Maybe I?m not supposed to dress up anymore

[Shannon Lace]

This morning I was out on my back deck dressed up and painting my long nails I recently bought. I had just responded to Rhonda Jean?s thread about men wearing nails/polish when I heard a female voice say hello. I must have looked like a deer in headlights and my heart was racing. A female coworker stopped by since she was in the area. I had no idea she said and apologized for not calling first. She sat down across from me and was smiling ear to ear. I looked at her and said, what? She said I looked really good and said she wouldn?t say anything to anyone. I said thank you and we sat there for hours talking about me and other things in general. She barely took her eyes off of me the whole time. She offered to finish my nails and I said yeah. She asked if she could stop by a little more often and I said I didn?t mind. I laughingly said just give me a little notice in advance. She said I was welcome to stop by her place anytime and that we can just hang out and talk. I told her I would like that. Well ladies, that?s twice now within the last week or so. Maybe someone?s trying to tell me something.

[EmilyShy]

Sounds to me like she wants you to dress for her ��

I'd play along rather stopping dressing.

[Kris Burton]

I guess this sort of thing really does happen sometimes....

[Diane P]

I have to agree with Emily, it sounds like she would realy like to have dress for her. So for now I'd say roll with the flow and see where it leads.

[Di]

Yeah NO
Since your wife is being kept in the dark about your crossdressing let’s not make things worse.
So if this happened -don’t even think of dressing like others suggested while your wife is being kept out of it.

Without looking back - update
Your hair dresser knows and keeps your secret
Your mom, her neighbors
The friend you FaceTimed with knew and has kept your secret
Your coworker just showed up and offered to do your nails…..just walked around back
You tell your wife after being shamed here since seems everyone knows but her it seems
She is thrilled after seeing you tells you grap your purse let’s go out to dinner .
But you are taking it slow
MIMS

[docrobbysherry]

U have a wife? And, u didn't bother to mention that here, Shannon? While hinting something was going on with u and a co-worker?:eek:

I was going to ask how this woman knew how to find u on your "back deck"? But, after knowing how u enjoy deceiving us? Fogeddaboudit!:thumbsdn:

[char GG]

Maybe it's time to come out to your wife. And stop entertaining female coworkers at your house when your wife isn't there. Do you want to blow up your life?

How would you feel if a male coworker came by to entertain your wife while you were out? Just because you are a CDer, doesn't justify your behavior.

Maybe someone is trying to tell you that you are playing with fire.

[Aka_Donna]

Forget fire, you have pulled the pin on a hand granade. You need to think carefully and get life under control now, or time is ticking and you can't hold the firing lever that long...

[EmilyShy]

I didn't know you were married when I posted does your SO know you dress? Time to tell her if not, as the cats out of the bag and also mention your co workers visit. Things can end well for you here if your honest and upfront

[Shannon Lace]

In my defense my wife is friends with all of my coworkers as I am with hers. My coworker who dropped in on me has been here before for a cookout as well as all of our other coworkers. My wife and I both tend to flirt and joke around. I?m only guilty of not telling my wife I dress.

[JulieC]

Chime in STRONG agreement that you are playing with fire/live grenade, etc. Char GG says it very well.

[char GG]

If your coworker that dropped in on you knows your wife, and knows that you dress, don't you think that your wife will find out? What makes you think that your wife doesn't already know?

Read some of threads from the GG's here. Many are most angry about the sneaking/hiding rather than the actual CDing. You may actually be able to do your nails together with your wife too.

[Di]

A coworker knowing before your wife is a BIG DEAL.
I would take Chars suggestion to looking into how wives feel about such things is a good idea.
Why was it kept from your wife? And yet you have a co worker keeping your secret now.
Seriously?
I?m only guilty of not telling my wife I dress.
Again read the GGs stories??the hardest thing for the wife to get over is the betrayal.
The hiding the games.
Not Cool

[Shannon Lace]

You ladies are right about this issue. I plan on opening up to my wife tomorrow. I want to be the one to tell her and not her hearing it through the grapevine. Everyone please keep your fingers crossed for me. I?m nervous as hell.

[Cheryl T]

So why would this most opportune event make you think you shouldn't dress anymore.
I'd love to have a female friend in addition to my wife that would accept and be like your friend.

[JulieC]

Best of luck Shannon! Let us know how it goes!

[Shannon Lace]

Thank you JulieC. I?ll let you know how it goes.

[Crissy 107]

Shannon, I hope you do come clean to your wife tomorrow and do not beat around the bush. Good luck and please let us know how you do

[Aka_Donna]

Good move, just remember it's better to err in timeliness than to postpone too long waiting for the perfect moment. Too often any good or somewhat good time is better than waiting too long hoping for the perfect time.

Alas, I have waited for the perfect moment too long and finally realized the perfect moment was in my head and not expressed thought/need eats away more than any possible joy from hitting the perfect moment. That's too much like waiting for lighting to strike.

[Di]

A good decision especially since someone else knows your secret……and not your wife.

Here is a post to help you
https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?13841-How-to-tell-your-partner

Also alot of great posts in the Loved Ones ( especially the sticky’s )

Do not lie as it will come back to you ten fold.
She might have questions for sometime.
Remember you knew this about yourself many years give her grace to come to terms with it.

[Stephanie47]

First, you need to come clean with your cross-dressing and also tell your wife your friend stopped in while dressed. That may not stop your wife from unloading on you, but it may stop her mind from racing to whether or not your friend will spread the word. I do agree with others that she wants to see you attired as a woman. However, going to her place is totally out of the question. It's an open invitation to a destroyed marriage.

[NancySue]

Char is right. I?d strike both Maybes?Tell her ASAP, if not sooner. The match and stick of dynamite are very close.

[Shannon Lace]

Well JulieC and Crissy107, I did it. I came out to my wife this afternoon. We went out for lunch and as we were finishing our drinks, I told her everything. She asked if I was serious. I said yes. She asked me if I was gay, I said no. She asked if I wanted to become a woman, I said no. She said then why? I said that I just want to explore my feminine side and it was my escape from reality and stress. I told her I was completely happy with our relationship and marriage. I also told her about my coworker stopping by and my friend who saw me with makeup and curlers when she FaceTimed me. She said ?you?re not too smart are you ?.I couldn?t disagree with that. She seemed pretty calm throughout our conversation and I could tell she was processing it all on our drive home. She said we?ll talk more about it later. I was kinda left hanging for now.

[Diane P]

Shannon, when I posted my previous response I didn't realize you were married. The best thing you did was let your wife know about your dressing and the two other people who found out. Hopefully this will work out in your favor. I'll keep my fingers crossed fot you.

[mykell]

congratz on disclosing these things to your wife today....just a thought....she is processing lots of things right now
and i think the biggest hurdle will be the circle of friends.
so i think you still have some work to do too salvage your relationship....being brutally honest is what will be best in the future for you.
with coworkers having knowledge about you i cant see a DADT working.... i wish you both the best....

just a side note, when i disclosed to my wife she said its great that i got this off my chest but she felt i put her in the closet, having no one to talk about this too was a hardship.

maybe offer her the the FAB forum that di has in the forum....

https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/faq.php?faq=pf#faq_gg_forum

[docrobbysherry]

I guess I misjudged u, Shannon? I think telling your SO all was the right thing to do.:thumbsup:

Now, I hope for your sake the rite thing turns out to be the best thing, too!?:straightface:

[JocelynJames]

I will say this?at first , my wife asked alll those same questions, and was like ?ok, all is cool? then it wasn?t for a few months. She almost left me. We had many heart to hearts, a lot of tears , and I pumped the brakes , heavily. That was 12 years ago this December. We just celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary. Let her process, tell her anything she wants to know. Good luck

~Joss

[Suzie Petersen]

Shannon,

Good step telling her about this, that was the right thing to do. A little late, but you know what they say.

If you do things right from now on, you should find out how she feels about this sometime during the next 10 to 15 years.

Be honest, and be careful.

[Debbie Denier]

Good luck Shannon . Hope you get the outcome you desire. I regret not telling my wife . She found a stash of clothing which resulted in a negative outcome.

[JulieC]

Shannon, it might not feel like congratulations are in order right now, but they are. It took a lot of courage to tell her! You did the right thing. This was a major, major bomb just waiting to go off. If you hadn't told her, it would have likely blown up in your face.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Shannon I sure this story has a HAPPY Ending,

[Shannon Lace]

After coming out to my wife yesterday the rest of the day was fairly normal. We talked and went on with our normal routine. We bbq?d last night, had some drinks and watched a little tv. I didn?t let on but I noticed that she was looking at me quite often without saying anything. Later we got ready for bed. Me in my male undies and she wore, for the first time in a while, her red sheer nighty. We kissed and lights out. This morning it?s been normal as usual. I?m giving her time to process it all but I wish she would talk to me about it soon.

[JulieC]

She will talk when she's ready. You've had forever to process this. She's had 24 hours. It can be hard, but patience :)

[mykell]

looks like things are going well, i would suggest you let her go at a pace she is comfortable with....
she may never say anything as her way of dealing with it....i suggest you dont push it for now....

[Shannon Lace]

My wife was telling me what she had going on at work tomorrow. Because I work from home she asked me what my plans were. I said I wasn?t sure other than my regular work. She gave me a curious look and said don?t get into any mischief with a grin. If I didn?t know any better I think she knows I will probably dress. Not sure if I will though.

[JulieC]

Well, sounds promising! But like mykell said, let her go at her own pace.

[Suzie Petersen]

It is certainly not the same for everybody, but many of us have experienced our wifes/girlfriends start out puzzled but accepting, just to later on shift through tolerant to downright discusted by this.

This is something most women are not prepared for, so when they are suddenly confronted with this in Their Man, the first reaction is not nessecarily well thought out.
It takes time to think through what this means, and it will be a while before she knows what to do with it.
Like Mykell said, she may even never tell you how she actually feel about this, but it will most likely change how she feel about you.

The fact that the first question very often is "are you gay", shows that people really dont know much about this topic. It also shows that their impression of who you are, has just been completely uprooted. Everything about you is all of a sudden up in the air and questionable.
An other typical reaction is, that if you have been "dishonest" about this fundamental part of who you have been pretending to be, can anything else you have ever said actually be trusted?
Do you actually like coffee? Is your favorite color really yellow? Is the car you drive actually yours, or did you steal it?
I mean, you clearly can't really be trusted, right!

All of this is going through your wifes mind now. Her comment about your potentiel mischief could be a clue that she is now not sure what you might be doing when she is not around, nomatter what you tell her your plans are, or what you told her you did yesterday.

At the same time, you probably also dont really know what this means for you.
At some point, she might ask you what you really want, and how far you want to take this. Be very careful with your answers to these questions, because your answers will be remembered forever. If you are not 100% sure, then the best answer is "I dont know". Anything other than that might later be considered a lie.

Of course, your wife might turn out to be one of the "one in a million" ones we all will be envious of later on. Lets hope for that.

- Suzie

[Connie D50]

Wow lucky you sounds like fun.

[Shannon Lace]

My wife opened up to me this morning before going to work. We talked for an hour and a half. She asked what I would usually wear so I showed her where I kept my clothes, makeup and heels. She looked at everything I had and even commented on some things saying they were nice. She asked where the wig was but I told her I would do my own hair since it was long. She said ?you do your own hair??and just giggled a bit. You really like dressing up she asked? I nodded yes. She said ?what am I going to do with you? I said just don?t be disappointed in me and I really do love you. She gave me a kiss and said she had to get going and we?ll talk more tonight.

[Diane P]

Shannon, I hope that the "we'll talk more tonight" has a positive outcome. So far it sounds like you might be one of the lucky ones who ends up with an accepting wife. When you do talk please anser her as truthfully as you possibly can.

[Shannon Lace]

Diane P. She?ll be home in a few minutes but I totally intend to be 100% honest with her from now on.

[JulieC]

Sounds like affirmative, positive progress! Even if it ends up DADT (don't ask, don't tell) this sounds positive.

[Shannon Lace]

My wife now knows I crossdress. She?s the most important person in my life. As far as my coworkers go, I don?t care if they all know. I told my wife if she wants to tell hers, it?s fine with me. That?s up to her. Neither one of us have family anywhere close.

- - - Updated - - -

I want to apologize to all of you for misleading you by not mentioning that I was married. I also want to thank you all for your advice and support. I truly believe that being on this site saved my marriage. My wife knows my crossdressing hasn?t changed how I feel about her. She is accepting this little by little and I told her how much I appreciate it and I?ll answer any questions she has She told me I?ll always be her husband and she added ?for better or worse ?. I told her that I?ll always be her wife. She said ?very funny ?.

[mykell]

sooo maybe you might start another thread : maybe its ok to keep dressing....a beautiful bouquet of flowers are in order for her....:love:

[Diane P]

Shannon, I'm very happy to hear that things seemed to have worked out between you and your wife. It sounds she has a sense of humor with her response to your comment about always being her wife.

[Shannon Lace]

My wife asked me to greet her at the door tomorrow as Shannon. She said she was curious to meet the other woman. I said I would be happy to do this for you. I told her I want to look my best for you so would you set my hair in your curlers before you leave for work. She said I never thought I would be doing this. She added, maybe we can go out and do something.

[JulieC]

Dreams do come true Shannon! Congrats!

[JesseVF]

Hi Shannon - amazing how things have changed for you in less than a week! Enjoy!
Jesse

[Kieroney]

My five cents, my wife is still processing my dressing after 15 years of finding out and still at times gets sketched out but tries her best to understand the stress and relief it gives me when I do it.

[Shannon Lace]

Thank you ladies for your guidance, wisdom, support and most of all, your tough love.

[JulieC]

None of us knows anyone else's life on here, least of all their marriage. But, too many times I've seen husbands here deceive their wives, and it never turns out well. It takes one hell of a lot of courage to tell your wife you're a crossdresser. But, it's by far the safest thing you could have done. It would have been safest before your co-worker showed up unexpectedly. After that, it was the only way out without blowing up your marriage. Even so, it takes a lot of courage to do it. I give you major kudos for taking that step.

I have a friend whom I dated a long time ago. I remain very close with her. My wife has always known about her, and is perfectly fine with her in our lives. A few years back, I finally told her about my crossdressing, literally decades after we'd stopped dating. She asked me once why I couldn't tell her when we were dating. It's very simple really; how can you tell someone else when you don't even accept yourself? That little story, if it resonates with you, might help you in trying to explain to your wife why this remained hidden.

I will give you another piece of advice worth every cent of how much it costs for you to read it :) BEWARE THE PINK FOG! Your wife is beginning on this journey with you. It sounds like she is accepting this aspect of you. Do NOT overwhelm her. Take things at HER pace, NOT YOURS. It's very easy to feel like a dam has broken and all of your pent up silence, anonymity, and hiding comes gushing out into the apparently welcoming arms of your wife. It's very unlikely she's ready for that. Don't do it. I don't mean to say hold back; be 100% honest with her in all things, not just this. But, don't start dressing full time all the time, don't start ordering all sorts of clothes, makeup, wigs, heels, etc. There's plenty of time to step through this. GO AT HER PACE.

[Shannon Lace]

Thank you for your advice JulieC. I do plan on going slow with my wife. Just because she knows I dress I?m not going full steam ahead. I?m letting her set the pace. She?s been amazing with all of this and I couldn?t be more appreciative. She asked me to greet her as Shannon when she gets home today. This will be her first time seeing me fully dressed and actually told me she was curious to see how I will look. I hope I don?t disappoint her.

[Diane P]

Shannon, I hope all goes well for you this afternoon when your wife gets home and has a chance to see Shannon. So far it sounds like your wife is slowly coming around to accepting your CD'ing, that's a good sign.

[BrendaPDX]

Hi Shannon, I am very happy for you! I am still in a DADT relationship. You did the best possible thing and sofar are having the best possible response. Wishing you nothing but the best.

[EmilyShy]

So happy things appear to be working out for you Shannon. Keep us all updated please :)

[DianeT]

I do plan on going slow with my wife. Just because she knows I dress I?m not going full steam ahead. I?m letting her set the pace. She?s been amazing with all of this and I couldn?t be more appreciative. She asked me to greet her as Shannon when she gets home .

So, this is NOT full steam :

Day 1 am: Told wife at lunch. Wife calm. Will talk later.
Day 1 pm: Wife didn't talk. Put on red sheer nighty.
Day 2: Wife didn't talk. Makes a joke about CDing in the evening that looks like a hall pass.
Day 3 am: Wife talks and sees stash and kisses before going to work.
Day 3 pm: Wife finds joke about being a wife for her very funny.
Day 4: Wife wants to see her husband crossdressed in full nines the next day when she gets home.

Shannon, congratulations for this home run in 3 days. Maybe you should enlist your wife for the next Accepting Wife Olympics, she should win them hands down and feet up. All the GGs here must be super envious of her and we are all super, super, super envious of you.

P.S. Nobody can deny this is a GREAT support forum.

[Shannon Lace]

Good morning ladies. My wife was very pleased and excited to finally meet Shannon. She asked if I was interested in going out for dinner and I said sure. I grabbed my purse and off we went. She drove to the local mall where we had Chinese. We ate and she said it was nice to have a girlfriend to hang out with and talk to. She surprised me by stopping in Claire?s boutique and told me I needed my ears pierced. I agreed. She said just think of all the pretty earrings you can wear now. That?s an evening to remember.

[Diane P]

Shanon, I'm so happy to hear how thing went between you and your wife. What is surprising is her saying you needed your ears pierced. You have a wonderful wife, don't ever lose her.

[CharlotteCD]

This has gone from 0-100 so fast I'm finding it hard to not to feel like this is a piece of second life fiction.

From never knowing to going out together dressed the very first time she meets your alter ego, and all in the space of 5 days?

Not buying it.

[Shannon Lace]

Thank you Diane P. I am truly blessed to have the wife I do. We?ve had some serious talks about me dressing whether we?re home or out and about. She wished I would have told her sooner. She said it was definitely unexpected and that I don?t need to hide anything from her. She said she loves me no matter what. Our anniversary is coming up soon and I plan on spoiling her. I?m sure there?s a few ladies on this site that don?t believe how blessed I am. That doesn?t bother me.

[Di]

This thread is done.


Make it make sense
MIMS