bars and clubs

[Danielle Tomas]

How has your reception been when going to a gay bar or event? Lesbian only events? Regular bars?

I have always felt more comfortable around women and would like to go to lesbian only events, but i feel like I may not be accepted at these venues.

Another thing i haven't considered was the issue with bathrooms. I am comfortable using either, would prefer to use a women's as I feel it encompasses my alternate personality and reinforces the change in roles.I have always wanted to try and keep others comfortable. My preferences are usually fluid and I feel more comfortable going with the flow.

I haven't gone out yet but I am very excited to try. I am looking to be as prepared as possible for any problems or fun that may be headed my way

[Sandi Beech]

I hate to tell you but there are not a lot of lesbian bars left in the US, but I have been to two of them. I was well treated at both, The Lipstick Lounge in Nashville and Blush N Blue in Denver. They are fun places but not wild like dance clubs.

Bathrooms are not a problem at any lgbt club. Many are gender neural or have single use lockable rooms. Use whichever you want from what I have seen. It is kind of funny that it is no big deal there, but other places it is, the only difference being the sign on the doors. Go figure.

Anyhow, let me know what state you want to try going out at, and I might have been to one in your area as I travel a lot. You can send a private message if you prefer to keep it anonymous..

Sandi

[Danielle Tomas]

I'm in alaska, but do love to travel. Sometimes to Hawaii, but I want to adventure to other places. I thought about a lesbian cruise but was unsure about my reception

[Claire M]

Danielle.. every body is always welcome at Mad Myrnas in Anchorage. Where do you live in AK? I lived in Anchorage for many years.

[Danielle Tomas]

Out in the boonies, small community so I'm not terribly comfortable sharing my exact location. I want to try mad myrnas, but it's hard to stay overnight

[Debs]

Daniella, if you was in the uk, I could take you to hundreds of lgbt bars

[TheHiddenMe]

Danielle, I'm sure most of us couldn't find where you live in Alaska even with Google Maps, so you're safe here.

I've lost count, but I've been out probably 500 (more) times in the last seven years, and only a handful have been to LGBT places. I've never had an issue. Alaska, and small town Alaska,ight be different, but I wouldn't know.

I was in Vegas last week for Diva Las Vegas and javing 100 or so of us was a total non issue. Actually, one night I received six compliments, all from women, on my dress and how I looked.

Just my two cents.

[Sandi Beech]

Wow , we are on opposite ends of the country so I am not much help, but I have posted a lot about clubbing if you care to read about what I have experienced.

Good luck. It has been a lot of fun for me. I love it.

Tata

Sandi

[docrobbysherry]

I can recommend LA, especially the WeHo area or Long Beach down town. And, Vegas of course!:battingeyelashes:

[Genifer Teal]

I started going out in NYC. Now mostly long Island. It's been great. I know I'm fortunate for the area I live. My look and mostly my personality help win people over. By this I mean people have to like you besides not caring about the cd/ trans part of you. Sure you'll be scared in the beginning. You got to get past that or people are gonna be scared of you. That's what i mean by your personality plays a lot in your success..

I went to a great happy hour every Friday at the same club for several years. It wasn't big or super famous or super elite. It was old and well established. It had many long time patrons. It also was a work crowd kind of place. people that wouldn't go out much at all might happen to stop there with people they work with once in a while. I got to meet Such a wide slice of people from my area. It really put me out there put me on the map so to speak.

I slowly branched out to other places where many of the people I met there would also go. Now i pretty much can't go anywhere without running into someone that already knows me. even if I do go to a new place, I'm probably gonna meet a few people that already know me. Once people see that other People know you It's kind of like you're already accepted By default. you're not some random stranger just walking into a new place.

One recent example of this was seeing a band at a new place this past summer.
I happened to know the lead singer somewhat from just being out. he announced me as I entered.
I'm tall so I stand out. To my point though this kind of made me out to be something special. Not making a big deal of it but it did start me off on the right foot to meet new people and gain even more acceptance.

I've had a great run for 20 years and I hope it continues. we aint getting any younger.

[Claire M]

Danielle, I totally get your situation. I worked in the bush for a few years. Alaska is the biggest small town on the planet. EVERYBODY in the village or small community knows EVERYTHING that EVERYBODY in town is doing. And EVERYBODY has a relative in the next village too. If you ever want to message me, feel free.

[Davina2833]

Genifer,

You are one beautiful lady.....you go girl!

Davina

[Helen_Highwater]

My experience isn't as great as some others regarding going out to pubs and certainly not clubs. However what I would say is from my experience I'd say you're more likely for find those from our community in general LBGT places than those catering for a specific community such as Gay women.

[char GG]

My boss at work is a lesbian woman who is married to a lesbian woman. I can only relay what they say- and they are not all that accepting of CDers. They won't talk down to you, but they won't accept you as one of their own. Don't think a "lesbian" bar is the place you want to be - if you can even find one.

There are many LGBTQ+ establishments where you will probably do just fine.

[Rileyaz]

I was in NYC two weeks ago and didn't see you :). Where do you hang out? I was at a hotel in Times Square.

[kimdl93]

I live in a very rural, resort area so there are not many nightclubs, mostly just bars with DJs or more rarely a small band. I kinda got out of the bar habit after covid, but prior to that I went to these places without incident and often got into some interesting and positive conversations.

[alwayshave]

Danielle, I have been in bars and clubs and haven't had any significant issue.

[Genifer Teal]

I was in NYC two weeks ago and didn't see you :). Where do you hang out? I was at a hotel in Times Square.

If that is directed at me, I don't do the city much anymore. The good parties moved to Brooklyn where late night travel is awkward at best. Let me know your coming next time and I'll see what I can do.

[Patience]

It's funny. I have been in a fair number of bars enfemme but never an exclusively lgbt one. Most of the time, I went with people I knew and the places were all-inclusive from the get-go, with non-gender specific bathrooms, that sort of thing.

If you go to a gay bar, I expect people will tolerate you as a CD, but are not that likely to be all that welcoming, either. I mean, lesbians will be aware you are not biologically female and gay guys will also be likely to be indifferent unless they have a drag queen night or something.

So yeah, I would not specifically recommend a gay bar for an enfemme outing unless you're actually gay.

[Sandi Beech]

I am sorry I have to disagree with Patiences assessment, but I have been to 43 bars or clubs en femme, and I have had nothing but complete acceptance from all I interacted with. Only 3 were not designated as LBGT, etc.

I think last picture I posted shows what total acceptance looks like. You just have to have the right attitude, and you will have a great time.

https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=337871&d=1695839984

Clubbing tip, drink in moderation and the socializing goes much better. It took me a while to figure that out. Now I know better.

Also, do not assume all women in gay bars are lesbian. I know this to be fact. Some go there with friends to have a good time, a few drinks, and laughs with their girl friends without every guy in the room trying to pick them up. Girls just want to have fun like the song goes. Besides there are quite a few bachelorette parties at gay clubs, and I have some of my best dancing on those nights. I have some really funny conversations with women after their parties as many are drunk, but I can not post here. Haha. A little too risqu?

; )

Sandi

[Sherry Ann Evans]

I never had any problems going out to a bar/club when dressed. That includes gay bars, dance clubs, and regular taverns. Last week my wife and I went to a local sports bar, sat at a table near the bar itself, and nobody bothered me at all. I was wearing a simple outfit of jeans and a pink zip-up exercise top. I went out on NYE in a sparkly green dress, and went out last summer to an outdoor bar in Princeton wearing a denim miniskirt. You get the idea.

That being said, you've got to use common sense: I dress to fit in, and I'm not stopping at dinky places in the middle of nowhere. We live in the northern half of New Jersey, which is highly populated and a blue state.

My favorite part of going out is the little things! Exiting the car and slinging my purse over my shoulder, feeling a breeze in my hair, a guy holding the door for me, being called miss or ma'am by restaurant staff, using the ladies room and reapplying my lipstick in the mirror. Or best of all, being checked out by a guy and having them smile at me ... it's heaven.

[Karren H]

I would recommend going to a casino, they will take you money no matter how your dressed! lol. I have been to a number of the locally, enfemme and never had an issue, except that one time down in West Virginia. They did not like me taking photos of myself on the casino floor. The security guard was very nice though. Called me Ma?am and all.

So just go where you want and have fun!

[Lauren4444]

RileyAz, You should definitely meet up with Gen. She is actually downplaying herself in her post. I’ve known her for close to 20 years now. Everywhere we go, she knows someone!! She also has the bizarre superpower of wearing, walking and dancing in 6” heels for literally as long as she wants. We will dance all night until my feet feel like they will explode in my heels and Gen remains unfazed as if she is wearing sneakers. I don’t even know genetic girls that can do that! ;)

[Danielle Tomas]

Hi Lauren, what city do you co out in? We are hoping to take a vacation without the micromachine and tiny tot, but it is difficult to find a sitter. We are going to try and fly her sister up to watch them as we don't have any family that isn't 3000 miles away. And, of course, when you have your baby shower, everyone says "I'll watch them anytime!". Then, when you ask, they all are too busy or they complain about it even though it is just a few hours so we can concentrate on our remodeling.
Sorry for my venting. We really want a "us" vacation lol

[docrobbysherry]

Karen, in Vegas no one is allowed to take photos in the gambling areas in casinos!:thumbsdn:

And, I've been thrown out of 3 of them. Seems they get their panties all twisted up if you're wearing a mask!:eek:

[Lauren4444]

Danielle,
I am from NJ. Most of my ventures out are in the Tri-State area. But New England has reasons to drive up north too. There are conventions throughout the year. I am not sure where you live and where you are looking to go for vacation? But Boston has First Event in January and Hershey PA has the Keystone Conference in March. There are plenty others throughout the country. Perhaps one of these conventions could give you and your wife a quick, long weekend away having fun. 🙂

[Danielle Tomas]

Unfortunately, we are all the way up in alaska, so our options are pretty limited. We have talked about visiting that area, but the kids make it difficult to get out by ourselves lol

[Robyn n TN]

I have been to every kind of bar/club there is as Robyn. I haven't had any problems at any but I, now a days, actually prefer straight bars/clubs. For me I feel like I fit in better at a straight bar. But it all depends on ho you feel and how you handle the different environments. Early on in my journey I almost exclusively went to gay bars, it seemed that it was a safer place to be. I have been to two lesbian bars, Lipstick Lounge in Nashville and The Lady's Room in St. Pete area, and have felt welcome at Lipstick but not as much at Lady's.

[mbmeen12]

Here in CT their are several clubs and enjoy patronage $$$$. Obviously on the spectrum of establishments and can't name one but I wouldn't go into a biker bar dressed lol...