bit of evidence that this behavior form is probably at least partially heritable and can follow genetic lines. You and your new "daughter" may share much more than either of you think. That can be a beautiful thing.

[CDMargret]

Hi there, Talk. Talk to each other, tell her how you feel. Be unafraid and honest about your desires. Ask about her feelings, wants and desires and really listen to her. Then will you both truly know what each other feels, thinks and needs. She might feel out numbered and I hope that isn't the case. It's great there are positive feelings in the family being acceptive. I so agree with GretchenM that you and your new daughter might have so much to share.

[Aunt Kelly]

Sounds like it's time for some more open communication. Without it, one or both of you can be unwittingly doing, saying, or hearing hurtful things.

[BrendaPDX]

First, WELCOME BACK CHRISTINA! It's interesting the paths in life that we are given, it's how we look at them that allows us to be happy.