A Friend Noticed and Questioned My Wife

[BTWimRobin]

I spend much of the late summer and fall peddling my wares at craft festivals up here in Vermont. This past Saturday 2 women came into my booth and bought something from me. They said they are also vendors and like to support other vendors. Awesome, I replied. Where is your booth? They said over there. But we sell dresses ?. Nothing you would be interested in ? If only they knew.

I shared that story with my wife, and she got quite the chuckle from it. She then said her friend Carrie asked her why I won?t cut my hair, yet I shave my legs. My wife just shrugged her shoulders and said she doesn?t know. Carrie doesn?t let anything go. I asked my wife what I should tell Carrie when she presses me about it. Wifey told me I could tell her as much or as little as I like. I am sure people notice I shave my legs, but Carrie is the first person to question it. Wifey said I can tell her as much or as little as I want. While Carrie is fairly open-minded, she can be a bit conservative about things that don?t fit the norm. She would probably be fine with a guy in a dress as long as it?s a guy she doesn?t know. The NIMBY effect.

How would you handle it?

Please don?t turn this into a thread about leg shaving.

NIMBY = Not in my back yard

Thanks,
-Robin

[Patience]

What a nosy person! Coudn't your wife maybe say she prefers your legs shaved when you're together in bed and she didn't say it before because the question was so intimate she felt unconfortable talking about it (which was true anyway)?

Or something similarly awkward that would let this person know they are overstepping the boundaries of other people's intimacy.

The part about the booth with the dresses is funny.

[Crissy 107]

Hi Robin, Since your wife gave you a heads up about Carrie you can possibly expect the question. This gives you time to think what to say rather than be caught flat footed.
Myself, I think I would simply say I prefer it that way and let it go.
I think you should give the girls some business, I think they would love that.
Good luck girl!

[kimdl93]

I would have respond to inquiries from Carrie truthfully and let the chips fall where they may.

[BTWimRobin]

Hi Patience & Crissy,

Just for the record, Carrie, her husband, wifey and me are all pretty tight. I'm guessing she felt comfortable asking my wife. And for the record Carrie despises my shoulder length hair. She would love for me to go back to the corporate, conservative look.

I certainly intended to buy something from the girls. Their dresses were beautiful, and I am a sucker for vibrant colors. I stopped at their booth several times over the course of the weekend. The first time I told them I wear a size 14 skirt and an 18 dress. They laughed and thought I was joking. While chatting with them yesterday morning, I told them I prefer to shop on the softer side of the store. They thought it was pretty cool. Unfortunately, I never did get back to their booth. Hopefully, I will see them at another show.

[Crissy 107]

Robin, Hopefully you get to see the girls again.
As for Carrie, too bad on your hair length but you are not married to her.

[BTWimRobin]

Thankfully, I am not. I'm fortunate that my wife doesn't care about the long hair or smooth legs. Although, she believe I look better in short hair.

[Raven Skyy]

Why don't you have fun with this and invite Carrie and her husband and anyone else? To a Cross-dressed Dinner party for Halloween. Men come dressed as their wife and wife come dressed as the husband. Invite Some friends and have fun with it, if your wife is up for it.

[bridget thronton]

I hope you get back to your dress making friends' booth some time

[docrobbysherry]

I think anyone who is impertinent enuff to ask such a personal question as why u shave your legs deserves a "none of your business" answer.:sad:

Something like, "I was camping and roasting marsh mellows when my leg hair caught on fire from the campfire." And, let her fill in the gaps in your story!:eek:

[alwayshave]

Robin, you can just tell her you find leg hair itchy.

[CDMargret]

Yes as the other's have stated if asked state that's how you roll. Personal preference. Or tell her you suffer from nuya....non ya buzness....lol

[mykell]

ask her why she shaves her legs.....go with her answer....

[ShelbyDawn]

I got accosted by a nosy lady in the nail salon. She wanted to know why I had my toes painted. I turned the tables and asked her the same question. her response was 'she liked the way it looked.'
I smiled and shrugged and left her standing there.

[BTWimRobin]

I would turn the table and ask her but I don't believe she shaves. She's always in leggings or jeans. Never in shorts or dresses.

[Jasmine23]

You don't have to tell her that you crossdress, remember you can't unring a bell! If you want to keep your crossdressing a secret for you and your wife then don't tell her, because, once you tell her you have no control over who she tells, for a start she'll likely tell her husband, and inevitably more people will find out. If on the other hand you don't care who knows then by all means tell her. As for an alternative excuse, if you're into cycling or swimming a lot of cyclists and swimmers shave their legs.

[ShelbyDawn]

I would turn the table and ask her but I don't believe she shaves. She's always in leggings or jeans. Never in shorts or dresses.

"Because I like it." is still a valid answer. Same goes for your hair.

[Angela Marie]

First of all congratulations to your wife to leave the answer to the friends question up to you. The question about shaving your legs is intrusive and she has no right to ask it in the first place, let alone continuing to press the issue until she gets a response. Also she prefers YOUR hair shorter. I would not say anything to her. You neither have to tell her the truth or manufacture a false response. Your life, your choice.

[Stephanie47]

I don't have any hair follicles on my legs or underarms. I'm 76. The only person who ever asked was my daughter when I was in my 60's. I kidded her that this was the first time she noticed. For me it is genetics. My father seemed to lack hair on his body. I did not have any hair on my chest until my 60's. I suppose I evolved faster than others since we do not need fur to keep warm anymore. I see lots of young guys with hairless legs and body. My wife says "It is wasted on a guy!" as she nicks her legs.

Just tell her or anyone else you like the look. My son has so much hair that I don't know where he got it; perhaps my wife's birth father? Not my side of the family.

[Cheryl T]

I'd say nothing unless questioned. Then it would depend on the question.
Why do I shave my legs? I don't would be my reply (I epilate).
If I did shave I'd say I like to feel clean, why do you shave yours?

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

I have exactly one friend who's asked me why I shave my legs. I told him the truth, that my wife likes it better, that glue or paint spilled on legs is easier to remove, it's more comfortable when it's hot, etc.
Then another day he brought it up again. I told him I don't, shaving is for girls. Men use machinery to violently rip the hair out of our legs.
Then, he brought it up again. I told him the first time was really out of fun, but it felt so great I kept it up. I reminded him that he first shaved his nether-regions for the Big V, and he's kept it up since then because it's SO much nicer clean. I then told him to try shaving his legs, he'd probably love it and keep at it. That's the last I've heard on the subject. :)

BTW, this is one of my best friends and none of these conversations were mean or nosy, he was just curious why I did something that most guys don't do, that's all.

[CrossKimmy]

How about it?s none of their business. It?s not your priority to cow tail to others? nosiness. Just my opinion.

What does it matter what your personal grooming habits are to her? Does that make hers fair game? Sheesh

[Hollibelle]

Sock friction isn?t a thing?

I lost most of the hair on my legs below the knee when I had to wear compression socks. Gave me a reason to trim everything else down to ?get it even?.

[Natalie5004]

Why don't you have fun with this and invite Carrie and her husband and anyone else? To a Cross-dressed Dinner party for Halloween. Men come dressed as their wife and wife come dressed as the husband. Invite Some friends and have fun with it, if your wife is up for it.

I like that idea.

- - - Updated - - -

I had a friend of my wife ask me also about my grooming habits. I told her that I like it that way. That was the end of it as far as I know.

[jacques]

Hi Robin,
or do you shave your legs because you are a cyclist?
luv J

[char GG]

I can't imagine anyone that I know would actually have the nerve to ask about a (someone's)husband shaving their legs. Who would notice and/or even care?

So, IF someone asked me about one of my hubby's "grooming" habits, I think I would laugh and change the subject, like asking them why their husband doesn't trim his nose hair.

[BTWimRobin]

The funny thing is I am an avid cyclist and I do see the benefits of shaving purely from a cyclist point of view.

[JulieC]

Robin, it's going to be a bit awkward if she asks. It's great that your wife gave you the heads up, so you can prepare.

Jasmine23 is right; you can't unring this bell. If you tell her you crossdress, you can't un-tell her. You won't have control over who knows. I follow a policy of not telling anyone...at all. There is no need to know. The only person that neeeds to know is my wife, and she's been in the know since two months into dating me. A few past girlfriends know, and one of them may have blabbed but I'll never know. I don't want the stress; does this person who knows the person I told, know? I don't like that.

Hollibelle, I keep my legs from knee to ankles shaved for compression socks. They didn't rip out my hairs, but they did reduce it somewhat. I did find that after I shaved, the compression socks stayed up a lot better than on hairy legs. I don't shave my entire leg(s) for a non-crossdressing related reason. I'd prefer to, but I prefer what I get not shaving them a bit more.

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

Char brings up a good point. I DO pluck my nose hair, because leaving it long enough to braid is gross. Most guys don't trim or pluck, because they're gross. I also keep my finger and toenails short enough so I can't climb a tree like a sloth. Because I'm not gross.

Leg hair and armpit hair are gross. Period. This has absolutely nothing to do with crossdressing, it has to do with not being gross.

[Taylor186]

My wife and I have been together for the last 30 years and married most of that time. Early on she mentioned that a few female acquaintances/friends had asked her if I crossdressed. (I assume my ex had spread the word as that being the reason for our divorce.) But, in the 32 years since that divorce, not a single person has asked me.

I've shaved my legs continuously for the last 25 years. If someone asked "do you?" I would say, "yes." (No one has asked.) If they followed up with "why?" I would say, "I prefer it." That's it, I'm not into squishy excuses.

[Sometimes Steffi]

One time a GM friend said that pantyhose matted down his leg hair. I never did find out how he knew or why he was telling anyone about it.

But, you can use the same answer. And if she asks how you know, you can say that you went scuba diving once a long time ago and the easiest way to get a wetsuit on and off is to wear pantyhose underneath the wetsuit. You decided to shave your legs to see if it helped get the pantyhose on and off. You liked your legs shaved so much that you kept shaving them.

She'll be so confused by your slight of hand wording, that she'll never figure out the truth. LOL.

[Geena75]

I am getting a little older, but I have noticed that my lower leg hair doesn't seem to grow much from my wearing longer socks (almost over the calf). For me, there's the "it looks weird when I don't" would work -- if I shaved regularly in the summer.

I agree with those who caution against telling the whole story -- once it is out, it can't be withdrawn!

[Leslie Mary S]

snip -I am sure people notice I shave my legs, - - Snip -

Thanks,
-Robin

Robin, I have NEVER shaved my arms legs, chest or back. not even the arm pits. I never have hair growing there.
So you see, there are a few of us that naturally have bare limbs.
I have been asked if I shaved and said "No, but You want to, you are welcome to feel for stubble any time!, it is never there!"
Now the face does grow a slow light beard. It took me 4 years to grow my Santa beard, and then it was still on the low density side, even though it was 3+" long.

[HelpMe,Rhonda]

Sock friction isn?t a thing?

I lost most of the hair on my legs below the knee when I had to wear compression socks. Gave me a reason to trim everything else down to ?get it even?.

I had similar patches of lost hair on my legs, don't know why, so a no-filter in-law would comment on that once in a while for no good reason, the only real way to get rid of that situation is to lose the hair that still grows.

[Jenn A116]

I'd suggest a further conversation with your wife. How much does she value the friendship with Carrie? Explain that you are concerned that if you tell everything it could affect their relationship. If your wife is ok with that risk, then I'd go ahead and come clean. Otherwise I'd just say "I like it that way".

[Bluesman]

Assuming you're not a serious cyclist, runner or swimmer (or male model...) just say "I like the way it looks and feels" and leave it at that.:)

[Heather76]

I shave my legs, I manscape, and I shave my chest. Just this weekend I decided I wanted to partially shave my arms. From my observations, most women have arm hair but it isn't as dark or as long as most men's arm hair. What I did was use my beard trimmer (which I no longer use on a beard since I don't have one) that I hold a little bit up off the skin. I will do this gradually until such time as I have it at a length I won't be questioned about but is short enough to be considered feminine. I also shave the hair off the back of my hands. There wasn't a lot there; but, I got rid of whatever there was.

[jjjjohanne]

If she asked in one conversation why you don't cut your hair, and also why do you shave your legs, then it sounds to me like she _might_ be on to you and trying to figure it out.
If she says she doesn't like your longer hair, then it sounds to me like she doesn't approve.

The only anecdote that I am aware of: Heidi Phox shared a story where she and her wife opened up about her crossdressing to a couple who were close friends. It did not seem like a problem at first, but (If I understand what she said correctly) their relationship became more distant over time.

[celine.crossdresser]

It is your personal taste, nobody have nothing to do about it. But if you want to be more polite, you could do what others girls just said: "because I like it"

If this happened to me, I'll simply give it back with: "why you are asking me? It bothers you?"

With age (now I'm in my 40s) we start to worry less.

[Kelli_cd]

With my legs shaved, it's much easier to put my clothes on or off. The times I need to wear over the calls socks, the same is true there. I feel cleaner, too.
When I started shaving my arm puts, I stopped leaving sweat stains on my shirts. And, I have almost no under arm odor now.

[KristyPa]

Like several have said, because I like my hair long and shaved legs, I like them this way.

I let my hair grow to my shoulders and shoulder blades. I’min a business that all guys. 99% don’t say anything I get questioned once in a while, I say nothing.
I’ve been asked about my longs nails from two office girls, I just look at them and don’t say anything, forget them. A factual thing about both, they talk about everyone.

I have one couple that the wife says, I hate your hair that long. I say nothing to her just smile, her hair is so bad she may be jealous.

For some reason it seems to me it’s women not men that question about our longer hair, legs, nails ect.

Check out all the athletes today with long hair.

Lastly, I would simply say, I like myself this way and let it go.

[Diane P]

I'd simply turn the question on her if it ever comes up, why does she shave her legs? If she says she doesn't then ask her why she doesn't, since most women do.

Since I started wearing hose I've noticed that I have no hair on my legs, which is strange considering arm and chest hair. About the only thing I can possibly guess as a reason is having been in the Air Force for 20 years and wearing fatgues and then camouflage, or camies as we referred to them, for most of the time I was in.

[Erin Lafleur]

I had similar patches of lost hair on my legs, don't know why, so a no-filter in-law would comment on that once in a while for no good reason, the only real way to get rid of that situation is to lose the hair that still grows.

Or lose the no-filter in-law...

[mykell]

thought of this afterward and since the thread has been revived i would ask if they shave they're armpits and why....you could add some girls don't and that you do....

[BTWimRobin]

Hi Ladies,

Thank you all for your replies and suggestions. Since this thread bubbled back to the top again, I thought I'd give you an update.

Since I started this thread, I have not really seen Carrie much and the times I did see her we were not in a private enough setting for her to question me. My wife, on the other hand has spent some time with Carrie and to the best of my knowledge Carrie has not asked my wife anything. If Carrie should one day ask me my answer is simple .... because I like it ... end of story.

[Crissy 107]

Robin, Sounds like a very good answer.

[Diane P]

Robin, that sounds like a great answer and she'll have no way to disput it.

[Genifer Teal]

If she asked me I'd own it. I'd start with isn't it great? It's just so much better. Then I'd turn it on her. Why did she shave her legs? (Hopefully not because society forces her) if she doesn't like the hair feel or look just say neither do you.

[amykwanishere]

I used to use this as an excuse: 'It's easier to wear a leotard since I take ballet class, and I need to wear a leotard in my class.'

And if you don't take a ballet class... then you SHOULD. It's great exercise, trains your discipline, and makes you walk and pose elegantly. :-D

[stepanie]

Part of the reason I shave my legs is because I have thin hair and my socks, work boots and pants tend to rub certain areas off and leave bald spots. I think my legs look better smooth than with patchy bald spots. I have one of those sil's with no filter, she asked once in front of the family if I shaved my legs, I just said yes nothing more. She commented it gave my legs a "cleaner" look and that was the end of it.

[Kelli_cd]

Robin, that's the answer I gave my wife when she asked why I wear panties.

[Davina2833]

Kelli,

I totally agree with you!

Davina