Sooner or later

[Betty70]

Before I decided to go out for the first time, I read warnings that sooner or later it would lead to bumping into someone familiar and getting exposed.
It seemed to me that this was unlikely in a city as large as mine.
And a few days ago - I bumped right into a friend, still from school, with whom I know well and still keep in touch. In my first instinct I forgot that I was Betty and already, I was about to say hello.
At the last moment I came to my senses, we only exchanged glances.
Well, imagine - she didn't recognize me!
We saw each other a few days later, talked, if it had been different, it would have been possible to recognize it.
Great relief.
Now I wonder what conclusion to draw from this:
- to stop going out, because I will meet someone again and this time it will not work out again
- to go out quite freely and more often, because no one will recognize me anyway, since Ann didn't.
:)

[BLUE ORCHID]

Good Morning Betty :hugs:, That is an Interesting Thought, Your Avatar shows a Lovely Lady that blends in >Orchid**O:daydreaming:O**

[Helen_Highwater]

Betty,

A wig, some slap with a little bit of lippy and our appearance changes dramatically.

I've posted this several time but always worth an outing. I attended a support group and spent the evening chatting to others. As the night drew to a close some of those attending used the facilities to clean off makeup and go drab. Not really paying attention I was suddenly surprised to see two males appear from the toilets. "Who the hell are they", "How did they get in here" were my mediate thoughts and it took me several seconds to realise I'd been sat next to one of them for hours.

So while it's not impossible that we'd be recognised I suspect it'd have to be a fairly observant individual to work out who they were looking at especially if you don't react and just sail on by.

[mayarose]

Growing up I always thought it was ridiculous that Lois Lane couldn't tell that Clark Kent was Superman. A pair of glasses, a slouch and a nervous disposition apparently was all that was needed.

That was until I did charity work that involved spending time with rough sleepers. There was a uniform which included a hat and a coat. I would spend a good hour each week talking with each of them, they even knew me by name. When I wasn't in uniform, they wouldn't recognisee at all.

Now I understand why Lois never saw it, a slight change in appearance and being seen in a different or unexpected context completely fools people.

I've not gone out as Maya, but I expect, based on my experience as two simple, different male appearances, that the radical difference between my male self and Maya will be enough to fool people. So I'd draw huge confidence in your success Betty!

[Emily in the south]

I go out quite often & live in a conservative small town. About six miles away is much bigger small city. I go up there fairly often, shopping, Ulta, resale shops, and even a occasional 3 or 4 mile run around a park with trails in full girl mode.
My biggest worry is leaving the house, a neighbor catches a glimpse of me, and the next day says.. who was that cute tall girl leaving your house & driving you car? Lol As time goes by, I worry about that less and less.

Emily

[Genifer Teal]

My craziest story like this:
I'm out in about Friday evening, just getting where I'm going. I'm walking across this giant atrium. the exit is 3 steps in front of me. Suddenly I noticed my bosses bosses boss in front of me. This is the head of our department. My only choice was to take those 3 steps and hope I wasn't noticed. They looked away and I made it past, seemingly unnoticed. Had i turned around it was probably 20 or 30 steps till I was out of sight.

Monday at work i'm up front where this person's office is and someone walks in. He wanted to see a new mid level manager that just Started working in our department. he came from the police and this was one of his old police buddies. this guy says have you seen him In a dress? apparently it was some undercover operation. with that comment the big boss I saw it the other day appears to join the conversation. They were obviously listening. it didn't go anywhere but talk about strange coincidence.The timing was just ridiculous. Here we are taking about some other guy in a dress right in front of the big boss that may have just seen me 2 days earlier.

I have a back entrance a mostly use. The randomness that i was even up front, let alone at that exact moment is just crazy. This probably happened 12 years ago. Nothing ever came of it.

[mbmeen12]

If Clark Kent can hide in plain site, I'm pretty sure your ok.

[GretchenM]

Most people are on autopilot while they are busy doing what they are trying to accomplish. So, they don't examine other people very closely. As others have said, if you make a presentable female-like look only some will notice and most of the rest will pass you by while thinking of other things. So this tends to be a natural smokescreen to being recognized as not being female. But interaction can change that formula dramatically. Just make a reasonably good effort and chances are you will be fine.

[Kris Burton]

Altho it may be an overly cavalier approach it seems to me that if you see someone you know, in all likelihood they are going to be expecting to see you in male mode, not as a female. So unless you jump in front of them and exclaim "Guess who" your chances of being recognized are slim.

[kimdl93]

Go out and enjoy yourself. You might ask yourself what would be different in your life if she had recognized you. Quite possibly nothing at all would change.

[JulieC]

Human brains try desperately hard to pattern match what is seen in the environment to known, previously seen things. A tree is a tree is a tree. If the brain tried to actively look at everything in detail as if it were something interesting being seen for the first time, the brain would be overwhelmed with too much incoming data. So, while I'm no psychologist, I suspect the brain does something like this;

Male or female?
Am I expecting to see someone I know?
Does this person look like a <male or female> I know?
Thus, if you're dressed up as a presentable female, it's likely their brains will never process that you are the male friend they know from back home. There's no pattern in their brains that matches you as a female. These decisions happen very fast, and are done subconsciously. So, unless you made an effort to stand out to them in some way that their brain isn't matching a pattern, they're unlikely to take the deeper look needed to see past the femme presentation.

I had a version of this happen. I was in a major city, just walking along in normal male mode. My nephew walks by me on the sidewalk not more than ten feet away from me. Neither of us was expecting to see someone we knew, so we were just two guys passing by each other. No further pattern matching happened in either of our brains. It wasn't until I was 10 steps past him that it suddenly dawned on me it was him. If he had been presenting as femme, my brain never would have clocked him.

There's another aspect to this; you can bump into someone you know quite literally ANYwhere. My mother in law bumped into someone she knew...a continent away. If you're trying to never be discovered, your only 100% guarantee it to have good curtains, always lock your doors, and never go out en femme. Anything else risks discovery. How much risk are you willing to take?

[ReallyLauren]

I'm not overly concerned with quick, chance encounters. The probability that someone would look at me, process what they are seeing and make the connection in a short time is very small. I find that I often have to look at someone twice or more before I am able to make a connection. Just walking by someone quickly doesn't afford the time required to do this. This is also predicated on someone even looking at you. Like others, I have found that people are so into their own things that they don't see others at all.

[Di]

That was Sherlyn’s fear but I proved to her by going past her mom, Aunt and sister and brother where they went for coffee ( park ) most evenings . That was when we were dating and they did not meet me yet.
But it got more complicated after the family knew me or my car plus his co workers / band mates would see me and come running up to me at regular events going on.
Making Sher feel uncomfortable standing there ….she would quietly walk off when someone in guy life was coming towards us.
She wanted to keep it separate ( guy life and Sher life)

[Jillcder]

OMG Betty I know the feeling! My story is on warm August Sunday afternoon I dressed in a off the shoulder sundress and wedges I had my short wig on, full makeup and womens clear glasses as I strolled through the mall shopping I passed a woman who is one of our closest friends she looked my way so I just held my head high and walked on by that happened a year and half ago and I still get paranoid when I think about it she never said anything to me or my wife but I sometimes get a weird feeling that she knows. I do not wear glasses and have very short hair in male mode I also believe she would not expect to see me in dress this experience has helped me step up my dressing game and be more cautious.

[Stephanie47]

I think there is a greater risk for outing oneself with a distinctive car a person may be driving. Maybe a question will arise as to "Who was that women driving your car?"

[NancySue]

Yes, sometimes it?s a small world. We too live in a small, conservative, nosy, gossipy town, so we decided to go to a shopping center about 15 miles away for dinner and a movie. Things went well. We walked around, shopped, etc. The movie started at 7:30 pm. As we approached the entrance, there were two couples we knew standing in line. Yes, we mildly panicked. Fortunately, they didn?t see me/us. We cooled our heels, literally. We?ve been out, but with caution.

[Cheryl T]

That was a concern my wife had when I began venturing into the world.
Makeup, wigs, padding and women's garb change our appearance so much that I don't think anyone would recognize me unless they hear my voice. Even then, unless they were looking at me when I spoke they would be searching around to find me and I'd be hiding in plain sight.
If you're not looking for something, you can't find it.

[Steph_CD_62]

I don't go out fully dressed where I live, except for an occasional drive around town, but I never get out the car until I get home.

The only time I have been out in public is when the wife and I were on vacation last year, and we were several hundreds of miles from home so the odds of running into someone I knew as next to nothing.

The wife and I were shopping for me one time a couple hours from our town, and we ran into my niece inside a mall. I wasn't dressed, but inside the bags I was carrying was women's clothing for me.

[Bea_]

I'm in a different position than most here in that I don't do female, just feminine. I've got a massive head of hair down to the middle of my back. I've got a significant beard that I'm actually allowing to grow to be more significant. I have a very distinctive, unforgettable look. So, there's no hiding behind a bit of makeup and wig.

I'm also a confirmed introvert who doesn't like to get a lot of undo attention, especially potentially negative attention. Who'da thunk that this guy would end up preferring leggings, cute tops, painted toenails, mascara and pearls in male mode in his senior years?

[Glenda58]

I went to the mall and ran into my ex-girlfriend, and she walked right by me. She gets mad at me and yelled at me that I was a crossdresser.

[Fiona_44]

I've walked past people I've known for 30+ years and they did not recognize me at all Betty. I wouldn't worry about it at all. Just go out and enjoy yourself.

[Helen_Highwater]

I think there is a greater risk for outing oneself with a distinctive car a person may be driving. Maybe a question will arise as to "Who was that women driving your car?"

Stephanie,

So true, I was out dressed and driving home, something I very rarely do. Pulled up at some lights and the car behind me starts bibbing the horn. It's a good friend of mine and thankfully the lights changed at that moment and although we went the same way initially I peeled off after a few hundred yards. Whether he noticed my wig from behind I don't know to this day but nothing was ever said.

[alwayshave]

Betty, I sometimes go out enfemme in a neighborhood I frequent in male mode. Sooner or later I'll be made. I have accepted it.

[RachelB.]

Back when I lived in East TN. I was in the Phoenix AZ airport waiting on my flight when a couple I went to high school came up to me. I was in male mode but it still shocked me. Almost 1,000 miles from home and run into someone I know. If I am not out with my wife I don't think I am that easy to recognize.

[Davina2833]

RachelB.

That is why Disney and other amusement parks post signs, "We are filming on property today" you just never know.

Davina

[Debs]

I was out shopping in Manchester and to my horror a person who I had worked with for 10 years was coming towards me on the same footpath, so I thought nothing I could do, so just walked past him and we was shoulder to shoulder as we passed each other, and he didnt even give me a glance.

[docrobbysherry]

Betty, I prefer it both ways: Go out a lot but never where anyone knows u!:heehee:

First, I don't dress to vanilla venues for mundane tasks. As a CD I don't have any desire to.:thumbsdn:

Second, I go out a lot dressed to T friendly clubs, bars, etc. But, not near where I live!:battingeyelashes:

Lastly, I attend many out of town T events and conventions in other cities like Vegas! Where the chance of running into someone I know is less than one in a million!:thumbsup:

[Aunt Kelly]

If one is not ready to be recognized, one is not ready to go out, at least not in locale where the chance of such an encounter is significantly above zero. I know that, for some crossdressers at least, that risk is a big part of the thrill, but you should be doing an honest risk assessment (likelihood and impact) when contemplating venturing out.

[JulieC]

Aunt Kelly's point is a good one...Likelihood AND Impact! This is a major reason why I don't go out any kind of dressed anywhere near home. Even so, with a small likelihood but huge impact, the risk can still be great. 1 x 10 or 10 x 1, (likelihood and impact) it's still 10.

[Christie ann]

I once tried on some sandals in an outdoor store as Christie. A few weeks later I was in the same store as a guy and one of the SA’s asked if I had bought those sandals. And, I have also been close to people who know the male me and didn’t show any recognition when I walked past as Christie. I guess some people are paid to pay attention.

[Heather76]

I think there is a greater risk for outing oneself with a distinctive car a person may be driving. Maybe a question will arise as to "Who was that women driving your car?"
Exactly my situation. My car is 1 of 2 cars built in the color/trim/engine/etc. I've never seen another one like it and know if any of my friends saw it, they would assume I'm behind the wheel. I've been very cautious about where I go in it en femme.

[joanstickley1956]

I've had three accidental outings so far:

1. My wife and I were having drinks at a favorite bar, and noticed a friend at a booth near ours. I had already walked past the booth to go to the restroom. My wife decided to go talk to her, and I decided "what the heck" and went over, too. I said to the friend "well now you know something new about me!". She said "are you wearing a skirt?" I said "yes!". Nothing else was said about crossdressing. I sat down and joined them. It turned out that she was there with a daughter of an acquaintance, and another young woman. We just had a normal conversation, some nice catching up, etc.

2. A GG friend and I had a "girl's day out", including shopping lunch, and on a whim, our local art museum. We're having a great time, and I walk around the corner and who do I see but one of my closest male friends, who I was not out to, and his girl friend, who I had met a few times. I saw him before he saw me, so I beat a hasty retreat into a different gallery. Again, I said "what the heck", as I had been wanting to come out to him anyway, and went back to where they were. (BTW, my GG friend was super -- she had said "HELLO, [FRIEND]" loudly so I would hear to to let me know when she first saw them). He said "you look different", with a laugh, and that was it. His girlfriend, who has since become good friends with my wife and me, just gave me a big hug and said I looked great. Again, we didn't mention crossdressing after that.

3. The same day as #2, I went to fair trade store (similar to Ten Thousand Villages) where I am out to the employees, and sometimes volunteer (not in Joanie mode). A good friend of my wife's, who I know slightly, was there. She was very positive as well.

So I am apparently very recognizable in Joanie mode, but have only had positive experiences when accidentally outed.

[HollyGreene]

I have walked past several people I know while dressed and nobody recognised me. They probably didn't even acknowledge my existence as you walk past strangers all the time.
With makeup, a wig and feminine style glasses, I don't think I am that recognisable.

[Sometimes Steffi]

On the other hand, I was heading into public transportation in male mode. A group of 3 T girls that I know, also in male mode, recognized me and called out to me.

Another time I was in male mode talking with a group of people, including 1 T girl en femme. She didn't recognize me until I introduced myself to her using my girl name.

[Robyn n TN]

Betty, I can remember the first time I crossed paths with someone who I knew from male mode. I was scared to death. I still get a little nervous when I'm around people I know. what really gets me nervous is when they come up to me and start talking to me. Thats when it really gets nerve racking. But so far no one has recognized me but I still don't push it and won't go to certain places that I am sure that I would run into friends... take care and try not to show your anxiety.

[Sallee]

I've only had it happen twice once I was leaving my street and my neighbor asked who was that girl I saw driving your car My response was "not me I don't know must have been a car like mine" leaving my all alley Not likely anyway that's as far as it went The next time I saw a friend in the mall I just made a bee line out of there. Lucky so far I did see a friend once in a gay bar that did drag shows I was not dressed He admitted that he was gay and I admitted that I was a cross dresser. We both had a good laugh

[Maria 60]

It definitely is a small world. When I dress I just see me in a dress but a few years back I was a little surprised. On Halloween we dressed up and went house hopping and of course I was dressed as a sexy witch. I was sitting at my in-laws close friends house that we would associate with often. About half hour later the husband asked my wife where I was, my wife laughed and told him I was right there. He starred at my for a few minutes and was he was in disbelief that was me, he said he was going to ask my mother in-law who the women was. I guess we look better then we think but I believe as hard as it could be but if in that situation and we don't make any alarming movement to draw the attention from that person.
I guess we look better then we think.

[jjjjohanne]

I have four stories, but only two turned out to be what they seemed to be.
1) Once I went grocery shopping across town while dressed pretty. I was a man in a skirt. (That's all I ever do.) While leaving the store, I heard someone say, "Hey Joey!" I was mortified. I kept walking. She called to me again. I decided that there was no point pretending I wasn't me. I turned around. It turned out to be the owner of a restaurant that I frequent. Sometimes I go there while dressed pretty. She and her husband talked to me briefly at the entrance to the grocery store.

2) I was at the airport waiting for baggage. I was dressed pretty. Someone calls my name. I did not turn around. They kept calling. Eventually they said, "Joey! Turn around!" I finally looked their way. It wasn't someone that I knew. That other Joey didn't want to see them either.

3) I wore a dress and heels to a pharmacy rather close to where I grew up. It was late. I had talked to the employee there about my crossdressing at one point. This time, I decided to show up there dressed pretty and say hi to her. She loved my outfit and was kind and friendly. Then, as I was leaving, I opened the exit door and encountered my brother's best friend. He knows me. He was three meters away. He said "Hey!" and maintained eye contact. He never acted like he noticed anything unusual. There's no way that he didn't notice my outfit. I mean, I guess he could have not noticed -- but not reasonably. My brother is the primary person that I know that I would NOT want to know about my crossdressing. Later, I saw the guy while we were at a restaurant. I went over and spoke to him and his wife. No sign of any change in their behavior. I have never mentioned it to him. I am sure my brother would say something if he knew.

4) I went out to eat with an aunt who did not know that I crossdress. I didn't tell her. I just showed up in a knee-length skirt, black top with a white button-up shirt that was open, and flats. She saw me come in. She stood up and hugged me. We sat and talked and ate. At the end, I figured I needed to tell her not to mention my outfit to anyone. I asked her, "Did you notice my outfit?" She said no. I told her. Then we left the restaurant and when shopping. She wanted to buy me a dress that I tried on. I didn't think that I would wear it, so we didn't get it.

[Natalie5004]

Regarding hiding in plain sight. I cannot find my socks in my sock draw. I ask my wife, "Where are my socks?" She walks over and picks them right out. Most people can and do hide in plain sight.