Confidence

[GJ81]

I?ve been here for several weeks and one thing I?ve noticed is how confident everyone is. I?m also impressed with how welcoming you are to newer members and the kindness that is shown to everyone. It seems like everyone just supports each other. What a wonderful community, I love it.

Someday I hope to have the confidence that you have. To be able to dress and share photos, to go out dressed, and to have my makeup dome by a professional. Someday?

Heather

[MoniqueAsh743]

I hear you. Most I have done is go through MacDonald's whilst dressed in Middle of the day

[Diane P]

I just started crossdressing Sep of last year. If you've seen any of the pictures I've posted they have been taken when no one else was around. Other than that the extent of my 'getting out' has been to several Girls Night Out get togethers in OKC. That has been where I've had my makeup done by the makeup artist that comes to the get together specifically to do makeup for us.

[BaliGirl]

Not all of us are confident. I'm still working on getting comfortable with buying lingerie in a store. I have bought women's sleepwear in a store - even that wasn't easy.

[Heather76]

I've only been CDing for less than 3 1/2 years. Whatever confidence I may have has come from the fact I am committed to CDing at every opportunity I have. I am a believer that when one is committed, not ashamed, and feels no guilt, it's a lot easier to be confident. Also, a plan of taking small steps in this adventure helps.

[docrobbysherry]

I've been out dressed in countless T friendly bars, clubs, and T events in the USA over the last 20 years. And, been out dressed around the world, too!:battingeyelashes:

But, I'll never be brave enuff to do what Monique did. Walk thru a day time vanilla venue in America like McD's alone, dressed!:eek:

I'm just a CD who admires T's for their confidence. Many of them dress every day wherever they go!:daydreaming:

[kimdl93]

Know how to get to Carnegie Hall? Practice, Practice, Practice. No one feels confident the first time they step out the front door. Nor the second. But each time it gets easier, one feels less foreign and a bit more at ease.

[bridget thronton]

Welcome to the family. I have been supported and encouraged by this community for several years and as Kim suggests with practice my confidence grew.

[Karren H]

Practice, Practice, Practice.

Yeah! What Kim said! Do something new and scary once and the world does not end! Then do it again and again. Not caring about what other people think of the way you dress helps considerably. And we are nice here because the mods have run off all the not so nice ones! Lol.

[EmilyShy]

It's easy to come across as confident on a forum and hide behind the keyboard lol I appear confident in my male persona but inside I'm very reserved and shy (until I get to know people) Dressed it's more so. Hence Shy :)

Confidence and comfortable are different and come with doing things often, I'm comfortable dressing but not confident and going out is a major hurdle. Not just a personal mental perspective but who you going to meet along the way

I have lots of photos but never put on here as to me they don't look as good as other peoples postings (not just looks appearance but photo quality as well) selfies I take with timer always come out grainy lol

Emily xx

[AmyJordan]

Hi Heather. Welcome to our little community I'm fairly new myself. I say go your own pace and build up your confidence to a level you're happy with and enjoy. Not all of us are at the stage of going out in public or nessacarily want to. If you have seen my photos I may appear fairly passable and living with my wife who prefers me dressed 24/7 you would expect me to be very confident but I'm not, if I were caught out in public I would be a quivering jelly and on the occasions where I was shown off by my wife I was extremely uncomfortable. I assume its because deep down I still see myself as a macho male, I am not trans and not even a crossdresser before my wife instilled it in our marriage. Don't get me wrong I enjoy it immensely now but not openly.

[Helen_Highwater]

Heather,

When starting out so many of us have those little gremlins sitting on our shoulders whispering that the mob is out there waiting to get you if you go out dressed. And then you go out dressed and it would be foolish to say that there aren't haters out there, but the vast majority of folks just don't seem to care or are too busy with their own lives to notice.

There are places in my home city that I wouldn't go in drab even if accompanied by a fully armed squad of SAS. However when going out enfemme pick the right spots at the right time and all will be good.

It's counterintuitive but going shopping in a busy mall is about as safe as it gets. Dress like all the women your age and blend into the crowd and you can move about all but unnoticed. Do I get read? Yes but I've never experienced a bad word yet.

The fear is out of all proportion to the reality. Yep the first time it will be scary but once you've been in your first shop even for a few minutes, those nerves calm and soon your confidence grows, you act more naturally, nerves calm, confidence grows......and before you know it you're at the checkout chatting to the SA as you buy your first enfemme purchase.

[Jade P]

My confidence waivers. I love and accept that I am genderfluid but I hide the feminine part of myself because my wife doesnt want others to know. If we divorce which seems likely, she says she will tell everyone about my issues. I will then live openly as a gender fluid person. So that is the silver lining around my cloud.

[alwayshave]

Heather, the whole point is to support each other. Welcome to the forum.

[Davina2833]

Gj81,

You will develop confidence, as you step out. In the last 5 years, I get a mani (every 3 weeks) , pedicure (every 6 weeks) and a Relaxation and facial every month.
Each time its gets better. Re: mani/pedi, the talks w/other women are fantastic (standing appts), you get to know them BTW I go as by boy self...

Davina

[Jillcder]

Enjoy the ride the incredible ladies on this forum will help build your confidence so hang on.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hello GJ :hugs:, Just remember, The Journey of a Thousand Miles starts with the First Step, >Orchid**O:daydreaming:O**

[Connie D50]

Heather It comes with time and effort. Find a place that offers makeovers in your ares, go as far from home you need to for your comfort. Pick a nice outfit for shopping when you do (one that blends in) Then go shopping after your makeover. Connie

[Sometimes Steffi]

As many of the posters have implied, confidence is earned, not granted.

Easy for me to say because there is a large girl Meetup group in my area, actually 2, plus several smaller groups as you move further out from DC.

My first time out, I met up with a girl here for lunch. She introduced me to 2 friends, and they introduced me to 2 friends and then I had a small group of about 10 to go out and about with. The first time wasn't easy, but it got easier each time. As someone famous said, "On small step for a [wo]man, one large step for [wo]mankind. Start with something easy and go from there.

Halloween is the best excuse that you'll get to "walk on the wild side." My first Halloween out, I went on a "bar crawl" with some "girl" friends. My outfit was a Hooter's waitress, and we actually went to a Hooter's restaurant. The real waitresses asked me if I wanted to wait on some tables with them. I wasn't that confident, but I felt very safe and supported as long as I stayed with my group of girls.

[Aunt Kelly]

I?ve been here for several weeks and one thing I?ve noticed is how confident everyone is. I?m also impressed with how welcoming you are to newer members and the kindness that is shown to everyone. It seems like everyone just supports each other. What a wonderful community, I love it.

Someday I hope to have the confidence that you have. To be able to dress and share photos, to go out dressed, and to have my makeup dome by a professional. Someday?

Heather
If you look at the number of members here, versus the number of active contributors, you'll notice that there are relatively few of the latter group. In other words, you are "more confident" now, than most here. :)
As for make up and going out, it's easier than you think.

[Di]

Confidence

If and when you decide to go out here is what Sher and I did

Think of it...picture it in your mind
The first time go somewhere easy or safe.
We went to a park for coffee.
We went there and checked it out before she decided.
I asked her to visualize her walking with her head held high and walking with confidence.
I have seen many CDs walking ( out and about- plus here in videos- their head darting nervously-..that makes people look/ stare to see what in the world is wrong.just force yourself not do that.
Then be an actress when you go fake it till you make it. ( confidence)
Wear clothing like others do at the place ( you already checked it out)so no one will look at you because
you are dressed inappropriately. ( When we met Sher had a passion for short short mini skirts and high heels .fine for clubs but not a regular outing)
Later when she was used to going out we tested this……she wore one of her sexy outfits out and she was stared at and followed making her nervous.Going to clubs that was appropriate not the mall where we tested it.
So going forward when just going out she wore regular womens clothing and we went everywhere.
If you do like a very sexy look maybe find a CD group that have get togethers or a club.
One more thing….I know many CDs go walking at dark .I guess they feel safe then BUT women do NOT take walks at dark because it is not safe. That to me would say oh must be a CD out walking.

About the makeup
Sher watched YouTube videos and practiced and practiced.

Just thinking about it and preparing is fun as well.
The above is what we did and Sher went from being scared and nervous to being confident and careful.

All our members gave great advice from their experience and find what works best for you.
Enjoy

[Genifer Teal]

I go to regular places. I had push myself to walk in with my head held high and act like I belong. I draw attention for my height regardless of anything else. I convinced myself they are just looking because I'm tall.

Confidence can be contagious. When people see you are comfortable with yourself, they are more likely to be comfortable with you as well. Kind of fake it took you make it but I was faking to myself that I have confidence until I saw how people reacted. This helped me build real confidence.

[Fiona_44]

I firmly believe that being confident is the key to having good dressing experiences. Yes, you have to pay attention to your makeup, your clothes and mimicking female mannerisms but being confident can overcome shortfalls in those areas and will go a long way in making others feel more comfortable in their dealings with you.

[GJ81]

Thanks to everyone for sharing their wisdom. Everyone shares such great advice. I’m learning so much and that’s why I’m here.

Heather

[audreyinalbany]

its pretty easy to be confident on line....we're not all so confident in real life

[NjJamie]

Heather, just jump in, the water is fine! I spend way too long, almost 50 years, waiting for "just the right time" but when I finally got going "out the door", there has been little stopping me and I can honestly say NO BAD REACTIONS.

If you're worried, that will show to some extent, which will only set off people's radar, but if you believe you are just a woman out for a day of shopping or whatever, you will draw little to no reaction if you are dressed close to the "norm".

Way back in the day I went out to the local mall in a hot pink wrap dress, white stockings and 4" pumps, the best thing I can remember is that it was almost empty. My last outing was about 4 hours, 2 of which was shopping with a CD/TG friend, an hour at Panera and finally an hour in a convenience store, super market and a few clothing stores. Other than one "second glance" at a high end store, no one really even appeared to notice me and at almost 6'/260, someone should have. I was dressed in a casual manner, black/white/green pant set/cardigan, very "blendy" so very successful. Just put on a low key outfit and go give it a try, you'll only regret not having done it long ago!

[char GG]

I want to stress this from Di:


I asked her to visualize her walking with her head held high and walking with confidence.
I have seen many CDs walking ( out and about- plus here in videos- their head darting nervously-..that makes people look/ stare to see what in the world is wrong.just force yourself not do that.

Last week, we saw a CDer taking a stroll in a historic area, dressed in a pretty summer dress. However, she had her head pointed to the ground and an obvious man walk, ---- wide stance, long steps. We saw her again later in the day, carrying a pizza box, same forward head posture. Holding your head high gives the look of confidence.

[amykwanishere]

For those who lack confidence, Halloween is a great excuse to go out fully dressed because, worst comes to worst, you can always fall back on 'Oh, sorry for making a mess, but it's Halloween, hahahahh... :-}

[Andrea Renea]

As for going out...Parks during the day are nice...
You can distance yourself from other people...lots
of places to sit and check your phone, take a selfie, etc.

Malls are good place to.

Just go though a Wendy's or McDonalds drive thru.

Your confidence will grow.

I went into Academy Sports yesterday morning shopped and
made a purchase. The female at the register said "I get you over
here ma'am...Have a great day ma'am"

I go to Sheetz Gas station most mornings and get a sweet tea.
kind funny but the construction guys hold the door for me " After you
ma'am. It takes a little getting use to because I'm usually holding the
door for a lady.

I've had never a bad experience while out..maybe a second look
once in a while but nothing said.

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

I have unlimited confidence to wear what I like!

As long as it's in my home or backyard, and the neighbors aren't in the areas where they can see over my fence, and the kids or friends aren't coming over.

But other than that, Yeah you can't stop me!! I can do this!

[TheHiddenMe]

Someday for me was about seven years ago today.

My wife was out of town for four days and I decided to go for it. Day 1: nails. Day 2. Sephora makeover and trying on dresses at Nordstrom. Day 3. Buy a wig while dressed. Day 4. Figure it out.

I had a great reaction on day 1 from my nail tech and Day 2 was even better. The Sephora makeover taught me enough and gave me the products to do my own makeup, and the sales angels at Nordstrom set up a room of dresses for me to try on, and the support that they were on my side.

Seven years later, I've probably been out a thousand times and tomorrow will fly pretty to Las Vegas for Diva Las Vegas for five days of getting to dress. I read about others going out and asked myself "why not me?". One day I hope you'll ask yourself the same question and get the same answer I did.

[Genifer Teal]

My first experience out was nothing like my second experience out which was nothing like my third experience out. Each time you learn so much and gain more confidence. Even if you hate it the first time promise yourself to try it a few times before passing judgement. Your early development moves so quickly. Even if you have a bad experience it's likely an isolated situation and will get better.

[jacques]

hello Heather,
You are so right - this forum is so supportive and kind.
Moreover - I feel that we do not judge other members - you can be as daring as you wish to be, yet no one will criticize you for not keeping your dressing private; it is more about finding your happy place in life.
luv J

[nikkid]

To me the FEAR OF ANTICIPATION is almost always greater than the reality. Whether starting a new job first day of work, taking an exam, participation first day on a new sports team, etc the anxiety we place on ourselves in ANTICIPATION usually is greater than the REAL EVENT warrants. This certainly has been true for me in the world of Cross Dressing. In the end the pure joy I get from my adventures as a NEW woman is worth the effort and anxiety I experience before each new adventure. Nikki.

[Georgina]

Confidence is not just the one flavour. Last Saturday night I was visiting a gg friend who is 90 years old dressed for the first time. I have mostly come out to her about my dressing. I phoned before I went to ask if it was ok to come completely dressed. I was trembling when I was on the phone. She answered Yes if you want to. I drove to her house, 15 minutes, and entered to see her and the whole time I had no nerves at all. That continued the whole time and she was amazing throughout. What a friend. I don't know where confidence comes from.