Relationships

[GJ81]

One thing that concerns me about expanding my crossdressing activities is my relationship status. I?m currently single and would love to have a relationship with a GG. I?m wondering if crossdressing has impacted you either positively or negatively in starting and developing a long-term relationship with a GG. What has your experience been?

[docrobbysherry]

In my experience going out dressed women r generally curious and accepting of dressers.:)

Until u ask for a date!:eek:

[char GG]

Please read the tips from the GG's. Be honest upfront before you commit to a long-term relationship. That doesn't mean first date. But don't waste your time or her time if she won't accept you as you are.

[kimdl93]

I would have to say negatively. I believe both my ex wives would agree with that assessment.

[Diane P]

I agree with Char, if you're looking for something long term you need to let her know about your CD'ing, not at first but before you too serious. If she can't accept that part of you then better to find out before it's too late.

[JulieC]

GJ81, welcome to the forum!

I doubt there are many women who grow up dreaming of the day they marry their prince in shining...white wedding dress. :heehee: That said, there are plenty of women who will accept having a crossdressing partner. Of the women that I've dated, four have known about my crossdressing. The first was quite confused about it, and took some time to wrap her brain around it, asking the usual questions in the process (are you gay, do you want to become a woman, etc). The second was wholly intolerant, and was rather critical. Unbeknownst to her, she taught me to never accept someone who didn't accept me. The third was a brief relationship, but she actively enjoyed it, quite possibly because she was bi.

The fourth is my wife. I told her about my crossdressing about two months into the relationship. A couple of days later, she bought me pantyhose. It hasn't all been perfect; there have been a couple of bumps. But, she's very accepting. We've been together more than 20 years now.

Will being a crossdresser reduce your opportunities for a long and happy relationship? Yes. Is it the end of the possibilities of that? Absolutely not. You can be a crossdresser and have a happy relationship. It can work, and it can work well. I very strongly advise you to follow what Char GG said above. Don't waste your time or hers. If you don't find someone accepting, move on. It's not worth living out a long term, maybe life long relationship with someone you know is not accepting. Too many of us don't accept ourselves enough to tell our partners until after we marry them. Don't do yourself or herself that disservice. Let her know relatively early on. Personally, I waited two months to give my (now) wife time to learn about me, and what I had to offer in a relationship.

[Karren H]

Don't look to me, I have never had a positive experience in that realm, yet. Still waiting though!! lol

[Becky Bloodstone]

That is a big question. Luckily for me, I was already with my wife when I started dressing and she is mostly accepting. But I always wonder if women would be drawn to or repulsed by a crossdresser that they don't know. I've heard mixed things.

[mbmeen12]

I was honest with my girlfriend by the second date, low and behold her brother transitioned. FYSA I have not changed my signature in ten years here. It still relevant to this day.

[Debs]

My ex girlfriend finished with me 20 years ago because of my dressing, but we are now best friends she comes out with me on a regular basis about 1 or 2 times a month, we have an amazing time, dont asked whats changed, I dont know, but I pick her up while Im dressed and we spend the weekend together and do all the girlie things girls should do. I found that golden ticket

[Maria 60]

We are really in a tough situation when it comes to some things and this is one of those things. I remember believing I was in full control of the situation a few days before marriage. I got my black garbage bag and removed my pantyhose stash what I thought was forever. I actually believed that was it a new life awaits, a new chapter and wearing fem clothes wasn't going to be part of it, no problem the garbage bag was thrown out and the slate was clean.
All for that encouragement it lasted two weeks, the first morning back from our honeymoon my wife went to work and I had another day off and there were slips and pantyhose everywhere and I broke so fast and wore a pair of my wife's pantyhose. That was the first time I wore anything of hers. I was so ashamed of myself that I broke her privacy and I was sitting on the edge of the bed thinking for hours with a white flag hanging over me this was stronger then I could have ever imagined. I didn't want to live as a fugitive to this the rest of my life and that same night I took the biggest chance of my life and told my wife everything, from the first time I remembered putting on my sisters pantyhose to that same morning I put on hers. No matter whatever the outcome was a building was lifted off my shoulders and I was really expecting my new traditional Europen wife was going to go home crying to her mother that she married a sissy. Instead she listened and a few questions and then told me she was upset that I wore her pantyhose but decided she wanted to see where it was going. That was over fourty years ago and I wrote this just as an example that we can believe that we could stop and especially when we love someone so much and don't want to lose them or hurt them and in the mean time the most hurting I would have did was to keep this behind her back. Because my wife accepted this and just didn't see any harm in it as long as I decided to keep it our secret and I thought at that point every women was the same until I came here a stated reading the horror stories of unaccepting women. What I'm really trying to say is for me it was why stronger then I thought and in the end I was ready to lose her knowing it's not going away and not to discourage you but get ready to drive on a road of uncertainty. It could go either way after all that was 1986 and there was no internet and I do have so much respect for my wife going in blind of what her newlywed husband just told her. Now a days it's more common and a women could educate themselves more. I'm not trying to discourage you lets just say it's good to be prepared.

[Gi Gondin]

Hi GJ. Welcome to the forum. I hope you find helpful all the discussions here. There is an infinite amount of experiences and opinions to inform anyone in the theme!

A couple of weeks ago my, now wife, shared her thoughts of advice to a crossdresser for how to behave in a new relationship:

1. As soon as you believe the new relationship has potential to endure, tell her about the crossdressing;
2. Think ahead and (know and) be clear about how you feel regarding your sexual orientation and where you think you will go with it;
3. Leave a lot of space to build together so it will be a couple’s matter, not only yours.

In our case, CD was essential to the success of our relationship. We have been together for 6 yrs and married this year.

[Shelly Preston]

Hi GJ81

I know you are currently single.

However, read the link in my signature on how to tell your partner, it has some great advice.

It was written by a GG(genetic girl) who was a member here.

[Lisa Gerrie]

I agree with "not on the first date" but don't hide anything. I'd pay extra-special attention to my longish nails, accessories, and other things when prepping for the first date. Maybe a mani-pedi. And thin out your body hair in case you really click. :)

[Maid_Marion]

A big change compared to forty or even twenty years ago is the relative economic status of men and women.
It is much harder these days to find men who are well off financially. Or, in some places, men with good stable jobs.
CDs do seem to be above average when it comes to finances, though there are some exceptions.
If you are well off, or even in a good place with a stable job, that can be a much bigger plus dating women than it used to be.

[Rhonda Jean]

A couple of weeks ago my, now wife, shared her thoughts of advice to a crossdresser for how to behave in a new relationship:

Gi,
Where is this posted?

[NewGirlChloe]

I haven?t been in a relationship since I started dressing (coincidence! I was single when I started) so haven?t really had the same experiences as everyone else. Plus, I?d like to eventually transition, so that will complicate it even more.

[Stephanie Michelle]

My ex wife new from early on. We had fun with it before the kids. We were together for 20 years. Divorced for other reasons. A GG I was dating for 4 years found out while we were having other issues. She was angry that I didn't tell her and was confused as to what that meant. We had parted ways and she later read up on crossdressing. We have recently been in contact and she says she is OK with it. She even wants me to have a "girls night" with her. Whats funny, during our relationship she would paint my toes and thought it looked good. One time I joked about adding some foundation to make my complexion look better since it was winter ( tan was gone) she did my foundation and then progressed to a little neutral eye shadow and a hint of mascara. She thought it was fun that I would do that with her and never realized why I was a willing participant. Now she knows!

[Sometimes Steffi]

I know a few GGs that have willingly entered into a relationship with a CD and maybe a couple more who learned after they were married and embraced her husband's CDing, but they're few and far between.

[kimdl93]

Stephanie, seems like a good opportunity. It is interesting that she read up on cross dressing and has had a change of heart. People can change the minds if they are willing to learn.

[Lisa Gerrie]

Maybe I'm off base, but it seem like single bi and bi-curious women, as a group, might be more accepting of dating one of us. More understanding of LGBTQ+ than the average cis female, attracted to the female form, etc.

[Bianca Fay]

Obviously the right thing to do is to be honest and upright as soon as a relationship starts to become serious. Having said that, every relationship is like a fingerprint - no two are the same and there is no way to accurately predict the eventual outcome.

My now ex-wife caught me on several occasions while I was wearing her pantyhose. The first time was only 6 months after our wedding. She threw a fit but I continued to secretly wear her pantyhose and I also continued to get caught.

We eventually divorced but reconnected as friends years later. My dressing eventually evolved for a period and my ex was happy to help me buy clothing and give me tips on how to properly present as a woman.

Why the change of heart? She said that she had changed and was at peace with things now, but I think I know the real reason... she could support my dressing because I was no longer her husband. Many women are tolerant and playful with crossdressers in general, but most women wouldn't want to be romantically involved with one.

On the flipside, my current girlfriend of the last several years has known about my dressing desires (which is primarily back to just wearing pantyhose) almost from the start of the relationship and happily accepts and encourages this part of me.

Why did these two women react so differently? Simply put, my ex-wife CAUGHT me wearing her pantyhose six months into our marriage, whereas I TOLD my current girlfriend within a couple months into our courtship.

[Betty70]

The average girl prefers male characteristics in her partner.
Putting on a dress and putting on makeup are certainly not among such.
I don't know what qualities one would have to have in order to win the competition with another man who doesn't create potential problems with his gender identification.
There is no need to fool yourself, as an apparent cross-dresser your chances for a new relationship are statistically speaking - small.
However, they are not zero, as evidenced by some posts on the forum.

Try to put yourself in the opposite role.
What choice would you make yourself:
a pretty girl who likes to put on dresses, take care of herself
or the other:
preferring a masculine style, short hair, rather pants and loose blazers?

[Lisa Gerrie]

Based on my personal track record... Immediately attracted, the pretty one. Grow to like and maybe love, toss a coin. Then, if the masculine-dressing one is cool with crossdressers, the choice is clear. Who knows? Maybe she's the ever-elusive to F-M crossdresser.

[Heather76]

I am going to wing it here as I have no experience dating while also being a crossdresser. But, when you consider how many men and women there are that enjoy different aspects of the human experience, I cannot believe cross dressing would preclude finding yourself in a deeply committed and loving relationship with a woman. Some women are bi, some are into BDSM, some are into 1,000 different things. The only issue really is if you find someone you truly love and don't feel you can go thru life without, will she be accepting. That's why it would be important not to let the relationship get to that point before jumping out of the closet. Once you're out of the closet, if she happily hangs around you will then at least be able to see how the relationship develops (or dies a slow death). And be sure, if the relationship dies it may have nothing whatsoever to do with your cross dressing.

[Kitty Sue]

Let her know before hand. One woman I was engaged was totally fine with my CDing and I let her know right from the start. We did not last, but that was my fault not hers. The second relationship, my current wife, I let her know about my sexuality but not my cross dressing until after we had married. She is great, however, I wish I had told her before we married. I don't dress around her even though she is open to it. I believe that since I chose not to tell her before we married, thereby robbing her of her choice on whether she wanted to be with a CDer or not, that I should not subject her to that side of me now.
I am back in the DADT closet, but only because I have chosen to go back in there. So yes tell your future partner and avoid a situation like mine. :)

[GJ81]

Thank you to everyone for the great advice. I have read every post and each one was thoughfully written.

[CeCe]

I rejoined the dating market about a year ago. I met a woman with whom I thought I could have a future. I chickened out several times but finally let my courage overcome my nerves. There was a great risk, but I knew that if she did not have some level of acceptance, we would have to move our separate ways. The response was better than I could have expected.
After several discussions, I came to understand her limitations. She was fine with underdressing but does not want to see me fully dressed. I can live with that compromise, especially since I keep all my femme stuff in my apartment.
We are very happy together. I am blessed. So as others have said, wait a few weeks to tell your next partner, but then a couple of weeks later, see if you can live comfortably within her boundaries.

[Jacqueline Winona]

You're getting great advice here, I can't add much but I do want to caution you on a couple of points. First, the women who are going to accept this are rare, most would rather not have this be a part of their life. There are wonderful examples we see here in this thread, so they do exist, but they are rarities and if you find one please treat her like she's the most special person you'll ever meet because that is true in more ways than we should ever dream possible. Second, you can do everything right- tell her early, never lie, never steal or borrow her stuff, never do this without her knowledge, never share this side of you with another woman without her knowledge, and it still might be too much for her. Don't get down on yourself if it doesn't work, as heartbreaking as it will be if that happens. Nothing is ever guaranteed just by doing the right thing, but know that you tried and gave it your best effort. I do hope none of this sounds too overbearing or makes you feel it's hopeless because it isn't, it's just not easy for us or them.

[prene]

In my experience going out dressed women r generally curious and accepting of dressers.:)

Until u ask for a date!:eek:

I agree 100%. I had a gf but when she found out it was over soon after.

I have been out with a few gg's dressed and we have fun but no relationship status.
I mean we talk a lot about guys from the female perspective (which is interesting) and they go out with these manly men and it never seems to work.
In general, they want a big/strong guy who can at least support themselves.
They always come back and tell me the guy was not what they expected.

I am patiently waiting but have toyed with the idea to go out guy . . . . 98% of they guys I have talked with when dressed just want naughty sex.YUCK

[JulieC]

GJ81,

I just wanted to add on something...

In no way do I mean to disparage the statements by others on this thread. I do want to say that some of the conclusions are inaccurate. I don't want to say more now as I am still working on this, but the idea that it is very rare to find an accepting, even supportive partner is not true. Will being a crossdresser make it more difficult to find a partner? Yes. Impossible? Very, very, very far from it. Have faith.

[Valeria M.]

Maybe a bit off topic but most Asian cis girls would flee upon knowing about my cross-dressing. And so far as I could tell most Asian girls are cis girls, so... yeah.

[alwayshave]

GJ81, I met my know wife about 20 years ago. Knowing I was a CDer, when things got serious I solder I was a CDer. She was accepting. Had she not been, I would have moved on.

[Johnjo]

My wife caught me in the act a few years after we were married. I wished that I?d told her before we wed but honestly thought that marriage and my then recent conversion to Christianity would / had ?sorted me out?. It was very hard for a number of years. Wind on 40 years though and my lovely wife now accepts it ?in moderation? and as long as I keep it private (which is fine by me).

[NancySue]

Totally agree with Char. I took the scary leap of faith and told my wife-to-be, expecting her to dash, but she stayed. Yes, we talked and talked, lots of questions, more reading, etc. She already knew of my interest in an attraction to lingerie, especially nylon stockings. She respected my honesty and bravery. That was many years ago. She?s totally supportive and helpful. It was the toughest but best thing I ever did.

[Raven Skyy]

I agree with much of the responses I've read. I have been thru this Scary Conversation a few times. I've made myself a few rules to operate by when it comes to full disclosure.
1. Never Never judge a book by its cover. the Woman you think will accept you might not and the one you fear will reject you might be the one that accepts you and is capable of loving you.
2. Be respectful of your time and mostly hers. If you close your eyes and imagine her as your long-term girlfriend or wife, she needs to be able to close her eyes and see YOU ALL of YOU in her mind's eyes.
3. When you do decide to disclose be prepared to be honest on all her questions even the ones you might not want to answer about your sexuality. If she asks it's important to her, make it important to make her comfortable. One thing I'd probably never do again is pull out my phone and show pictures and tell. leave the pictures for a later date if she needs to see them.
4. Give her time. don't expect that full Disclosure will bring immediate paradise. Accept her boundaries it might take her more time than you expect. On the same token know your required level of acceptance you can live with, can you live in the closet if thats where she wants to keep you?
5. Accept her decision! I've disclosed to a couple of romantic interests in the past and they were accepting of the crossdressing but not of a partner that crossdress. Two of my closest GG friends are former romantic interest that are now some of my closest friends that share their prospective and friendship. Both have asked to accompany me to my first Las Vegas Adventure.
6. If your hope of a relationship fails don't give up. We need to sort thru a lot of stones to find one diamond. When you find that diamond treat it like the gem she is. Remember Diamonds come in many sizes the greater the acceptance the rarer the woman. Few find 10 Ct diamonds on the first search.
7. Probably the most important one, is know and accept who you are at this moment in time. Love yourself because if you Can't BE HONEST AND LOVE YOURSELF IT WILL BE DIFFICULT TO FIND SOMEONE ELSE THAT WILL

These are my personal rules, not gospel or certified rules.

RAVen

To thy own self be true.

[sometimes_miss]

Maybe I'm off base, but it seem like single bi and bi-curious women, as a group, might be more accepting of dating one of us. More understanding of LGBTQ+ than the average cis female, attracted to the female form, etc.
Having known several bi and bi curious women, they were all interested in masculine men, and feminine women.


Women apparently find men dressing, behaving, or expressing things in a feminine way, to be a sexual turn off. I know I'll get arguments about this, but using 'the free market' as a way of demonstrating this, there are NO straight girl / crossdresser bars, dating sites, or even side sections of the main dating sites. There is ONE dateacrossdresser website, but it's almost entirely inhabited by crossdressers who put 'female' on their profiles so you can't find any GG's when doing a search, and there are very, very few anatomical females there anyway. But the site has plenty of shills, fake females who will 'wink', 'poke', or entice you to write back to them, all in an attempt to get you to pay for membership, as you can't write back to them unless you are a paying member. When you DO write back, either they ignore you or tell you that they never contacted you, aren't interested, or already found someone else.
So there simply aren't many women who are actually interested in crossdressers. I have been posting personal ads now for about 25 years, on the major dating sites. The ones that DON'T mention crossdressing, well I get plenty of attention, and especially, women making the initial contact, so I guess I'm reasonably attractive as a man. BUT...The ones that DO mention that I'm a crossdresser, well, I get only men, prostitutes, dominatrixes, escorts etc., all offering their services, but no actual straight women interested in me as a potential mate.
If there truly are lots of straight women who are interested in crossdressing men, there is the obvious financial opportunity that many would take, to get the millions of male crossdressers to join, and only charge us a MINIMAL fee, and make it free for the women. Whoever did that would get rich quickly, guaranteed, as there are so many of us without romantic partners. Even only maybe an initial $10 fee, x a million crossdressers who would gladly buy that 'lottery ticket' chance. I would happily gladly donate $1000 or more after the fact, if such a site existed and I could meet lots of women who would love a crossdresser, and I found the love of my life.
But it seems that the idea that there are all these crossdresser friendly women out there, just isn't true, as there is absolutely no evidence for it.
Again, to those who disagree, I offer the challenge: Start a legitimate straight girl / crossdresser dating site. You will get rich.
But no one ever takes the challenge. NO ONE.

[Becky Bloodstone]

Interesting topic. I personally wouldn't know, I was already with my wife when I first started dressing. But from watching YouTube videos and being friends online with other crossdressers I come away with this, generally it's difficult to get into a relationship with a women if you are openly a crossdresser. There are two exceptions though. Usually bisexual women are much more willing to accept a crossdressing man. Also, younger ladies in their twenties are more adventurous than an older woman would be about that sort of thing. The problem with that is of course the older you are the less chance you will be having with one of these younger ladies.