Counseling

[Sienna_cd]

Many of you have been to counseling relating to cross dressing. I?m not sure what I feel and how to talk about it. Does anyone have some things that have helped them in counseling that you?d like to share. You could always DM me topics as well. Thank you for all of the support!

[audreyinalbany]

I think one of the things counseling does is help you understand how you feel and how to talk about it. its a process. and you have to start somewhere. The hardest part is probably finding a counselor that you are comfortable with and having the courage to acknowledge it if you're not. any good counselors know this and knows that if the chemistry and trust isn't there that it's perfectly reasonable to see someone else.it may take a little bit of trial and error, but many many counselors these days are well versed in counseling people about gender related issues.

[Heather76]

I don't mean to play devil's advocate, but............................Is there a particular reason why you are considering counseling? The reason I ask is I never have. Understand, I've only been cross dressing for 3 1/2 years. I've never really questioned why I enjoy it so much and I don't truly know why. When I told my wife, she couldn't understand why I wanted to wear bras, forms, dresses, hosiery, and nighties. I told her I had no idea why; but, the fact is I do. I offered to go to counseling with her if she wanted. She didn't care to; so, we didn't. I dress at least 50% of the time at home. I underdress to some extent 100% of the time as the only underwear I own is lace panties. I feel no guilt or shame about cross dressing and don't believe I'm doing anything wrong. While my wife is neither supportive or thrilled that I CD, she is accepting that I do. So, I go back to the question I posed. Are you struggling with the fact you like to CD or is there some other reaon you feel the need to speak with someone?

[docrobbysherry]

My therapist asked what kind of problems my CDing was causing? At that point Sherry hadn't arrived on the scene.:o

When I said none at the moment, she replied, "Then, let's move to something more important!":eek:

[Debs]

I can never understand why peeps suggest councelling for dressing ?, are you saying that dressing is a mental illnes ? and needs correcting ?

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

I've wondered the same thing, Debs.

[Sienna_cd]

I don't mean to play devil's advocate, but............................Is there a particular reason why you are considering counseling? The reason I ask is I never have. Understand, I've only been cross dressing for 3 1/2 years. I've never really questioned why I enjoy it so much and I don't truly know why. When I told my wife, she couldn't understand why I wanted to wear bras, forms, dresses, hosiery, and nighties. I told her I had no idea why; but, the fact is I do. I offered to go to counseling with her if she wanted. She didn't care to; so, we didn't. I dress at least 50% of the time at home. I underdress to some extent 100% of the time as the only underwear I own is lace panties. I feel no guilt or shame about cross dressing and don't believe I'm doing anything wrong. While my wife is neither supportive or thrilled that I CD, she is accepting that I do. So, I go back to the question I posed. Are you struggling with the fact you like to CD or is there some other reaon you feel the need to speak with someone?


Heather,

I?m want to explore why I enjoy crossdressing. I?ve been married for 20 yrs and I finally come to the realization I want to CD and have told my wife & is struggling with it. I ant explain it to her if I don?t know the why.

- - - Updated - - -


I can never understand why peeps suggest councelling for dressing ?, are you saying that dressing is a mental illnes ? and needs correcting ?

Deb?s,

For me it?s more of understanding why I enjoy it.

[Samantha51]

Counselling can serve to help
* exploration - why do i like women's clothing, going out, etc. Exploring where this goes (simple CD, private or public, gender identity, trans, etc). This is an ongoing, cyclical process. Maybe this has no answer but I feel it's necessary before...
* acceptance - accepting the reality of who you are.
* self love/compassion - once accepted the CD then work may be required on shame abd guilt
* opportunities for further growth - once the door of acceptance and self love is opened then it's possible (for me certainly) that other freedoms are opened up. Maybe sexuality. For me I've discovered I need to have courage and to say "no" and develop boundaries. So very powerful. Opening up my world so I can say yes to it and seek and take opportunities and not "play it safe". Still ongoing unravelling.

Just my thoughts. I think counseling can be very very useful. Not for everyone. CD is the gateway for me to be a better person in the round.

CD isn't a mental disorder, but I would rather be as fun, fully free, courageous, dynamic, passionate and powerful without CD as there's no doubt to me that CD needs to hidden as it's not publicly accepted (whilst I still accept many here do go out anyway).

[GretchenM]

I struggled with my feelings and desires for 59 years before coming to the realization that I was only hurting myself and I had to come to grips with those feelings and desires. Shame was a large part of the problem but I could not understand why I felt shame for doing what I desired to do and being who I am. I came out and admitted my inclinations which was both liberating and terrifying because I did not know what acceptance would result in. In short, at first, I felt worse than I had when secretive and denying.

I sought therapy and it made all the difference in the world. I saw the therapist individually and also went to group therapy. They complemented each other and began to understand that there was nothing wrong with me; the problems I had were of my own making because I did not understand that some people are like me (and us) and others are not. It only took about 3 months to find comfort in my own skin and understand what became clearer the deeper I went into the nature of this behavior. Seeing a counselor helped me to find a comfort zone that fit just me; not some socially contrived concept of properness and appropriateness. I learned how to be the total me and face that as a total package that is unique and beautiful in spite of the warts.

A therapist does not tell you what to do but through questions and answers and thinking they help you to discover the answers for yourself by guiding you through whatever difficulties you have. You discover the answers yourself with their guidance helping you to change your thinking so that you can understand yourself without leading you into some set form of "normality" that doesn't really exist.

My daughter is a therapist and is now doing on line therapy. (Uh, she is not a gender therapist.) Just last night after Christmas dinner I asked her if she felt it was as effective as face to face therapy. She said that it is very much the same. She can read a person and guide them just as well in a Zoom therapy session as in a face to face session. I still think the face to face is maybe a tad better but it is hard to find any therapist as they are generally booked up because of the high demand created by our crazy world. So don't restrict yourself to local, face to face therapists. After a couple of sessions you will know whether the two of you click or not. Most a very sensitive and compassionate to your situation and will help with the adaptation, but it is up to you to spill your guts out with complete honesty and openness. Holding back secrets will negatively affect the therapeutic benefits.

If the therapist wants to change you to be a certain way according to some idealistic concept, politely bow out and go elsewhere - they will likely not help you. I am referring to "conversion" therapists. Run fast, far away from them. But if they want to explore you and help you find your own road to travel then you have a good one. A good therapist is a bit like a very good friend who will help you sort out things so you can remain yourself in a more complete fashion. But they will be more objective and draw a line at becoming "good friends." It takes time, but having been in therapy for awhile for a few things over the last 25 years I know it is very useful, but the success is more a matter of you being willing to work with them and explore your inner workings rather than the advice and "prescriptions" they give you. It is a lot of work and sometimes difficult to face the truth, but it is far more likely to allow you to be more comfortable in your own skin irrespective of how you are. You will make a few adjustments in your thinking that are tying your brain in tangles that need to be smoothed out. It is like getting the tangles out of your wig to make it look and behave more like you want it to. You learn to be happy with the "wig" that you have, that you are, by fixing its problems.

[Debs]

Sienna, are all people born hetrosexual then decide to become gay ?, what made them do it ?, or can it not just be a fact of nature that they are born gay the same we are born to like dressing ? does there have to be a reason ?. or does the hetrosexual peeps and macho men world need to have a reason why we do these things and they dont. I just accept it, its the way I am and always have been since I can remember, I embrace it , enjoy it, and dont give a flip if someone who isnt a crossdresser doesnt understand it, Im not going to fit into there world full stop.

[SaraLin]

Does anyone have some things that have helped them in counseling that you'd like to share.

I'm not going to get into the debate of whether or not counselling is a good idea.
I will try to answer your request and give you a couple suggestions of how to get the best results. (These are from my experience)

First - don't be afraid. A counselling office is probably one of the safest places there is to talk.

Second - don't hide things. How can you get help if you don't really ask for it?

Third - be TOTALLY honest, with yourself as well as your counsellor. This one can be tricky because we're afraid of what me might find.

Fourth - be patient. Years of building the "you" you are now, will require at least a little time to redo.

Lastly - Don't expect the counsellor to heal you. They are only there to guide you. If there is any healing to be done, you have to do it.

Go, or don't go - either way, I wish you and your wife well in finding the best path forward.


Right after posting this, i saw that while I was typing, GretchenM said pretty much the same thing, only much more eloquently.
I guess you can consider me the "Cliff's Notes" version. :heehee:

[audreyinalbany]

there seem to be some here of the opinion of 'why go cocounseling for crossdressing? it's not a mental disorder." They're missing the point. It's not that crossdressing is mental disorder, its that the individuals' conflicts about being a crossdresser are a cause of emotional distress. It's about finding the role for this part of ourselves that equilibrates this facet of ourselves in our day to day lives. it's about peace of mind

[Angela Marie]

After realizing my crossdressing had more to do with my gender identity than merely enjoying women's clothes, I knew I had to find a therapist who had a background in dealing with gender dysphoria. I did find an excellent therapist and have been seeing her for about a year. Talking about your deepest feelings that you have never spoken to anyone about is the ultimate catharsis.

[laurenchanning]

Counseling helped me immensely, not only with the guilt of CDing but with the other parts of my life. Grateful I was able to find a therapist who was supportive and experienced with gender issues. My therapist suggested that we stop having sessions due to my progress, so I haven?t seen them in about a year, but I?ll always be happy that I did it and wouldn?t hesitate to go back if I need to.

[CharlotteCD]

there seem to be some here of the opinion of 'why go cocounseling for crossdressing? it's not a mental disorder." They're missing the point. It's not that crossdressing is mental disorder, its that the individuals' conflicts about being a crossdresser are a cause of emotional distress. It's about finding the role for this part of ourselves that equilibrates this facet of ourselves in our day to day lives. it's about peace of mind

Exactly this. I did it to try and understand more about myself. It was never about fixing or stopping CD'ing, or because I considered it a mental illness. I wanted to understand how I could manage it within a world that was less than accepting.

[JohnH]

My opinion - just wear your "feminine" clothes as MEN. Notice I don't use a feminine name and in my signature indicates my preferred masculine pronouns.
Women wear "masculine" clothes all the time time and don't feel the need to get counseling.

John

[Fiona_44]

If you do decide to go for counseling, make sure you pick one who is experienced in gender issues.

[Bea_]

I've been working with a therapist for three years now. I started just after some traumatic life experiences around Christmas of 2020 and we worked on managing my responses to that for the first year or so in sessions. I told her fairly early that I wore women's clothes at home, but we didn't move specifically to the subject of crossdressing for a while. I'd been crossdressing for something like twelve years before someone besides my wife knew about it. In those prior twelve years of inner dialog about who I am and what I like, I didn't get nearly the clarity that I've gotten since starting therapy.

Once we did move to the subject almost exclusively, I began dressing for sessions. Expressing that part of my personality physically, while doing so in a safe environment, has helped me to clarify just where I stand in the spectrum. I've firmly established that the dysphoria that I've dealt with was NOT from feeling like a woman, but from not fitting into the role of "typical" male. I do feel a sense of wanting to distance myself from what most people, including my wife, consider to be masculine. I'm am slowly learning to define my own masculinity.

I will note that my therapist has worked in the education system and has dealt with students dealing with sexual identity issues, but I think I am her first exposure to the world of crossdressing. She has dealt with my issues in a straightforward way that seems to deal with the issue with sensitivity and compassion. She actually complimented the way I've been approaching the issue and has said that it's helped her in understanding someone close to her much better. So, my input would be to find a sensitive and compassionate therapist even if he/she does not have gender identity specific experience. I was fortunate the first time around.




My opinion - just wear your "feminine" clothes as MEN. Notice I don't use a feminine name and in my signature indicates my preferred masculine pronouns.
Women wear "masculine" clothes all the time time and don't feel the need to get counseling.

John

That does work best for me but we seem to be in a minority here on the forum. Working with a therapist has helped me to be more assertive in establishing my own boundaries while trying to understand and negotiate my wife's boundaries. Therapy, for me, is not dealing with my own masculinity, but is dealing with the issues of expressing that masculinity in a world that does not respect my definition.



IMy daughter is a therapist and is now doing on line therapy. (Uh, she is not a gender therapist.) Just last night after Christmas dinner I asked her if she felt it was as effective as face to face therapy. She said that it is very much the same. She can read a person and guide them just as well in a Zoom therapy session as in a face to face session.

I've did online sessions with my therapist during the lockdown and I find that face to face is immensely better for me. Mileage may vary...

[Helen_Highwater]

Looking back, the best "therapy" I ever had was the first time I attended a support group and got to sit and chat with others like me. Other people who engaged in the same way you'd engage with others if in drab.

Normal, average, ordinary folks with similar tales to tell but each with their own individual threads. Any doubts I had were dispelled by the knowledge I wasn't alone, or strange, odd, just different from others in as much as some like carrots, others don't, some men like blondes, others brunettes.

What keeps me in the closet to family and friends isn't any doubts about myself, it's predicting how they'll react. To the vast block that are strangers to me, that's not a consideration so I'll happily set forth into the wide world confident in myself.

[Debs]

Helen is right, meeting peeps like minded and in similar but many branches of difference in the big wide world boosts your confidence no end, Ive seen it for myself especially in Helen she beams confidence when she is out and about. No therapy required.

[JohnH]

Bea, in my mind you are a freestyler rather than a crossdresser as you certainly don't try to imitate a woman in appearance.

John

[Stephanie47]

I can never understand why peeps suggest councelling for dressing ?, are you saying that dressing is a mental illness ? and needs correcting ?

If a male grew up in an oppressive situation he may need to shed the baggage that was heaped upon him. Yes, in this day and age there are still males who are mentally abuse because he may wear women's clothing or he or she are gay/lesbian/transgender. Read the news. His or her family may be down on the person. The vast majority of people conform to societal expectations. If I was not for this site I would not be able to converse with like minded individuals. How does one muddle through all the negativity? Some need assistance in navigating through life. Sometime, even though one has achieved self-acceptance, one needs counseling to learn how to deal with the problems of others. One does not live in a vacuum.

[JohnH]

I guess I'm fortunate I was never told to "man up" when I was a boy. My paternal grandmother taught me to apply nail varnish (polish) and my mother taught me how to apply lipstick. I and my two brothers (no sisters) sometimes wore mommy's dresses and clopped around in her heels in the house. So I don't have hang ups so many men have wearing feminine clothes. The pushback I have gotten for wearing dresses is almost nonexistent so I believe men's inhibitions of wearing dresses are mostly in their heads. I consider the idea of shaming boys for wearing feminine clothes a form of child abuse.

John

[JANINE500]

I've never really felt the need for counseling, as for me, CD gives much pleasure, relief, excitment, exhilaration...so I don't want t give it up!
I just don't see CD as an illness or affliction, or something to be cured, but , rather, just a natural way of expressing our more feminine ( and beautiful) characteristics.

[Bea_]

Bea, in my mind you are a freestyler rather than a crossdresser as you certainly don't try to imitate a woman in appearance.

Compared to most here on the forum "freestyle" would probably fit my imagined public persona, but to the real world and on the feminine end of my taste, I would definitely consider myself to be a crossdresser. I guess I'd like to conquer more territory than freestyle would represent.

[Debbie Denier]

I have never had counselling for CD but have had it for bereavement . I found it harrowing. I don?t think its always the answer whatever the circumstances.

[audreyinalbany]

I like the 'freestyle' designation. For me, If I can't actually present as a woman I'm not interested. Underdressing and 'man in a dress' aren't compelling for me

[Karren H]

This site (and a few others for other issues) have been all the support and therapy I have ever needed.

[Lisa Gerrie]

I've told all of my therapists that I'm a crossdresser. They usually asked something like...

"Is it causing problems in your life?"

"No, not really. Just giving you some background about me."

"Then let's move on."

It was a non-event.

[Gillian Gigs]

I started seeing a Psychiatrist 3 years ago. It was then that I discovered that I had Asperger's syndrome. Being on the autism spectrum, I quickly found out by reading much material that 'spectrum people' often have gender issues also. So, having accepted myself earlier on was good, but now everything got all mixed up into a new level. Through help, I have a much better understanding of myself, and my self acceptance has improved greatly. My Doctor has told me several times not to worry about it, as it is just another side of who I am.

[Rhonda Jean]

I went because my marriage was blowing up over it and my wife insisted. Long story there. The short version is I insisted that dressing was something that I did/do, not who I am. She insisted "You're a woman! You always have been and there's nothing you can do about it." I resisted going to a therapist, but felt like I had to as a last-ditch effort to save my marriage. The therapist did not give me/us the answer that I wanted and expected. Guess my (ex) wife got what she wanted and expected.

Resistant as I was, once I started going I couldn't wait till the next appointment. I was going 3 times a week in the beginning. I saved a ton of time and money by writing out what would have taken me many sessions to get through, and said things I'd never told ANYBODY. It'd be hard to describe the feeling of getting that off my chest. Something that I didn't even know I needed to get off my chest. After that letter, she knew ALL of my deepest darkest secrets. That's a freeing feeling. I don't know where else you could do that. I went for as long as I felt like I needed and could afford. The marriage totally blew up while I was still going. I've gone back a few times since. It's pretty easy to do once you've broken the ice. The value of talking to a person and laying it all out there in a completely open and unfiltered way should not be underestimated, even though I didn't agree with her assessment of me. I'm not always right, either. I've gotten WAY out there with this stuff over the years and I often couldn't see the forest for the trees, although I thought I could.

We're all sensitive to calling this thing we do a mental illness or even a problem. Call it what you want, it most definitely is something we're all going to have to deal with as it relates and is ingrained into many aspects of our lives and in the lives of others. As much as I disagreed with my therapists assessment of me, it is not as I had soft-pedaled it to my (then) wife. Oh, it's something I do alright, but it's more than that and we all know it. So did I. We talk about honesty on this site a lot. We should start with being honest with ourselves. Seem obvious? Not so much. Not for me anyway.

[Janet Murray]

I've been cross dressing for 55yrs. I feel that its just a part of me, nothing more. I feel blessed to have this ability to express myself.

[Leslie Langford]

Why do some of us feel the need to get counseling to understand the need to do what we do, try to shed the guilt, or even give ourselves "permission" to crossdress?

Funny, but I don't see the people who get facial tattoos, body piercings, wear outlandish (and often inappropriate) clothing, sport mullets or else dye their hair purple or green etc. - all of which also fall outside of typical societal norms - agonize equally over their particular compulsions.

They just lead their best lives as they see fit, so why do we beat ourselves up over our own proclivities? Are ours that much worse - let alone questionable - than theirs?

[Lisa Gerrie]

Leslie,


Why do some of us feel the need to (...) understand the need to do what we do, try to shed the guilt, or even give ourselves "permission" to crossdress?

Because of guilt and shame imposed by other people.

Society doesn't like that I do this.
I wish I wasn't different.
I wish I didn't do this.
I wonder why I do this.
Maybe if understand it I can fix it.
I don't want this to be my fault.

People who are different in some way often look for explanation because they want to be able to blame their difference on something external, beyond their control. "I'm this way because of my domineering mother" etc. etc. etc.


I don't see the people who get facial tattoos, body piercings, [etc] ... agonize

They may roll their eyes. but people generally don't shame other people for those things. There are no anti-tattoo hate groups. I'd suggest that lots of closeted gay people do wonder "why am I like this?" So do people with any of the long list of "kinks" that most other people don't share.

When I truly accepted that this is who I am, and that it doesn't harm other people, the questions about "why" faded away. It's irrelevant.

[Gillian Gigs]

Some people have this driving force within them to want to know 'why' things are the way they are. I am one of them, I want to know all the "why's" in life. Looking at the personal CD'ing why's has taken years, but in the end, I now know what causes me to klick and that has brought me to accepting who I am. To those who never think about 'why', if it is good for them, then fine with me, but just don't go crazy over my going crazy over 'why'.

[ShelbyDawn]

After six years it pretty much boiled down to; It's not illegal, it doesn't hurt anyone, and it's nobody's business but mine. I just need to mitigate the fall out I feel is important.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I've been to therapy with several different therapists over the years. One was a man and the rest were women. I felt more comfortable with the women. I started separate/joint therapy because my wife demanded that I "get fixed" [her exact words]. BTW, I didn't "get fixed"; I just became more confident CDing.

This was in middle age when my crossdressing reactivated in a big way.

Therapy convinced that I was OK. There was nothing wrong with crossdressing.

I went cross-dressed for a number of sessions. I would go to the therapist's office and find a safe place to change, usually a bathroom in the building. I was asked by the therapist how I felt dressed and why I chose the clothing I was wearing. Once, the therapist was just getting finished with the previous client and I turned away from both the therapist and the client. When I entered the therapist's office, she said she didn't realize that I was me. With another therapist, she said that she would have recognized me. I hadn't had time to put makeup on. She did comment on my deportment. I was sitting opposite her with my legs crossed, my hands demurely resting on my lap, and sitting tall and with a straight back.

One of my GG therapists was "girl next door" pretty. She often wore pretty outfits that I tried to copy.

[ReallyLauren]

I have been to counseling regarding crossdressing and it was a great experience. It helped me cut through all of the guilt and shame I developed over the years and allowed me to accept my authentic self. While prior to counseling I had rarely ever been out in public, I now go out regularly and have been to some places I never would have dreamed going before. It laid the groundwork for where I am today....a person who celebrates their femineity and wants to go about my business everyday authentically.

[Veronica Lacey]

First - don't be afraid. A counselling office is probably one of the safest places there is to talk.

Second - don't hide things. How can you get help if you don't really ask for it?

Third - be TOTALLY honest, with yourself as well as your counsellor. This one can be tricky because we're afraid of what me might find.

Fourth - be patient. Years of building the "you" you are now, will require at least a little time to redo.

Lastly - Don't expect the counsellor to heal you. They are only there to guide you. If there is any healing to be done, you have to do it.

I feel this is very well explained here.

In particular it feels that #3 the most challenging aspect of considering counselling. What we "find" has the potential to change our world of thinking rather abruptly; that change can be the key to some freedoms while simultaneously presenting as the nemesis to our current being. For those of us who are not built nor bred to deflect the slings and arrows of the world's reactions and our own perceptions, this one is the double-edged sword we may have to choose to fall upon.

[Genifer Teal]

It was easy for me to say I didn't need counseling. I was somewhat right. Maybe I was entirely right that I didn't NEED it. It takes a while to sort this out on our own. Maybe it takes too long. My new take on getting outside help is that it is not "giving up" or "admitting defeat". IT CAN SAVE TIME. if counseling gets you to the end result faster, you just gained the rest of your life to live with this knew found information/ understanding. Use it wisely and flourish! Would you rather go out for the first time in your 50s and decide you love it or learn that in your thirties and enjoy it more for a longer part of your life?

[Samantha51]

This. I'm starting counselling next week (interviewed 4 to find one I like), but then I'm now pretty certain I'm transgender and want to get on exploring and growing into that.

[Maid_Marion]

My wife saw a therapist for her issues. She invited me to see one as well but I didn't think I needed to, so I never saw one.

I found my female side is much better at socializing. But, it took a long time to get there.
It took a while to learn female mannerisms and the art of being presentable.
But, I think the long journey was well worth it.
I did have some help from her.

[Melody Rich]

I've been in therapy on and off since I was eight years old. As a child, I was angry and violent, likely from years of abuse.

As an adult, I've had many therapist, alone, and with my wife. It has been helpful in our acceptance of this reality. Together, we came up with a starting compromise.

Over the years, that compromise has become more understanding and flexible.

Starting with a new therapist can be tedious as I need to retell my entire history to someone new.

My one objection was having a therapist who was engaging in fraud. Her practice was under investigation by the FBI, who had access to all her files and went through them. So much for feeling safe in confidentiality. She lost her license and went to prison for a year. Since then, I've been more hesitant seeing a therapist.

[JoyceAnn]

I go to counseling appointments regularly for the usual reasons, to release some of that anxiety that tends to accumulate over time. I can tell my therapist what's on my mind without fear of judgement. I especially enjoy telling her about my wishes and dreams. She doesn't tell me what to do, but she encourages me to explore my thoughts and become what I want to be.
After not crossdressing for many months, last year I felt a strong yearning to get back into it. Not only that, but I wanted to go out in public dressed for the first time ever. I was able to discuss that with my therapist and find a way to make it happen. I ended up going out in public three times last year, including DLV in October. Without my therapist's encouragement and reassurance, I'm not sure I could have done it. After talking with her, it felt like the right thing to do for my personal growth.

[Nyla F]

there seem to be some here of the opinion of 'why go cocounseling for crossdressing? it's not a mental disorder." They're missing the point. It's not that crossdressing is mental disorder, its that the individuals' conflicts about being a crossdresser are a cause of emotional distress. It's about finding the role for this part of ourselves that equilibrates this facet of ourselves in our day to day lives. it's about peace of mind

This is it exactly. I recommend it, really helped me.

[Melani65]

For me seeing my counselor is cathartic, since moving back home after 25 years I've been outing myself more and more to family members whether intentionally or not. It's good to seek advice from a professional and the bonus is I can dress for our sessions. This helps as I'm more in tune with "me".