If u have an SO has crossdressing effected your sex life?

[docrobbysherry]

Walking on eggs with this post! So, a, "Yes", or, "No", and maybe just explain if it's been for the better or worse?:straightface:

No intimate, personal details, THANK U!:o

[JulieC]

There's been no effect, either positive or negative. We've involved crossdressing on the off occasion, but other than that it's had no role either.

[EmilyShy]

That part of our relationship was lacking before I told her about my desire to dress, got dressed together one night as a kink thing and sex was amazing. But unfortunately few weeks later back to normal so I started dressing more, think part of it was if you not going to wear lingerie or skirts etc for me then I will wear them myself lol. She accepts but don't approve. I think sometimes she is jealous of Emily giving me attention.

[kimdl93]

CDing was a part of our intimacy during the first dozen years of our relationship. However, as I grew more certain that I was transgender and spent more of Ike presenting as a woman, our intimacy diminished considerably.

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

Not a bit. CDing is about clothes, which are usually absent during those times.

[Cheryl T]

No.
This part of my life and her interaction with it has had no effect.

[Judy-Somthing]

Should I say, Five years ago I found this sight and joined.
It made me feel good about my secret Cross-Dressing, so I told my wife.
Since we were getting along so well I wanted to tell her my secret.
Well our relationship went very bad.
Went from Sex once a month to twice a year, which is fine if that's what she wants.
But the worst thing is she keeps such close tabes on me that I never get a chance to dress.

[Karren H]

What sex life? I should have been a nun!!

[JesseVF]

Yes - worse 😕.

[Debs]

My sex life with my wife finished 17 years ago with her ilnesses, crossdressing didnt play a part. But I do feel that she lets me do what I want as some sort of, not sure if it feeling sorry for me or guilt or compensation for this part of our marraige that is missing. Yes I do love her wont leave her and I look after her, god bless her.

[Debbie Denier]

Think with time and age most peoples sex life diminishes. My non CD friends have found this to be the case.CD certainly accelerated the process in my relationship.

[Kris Burton]

For my wife and I my CDing has not played a role in our intimate relationship, positively or negatively. As Debbie points out, the role of time and age has been much more significant.

[DianeT]

The reveal 4 years ago deeply affected it. Mainly the loss of trust due to the hiding/lying and stealing wife's clothes that she could sometimes wear when having sex. It took years to recover and the clothes thing is still an issue today. In the hope that this warning can serve some here...

[Jillcder]

At this point in our lives it would not negatively affect intimacy if my wife caught me Crossdressing but it definitely would have 20 or so years ago.

[prw230]

I don't think it has changed anything for my wife. For me, it has enhanced it. More often than not, I am wearing some sort of lingerie when we have sex. The main change for my wife has been menopause. I hear that most womens sex drive diminishes with age & menopause. My wifes drive actually picked up! She also has gotten more adventurous.

[Connie D50]

Yes Yes and Yes again

[Giselle(Oshawa)]

Yes our sex life ended the the day i came out to my wife

[Steph_CD_62]

I don't think it has. I came out to my wife within a couple of weeks of meeting her.
She has known from almost the beginning who I am and what I enjoy doing.
We have had our fun together a few times while I was wearing some lingerie, basically for my birthday, but on a few other occasions.
But because of her health issues, our sex life has died.
After she hit menopause her sex drive became almost non-existent, so we were a couple times a month if I was lucky.
Now since her stroke, we might have sex once a year.

So our sex life has not suffered because of my dressing, but because of her health.
But I didn't marry her for the sex, I married her because I love her.

[Marie-Jo]

No it haven?t had any impact. But now at 75 our sex is much better than at 55, due to us have straightened out more important relational issues. Crossdressing or whatever else that impacts intimacy can be handled if the persons in a relation do not use stonewalling / DADT or similar extreme conflict handling approaches to break the communication. As many have told already, health problems seem to be a bigger problem. Besides, as already said, love exists without sex intimacy, but that was not a part of the question. Especially when we get older, hugging, cuddling, smiling and holding hands, just a touch - will do, but then - I assume that is not included in the ?sex? koncept?

[Alaina R]

Due to age and physical issues not a lot of sex anymore. Before that the dressing and intimacy were very much linked and a big part of our sex life. We originally got together when I responded to her online personal where she was looking for a crossdresser so obviously the crossdressing was a plus for us. That was 25 years ago and changed my life - for the better.

[Heather76]

Due to physical issues on both our parts, we've had a sexless marriage for 16 years. Since I've been CDing for only 3+ years, I'd say it hasn't affected our sex life at all.

[KarenCD334]

Not only that she is not interested in anything related to Karen (completely disapproves), she isn't much interested in intimacy whatsoever. I feel like the maintenance man in a convent most of the time.

[CDMargret]

Well now?some of what I have read has got me scared about getting any older. For us the CDing stuff started in our first year of marriage. Really fun times. 16 years later it has really grown into shopping together, meeting other CD couples, going to events, having incredible sex dressed and not dressed together.

BUT?she is in her fourth year of menopause, sex drive has crashed for her yet we work hard to play on. To help her get into or excited about having sex we have a sex schedule. Sundays, Tuesdays and Fridays at 8pm. Now the time is flexible and we can rain check a day if life gets in the way. This helps her plan and look forward to our time together sexually.

I never wear wigs or make up when fooling around. She accepts the outfits but doesn?t want to make out with a girl. Pass few years she has started wearing more outfits. Maybe my CDing has influenced her. I mean I do have some really sexy things to wear and I always make a big deal about her wearing something. Compliments, affection and such. She is so incredible and I go above and beyond in spoiling her, loving her, helping with all life throws at us and do a few surprises in there to making her feel extra special, loved and appreciated.

Sometimes it?s as simple as giving her a little Hershey?s kiss while out grocery shopping. Just don?t let it melt in your pockets?

[Stephanie47]

When we had "The Talk" in the early 1980's things were rocky for as period of time. There was a rebound. Later, illness and aging started to take effect.

[alwayshave]

Sherry, My CDing has had no affect on our sex life. Lack of privacy and health issues have.

[Kitty Sue]

No effect on our sex life. Although, I have refused to dress around my wife at all so that is probably part of the reason why. In a previous relationship cross dressing absolutely enhanced our sex life.

[Mary Loo]

I would have to say mostly negative to impartial, but certainly NOT positive. If she were to dwell on it, certainly negative, but if she isn?t forced to confront it and doesn?t think about it, then impartial. At times it has certainly been a cause of negativity or abstinence, but in the overall big picture somewhat negative to impartial.

[mbmeen12]

Yes because it makes me froggy lol

[BTWimRobin]

I was a late bloomer with my CDing and immediately came out to my wife of nearly 20 year. After 4 years, I can safely say CDing has neither enhanced no eroded our sex life.

[Sometimes Steffi]

It's kind of hard to tell. Have you heard the story about the beans?

Get a big jar or vase. Every time you have sex in the first year after marriage put a bean in the jar. At the end of the first year, take a bean out every time you have sex. No matter how long your relationship is, you'll never empty the jar.

Pop quiz for mathematicians and engineers. What is the moral (or the conclusion) of this story.

[Aka_Donna]

It's kind of hard to tell. Have you heard the story about the beans?

Get a big jar or vase. Every time you have sex in the first year after marriage put a bean in the jar. At the end of the first year, take a bean out every time you have sex. No matter how long your relationship is, you'll never empty the jar.



Junk "science", urban legend. Not true if you have a good relationship, but it takes work to keep it up.

[Sabine7]

My wife knows, I am a closet crossdresser and she does not accept that but she also seems to tolerate my weakness somehow. This is because we are very close one to each other.
Of course, she expects me to stop doing that but at the same time, as she is very intelligent she knows I am completely not capable to do.
From my perspective CD helps in our sex live by increasing my level of sexual sensitivity. When having sex with her I always think of myself as being a lesbian woman. I am not sure if my wife is aware of that. However, for sure she can benefit much from that.

[Jenniferr]

Yes, crossdressing has affected my sex life. I told my wife about it before we got engaged. She was not happy about it but accepted it. As our married life went on she became more accepting, growing into participating and choosing lingerie for me to wear. The rate of intimacy certainly increased. And then we had kids. Frequency of Sex decreased, frequency of CDing with her decreased (but not solo dressing). Eventually she denied every time I wanted to CD with her, and the rate of plain vanilla sex steadily decreased to a definitive ?NO? every time. Except for solo dressing, which she knows about but prefers to ignore, we have had a sexless marriage for close to 20 years. Now with both of us having medical issues and her going through menopause, I don?t know if that will change, but in my head, I?m still that 25 year old beauty.

[jacques]

not at all

[docrobbysherry]

Steffi, I'd say the moral of your story is:

If u still have beans in the jar after 10 years it's time to part. At least, that's what my ex and I did!:straightface:

[Jessica Secret]

I have a boyfriend and I wear beautiful/romantic lingerie to bed every night, and the answer is absolutely it has in a very positive way. :)

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Shery :hugs:, The two don't Mix well together >Orchid**O:daydreaming:O**

[Joni T]

The cd'ing has had no effect on our sex life. What DID, was last year my wife got Sqamous Cell Carcinoma and had to have a total Rhinectomy to get rid of it. Now she thinks she looks like a monster. I still love her and tell her so but she's very self-conscious about it. We've done "it" once in the past 18 months.
Jon

[audreyinalbany]

Re the beans in the jar story: is frequency of sexual intercourse the measure of a successful marriage?

[docrobbysherry]

To each their own Audrey. But, I'm 80 and sex is still important to me. So, for me our sexless marriage became unbearable.:thumbsdn:

After my divorce, when I was dating again I broke up with a woman I was serious about until I kissed her. I felt no passion, it was like kissing a rag doll!::sad:
Game over!:thumbsdn:

[Cacique82]

It hasn't affected us one way or the other. Sometimes I crawl into bed wearing something, sometimes I don't.
I enjoy incorporating it in the bedroom but it's never a requirement. She doesn't care one way or the other.
Depends on the mood I suppose.

[Misty_cder]

Dressing has not affected our sex life because CD'ing is not really part of it. We have both worn lingerie to bed a few times but I don't really consider that dressing and I wasn't trying to present as a woman at the time. While my wife is super supportive of my dressing, she has indicated she sees me as her husband dressed in women clothing, not as a woman even when I put together a convincing combination. She also is not bisexual, so even if she saw me as a woman when dressed, she could not see herself being intimin with me.

[docrobbysherry]

Thanks, Misty. But, my post wasn't aimed at those of u who dress with your SO when having relations.:eek:

I classify that info as personal and TMI!:doh:

[audreyinalbany]

I guess I'm saying that while frequency of intercourse may be measure of a successful marriage, it's not THE ONLY measure of a successful marriage. if it was ONLY the absence of sex that ended your marriage it might not have been such a great marriage

[CeCe]

I told my girlfriend that I was a crossdresser about 10 days before our first intimacy. She likes lingerie for herself and so she likes it on me, too. In that way, crossdressing had a positive effect.
She does not ever want to see me fully dressed. In that sense, crossdressing would impact our relationship negatively.

[docrobbysherry]

Audrey, I get your point about "great" marriages. But, I've only had the one so I'm no expert.:straightface:

We were/are very different people from different back grounds. When we got together there were plenty of disagreements. But, for 7 years we never went to sleep until we worked them out! Our differences led to passionate discussions and life. And, in MY experiences intimacy and passion r related! True intimacy has always motivated me and my current date or girlfriend to become physical!:o
Only one marriage but lots of girlfriends in my 80 years!:hugs:

When the communication left our marriage so did the intimacy and passion. All we had left were our differences and unspoken hostilities. That, without heart felt discussions kept building. Maybe others can live with that but my ex and I couldn't and wouldn't. And, all of us including our kids, were much happier living apart!:)

[Gi Gondin]

It’s hard to tell the effect of CDing in our sex life because it was builded around it. As I have mentioned many posts before, I told her very early in our 6 year relationship.

She is very analytical and I remember we talking about a percentage of times when each of us would like to have relations as my male persona or female persona. That would be a very open conversation in a very light tone, almost exploratory.

Five years later, the female persona has become a “de facto” ruler. When we are alone she always refers to me using feminine pronouns and insists that I present myself as Gi in our house.

I guess the main reason that our relationship evolved this way is that Gi has an advantage to “show up” mainly in happy occasions and situations. All the bad moments in our relationship were in the presence of my male persona. She mentioned that many and many times - All the memories she has with Gi are very good memories.

And I sure plan to keep it that way!

[Jade P]

Yes it has. During our 30 plus year marriage she saw me wearing pantyhose several times. In 2018 I wrote her a letter explaining that I have been this way my whole life and that I finally accept my feminine side. Since then there has been no more intimacy. I am not a man in her eyes anymore, even if I dont dress around her. She knows about my feminine side and that has made me unsuitable for her sexually. We are married friends that still care about each other, but she does get upset and depressed not having a sex life. So do I.

[docrobbysherry]

Have u tried couples therapy, Jade? I don't think it could hurt in your situation. Do u think your SO would be willing to try that?:straightface:

[Raven Skyy]

No effect from Dressing. Because, I have never dressed when intimate with her. She isn't interested in being intimate with another woman. she needs me in Man mode. I'm good with that because dressing has never been sexual for me and I don't require or desire being dressed during intimacy. She knows all my sexual desires in both male and female mind mode.

[Cheddy]

I have been married for almost 10 years and just found out my husband cross dresses. Ever since I found out it seems our sex life is better. He only wants to have sex when he is dressed.

[Jade P]

Have u tried couples therapy, Jade? I don't think it could hurt in your situation. Do u think your SO would be willing to try that?:straightface:

My wife wont go to couples therapy. I did go to several sessions with a therapist and I would like to start up again.

[char GG]

Cheddy,

How do you feel about that he only wants sex when CDed? Does that work for you too?

[Dutchess]

I have been married for almost 10 years and just found out my husband cross dresses. Ever since I found out it seems our sex life is better. He only wants to have sex when he is dressed.


From experience I would not let that go on.

I did that too trying to please him /make him comfortable and I ended up by myself . Pretty soon that is all they can do or will want to do and if you won't then ... mine stepped out . For him it was either that way or no way . I always had to make him think he was the "girl" and rather me be the 'Guy" which I hated ,, or a lesbian scene which is just ... no comment ..
The resentment I developed was and still is epic . Its a pretty serious addiction for some men and not always healthy .

I know that's not popular to say but its true and I am far from alone . Don't want to see you get hurt .