One more step

[Bea_]

Unlike many here, I didn't start dressing until I was in my mid-fifties. I'd tried on a couple of things out of curiosity after I got married, but never felt any compulsion to continue. But, when I was probably 13 or 14, I remember having a conversation with my older sister in which i told her that it didn't seem fair that girls got to wear makeup to improve on their natural features, but guy were stuck with whatever they had and no chance to improve on his features. The only thing my sister said is "Don't EVER think about wearing makeup!" And that was that.

I think in my twenties i did try some of my wife's mascara once and ended up leaving some residue. I had to make up a story about getting something on my face at work and she bought it.

Fast forward to the last couple of months. i bought some mascara and just put it on one morning after my shower. Since that day I've been wearing mascara almost daily and have been out running errands. I doubt most would notice or care, but my wife has picked up on it pretty much every time I've worn it. She's been civil about it and has come to just accept it. She does warn me if she sees it smeared. I changed to waterproof (at her suggestion) and she doesn't mention smears.

Within the last week, I've experimented with eyeshadow. I picked a color that was too dark and my wife was not impressed. i finally just asked her if she had any eyeshadow palettes that might work for me. She found one with a color that barely shows, if at all, but it still feels good to have it on. But, I had to get out to the grocery store tonight and decided to up my game by adding a little darker shadow. It wasn't over the top, but it was fairly obvious up close in grocery store lighting. I also was wearing women's skinny jeans and a visible sterling ankle bracelet with my sunglasses on top of my head to keep my almost waist-length hair out of my face.

Wouldn't you know it, I ran into a young couple from our church at the grocery store and ended up talking to them for 15-30 minutes and, dodging all the other shoppers, I ended up within two or three feet of one or the other of the couple several times. There is NO way that they didn't notice that I had on eyeshadow and mascara. Fortunately, the couple were probably one of the most accepting people I know and, although they might have discussed the makeup after we went our ways, I feel that they are both very respectful.

Anyway, bottom line is that someone other than my wife has seen me in some fairly obvious makeup and I didn't freak. Sure, I was a little uncomfortable, but the conversation was easy and natural. I take it as another win...

[docrobbysherry]

Sounds like you're enjoying dancing around the Rabbit Hole, Bea?:battingeyelashes:

But, it just takes one misstep and you could find yourself in over your head!:eek:

[Maria 60]

Well it's always a great feeling when your moving forward and let's call it testing the waters. I would say keep testing those waters, you call it a win and I call it advancements.

[Helen_Highwater]

Bea,

It's how we progress, baby steps and learning as we go.

I'm also of the opinion that we do sometimes enjoy the adrenaline rush, however small, that we get when pushing the envelope. That's OK as long as it doesn't become the driving force, an addiction as it clouds our judgement.

I'm sure you'll find your equilibrium and progress at a rate comfortable to you but as you've experienced, there are external factors that can come into play so make sure you and your O are comfortable with possible outcomes/scenarios.

[CDMargret]

Good for you. I have been practicing with eyeliner and shadows. The liner is so tricky. I did wear my wifes perfume last week at the store. No one said or looked yet I know they wondered wear is the girl that was just here...

[Bea_]

Sounds like you're enjoying dancing around the Rabbit Hole, Bea?:battingeyelashes:

I've been in the rabbit hole for about fifteen years It feels more like I'm sticking my head above ground just a little bit at a time, making sure it's safe before I venture further from my hole.



But, it just takes one misstep and you could find yourself in over your head!:eek:

Fear of that misstep is why it's taken so long to just own the fact that I am that eccentric old fart who wears a full beard AND mascara.


Good for you. I have been practicing with eyeliner and shadows. The liner is so tricky. I did wear my wifes perfume last week at the store. No one said or looked yet I know they wondered wear is the girl that was just here...

I've steered away from eyeliner simply because it is much more obvious than light mascara or subtle eye shadow. I feel like the shadow i wore last night was subtle and not particularly noticeable without being close up. I was surprised to find myself that close up and am glad I wasn't wearing eyeliner. I think I've found my sweet spot.

[Desiree2bababe]

Mascara is what got me busted as a transvestite in high school....I'd stolen a girl friends from her purse as I was messing with it in class. She figured out when it she noticed it missing, told my pals and the suspicion began......I will say I love curling my lashes and applying the blackest of mascara. Wish I'd been proficient with false lashes though.

[Bea_]

I'm also of the opinion that we do sometimes enjoy the adrenaline rush, however small, that we get when pushing the envelope. That's OK as long as it doesn't become the driving force, an addiction as it clouds our judgement.

I'm sure you'll find your equilibrium and progress at a rate comfortable to you but as you've experienced, there are external factors that can come into play so make sure you and your O are comfortable with possible outcomes/scenarios.

It?s taken me so long to get here because I am typically adrenaline averse. The adrenaline spiked when I saw the young couple but settled quickly. That?s kinda the point of my self imposed exposure therapy. I?d like to get to the point where there?s no initial spike.



Mascara is what got me busted as a transvestite in high school....I'd stolen a girl friends from her purse as I was messing with it in class. She figured out when it she noticed it missing, told my pals and the suspicion began......I will say I love curling my lashes and applying the blackest of mascara. Wish I'd been proficient with false lashes though.

Mascara wasn?t on my radar until the last couple of years.

[rachelatshop]

Hi Bea, I'm Rach just a cross dresser, and I have followed your messages on the Discord site. I have a couple of questions. Have you gone beyond playing with make up to fully dressing as a lady? If so why do you still use a picture with the beard as your profile picture on the cross dressing sites?

[Bea_]

Rach,

There must be another Bea out there because I'm not on discord. I don't dress as a woman and I've just begun seriously experimenting with makeup in the last few months. My avatar is AI generated but is fairly representative of how I see myself. I'm a bearded guy with eccentric/feminine tastes but have no desire to represent as a woman.

[Keremy]

Bea we have some similarities.
So for me even as young as pre school it has always been about the clothes and not about looking like a woman. I am a man that likes to dress in women?s clothing. I have a well groomed beard and keep my body hair trimmed as well. I would prefer to be clean shaven but that creates unnecessary tension.

If I was single I would love to go out dressed. When I am going out to clubs alone I change into women?s clothing away from the house but once changed I drive from club to club dressed.

I know I am not the norm but I simply see it as cultural thing that men are not supposed to wear women?s clothing.

Maybe in my lifetime we will get to the point where it is acceptable for men to wear dresses but for now I just push the edges a little bit.

My wife goes through times when she is more accepting of it than others but would never knowingly let me out of the house dressed so it is a good thing I have never bumped into anyone she knows. I have some close friends that know I dress and I will show them some of my purchases and they keep it to themselves.

So now that you have bumped into a couple that knows both you and your wife and were not aware that you dress. Has this created a greater freedom and relief or has it caused more stress for you?

[Bea_]

So now that you have bumped into a couple that knows both you and your wife and were not aware that you dress. Has this created a greater freedom and relief or has it caused more stress for you?

There is definitely a tension from expressing things about myself that others will likely find to be odd and maybe even bothersome. But, wearing makeup, in general, has given me a sense of strength and confidence that I hadn't expected. I am fortunate that my first encounter like that was with someone who I would feel more comfortable seeing me like that. My presentation wasn't overly feminine but did push my envelope a bit. So, overall, it's given me a sense of freedom.

I've hit a sweet spot for me at the moment. The shadow and mascara are not obvious, but are likely detectable to observant people, especially up close. I'm ok with that. I'm still playing with shadows to find just the right balance. Understated but slightly dramatic.

[Keremy]

So, overall, it's given me a sense of freedom.
.

I am happy to hear that! Hope you have a wonderful day!