What is it about the calming effect

[Sometimes Steffi]

I was just reading the "Forced to Crossdress" thread, and so many girls described how calming and stress reducing was. This resonated with me also, but my wife would never even think about forcing me to dress.

Does this resonate with some other girls?

Is this calming effect real, or is it just in our head? OK. I know that it's in our head, but is it physiologically real? Is is measurable medically, for example blood pressure or heart rate?

[Steph_CD_62]

Not sure if the calming effect is real or not, but I know I feel more relaxed and more comfortable when I am dressed, especially when I wear a nightgown to bed.

[Claire M]

Steffi, I had this discussion with my therapist a while back. I was working a very stressful job and definitely found dressing calming and relaxing. I could only dress once every week or two. One of her observations was that NOT dressing might actually be adding to my stress levels. Dressing was my way to "balance out" my desires to express my needs as "Claire" against the demands of the rest of my life.

[Aunt Kelly]

I was aware of that "effect" for decades, and was as puzzled about as anyone. It wasn't until l made the effort to learn enough about myself (therapy) that I discovered that I was simply suffering from gender dysphoria and virtually anything I did to be more like my true self would reduce that "stress". Now I am absolutely not saying that anyone who experiences that stress relief is suffering from gender dysphoria, but it certainly was for me.

[Sandi Beech]

I cannot speak for anyone else, but this is how it works with me.

Stress from everyday living can trigger the desire to crossdress as an escape. Although calming at first, the effect is an illusion IF the crossdressing puts me in a situation where I could be caught by my disapproving wife or others. That adds stress back into the mix. The need to dress escalates until the behavior becomes so risky I get caught and land in the dog house for a while. Then it turns into a bit of a temporary depression before everything goes back to normal. I went through this cycle a number of times in the past.

Now, I generally suppress that urge until such a time that the risk of being caught is rather low. I read posts here, look at pictures and videos on my phone and essentially reminisce to get through the dry times. That helps me avoid doing something stupid that I would later regret.

Anytime I get a hair brained thought, a little voice in my head now says this. Don?t be stupid Sandi.

[Karren H]

I do not think that anything that Sandi does would be considered calm by anyones measure!

And for me, it has never been about being calmed down! More just the opposite. Being excited! Not enough to go clubbing with Sandi but pretty close! Lol

There has always been a layer of excitement involved as far back as to when I started at age 7. Still is today. Just the way I tick I guess.

[Staci]

I’m not exactly sure how to weigh in on this one. I agree with Karen, that I get very excited when I get to dress up. Prior to changing into my female attire, I feel a strong urge to do so, which creates some excitement as well. but as a result, once I am fully dressed, I feel more calm. It’s like all of my major issues disappear for a little while because it’s not Staci that’s accountable for them. It’s my male persona that is accountable so I kind of leave that stress behind. So I guess there’s really a combination there.

[Stephanie Michelle]

For me I get excited to dress because I know it will make me feel good. It calms me down and I don't have a care in the world at that point. Right now I live alone and can dress any time I want. Which is pretty much every night if I am not going out. I do not go out dressed at this time. But in the winter I will take a late night drive sometimes.

[JesseVF]

A couple ways a can relate to this issue:

I often feel like I shouldn?t dress and just be ?normal?, but then I do it anyway and experience that wonderful calm/satisfying feeling that all is good.
Also I must say that knowing others are sleeping as I do with bras, forms, and nightgowns nightly has a very calming effect on me, and literally helps me to go to sleep.

[ellbee]

At least for me? On a physical level, anyway?

One can find some pretty darn comfy & cozy clothing in the women's department!

Ergo? I feel calmer, more relaxed. :thumbsup:


Seems like one needs to find their groove, presentation-wise, as well as their fashion sense.

For me, that entails "guy-moding" it... None of the "CD gear" like wig/make-up/fake boobs/etc. But, wearing all women's stuff. :heehee:

(Don't worry, I still look cute! :battingeyelashes: )


Anyway, now that it's cooler out, I tend to wear a lot of skirts/dresses, with tights & flats. Throw on a hoodie I can sink into a bit, and I'm good, baby! :GD:


Seriously, just gotta find what works for you. It's pretty amazing, how that can make one feel! :)

[kimdl93]

Is presenting myself as a woman calming? Probably not the word I would use, exactly, but I most certainly feel real/authentic when I am dressed as a woman.

[bridget thronton]

I like the notion that dressing may be a form of escapism - by allowing role play to step away from some of the stresses that exist in every day life (I tend to worry about problems that never come to pass)

[AmyJordan]

I know that since my new life style was imposed I have become extremely submissive which in turn keeps me very calm which is a far cry from my early hothead macho behaviour.

[Sabine7]

I am afraid CD does not make me calm. Maybe if I had a couple of days for being dressed as a woman permanently. Anyway, I am too happy and excited to stay calm. Especially, that my wife may come back home from work earlier one day. I think I do CD because of my internal subconscious me being a female that wants to get free. Yeah, this really makes me calm when I realize this.

[Debbie Denier]

Some interesting answers and observations. There has always been an excitement element. More so in younger days . Maybe the forbidden fruit element contributes to that. I also see the calming effect .As it does relieve stress. Not being able to dress makes me irritable and down. I can see a part of me in most of the replies given. I can resonate with Claire, Sandy and Karren . I previously had bereavement counselling but didn?t tell the therapist about Debbie. Maybe I should have. But don?t believe they are all qualified to deal with people like me.

[Lisa Gerrie]

When relief from a human appetite -- a craving -- is anticipated, we get excited. When an appetite has been satisfied, we feel more relaxed than we did before, because the craving has been relieved for a while. Low frequency of opportunity can increases the swing. If something is routine the excitement phase can fade quickly.

[GretchenM]

Great question. According to the experts a person's identity is defined by the configuration of the certain neural networks contained in the mid-brain. These networks induce various behaviors some of which are characteristic of males, others are characteristic of females, and a third form have a gender neutral configuration that are behaviors everybody does to about an equal extent. The balance of those behaviors defines your sense of identity which may be or may not be consistent with your sexual identity. In short, your gender identity includes the ways you deal with situations in your life, whether you take a female-like or a male-like approach to dealing with the many situations we encounter moment to moment. However, it seems that we all have a bias that develops that favors either male-like or female-like solutions irrespective of your sex. Sex is reproductive behavior and is quite separate from the behaviors that express who you are, but all behaviors come from the brain although different structures configured to problem solve.

Because we are highly social animals we usually use the approach that creates the highest consistency in dealing with situations because that makes the most sense to us and the structure of our gender oriented neural nets operating within the social customs of our culture. Consistency is comfortable for the brain's total functions and when consistency is high the brain rewards us with the release of comfort generating compounds - endorphins and other substances. That in turn creates a calming effect on the rest of our physiology at the moment. We feel good. When you are configured with bias toward female-like characteristics and your brain senses that your outward (social) expression is consistent with whatever the customs are in your social world irrespective of whether you are in an actual social situation or not then there is a sense of "euphoria" that all is consistent and inconsistency does not need to be reconciled.

Well, that is the prevailing theory but the bottom line is that a complete and conclusive explanation is not really known. But it is a fact that such feelings are very real - your brain is a problem solving "machine" and when there are no problems to solve it becomes calm as, so to speak, it awaits the next problem to be resolved in a way that is consistent with the basic configuration and neural "expectations." Your brain is very flexible and can adapt to different situations but there also appears to be a baseline that is defined by your genetic configuration, a basic tool box that has a propensity to be male-like or female-like in terms of the social world our species lives in. Problems create stress which is a consequence of problem solving and when the problem at hand is resolved the stress goes away and the calming chemicals are released to tell your 100 billion neurons to take a break - nothing more than the standard stuff is needed right now. Relax. And you do.

[Jillcder]

The calming effect for me comes after a great outing dressed I feel incredibly relaxed for a couple days after.

[Diane P]

I don't know if I'd say there's a calming effect but I know that I feel more normal when I'm dressed. Of course it does help that I wear bikini panties and night gowns when i sleep at night. Some times I also add a bra because I love how they feel. In fact in reference to bras I remember in my younger days refering to womens bras as "over the shoulder boulder holders". Now in my case it's more like "over the shoulder pebble holders". :D

[Stephanie47]

When our daughter lived out of state and I was fully retired my wife would visit her for seven to ten days every year. Any constraints were self-imposed. If I wanted to venture out for a drive and stroll there was nothing to stop me other than myself. When my wife would go off to work and I was a home it was easy to express myself as my wife is a non-driver and relied on me to drive her to and from work; no surprise "I'm home!" as the key entered the door lock. Yes, it was a time to fully dress a la June Cleaver; dress, heels and hosiery, proper undergarments and wig (no makeup). It was a life of domestic chores; laundry, change bed linens, ironing, vacuuming, baking, meal preparation, etc. As counsel who I use to see every other week said she believed each man and woman is born with some dna of the opposite sex; in some it was more than in others. I see presenting as the"woman within" as an escape from the crap a male goes through. Frankly, a women get further and further into the "world of crap" they are going to feel the pressures also. I often ponder whether my wife truly understands my motivations and needs. Would she rather I be an alcoholic or drug user to relieve stress? I would be a fine person for a case analysis of why a combat veteran who humped the boonies finds it therapeutic to wear women's clothing rather than binge drink.

[jacques]

Hello Steffi,
I would simply say that if you/we feel less stressed and more relaxed when dressed then it is real.
It certainly works for me. I don't know why. I have wasted a lot of my time wondering why. Now I just accept it.
luv J

[Jane G]

An interesting post. From a young age and through my formative years, crossdressing was often a buzz a secret challenge, an escape from normality and drab. For what ever reasons, it is not the same now. Now it is simply part of me, something I accept as daily routine. No longer a challenge in any way and yes very calming, but still so much fun.

[NancySue]

For me, comfort = calming. There?s no question, women?s clothes are much more comfortable thus a definite calming effect. Some more than others. Hose of any kind are my #1. I mostly slip on HSR thigh highs, followed by panties, bra, etc. My wife would argue about underwire and pantyhose being comfortable, Ha. There?s no comparison between my tee shirts and a Talbots top.

[Fiona_44]

Before deciding to live full time as a woman, I never really experienced the big calming or stress reducing effect that many ladies describe. I looked forward to my outings and was thrilled and happy to be out and about but if something was stressing me out it did so equally as my male or female selves. Besides being thrilled and happy, the overwhelming feeling I got was that everything just "felt right".

[Cheryl T]

Sort of know what you mean.
Every time we do things around the house because company is coming, like cleaning, laundry, dusting, I tell her the CD Union will be after her because I haven't been provided my maid's uniform. This became a running joke and I hoped one day she would surprise me with one.
She surprised me all right. The last time I mentioned it she said, "If you want one then buy it".
Not really the same thing is it?

[Rhonda Jean]

Steffi, I had this discussion with my therapist a while back. I was working a very stressful job and definitely found dressing calming and relaxing. I could only dress once every week or two. One of her observations was that NOT dressing might actually be adding to my stress levels. Dressing was my way to "balance out" my desires to express my needs as "Claire" against the demands of the rest of my life.

I agree. Sometimes I'm unaware if it. When I was married and our first child came along I tried to "man up" and quit wearing panties, among other things. One day my wife told me "You just need to go back to wearing panties." I didn't know I was acting any different, but she noticed. Years later when I was doing my couple of days out per month thing, she would sometimes be the one to bring it up. "You need to go do your girl thing." Didn't get much argument from me, even if it'd only been a couple of weeks. I was unaware that the stress, or whatever it was, was showing at all.

I don't know how much of it was that I needed "needed" to "be" something and how much was that I just got to do something that I really enjoyed for a little while. I think we often confuse want with need, and I was not above that.

[Sabine Janus]

I wonder if some of the calming effect is the tightness of some of the clothing. We see hyperactive/autistic persons calmed by weighted blankets etc. Even if the over dressing is loose, the undergarments are often tight/shaping.

SJ

[EmilyShy]

I think the calming effect for me is the fact that when I'm in drab I'm at everyone's beckon call, but the time alone I get to be Emily I'm just that. I can't do anything that involves my daily life routine I get just to be an alternate me for a while. Bit like being on a deserted island. Nothing else to do but relax and soak it up.

[Camille58]

It was the sense of calm that surprised me when I stumbled into crossdressing. I just didn't see that coming. Now that I have had a little time to try to figure it out, really think that the calming effects are the result of feeling complete. I identify as a man, and have no problem with that. I built a career in the trades navigating a male dominated culture.But there was always a tension in me. I always felt more comfortable in a room full of women than of a room full of guys. While I enjoyed most of the traditional male activities, I also enjoyed many of the traditional female activities and interests. I think that there is a strong female side of me that crossdressing helps me express. And by doing so, I sooth that tension. I have identified a side of me that I didn't quite appreciate. And the more I discover about that side, the more I love her!

[Maria 60]

Sometimes when my wife what's to have a intense conversation she will ask me to get dressed because she says I'm calmer when I'm dressed. A few years back I was going through some family issues and I was dressing more then usual. My wife's theory was I was trying to escape my male self.

[Bea_]

I do feel more calm and at peace with a more feminine presentation, even though i don't present as "female'. For me, my feminine wardrobe represents a core part of my overall sense of self. It doesn't overtake my masculinity but I feel like it completes that sense of being masculine.

[BLUE ORCHID]

It Works for me,

[Johnjo]

It is very very calming. For me the mere act of dressing for a few hours does more to relieve stress than anything else. Heaven knows why.

[Christina89]

I've always found peace when I let Christina. She's more claiming than male me since I lead a stressful life with the work I do.

[sometimes_miss]

The 'calming effect' is simply our minds being able to resolve the gender identity dysphoria, by adopting feminine attire and behaviors which help our minds make us subconsciously think that we are female. Doesn't mean we are, just that for whatever reason, the need to feel that, needs to be addressed. It's like, oh, an itch that needs to be scratched. You feel better after taking care of that feeling. THEN you can feel more relaxed.
I feel normal when dressed as a girl, and oddly not quite right when dressed as a guy. I resolve my 'dressing like a guy' time, by pretending that it's my 'man uniform' that I have to wear to 'go to work' at whatever tasks I have to do where dressing as a man simply makes it easier to 'do the job'. Much like a deep sea diver needs to wear a special uniform to do his job, I 'need' to wear my 'man uniform' to go out in public, to go to work, work on the car, paint the house, meet relatives and friends, etc..
'Man' uniforms. It's what we need, to get the jobs done. Then we can come home, and get into the pretty (girl) clothes that we're supposed to be wearing!

[StacyG]

I get excited when I get a chance to have the house to myself for a few hours and I can relax around the house in something comfy and pretty or walk around the back yard and feel the fabric move against my legs. I sleep in night gown or night shirt every night and I always look forward to bed. I think the most relaxed I have been in ages was a few weeks ago I went to Surfside Beach here in TX. It's about 20 miles long and there are areas with no homes or lights. I wore my favorite black long satin dress and sat on the tailgate of my truck by the surf for a few hours and even walked out into the water up to my waist. It was so peaceful.
In psychological terms from another program I am in. I do what I do to change the way I feel.