Charlotte almost re-emerged

[CharlotteCD]

I ordered some clothes last week, which came off the back of seeing a woman dressed in the exact style and displaying the level of femininity that I aspire to. She looked absolutely incredible, and it awoke something in me.

Perusing the sales, I found the items that I wanted and put the order in.

4 days later and I cancelled the orders having spent 72 hours feeling like it was ridiculous, pointless and a waste of money.

Charlotte's back in the box again and has shown no signs of truly emerging in months - if not a year now.



That's fine. I have ?50 back in my pocket now that I am going to put into my retirement account. Much better idea.

[Diane P]

I don't know whether to say good for you that you saved that money or sorry to hear that Charlotte hasn't been out in a while.

[Karren H]

Retirement account is the prudent choice. But then again I have never been prudent. Lol. Just dropped $50 on 4 makeup items at the pharmacy! Glad I am retired!

[Natalie5004]

I have saved enough for now. I need new underwear.

[NancySue]

Maybe the pink fog will roll in. It usually does and maybe you?ll keep your next order. Life?s too short.

[Kris Burton]

Just a question - from a psychological standpoint is it truly better for you to suppress a desire so strong?

[Christie ann]

If I had cancelled an order they would have told me that I was too late and that everything had been processed. Then I would have had to spend $10 to send it back. So, I would just keep everything and gone out to lunch and shopping where I would have a heck of a time and spent an additional $50. So, by saving that 50, you actually doubled it and can retire just a little bit earlier!

[docrobbysherry]

I'm not one to give advice on how to spend their money, Charlotte.

But, I CAN tell u that if you're 80 and u want to look like a pretty young woman bad enuff? U can!:devil:

[CharlotteCD]

Just a question - from a psychological standpoint is it truly better for you to suppress a desire so strong?

There is pretty much no desire. I haven't posted a picture thread on here in over a year because I haven't wanted to dress badly enough to get dolled up. I put various items in a bag and once they hadn't been worn in 6 months, I threw them out.

I've only got the basics that I can't replace now. The desire to dress, and the desire to look good has just gone. I was very surprised when I had it for a few hours last week, but it only lasted a few hours.

[kimdl93]

You never know. We often assume that the desire will never leave, but I would guess that there are individuals who manage to put cross dressing behind them. We may not hear about them.

[GretchenM]

As we go through life and encounter an almost limitless variety of experiences that have some kind of impact the priorities in our sense of self can change in various ways. What was true of us in the past may fade a great deal and be replaced by a different perspective. It is natural for that to occur no matter what is involved.

However, if we look very closely parts of what has faded may still be contained in a somewhat altered personality that is blended with other aspects of our personality. That can occur for anyone as it is a learning process. Your prior desire to dress to the nines was an expression of what you felt internally at that time. If what you felt internally in the past shifts to being a part of a social behavior then your brain may find a new way of expressing that without the expression in the clothes you wear. It becomes how you think and interact with others that is the important part of your identity. But that is not necessarily "permanent" either. It is possible that at some point going back and incorporating the dressing part of the expression may occur as your sense of self undergoes tiny, cumulative changes and shifts in response to your reaction to experiences you have not yet had. It is not predictable.

My question for you is whether when you were dressing on a more or less regular basis was that accompanied by shifts in your behaviors that define your sense of who you are? If so, are some of those female-like behaviors now blended with the male-like portions of your total identity? If you behave in such a way that Charlotte is still there but in a different expression then it may be that the expression of the Charlotte part of yourself in the way of clothes may no longer be considered necessary. You can be Charlotte without the clothes by behaving sometimes in Charlotte-like ways. But that does not block the possibility that the outward expression in clothing returns at some point to form a more complete Charlotte package. You still had the desire as a result of a trigger, but the processing of that decided that you were already being that person without the clothes so the clothes were ruled as being unnecessary and the desire to dress faded away but the practical Charlotte behavior remained and your brain decided saving the 50 dollars was wiser and, in the long run, more important. Sometimes women are very practical and override the impulses. Men do that too. But what was your thinking in making that decision? Was it the Charlotte part or the more male-like part?

[CharlotteCD]

This is an interesting question for me, and I am sure many others when you consider how many people have started threads about how they can be more femme in male mode.

"My question for you is whether when you were dressing on a more or less regular basis was that accompanied by shifts in your behaviors that define your sense of who you are?"


I don't believe I have adopted any Charlotte behaviours. Charlotte is me, I am Charlotte. I don't change how I act, talk or use my body for non verbal communication.

The big change that has come with my reduction in dressing is the loss of my support network and trans friendly environment. I worked with a very liberal and progressive business with an award winning LGBT network. Within that I had numerous people who supported me as colleagues and (I believed) as friends.

Having changed jobs to a very corporate (but accepting) environment I am not surrounded by people with dyed hair, or nail varnish on guys, or bright coloured outfits. I'm surrounded by suits, polo shirts and trousers on men, or trousers and office dresses on the women, all in plain colour styles.

The "friends" I believed I had have turned out not to be friends, and they are still getting together for socials and not inviting me, but still inviting others that have left the business as I did. They've turned their back on me, and I have turned my back on them now - I can't be bothered to keep trying with them.

So no trans discussions with friends, no gender expression at work, a greater awareness of priorities in life, and boom, Charlotte has gone.

[GretchenM]

Interesting. Perhaps then the process of changing your work environment including the motivation to change that environment produced a reaction, perhaps temporary, that did not include the outward expression in clothes. As you seem to have a single identity form, Charlotte, any changes would impact that in various ways differently than if it was some kind of duality.

It is sad that you can't join in the former support group because it seems you need that. But not having the desire to dress is perhaps not as bad as it seems because Charlotte still exists as your identity and perhaps that is the expression at this point. To me, it is far more important to be that person, irrespective of the name or characterization title (e.g. crossdresser; trans; or something similar). We do tend to sometimes get hung up on the traditional and stereotypical differences in the appearance of women and men. But the person is what is inside rather than outside. Perhaps you are actually where you should be in the larger picture as Charlotte is who you are.

I feel that way often about Gretchen. She has been hanging around for so long that my internal configuration has largely become her most of the time. The clothes don't matter. I often don't even sense my old male identity anymore - only in special situations. A major reversal of what was present long ago. I am Gretchen, no matter how I am dressed. I still enjoy wearing the clothes once in awhile, but then I get to questioning why I need to dress that way? She is there most of the time in one form or another no matter how I am dressed. It is just a nice thing to do.

Perhaps your definition of Charlotte needs to change so the expectations are more aligned with who you are rather than a Charlotte that needs to look like a Charlotte in the stereotypical female sense to be her or fully her? Only you can answer those questions. Sometimes we do tend to cling to stereotypes because they are easy to do. But sometimes they really don't fit us personally. Perhaps move away from the binary concept of male and female that relies so much on stereotypical thinking and move on to a different level that conceptualizes you better than the stereotype. It is kind of a process of considering the alternative hypotheses to explain who you are. Nothing is fixed and we are all free to explore our internal sense of self.

Just some thoughts and suggestions. But perhaps there really isn't a problem; maybe you have moved to another level in your sense of self. Explore the possibilities.