Way to crossdressing

[Betty70]

Probably more than once each of us has wondered what caused us to crossdress.
It seems to me that for some of us, the reason was some body part that didn't quite fit the male stereotypes.
This was the case for me, since puberty I had problems with gynecomastia.
I got along with my classmates without a problem, if one tried to sneer, he ended up with a black eye or compromised dentition.
But my mother and kind aunts and their smiles and remarks ...
I finally tried on that bra they kept mentioning, and then it went on.
Has anyone had a similar experience?

[Doven]

you got that right Betty70 i rember when swiming at the pool inside it was snowing out side a young girl said to me i got biger brest than hear like you when i tried it o i loved comfoment Doven

[Aka_Donna]

Who knows real cause? "cause" is usually a loose association of events and not a scientific statement of cause and effect.

But, what does it matter? Since we don't know "cause", learn to live with it. Careful don't let discussions of "cause" lead you to think this behavior is not something you do. You are not the powerless puppet of some external force. There is more going on here. Think, reflect and adjust.

[Kris Burton]

"cause" is usually a loose association of events .

I agree. I think the events of one's life and their psychological effect have at least an equal influence as physical attributes on why one might begin to crossdress.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Betty :hugs:,I took some teasing about the size of my breasts in JR Hi, >Orchid--O:daydreaming:O**

[GretchenM]

Certainly an interesting post, Betty. As for causes of our behavior it is pretty hopeless to look for that single, ultimate cause. It is very likely that such a beast does not even exist. As a biologist, I am very aware that it is quite rare that biological phenomena have single causes as can often be found in physics and chemistry. Biology tends to be structured to be multi-causational with respect to most processes. Change one thing; a pile of other things also change.

For the CAUSES of our behaviors one must start with genetics; yes there are some connections there that build a foundation. But the rest comes through experiences we have as well as our perception of the details of who we are physically and psychologically. This is well demonstrated in your case and many others where you naturally tend to have a pair of boobs of some kind or other that are a result of gynecomastia. I never had that "problem" until I was treated for prostate cancer and now that it looks like there is recurrence and I may have 2 years of androgen deprivation therapy (ADT) instead of just 6 months I suspect at some point I will have something to put in the cups of my current bras that usually have silicone forms in them. I will be happy to not need those anymore. But I don't recommend this method of getting boobs - prostate cancer is almost incurable but it can be controlled with various chemicals that, after 2 years, is about the same thing as the treatment for the first half of transitioning. You just never get the female hormones added.

I like your attitude - you turned a problem into a kind of asset and ran with wherever that led you in your process of personally adapting to who you are in your self assessment. So many resist that adaptive approach and doing that really just creates problems in many who take that route. There is this powerful urge to fit some kind of stereotype of normality so you won't be considered "different." We are all different and that is about all there is to it. Nature creates us to have individual traits and characteristics, but society, in its ignorance, widely embraces the thought that we should concentrate more on uniformity and consistency than differences that naturally make each of us unique. Even rocks come in a multitude of variations. Biology just takes it all a step further and produces dynamic variability. It is what we are blessed with and it is not healthy to shackle that natural variability just because of some social standards that are narrowly defined and denies our natural uniqueness.

Thank your mother and kind aunts who encouraged you to turn a difference in you into something natural that further defines and refines you for who you really are and not some model of maleness and masculinity that is mostly outsourced from ignorance of the fact that we are all different for a reason even when we do not know that reason and that we should each embrace our uniqueness honestly as much as possible. Love your post!

[Lacey New]

I believe that there is an addictive component to crossdressing. One day alone in the house,as a young teenager, I tried on a pair of nylon panties that were in the shared hamper. It was instant arousal and satisfaction. And I wanted more as often as I could get it. Eventually I figured out that if panties were exciting, then panties and a bra would be even better. And I was right. Eventually, I moved out of the house, got an apartment and a job and built my own large collection of lingerie.

[mayarose]

While I often donned the occasional piece of girls underwear and don't really know where that started, I do know the point it accelerated. I've been exchanging photos with a number of people and several of them are dressers. I began to wonder what I would look like in some of what they were wearing and started shopping online. Once my first outfit arrived and I put it on, I knew I should've started this a long time ago. While I'm attracted to men, I've always been jealous of how girls looked, it just hadn't clicked that I wanted to look like them and could look them.

[Lisa Gerrie]

In all of the posts about this topic that I've read over many years, I have never seen a single definitive answer. :)

Personally, I think we only wonder about "why" until we fully accept ourselves. At least, that's when I personally stopped asking myself the question. Maybe some of us wonder about why so that we'll have something to blame it on? So that this "defect" is not our fault?

A closeted gay person (for example) might fret about "why oh why am I like this?", but would a person who is fully accepted by the people in their lives, and who fully accepts themselves? I don't know, I'm asking.

[MarinaTwelve200]

The problem of figuring out "why" is that there are so MANY reasons people cross dress. Sometimes it is an activity associated with conditions like Transsexualism and for some reason, Homosexuality. More often in straight people we are looking at forms of fetishism, humiliation S/M, identity disassociation, escapism and stress relief, curiosity, or simply the "feel" of the fabric. And EACH motivation has it's own separate path. Before you can speculate WHY you started you have to honestly understand your motivation in the first place, and THEN determine how you got on the path. To further complicate things your reasons and motivations could change over time as you made more "fun" discoveries.

[CDMargret]

The fabric. For me it was the fabric. In kindergarten I remember rubbing Miss Simon's nylon covered leg. Grandmother wore them. She would give me knee highs to wear when visiting. Mom said I was always fascinated with them as a very young child. Then later my sister was in dance classes and I would sneak her tights and leotard to wear. They never like aroused me, yet I can spot a woman miles away wearing them.

Never was a body thing for me although I wish I had a body for it. So sorry anyone has ever been teased about it all.

[AllieBellema]

For me, it was the fascination of the dresses that I saw in some of the old time movies my grandma used to watch like Gone With The Wind. I was always interested in those dresses for some reason. In my desperation to try something on like that, I would take times when my grandparents would go out on their own and try and find something for me to wear. My grandma had enough clothes to start her own K-Mart so there was plenty to pick from in the closets. Sadly, nothing compared to what I saw in the movies. Eventually, I was able to get myself something along those lines to satisfy my interests at the time. It wasn't for many years yet though before I became more serious about dressing up and started to get my own stuff to do it on my own.

[kimdl93]

Nothing comparable. Whatever led me to this place was buried deep in the past, perhaps in my DNA or gene expression during gestation. All I can say with some confidence is that by the time I was becoming aware of myself, I was also becoming aware of what I took as messages that I was different in some (forbidden) way. I was aware that that difference somehow involved a tendency towards what apparently were seen as feminine behaviors and that I needed to hide whatever these behaviors were, act as boyish as possible and hope that it might go away on its own. Obviously, that did not happen.

[Stephanie47]

If there was a single genetic cause/reason for a person to feel uneasy or angst in the wrong body, there would be a Labor Day telethon to raise money to develop a cure. When I first tried on my mother's nylon slips as a single digit midget it was because I liked the feel of the nylon fabric. I had no desire to be a girl. I was all boy until hormones flooded onto the scene at puberty. For medical reasons I recently had hormone tests done. The endocrinologist had had "robust" male hormones. There is no hormonal imbalance in my body yet my mind set has me comfortable flowing both ways. There is obvious societal interference for expression that leads a man to self loathe, self hatred. As I have expressed many times, my PTSD counselor for combat related issues is of the opinion that each man and woman has some DNA of the opposite genetic sex in their DNA chain; in some it is more than in others. Perhaps, I was predisposed to become a cross-dresser and some sort of external turned me onto expressing that side of me. Maybe, I have something akin to that dimmer light switch that is on the wall?

[alwayshave]

Betty, I started crossdressing when I was about four years old. That was well before puberty issues. However, when I came along, I had a bunch of older sisters and I was sometimes dressed in their hand me downs. I don't know that was the cause. I don't know what the cause was and I am beyond caring at this point.

[Cheryl T]

I don't think that one event like that "causes crossdressing".
Personally I believe there is a genetic component and perhaps the event you related was the trigger for your experimentation and discovery.

I gave up the search for a "cause" many years ago. It's no longer relevant in my life. Knowing wouldn't change anything.

[Fiona_44]

I have no idea why I started crossdressing. Like Cheryl, I gave up caring why and just enjoy my dressing life.

[Judy-Somthing]

Of course I don't know for sure but I remember that at about 8 my older sister dressed me up in her Ballerina outfit and I was hooked after that.
I put on that outfit every chance I got for at least a year until it didn't fit anymore. Then it was any dress or womens clothing I could find.
All good memories except for the dreaded self loathing purges, which I had quite a lot!.

It's sad My wife finds it disgusting but, I think I look pretty good as a woman which is one of the reason I love it!

[Kelli_cd]

I remember always being fond of silky/nylon materials. Nothing "caused" it, I just liked how the fabrics felt on my fingers.
When I found that my sister had nylon panties, well, I just had to feel them.
And, one day, I decided to see if they fit me. They were a little snug, especially because of arousal that I didn't know would happen, but they did fit.
And I wore them all day. I was probably 11 at the time.
That was the start of my journey.

[JulieC]

I don't have any reason to believe there was trigger for me. One of my earliest memories is a desire to be dressed as a heroine in a TV show. At one point, she was tied up and she was rubbing her nylon covered legs against themselves trying to get free. This morning (decades later), I woke up doing the same thing with my legs in pantyhose (of late, I've been sleeping every night in pantyhose and nightgown). This was embedded in me from the beginning. It's always been there, always will be. Visuals and feels will attract me to something (like a beautiful pair of heels), but the 'something' isn't the trigger. It's the response.

[Gillian Gigs]

There are 365 days in a year, with 24 hours in each day. So, I would say that there are at least 8760 different reasons how someone got started.

The reason we stayed with CD'ing probably has more common reasons than we might think. I have followed this site for many years and the commonality is more common than we may think. Tactile feelings, to a deep seated desire to just escape the stress of the every day world. When we were children we may have played Superman, or been a cowboy to be something other than who we are. Now, we dress up and reduce our stress by being the girl for how ever long we want. It works, so does how we started matter, probably only to ourselves.

[NancySue]

I?m also on Cheryl and Fiona?s side of the aisle. I started when I was young, with nylon stockings. I spent years trying to figure out why. I finally threw in the towel and accepted it. It ain?t going away. It?s too enjoyable. I?m blessed with a supportive wife. Now retired, I enjoy dressing daily.

[Bea_]

I'd tried on my wife's panties a couple of times over the years but it never "stuck". One day back in the mid '00's I ran across a link for a forum for men who wore panties and that one link seemed to normalize something that I'd never considered to be more than fringe pursuit. A year or so later, I ran across this forum and followed for years before joining. So, I'd say it was a natural curiosity about what the other half wears combined with permission given through a common dialog that brought me to this point.

Once the internal permission was given, I began to experiment in order to find my own taste. I've always been very much a dude and I don't feel the least inclination for anyone to perceive me to be a woman. My public persona is still 90% male / 6% androgynous / 4% feminine with minor feminine tells showing up at an increasing pace. I'm slowly becoming more comfortable that others might mistake my lack of traditional masculinity as being a sign that I'm gay or bi. That part scares my wife since that's NOT the look she wants in a husband.

I live in a very traditional social and family world. I know that any public display of my true taste within that world would cause most people to distance themselves from me and I can only imagine the conversations that would take place. I'm the male reciprocal of a tomboy. There's no word for a man like me that it not derogatory in the real world.

[Jimbo]

I?ve just started cross dressing and it has been a nerve wracking and exciting experience, I?ve always wanted to dress in women?s clothes as I love the materials they get to use and the freedom of expression that they have and I love the feel and look of soft gorgeous materials and love some of the naughtier stuff that they can get away with, I have a particular love of fur and suede boots, September last year I was killing time in a street in Melbourne, there is a shoe shop that sells larger size shoes and caters for trans and cross dressers, I happened to walk past it, purely by accident and saw this lovely pair of suede boots in the window, so without even thinking I walked in and asked if they had a pair in my size and tried them on, after doing that I could not get the excitement and trembling out of myself, I went home and told my wife what I had done and that I wanted to buy them, my wife is pretty straight laced so this caused a bit of angst and a lot of stress for her, so I left it alone, but it was too late my need had overcome me and become a compulsion that I had to do, fast forward to just after Christmas and after trying to drop hints and get a feel for where my wife was at with it, (her reaction to something she doesn?t like or can?t understand is to ignore it and hope it will go away) I eventually asked her the question straight out, after all the usual are you gay, is it sexual, aren?t I good enough type questions, I basically told her that I have had these feeling for a long time and that they weren?t going to go away, her response was ?well if it?s going to make you happy? in the midst of my anxiety and compulsion I missed the affect that it was having on her and how to her this had all come out of the blue, I went and bought a fur jacket that I?d had my eye on, and started looking more seriously at boots, I found another pair of boots that I fell in love with and had to have, so early in January I went and bought them, my wife was and still is pretty freaked out by my desire to have the other side of me come out, so I will never dress in front of her and I?m going to take my time introducing other items into my wardrobe, which at the moment I?m not sure what style I want to go for, I can?t even work out a name for my femme side (which I do want to have) but I want the name to match the style of lady I?m going to be, and I?m thinking sassy even though I?m nearly 60, so going forward I really don?t know what my journey is going to look like and I don?t even know what I?m going to look like, so any help or advice would be greatly appreciated, there are very little resources for people in Melbourne Australia (that I can find) that can help me find my way, not even a forum group like this

[Sabine7]

I have been crossdressing for decades, starting as a teenager. It was always a strong temptation and next a reason for self-accusation of being a betrayer of the men's case. I knew I was a defected boy and I used to promise myself to improve. But fortunately, I was failing every time.
Now, I knew that it was and it still is because my inner woman needs that and wants to get free.
I had odd dreams as a small boy, for example the one very intensive, when I was a striper standing in high heels on a stage in a front of a big public. As a small kid, I have also watched the movie called "The Girl on a Motorcycle" from 1968 with Marianne Faithfull as Rebecca. I was fascinated, I wanted to be that girl.

[Natalie5004]

The mirror and my 3 older sisters.

I am better looking as Natalie than my man look. My wife does not agree. She calls me handsome but I honestly think she is very biased.

My sisters were such beautiful young women with fantastic figures. They all had teenage boys hanging around our porch back in the 60's. I was maybe 10 years old then and I just loved that time in my life. When I dress properly I see some of their reflection in the mirror. I am trying to relive my life as one of the girls.

[HollyGreene]

When I was very young (4 or 5 years old) all the kids in the street were boys.
Then one day a new family moved in, and they had a daughter about my age. I remember the first time I saw her. She was wearing a pretty, flowery print dress. I instantly wished that I could wear clothes like that.
I didn't get the chance until many, many years later, when my baby sister had grown to the point where I could fit in her clothes. I tried them on whenever I could, and the rest is history.
If she threw anything away that fit me, it would become part of my stash.

[DianeT]

Given the plasticity of the brain, no need to look for a genetic cause for our behaviors. Not to say genetics can't have a bearing on it, but it's probably as significant as the influence of other planets over tides compared to that of our moon. Also the search for genetic causes is often tainted with whiffs of predetermination which is a mystic thing. We start with a mold of some kind, but then our close environment and ourselves are responsible for shaping the being that we grow up to be. I wanted to be a crossdresser. I consciously decided to be one. I consciously hid it from my wife. I am the sum of my actions.

[Snide_lobster]

I'm not really sure to be honest. Mine's certainly an arousing experience, and while I'm hesitant to admit it, fetishistic is probably the correct word for it. Although, it certainly started purely in that direction, it has also developed outwards, the reasons I do it now are more complex than just getting a rise.

As for how it started, I'm not sure. While there's no remnants of humiliation in my current reasons for dressing, I think that's a huge part of what caught me off guard as a kid. Probably didn't help that most of the exposure to cding was through sitcoms and cartoons where it's taboo yet familiar, and almost always played for laughs. Somewhere along the way my wires got crossed and the things I found embarrassing I found arousing. Oddly enough, this seems to be the only remnant of that, not that there were many others, but they certainly existed (perhaps I didn't feed those wolves). I had a younger sister and do have one memory of playing dress up with her and getting teased by my mother. Outside of that, my cross dressing as a kid was pretty few and far between (once at a friend's house, once at a cousin's house). I started looking into more stuff during my puberty years, which probably cemented things, and started really exploring it in college (although I probably would have liked to in high school).

So while I don't have a humiliation kink, it seems to have kind of started that way. At the same time, I know it's not because of "more options" or some bs reason (although I do enjoy the wide variety that women's attire offers), it's explicitly because it is female clothing, with the intent that I present as a girl. The oddest part though is I don't feel that I become a girl, or really encapsulate anything actually feminine. I feel pretty and sexy (and I guess I pursue looks that I find pretty and sexy on women), it never leaves anything but the realm of imitation (even if I might be a bit sassier as a tease). When I go out, I don't have a "female name" and I openly use the men's restroom. People are confused why I do it, but I don't ever feel like I'm a woman, I'm just me dressed as a girl and feeling sexy. Is it a costume then? I guess it kinda is, or perhaps I just like how my tush looks in a dress...

[AnelineM]

Crossdressing came to me all on my own. First as a youngster I was fascinated by my Mom's and Aunties lipstick. Way back in the sixties, most women commonly wore bright red or pink lipstick. I still love deep red or bright pink lipstick. One day when I was about 10 I spotted my sister's panties in the laundry when I was looking for something else and tried them on. They felt nice. I experimented a little with sister's clothing and makeup but I dropped all cross dressing during college. I got married, and was drawn to my wife's lipstick (she owned one) and panties. Then I started buying my own stuff. Now I own about 30 lipsticks and enough panties to wear every day. and of course a couple dresses, bras, wigs, shoes, and more makeup.

[Stacy Darling]

Complicated, but Hey, when I grew up surrounded by pretty girls wearing nice dresses and skirts. I played dress up as well. best thing to ever happen.

[RachelB.]

I grew up with a mother who was a radical feminist during the 60's. Males in my family were objects to be ridiculed and criticized. I started crossdressing early in life. After a lot of soul searching I have realized that I started in a effort to gain my mothers acceptance. Boy that back fired but I was hooked on the whole process and the way the clothes made me feel. Fast forward roughly 60 years and I have come to accept this part of me. I dress daily and my wife and I go shopping together often and we dress to the nines and do an evening out at least monthly ( always dressed to some extent).

[Visitor]

This is a question most of us have asked ourselves somewhere along the way. I know there is not one answer... this is not one size fits all. I expect most of us have been confused about our behaviors and often have felt shame. It was probably shame that led us to purge one or more times along the way. I've written elsewhere about my history of trauma which began with a silk petticoat my mother kept in my crib when i was an infant. Needless to say, that silk felt awfully nice when rubbed against my genitals. It would explain why I would visit her dresser drawer when I was older. I was looking for a silk petticoat. It also explains why as a 12 year old asked to babysit for our next door neighbors that with the child sleeping in a back bedroom and the parents gone, the first thing I did was go to their bedroom and begin opening dresser drawers to find her lingerie... which I put on. That led this diminutive boy to begin stealing lingerie off clotheslines and eventually to break into homes to steal lingerie.

I've used lingerie intermittently over the decades of my life. I eventually understood I was using it as a stress reliever. For about twenty years I didn't indulge that urge at all, but then the soft chest I'd had since adolescence began showing breast development. Eventually I found a community of men online who have been coming to terms with breast development. Though some men take this development to be a problem and seek surgery to have their breasts removed, other men find acceptance and often begin wearing brassieres. Since breast development is the result of diminishing testosterone which allows estrogen to have its way in our bodies, we also experience other changes in both our bodies and our minds. Most men find it easier to shop for clothes that fit their increasing curvaceous bodies in the women's department. Some wear panties because they go better with the brassieres they wear. Some find they enjoy wearing nylons and body shaping garments. They won't necessarily think of this as crossdressing but they will definitely acknowledge they are becoming more feminine. I started a thread I called Transgender but Not Transitioning which led to a healthy conversation on the topic. A few of the men on that website developed breasts as teens that prompted them, sometimes with the support of their mothers to begin wearing brassieres. One of those "men" eventually chose to transition fully and now lives with her wife as a woman. Another was born intersexed and though he lived most of his adult life as a man he has ovaries and a uterus and now lives as a woman but without SRS.

As many have observed, the key in all of this is to find acceptance with who we are and how we choose to express ourselves in the world. I don't share my journey with people in my life but I do love wearing a brassiere. My breasts fill the C cups of my brassiere with a 42 inch band. But that is all I wear. I have no interest in transitioning or presenting myself as a women. I recommend this website to men I know who want to dress more fully, to present themselves as women. We each are free to define our own path. My guess is that most of us experienced something along the way that drew us to this path. I'm not suggesting trauma, but what boy wouldn't love the feeling of a silky garment against his body. The rest of the world might not understand or support us, but at least we have places like this where we can tell the truth. I'm very grateful for that.