Maybe she (my wife) knows more than I think she knows

[Sometimes Steffi]

On Monday, I told my wife that I'm planning "to go out with friends" this Saturday. That's out codeword phrase for "Steffi is going out.

We're DADT, and she usually just leaves it at that.

But this time she said, "But it's going to be so hot." I responded with, "That's why I'm still planning." She said, "It's going to be really hot with pantyhose. I was taken aback with that level of knowledge. She has never seen me dressed and hasn't even seen pics of me dressed.

I was kind of shocked, but I needed to respond. I said, "I'm not going to wear pantyhose."

I'm going to wear a long summer dress that's long enough that I won't need pantyhose. She didn't ask and I didn't tell.

Women's intuition?

[GaleWarning]

No, Steffi, she knows!

Let me illustrate what I think may be happening ...

I have a friend who is an alcoholic. How do I know?

Well, she is pretty good at hiding the bottles away, but occasionally I find them, quite by chance.

Also, she displays certain patterns of behaviour, associated with someone whose personality changes when she has had even the tiniest sip of alcohol.

See what I am getting at?

[char GG]

Do not under estimate what a wife knows. It usually is more than you think. Your comment was an easy one for a wife to figure out.

[audreyinalbany]

well, DADT means "don't ask/don't tell" it doesn't mean "don't know"

[Crissy 107]

I agree with Audrey and if I remember correctly Steffi’s wife knows about her dressing, hence the DADT. This may possibly be a thawing of the situation, just maybe, hopefully.

[kimdl93]

Yeah, my guess is she knows a great deal more than she lets on.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I agree with Audrey and if I remember correctly Steffi’s wife knows about her dressing, hence the DADT. This may possibly be a thawing of the situation, just maybe, hopefully.


If there's a thawing, I'd liken it to the slow melting of the Arctic ice cap. But, 10 years ago, no one believed that that would happen either. Now, it is happening, and it's pretty much "For sure" that it is going to keep melting for a long time to come.

[Kitty Sue]

Oh she knows alright.

[brucecarol92]

What is DADT mean ?

[Elizabeth G]

DADT = Don't Ask Don't Tell

[Bianca Fay]

I think the most critical way of analyzing this verbal exchange would have been to note her reaction when you said "I'm not going to wear pantyhose".

Did she merely shrug her shoulders, walk away, roll her eyes, etc.

She may have needed to let you realize that she knew what you were planning... or she may have been genuinely concerned that it would indeed be too hot to wear pantyhose.

[StephanieCD]

Steffi I think you should have used the opportunity to talk about your trip to her, at least help her by giving her an opener.

[GretchenM]

Steffi, I think you would be amazed with what she does know. As Audrey points out DADT does not include not knowing or searching for things out of curiosity. I also agree with Char that it is easy to underestimate what she knows - wives are "amazingly" smart and figure things out quite easily. Look at your understanding and knowledge of her that has never been discussed. The reverse is at least as thorough, maybe more. My wife does not want to see Gretchen (can't unsee it) but it amazes me how much she knows about Gretchen. She accepts my needs and trusts that it won't go further. I am not interested in violating that trust.

[alwayshave]

Steffi, Did you tell her you were going to the same pub she refused to go to because you have gone there dressed in the past? Meaning did you tip your hand.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Jamie

DADT. She didn't ask; I didn't tell. Had she asked, I would have given her the name of the pub.

I'm not sure she would have made the connection anyhow.

She knows that I'm going out dressed. I don't think that she needs to know where I'm going, unless by some unfortunate chain of events, that I don't return that night. She doesn't know where the girl transformation take place (at a GG's friend's).

I used to have a CD friend for Plan B. My wife had "her" number if she needed to call and ask about my whereabouts. I guess I need to find a new Plan B friend.

[Stephanie47]

I checked the weather forecast for Saturday, high 80's. She's right pantyhose will be uncomfortable. Your choice to wear a long summer dress is a good logical choice. If you think your wife does not know what you're doing................. To me, "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" means do not rub cross dressing into a wife's face.

[RachelB.]

Maybe you should have asked her advice on wha would be cooler to wear.

[jacques]

Hello Steffi,
you might not talk about it, but I don't think it is a secret!
luv J

[NancySue]

Intuition? You can bet the bank on it. I believe their ESP is genetic. This is why I told my wife before we walked the aisle. It was the most difficult thing I?ve ever done. It was worth it. She?s very supportive. A blessing. I wear hose, usually thigh highs, in any kind of weather. Might be time for ?the talk??

[Fiona_44]

Most women know more than they let on. It is a very useful trait to have when women deal with other people, especially men.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Steffi :hugs:, I have a Very workable DA/DT , Mrs-blue knows everything,

She just don't want tp see me while I am dressed, >Orchid**:daydreaming:O**

[Sometimes Steffi]

Nancy Sue

I've had the talk. Her response was:
1. I don't want to see it
2. I don't want to hear about it
3. I don't want to participate
4. Don't let our daughter find out

It's still pretty much in a deep freeze, but there is a warming wind that occurs randomly at extended intervals, like on Monday.

But, maybe I can restart the conversation where it left off, given that she gave me a lead in.

[Crissy 107]

Steffi, Looking forward to #’s 5,6 and 7

[TheHiddenMe]

I think she just made the comment as a reaction without thinking; I don't think she wants a conversation about it.

Yes, she probably knows more than you think she does.

OTOH, based on what you say, she really doesn't want to discuss your dressing. I think you are better off just dropping the subject instead of trying to determine if there is a crack in the wall. Don't read more into it than what's there. Respect her decision that she just doesn't want to know or talk about it, and let it go.

[Heather76]

DADT does not mean total ignorance. Quite honestly, I would have thanked her for showing concern about my comfort.

[NancyJ]

Steffi, I know that you have had the talk. I would encourage you to continue to advocate for yourself and for your marriage. Relationships change,mothers nature of DADT relationships change. I agree that she gave you an opening. At least follow up on it and ask directly whether the two of you can again talk about your crossdressing and how you both feel about it. Seems like at this point there is far more to be gained than to be lost by asking. Nancy

[ReineD]

Do not under estimate what a wife knows. It usually is more than you think. Your comment was an easy one for a wife to figure out.

Yes, that. :)

[JamieG]

Steffi, I think this is a positive step. If she's able to picture you en femme without getting angry, then it sounds like progress given what you've told us before. That said, don't get your hopes up for a complete "glasnost."