Ruined my Vacation with the wife!

[Judy-Somthing]

Went on a week Vacation with the wife.
The first three days great.
Then in a store we walked by some lingerie and I said "that would look great on you".
She had no comment.
Then that night while watching TV she said "that dress looks so bad on the news woman.
I said "i know, it doesn't fit her right".
The wife said all guys suck and I think to much about the way women dress.
So the last two days of the Vacation was mostly in silence!

[JulieC]

Oof. That's rough.

I don't know your marriage dynamic, but I don't see a problem with thinking about the way women dress.

[Diane P]

I'm sorry to hear that your wife was not happy with what you thought of as being a compliment. Hopefully things will return to normal.

[Ann Simpson]

I think I'm married to her sister.

[Natalie5004]

Sorry to hear that. My wife and I always talk about women's clothes. She even asks for my opinion.

[Sandi Beech]

Gee I guess you will have to keep your opinion to yourself if she is going to be that way. My wife can be the same way sometimes so I get it. I tend to play dumb when I know a LOT more than I should know about some things ; )

Sandi

[JenniferR771]

Sounds like you are going to have to be super-sweet to her in the next week or two.
Maybe she needs a back rub. Someone to do the dishes and vacuum the floor.
Maybe she needs an extra allowance--to buy a new outfit or two.

[Heather76]

I'm pretty lucky in that my wife will actually point out a hot looking woman to me on the off chance I didn't already see her.

And, I have mentioned on a few occasions that "I would love to have the dress that gal is wearing." I tend to get a "Yeah, I'll bet you would" in response. Then we go on doing whatever it was we were doing.

[Debs]

Sorry if your wife knows and is dadt, if those snidy remarks keep coming it will eventually boil your blood and you will explode, you cannot go on biting your tongue everytime she sticks you with a snidy remark, I know we are not all the same, but I would have to put a stop to it, it will esculate with more viciuos remarks if you dont nip it in the bud now. sorry just my oppinion, I couldnt keep taking a verbal beating, its not fair on you.

[Helen_Highwater]

Judy,

Am I right in thinking you're in the closet and you've just lost the place you kept your extensive wardrobe but have managed to kept a few things near by?

Is this a case of your SO knowing more than you think and this is the manifestation of her reaction? These comments have a root somewhere, a trigger point so what's prompted this sudden shift in attitude?

[Maria 60]

I'm very sorry that I'm reading this especially reading and knowing what you have been going through the last year. Sometimes even myself during a conversation my wife may ask something and I contemplate if I should just zip it shut. But then I think I should have my right to my opinion and freedom of speech. As my father used to say "make sure the war your about to go into is worth the fight". So with that I now analysts to he situation and go from there.
I'm really hoping and looking forward to reading something positive in the future from you, maybe a solo vacation is in your future cards.

[alwayshave]

Judy, I don't see how you ruined the vacation. You complimented her regarding something thing you think she would look good in and agreed with her about some one on TV. Sounds more like her issue. My ex-wife could turn a compliment in to a fight. That's why she is my ex-wife.

[Rhonda Jean]

If I didn't know anything about the background I'd say that that is a silly thing, an overreaction, crazy to ruin a vacation over something so trivial. But, seems to me (BTDT) that that's just the tip of the iceberg. This is the insidious way that this thing we do colors everything in a relationship. Sounds like she's mad about it all the time, not just when you're actively dressing. I don't have to remind anybody here that this thing we do carries a lot of weight in relationships (a gross understatement). Perhaps y'all need to seek professional advice to help you resolve this before it gets resolved like mine did. You can suggest counseling. You don't have to wait on her to do it. Given the way things are going, she might think this is just a ploy to get somebody else on your side and gang up on her. All you can do is try.

[Stephanie47]

Judy, based on your prior postings of the barbs your wife throws at you I do not know how you can stand it. You're hardly in a 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell" marriage. Reading between the lines, her comment is directed at you since "all" guys includes you, and, you think too much about women's clothing. My wife initiates a lot of conversations about how many of the local television news and weather forecasters dress which usually opens a conversation.

[ChrisP]

I'm thinking that your wife's simmering discontent isn't all about you.

Couples therapy might be helpful. Talking it out is always good IF your partner is capable of examining their inner life.

Best of luck to you, and make sure there is someone supportive in your life.

[siva]

hi Judy, so sorry to hear
similar to Ann, I think I'm married to her sister.
I follow the rules of Zip it up when I am home. Things are ruined for me already (still a closeted CD that's not an issue) and I am just hanging around for the kids

[docrobbysherry]

Judy, Judy, Judy!:sad: When your wife makes a comment that u comment on and she bites your head off?:eek:

That's way beyond passive aggressive behavior!:thumbsdn:
She's got a lot of hostility built up!:sad:

Instead of silence u need to bite the bullet and find out what's bothering her ASAP! Until u clear the air things will NEVER get better!:doh:

[Crissy 107]

Judy, You do seem to be on the hot seat way too often. That comment should have not ruined your vacation but it did this seems to be a simmering situation and is not good for either one of you.
Maybe you need to try and have a conversation to clear the air though that may not work. I feel bad for you right now.
Good luck!

[CynthiaD]

One important rule about women: Don't ever say anything bad about any woman to any other woman.

As a male, you're supposed to defend all women.

[Teresa.Smith.VA]

There seem to be so many comments of marriages that produce unhappiness over CDing.

I think "alwayshave" has the solution... unhappy husbands or wives should become ex-husband or ex-wife.

Once separated, each has a new opportunity to find a mate that will bring happiness and acceptance of each other.

[kimdl93]

It seems to me all you did with your comment is concur with your wifes opinion. If that was all it takes to ruin a vacation then there is something else wrong.

[Crissy 107]

I think "alwayshave" has the solution... unhappy husbands or wives should become ex-husband or ex-wife.

This may sound like a good idea but can potentially get very expensive

[mbmeen12]

Docs right there's dangerous waters a head...

[Genifer Teal]

When she sees how critical you are of how other women dress imagine how she feels you will react to how she dresses? Weather you say it to her or not you have given her enough to know how you think. You've set a high standard which she may feel she could never meet.

[Shanthi]

I agree with Genifer relating to an incident in my own life. A few years ago, me and my wife were watching a sports event and I had a tongue slip moment where I was praising the sports anchor dressing style but I tried to cover it up saying she carries herself well. A few months later, my wife was trying a dress and she was asking if she looked as good as the sports anchor that I was complimenting. I immediately knew what she was talking about. I was trying to cover up about how I observe the make up and accessories by complimenting her and my wife took it up on herself that I was setting up an expectation. We had a long conversation after that and I told her about every day for a week or so on how she doesn't have to compete with anyone and I told her that I loved her for what she really is. After that, we never had this kind of situation again. I am no relationship expert (probably the opposite of it).

I am so sorry to hear that this incident has happened to you at your vacation time. If I may suggest, pamper her and treat her the way you want to be treated when you are dressed. Every woman deserves that respect, attention and love.

[Robin777]

If this has been going on for a while, maybe marriage counseling would help you and your wife figure out why your marriage is that way.

[SherriePall]

Judy -- knowing your situation, I can understand the responses you got. Especially, after all the cponcessions you have made in regards to your dressing. I very seldom open my mouth about things like that unless my wife goes first. And then I am very careful in how I answer. Otherwise, I am very lucky that my wife knows, does my laundry of my unmentionables, and sees some of my cosmetics. She had not, however, seen dressed and probably never will. The only solution is to stay calm and quiet.

[Debs]

how long are you girls going to dodge the elephant in the room wait 2 years , 5 years , 10, sometimes 20. It wont go away !!!!!!!! , even DAT just puts it in the oven to bake. I hid and squeek like a mouse, in a few years itll be ok (loop). sorry been there, hid, lied, stashed, done the lot. Dont waist years doing this, sort it out, or it will seek you out !!, phew rant over. stop the loop, accept what your are or lie, hide your stash, tell her you wont do it again, rinse repeat.

[Rhonda Jean]

It strikes me that I'm seeing the other side of what my wife was hearing from her friends, encouraging her to ditch me. Wanting to be supportive of her, understanding of her situation, and the way to do that was to trash me and probably tell her what she wanted to hear.

We can all see the problem, and Judy can, too. I hate to see the end of a marriage, particularly over this. I hope that there's a way to save the marriage, for workable compromises, and for happiness to be reclaimed on both sides. I do think that the relationship can become so mired in the problem that one can't see beyond it. I'm not a "run to a therapist" kind of person, but there are times when DIY just does not work. It might not work, but it might. That is enough of a reason to run to a therapist/counselor.

[CeCe]

Bottom line for me is I just do not understand women. Far too often, my girlfriend chews my head off about ridiculous things. We talk about it before going to bed, and we discover that it was not so much the things I said or did, but other things going on in her life with her mother or sister, that made her ready to fly off the handle. Men compartmentalize life events like slices of pie, but women's emotions ravel like spaghetti.
Your wife's explosion might have had little to do with your comment. It might have been more about external triggers. Sometimes these explosions are more about the timing than anything you said or did.
Your wife and my girlfriend get caught up in their feelings, which then overwhelms their logic and charity in how they treat us. What I have been doing lately is letting her lash and then ask her, "now can we talk about my hurts over this episode?" My girlfriend tends to chill when I explain that her over-the-top anger over small disturbances hurt me too.

[FrannGurl]

If that's how it actually went, it sounds pretty harsh.

[Judy-Somthing]

I don't mean to be a complainer but, I miss dressing so much.

[Debbie Denier]

I think you are frustrated at not being able to dress rather than complaining. I share your frustration of having a non accepting wife and not being able to dress . It can be stressful.