Dressing - The fun is gone!

[katesometimes]

After 40 years together, my wife passed away earlier this month. She has always known of my crossdressing and been very supportive of it. We shopped together, though I only once shopped as Kate, and I dressed up at home with her and my kids full support.

After 40 years of doing it with her, I find I don't currently have any fun dressing up. It just feels lonely when I do. I'm sure at some point it will become comfortable again, but at this point I don't know when.

Has anyone else been in this position, and how and when did you go back to dressing up again?

Kate Sometimes

[JulieC]

You're in a period of bereavement. There's bound to be a lot of things that likely don't feel 'normal', and feel decidedly lonely. Crossdressing, given that it was such a shared experience with your wife, is going to feel odd for a while. I wouldn't force it, but neither would I repress it either. Life will get redefined as you move forward. But, not being yourself doesn't honor what you and your wife had. Be true to yourself.

I'm very sorry for your loss. I know the words of condolences from a person you've never met might seem a bit hollow. But, I feel for you. I really do.

[docrobbysherry]

If it NEVER comes back, Kate? I know quite a few here who be thrilled to be in your shoes!:battingeyelashes:

[alwayshave]

Kate, I'm sure while you are suffering this loss, you are somewhat depressed. This may be a reason you don't want to dress.

[kimdl93]

The closest I can come is the loss of a partner through divorce. Of course, there was a long period of grief, but eventually the sun rose again, as did my interest in cross dressing. Give yourself time to grieve.

I am sorry for your loss.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Kate :hugs:< I would like to offer my Condolences

Just don't Purge, >Orchid**O:daydreaming:O**

[bridget thronton]

Sorry for your loss - I am sure it will take a while before things you did with your wife will seem OK to do alone

[baldy1]

Hi Kate.
I am in the same position i lost my wife after 50 years of marriage and her 12 months anniversary was two weeks ago and i have to say following her anniversary it has been a great weight lifted from me.

Dressing for me is a comfort and i wear her clothes, people say it gets better but thats a personal thing.

Dress by all means or dont but try and remember the good times when you did go shopping together for your things, dressed together, she made comments about your style, afterall the wife always knows best.

The very best of luck.

PS her dog who was a great comfort to her in the 7 1/2 years of her illness also died a few months after her.

Julie

[DianeT]

Hi Kate, my deepest condolences for a terrible loss. I can't relate to your situation. But at a moment in our life, my wife and I separated for roughly a year. As I was teleworking a lot at the time, this was an incredible opportunity to finally buy my own clothes/wigs/forms/shoes and crossdress till I got blue in the face. And yet during that year I probably dressed just a few times for a couple hours with the bare minimum stuff, and that was it. Why? Because I was unhappy. The dressing, even if I hid it from my wife back then, was a celebration, something joyous and brilliant. And there was no joy nor light anymore in my life during the separation. I came out to my wife a few years ago, and it still puzzles her that I did not seize this opportunity.
I hope time will heal your wounds and you will find pleasure again in dressing. That's surely what your wife would have wanted.

[Genifer Teal]

Sorry for your loss. I only dress up to go out. If I had to stay in by myself I probably wouldn't. I can understand how doing it by yourself changes the dynamic. I know a few ladies who blossomed in life after becoming single like you. Don't give up to quickly on what the future might hold.

[Bea_]

I cannot even allow myself to think about how deeply painful your loss is. I can only imagine the number of things in life that lose their attraction in your situation. I hope that you'll get through to a place where things feel can feel "good" again soon.

[April Rose]

I am so sorry for your loss, Kate. You are still in the the very raw stages of mourning. In my experience, while the sense of loss and loneliness never completely goes away, over time you find ways to adjust to it and cope with it. All you can do right now is to remind yourself to get up every day and put one foot in front of the other. Make sure you are eating right, make sure you are getting some sleep. Get yourself off the couch and out into the fresh air. Your wife wouldn't want you to let yourself go.

Over time you will begin to see a way forward. Then you will be able to objectively decide what to do about dressing. For now just take care of yourself.

[Jolene Robertson]

I am so sorry Kate. I haven't been where you are right now, I'm sure it will take time. I know I don't enjoy dressing as much when my wife is not with me. Prayers for you and the family.

[CDMargret]

So very sorry for your loss. Time is what you may need.

[Claire_with_a_twist]

omg! That is so sad... ;.; Sorry to hear! I know if my wife ever dies, I will probably be in the same place as you. We have the same thing and she supports and reassures me all the time. I would suggest just taking a break for a short bit and see where life leads you. Then, try it again and see if you get the juices back. Till then, I am so sorry to hear about your loss.

[Aliceunderwire]

My deepest condolences on your loss Kate.

Alice

[Cheryl T]

Sorry for your loss.

I've only been out fully to my wife for the last 20 years. In that time we began going out together all the time and that has not stopped. The last 10 years have seen even more time spent dressed and since Covid it's gone to nearly full time. I no longer get the "thrill" I once did long ago, but it's been replaced with a comfort in being me that is much more satisfying.
Perhaps your interest will return. If not, then something else will fill the void.

[Jane G]

I can't relate directly to your loss Kate. Losing parents and friends is not the same as losing your life partner. Mourn your loss Kate. Life has changed. It continues though. The things that still matter will find their way back. My thoughts are with you.

[Diane P]

Kate you have my deepest condloences for your loss. My wife of 28 years passed 19 months ago. She didn't know anything about this side of me, in fact for the last 20 years of our marriage I only under dressed. It was two months after her passing that the thought crossed my mind of wondering what I would look like in a dress. Since then I have added an entire female wardrobe to my closet, so much so that my male clothes are in the closet in another bedroom.

I don't dress a lot at home, in fact most of the time it's simply panties and nightgowns when I go to bed. I do have to say that it feels just so right, normal and natural to dress as a woman when I do. I've even gone so far as to shave my beard and mustache. Also bought 4 different wigs.

As Blue said don't purge. If you do and the urge to dress returns you'll have to replace evrything you got rid of.

[Natalie5004]

I do not feel that the fun is gone, but the challenge to look your best and to achieve a system this is easy to replicate is completed for me.

I am very sorry for your loss also. I can allow myself to worry what I would do if I end up where you landed.

[Robin777]

Sorry for your loss .
I lost my wife of almost 43 years going on 2 years ago this June. going through the grieving process I lost all interest in dressing. She was like your wife, Always had known about my crossdressing and supported it and encouraged it. We also shopped together and she was the only person that knew about it.

It took me a few months before I wanted to dress again. I started cleaning out her clothes. We both wore about the same size tops and that's when I started trying things on and felt like dressing for a little bit.

i still haven't gotten back to the frequency I was before she passed away . I do it on occasion now. It isn't the same without her giving me that look of approval of the outfit I had on. I still do it when the need inside of me builds up and tells me I need to dress.

Give it time. You need time to process your loss. If you want to talk about in private just message me.