Going out

[Eliza*queen]

Hi all,
So my husband and I are going out soon for the first time with him fully dressed and we are both really nervous! Any advice would be much appreciated. We're both awkward and introverts.

[char GG]

The first time that I went out with my hubby, it was very scary. I didn't know how to act, he tried to act a little over the top. And it was awkward.

My suggestion is to go someplace quiet at first. Maybe a little cafe where you can sit and just get used to being out. Observe your surroundings and gage your next move. Do you want to walk the mall? If so, make sure that he wears comfortable shoes. Dress in clothes that don't make you both more self-conscious than you may already feel. Save the heels for another time.

If you plan to go to a club, then you both can dress more trendy. Make sure you are comfortable with your look and offer suggestions to make sure he is comfortable and appropriate for the venue.

Another suggestion: I work at a concert venue that hosts plays, symphony, comedy shows, and music events. That kind of place is a great place to go because you are walking in, being seated, watching a show, and leaving. There is not a lot of interaction other than walking around. I often see CDers at my place of work. They fit right in.

Just relax and try to enjoy yourselves. This just might be me, but don't feel like you have to act like "giddy girlfriends". (You can if you want but, I say that only because of your comment that you are both awkward and introverts.)

Most of all, I give you lots of credit for being willing to explore this with your husband. Relax and enjoy just being together. Clothes are just clothes.

[April Rose]

This is hard advice to follow, I know, but try to relax, and don't assume the worst. Someone gazing in your direction might be simply curious, or even lost in their own thoughts. It's been said here many times that most people are so wrapped up in their own thing that they won't even notice you. And if they do, the odds are they don't care.

One thing that you yourself can do is use your experience living in the world as a woman to be sure your spouse is dressed in a way that blends with the other females at whatever venue or area you are going to. No sense in drawing extra attention to yourselves with an inappropriate outfit.

[docrobbysherry]

Where r u going and day or nite? These things make a difference!:straightface:

[Sometimes Steffi]

This may be really hard for you to do, both being awkward and introverts, but really pretend that you are two girls going out, nothing more. Most people won't make a scene about it. If you go out to eat, maybe order for your husband if he hasn't perfected a girl's voice. If a bathroom trip is required, go with him to the ladies room. Don't leave him alone to have to "defend" himself. You can even hold hands. Girls often have public displays of affection, specifically hugs, even if they are just friends.

Easy for me to say, huh. My wife know that I crossdress but doesn't want to know any more than that. She hasn't seen me dressed in anything, except I got caught wearing nail polish recently. She hasn't seen any of my wardrobe.

I have been "Out and About" a lot, sometimes alone, sometimes with a few friends, sometimes with a dozen or more friends, occasionally with a hundred friends. I've rarely gotten anything more than the occasional double take.

It also helps that I have a hearing impairment. I wear hearing aids all the time, and even with them, I can't hear if someone is whispering about me or us at the next table. What I can't hear doesn't affect me.

Last thing. Boy me is an introvert; in fact, I pin the scale on introverted. Girl me is much more of an introvert. Boy me needs a couple of drinks to even get on the dance floor. Girl me will dance alcohol free. Steffi will even grab wallflowers who look like they want to dance and pull them onto the dance floor. You/he can explore bing a different you/he/couple.

BTW, I'm jealous. No way my wife would ever even consider going out a girlfriends.

[Suzie Petersen]

Char's and April's adwise is spot on.
In addition, my advice is to simply act like you belong, dont try and hide, and dont look at people to see if they notice you. Women typically do not seek eye contact with others they are directly interacting with.

Focus on each other, chat about something light and save the heavy topics for when you get home. Enjoy each others company and just do everything to make it a positive experience.

If your hubby is like many of us, there is a chance you will be able to unlock a more open, smiling, and relaxed person in him. This can easily spill over into his daily attitude.

I hope you will share with us how it went.

Suzie

[Cheryl T]

First of all, have fun. Don't let it stress you out so much that you totally fail to enjoy this experience.
That being said, be safe. Don't enter situations that you wouldn't normally. Don't go to secluded places just because it's the first time.

Dress for where you are going. Don't let him overdress. You know what people wear in your area and to different venues so dress the same way. It's always enticing to someone the first time to want to be super feminine but that will only attract attention. Remember that people ALWAYs look at other people and notice anything that is different. It's human nature. Ignore them.

Don't spend your time looking to see who is looking at you. They aren't any more than they are at everyone else. My first time I was the deer in the headlights. I believed everyone was seeing only me and right through me. Then I sat down and watched them. They were all so engaged in their day they weren't paying attention to me.

Be Confident! If you go to a mall then do the same things you would if he wasn't dressed. Carry yourselves the same way. Don't change who you are because of how you are dressed. Of course he will be acting differently because he is presenting as a woman, but that is as it should be. You are two gals shopping, dining, at the movies or whatever. Don't let him be HIM, let him be HER. By that I mean he can't be opening doors for you and doing MAN things.

If someone interacts with you don't shy away. I was at a mall wearing a crocheted top and this older woman stopped me to tell me how pretty it was and ask where I got it. Just be friendly and it will be fine. I've had some of my most rewarding interactions like that. Remember, passing is not something everyone can do. Acceptance is!

Lastly, Thank You! Thank you for loving him so much that you are willing to explore this part of him with him. This is something I have with my wife and appreciate more than I can say. It's something we all wish we could have, but sadly so many don't.
Thank you!

[Eliza*queen]

Awe you are all so awesome, thanks for all the great advice!!! We are actually going to a gay club for a drag show at night so I feel like we will fit in just fine. We might go to dinner before hand if we feel comfortable enough. Feeling confident doesn't come natural to either of us, but acting doesn't for me either. I am one who can not pretend I'm someone I'm not no matter how much I would like to sometimes. When at home and he's dressed I do see a difference in his demeanor, he speaks softer. I am very supportive of him being who he is and trying out new things and just really want this night to go well .

[Rhonda Jean]

I don't have much to add. When you say "fully dressed", to a lot of us that would mean wearing a dress or skirt. Maybe tone it down a little. Maybe not quite "fully" until you both get used to it. No need to go from zero to 100. There are a lot of things that fall in-between male mode and full on fem that a lot of fun to explore. Girlfriend and I like to get our nails done together. I love my leggings and tunic tops, and I like dressing that up with a little jewelry. I like to wear a little makeup in male mode. This hopefully isn't going to be the only/last time. Maybe ease into the "fully dressed" part. I'm probably in the minority on this because I think most of us fall into the all or none category.

[Eliza*queen]

That's great advice Rhonda. He was trying on outfits the other day and decided on a black dress and the next day was getting nervous saying maybe a dress was to much. I hadn't thought of it because we were going to a club and I had planned to wear a dress but told him to wear what would make him comfortable. He is actually getting his makeup done earlier that day at a cross dresser store and we're both worried about the outcome of that, don't want to be too overdone... but if anything we could just wipe it off and start over. The thing is we have young children and almost never get the chance to go out at all so we may be getting overzealous.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I've had about a dozen makeovers.

One of the first was a makeover plus photos in 4 outfits. I must have been there for 6 hours, plus it was out of town so in included an overnight trip. I got over 100 photos. My profile pic is one of those 100 pics. The the best money I ever spent.

I remember the first makeover quite distinctly. I was facing the mirror while she did the foundation and the face makeup. I'm thinking ho hum. The she spun me around away from the mirror and did my eyes. When she spun me around to face the mirror again, I'm thinking, "Who is that hot looking chick? Is it really me, or some kind of trick with mirrors?"

As for the makeover, you're paying, so set expectations. You want her to look beautiful, but not over the top. Maybe think of booking one for yourself. No reason why you shouldn't look beautiful too.

Have the most wonderful time out together.

[AmyJordan]

Hi Eliza
Great to read that you are so supportive of your partner and your post has received fantastic advice which is very timely as this may be me in a few weeks.

I'm very shy as Amy whereas my wife is much more assertive and outgoing so I too am extremely nervous on going out.
I think my biggest fear would be attention from men, I'm not saying I'm gorgeous but I know she wouldn't want me to dress down as she likes me to dress the way she likes and that's quite sexy but also very obvious.
I am naturally submissive to women so could handle being shown to them despite huge embaressment but deep down I think I would still harbor macho pride and competitiveness toward males which would look ridiculous dressed as Amy.

Please let me know how he handles it, I have huge respect for anyone with the nerve to take that step and for women who support it, as we know many do not.

Amy x

[Eliza*queen]

Thanks Steffi, I'm glad to here of a successful makeover and you look beautiful BTW. I've done his makeup before but only the eyes, I have no idea how to do contouring and foundation since I don't wear that myself. I was thinking of getting myself a mani pedi but never even thought of a makeover for myself.

[Sandi Beech]

You are going to be in a friendly environment to be sure at a drag show. You can dress up a bit because it is no problem being noticed and complimented there. In fact it is hard to over do it at a drag show. Keep in mind the hostess of these shows tend to make rounds into the crowd to speak to individuals. Just go with the flow. I have been called out more than once. It is no big deal as they move on to the next person.
Often, you can make small talk with others around you regarding the drag queens attire. It is an easy ice breaker, and it will help you both relax. I have done this many times and it will be just fine. You will wonder why you did not go before.

Good luck, let us know how it went.

Sandi

[kimdl93]

Good advice all around. I particularly encourage you to keep it simple. I see you’re planning to visit a gay club on drag night. That should be a good place. I had suggested finding a nice place to go for lunch or dinner too. Either way, once you get over that initial apprehension, you will be able to enjoy each others company.

As for makeup, perhaps the two of you could visit an Ulta for a makeover. They will be able to make product recommendations that will work for him w/o going over the top. And it will be fun!

And another thank you for being open to experiencing this together!

[Genifer Teal]

Do everything you can to both dress appropriately for where you are going. Your partner will be nervous beyond belief. Compliment them and whatever else you can say to put them at ease. If anything or anyone is negative, let it go with a smile. Talking back tends to escalate a situation.

[Eliza*queen]

Good advice gender, I may be introverted but I tend to get protective of the ones I love and will snap back.

- - - Updated - - -

Autocorrect, I ment genifer

[DianeT]

No experience there, so no advice. But wishing you the best.

[Eliza*queen]

Sorry autocorrect, I meant Genifer

[Sometimes Steffi]

If anything or anyone is negative, let our go with a smile. Talking back tends to escalate a situation.
A smile is the best self-defense mechanism. I've been stared at while O&A many times, usually by GGs. I usually respond with a big, genuine smile. It tells the GG, OK, you caught (made) me, but that's OK. I'm very happy with where I am and how I look today." I remember once that the GG gave me a big smile back with a thumb's up." I'm a sucker for positive affirmation.

Note: Have your hubby practice a big genuine smile in case it's necessary.

I also have advice for you in the event of male attention (to her). This come from the wife of a couple, both of whom I know very well. Some random guy was hitting on her hubby, and she looked at him and yelled, "She's mine." I was told that it worked.

Lastly, we (all) want a full report, including pictures if you're comfortable posting them.

Have fun.

[Genifer Teal]

Another thing to keep in mind, people will know what's going on and that's okay. No need to panic because they know the secret. Expect that So when it happens, you don't express any concern. Because in reality, it doesn't matter. It's how they treat you that matters. If you're not even interacting with them, even better

[Di]

A gay club is perfect I think.
We went to one nearly every weekend when we started going out to dance.
Everyone there got to know us and was protective of us,
I would tell Sher before we went in to visualize walking in …..head held high with confidence.
Fake it till you make it.
We witnessed many times new CDs coming in with their head turned Eve which way to see if anyone is looking….dead giveaway.
Practice at home if you can….but most importantly visualize it, and do it.

Have fun you’re partner will remember this first forever.

[docrobbysherry]

Skip the dinner this 1st time out, Aliza. That way your SO can dress just the way she wants with no worries for either of u!:thumbsup:

[Eliza*queen]

Thanks everyone again for all the great advice! I will definitely let you all know how it went.

[Genifer Teal]

As a point of reference, you may not get the warm welcome you expect in a gay club. It really depends. They may like it. They may not. Just saying. Don't be surprised if they don't because a cross dresser really doesn't fit in. You're not gay and you're not pretending to be. Well are you? More likely, you're just as straight. Man dressing as a woman for as far as they're concerned unknown reasons. Sorry to put it so harshly, just giving you their possible perspective. You might be more likely to poke the interest of the lesbian crowd. If you think about any interest you might have with them. Which is probably none. You'll understand where the gay thing ends up going, pretty much nowhere.


Something else to think about is. How do you carry yourself? It's one thing to look like a man in a dress. It's another thing to act like a man in a dress. It's the incongruity in people's mind. That will attract attention. You don't have to be super. Fem, but if you walk like a Neanderthal lumbering around like a guy. It's going to detract in people's mind from your overall presentation. You can't expect to attack this from all angles on your first try. Something where you can sit down for a while. Might help you ease in to feeling comfortable in your new surroundings. When I stand up, I'm the tallest person in the room. That's when I know for sure I'll be noticed. If that's the kind of attention you'll get, you need to be mentally prepared for it. So now you know, it might be coming. Think like a woman would when she knows she's wearing uncomfortable shoes. Plan for a lot of sitting down. Hopefully your shoes will be comfortable. You may not want to wear something too extreme that you can't walk gracefully in.

I'll stop rambling until next comet.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I would tell Sher before we went in to visualize walking in …..head held high with confidence.


I was told the same thing, but a little differently. Walk in, standing tall with head held high. Walk in tits first.

[Andrea Renea]

Char's advise is very good.

I'd say dress as the other people dress. Dont wear a evening gown to the grocery store. In other words dont over dress.

Its hard not be nevous the first time but 99% of the people will be respectful.

I go out several time a week. Most people know i'm a man.
Even in the supposedly mean south I'm addressed as ma'am or miss.

Ive been out with my wife to casinos and shoppings. We do this when away from home. We dont take the chance of being reconized together in our hometown

Just relax and have fun.

[Helen_Highwater]

Regulars here will know once a year I offer to chaperone those new to going out. I chose an LBGTQ friendly location well suited to a first night out and it sounds similar to the venue you've chosen. As others have said, don't over do the dressing. A skirt and blouse with modest heels, spending hours in heels in the house is nothing akin to spending hours out and about in terms of how tiring it is on the feet and legs. There will be some who go full on glam no doubt but for a first time smart chic is a better option.

A little planning works wonders. If you know the area then you'll know somewhere not too far away that you can park. Remember your first time out will be actually leaving the car and walking the streets not being in the venue. If you don't know the area then I recommned using Google street view to check it out and again find suitable parking.

Once there try not to think everyone is starting at you. It helps to get there early so you can grab a table in case it gets busy later on. If you're dresed to blend then that's what you'll do. Yes you'll have butterfies but they will quickly fly away. Also remember, the bar staff have seen it all before so don't be afraid of chatting to them if it's not too busy.

You may find yourselves sharing a table. Don't be afraid of engaging in conversation with others there. A couple of years ago Mel and I shared a table with a Transwoman and her male gay friend. We introduced ourselves and had a good chin wag for over an hour before we moved on to anothe pub.

Don't drink too much. Dutch courage is not a good thing. Stay in control of your actions. You'll have a better time and outcomes if practicing moderation.

As for eating first. Have you considered a drive through? It's a way for easing yourselves into the evening. A passing interaction, a little ice breaker before the main event.

Finally try not to get too worked up in advance wondering about the what if's. Stay calm and carry on, all will be good, trust me, I've taken many out over the years and never had an issue. Heck, a couple have even gone on to go full time so I must be doing something right, right?

[alwayshave]

Eliza*queen, My first time out was to a LGBTQ+ restaurant/bar. It was more comfortable than other venues.

[Cheryl T]

A drag show at a gay club sounds like a great first outing.
Wear dresses if you like, you will fit in perfectly. We went to one before Covid and it was incredible. Best was after the show the performers invited everyone who wished to come on stage with them for a photo.
You should have a great time.

As for the makeover, just tell them where what you want for her look. There is no one-fits-all and they should be happy to make her look her best. I've had a few and they've all been wonderful.

[kimdl93]

Regarding makeovers. I think (hope) that most makeover artists who work with CD/transgender clients will strive toward the most flattering makeup possible, but it ok to tell them what you are looking for. I made the mistake one time of NOT being clear and walked out of the session looking as though I was a cast member from a Kabuki theater. Definitely not what I was looking for!

[Genifer Teal]

Because you probably have limited opportunity to get out people tend to think to fit as much into outing as possible. A more important focus is to have a successful outing. you can always make future plans, however long that might take before you head out again. If you try to do too many different things and have too many new experiences, there's a greater chance of failure. Which could lead to setbacks and possibly decisions that going out is not for you.
Keep it simple and have a good time.

[Sallee]

I go out about every time i dress I dress to meet the occasion A drag bar over the top, the mall jeans, flats and a nice top. a restaurant a casual skirt and top. Mostly I dress to blend and look like I belong. I have been read but seldom. If it happens ignore it. Teenagers are real good at clocking something different. Still ignore it. At worst you'll get a look. He'll have fun hopefully you will too. Just remember Blend, maybe even a little boring I know that is tough for CD's but it works. Have fun

[Sometimes Steffi]

Eliza*queen, My first time out was to a LGBTQ+ restaurant/bar. It was more comfortable than other venues.


Jamie
Was that the same LGBTQ+ restaurant/bar our group usually goes to.

I went to an LGBT restaurant/bar and met someone I first met here.

But the first time I went out was to the local Renaissance Faire. I went alone and rented a period costume - a wench. Since many people came dressed, it was pretty easy to blend in, even wearing a wench costume. I was made many times, but was generally OK. A drunk guy kind of got freaked out when he made me, but he was with a big group of friends who yanked him away from me.

[kimdl93]

I go out about every time i dress I dress to meet the occasion A drag bar over the top, the mall jeans, flats and a nice top. a restaurant a casual skirt and top. Mostly I dress to blend and look like I belong. I have been read but seldom. If it happens ignore it. Teenagers are real good at clocking something different. Still ignore it. At worst you'll get a look. He'll have fun hopefully you will too. Just remember Blend, maybe even a little boring I know that is tough for CD's but it works. Have fun

Honestly this is pretty much what you can expect. We are our own worst enemies. The rest of the world barely pays us any mind.

[TheHiddenMe]

I've been going out for about 6 1/2 years and I've never had an issue, so I suspect you won't either.

I have a GG friend who is gorgeous so when we go out I am sure I will be noticed because I'm with her and she definitely gets noticed (and she wants to be noticed). But again, never an issue, and we've been out in public a lot together (most recently to a concert and a casino).

A drag show at a gay club is a good ice breaker. Enjoy and come back and tell everyone how it went.

[CDMargret]

When my wife and I have gone out I own it. Being or trying to feel and act normal, confident even though I'm all dolled up. And we chat each other up. This helps us to settle in and relax. After just a short while everything is great and we have a good time. Most folks where we have gone are out for a good time too and we just blend right in.

[SaraLin]

I'd like to add one thing.
Since you're going to a drag show, I'd expect that the cast AND the patrons will be more on the lookout for someone dressed.
The odds are fairly good that he'll be spotted, but that's OK. It's a a drag show after all - so one more in the crowd is not a big deal.

Years ago, I went to a "drag night" at a local bar. I was naive and thought there would be a bunch of dressers in the audience.
Nope. I was the only one.
Still, everything went fine - no hostile remarks, no giggles, no stares, nothing. Well, at least till one of the "girls" on stage pointed me out and flatly asked me if I was a "boy or a girl."
Even after that, there was no problem with anyone there, and everything went back to normal.

So relax, Enjoy, and a special "bless you" for supporting him in this. You must love each very much.

[Philipa Jane]

I am quite blown away from all the lovely positive answers here.
If only you could bottle them and take them with you in a nice handbag for those moments if you feel less confident.
For all of the time I have been here (CD.com) I still find it at odds with what is portrayed about the US in being so Out There.
The perception is that anything goes. Obviously not.
Here where I live I have spoken to others who have felt less than confident about going out. I did experience it just like anyone else until I found that no one really cares.
Dress to blend in and relax. Have the best time.

[Kris Burton]

Still, everything went fine - no hostile remarks, no giggles, no stares, nothing. Well, at least till one of the "girls" on stage pointed me out and flatly asked me if I was a "boy or a girl."


Of course, the appropriate answer that question is "Yes!"

[Sometimes Steffi]

Of course I'm a girl. I have boobies.

[Freddi]

Eliza Queen.... I have no advice to offer on going since I never have and probably never will but from someone with a supportive wife....Thankyou for supporting and understanding your husband its nice to hear from the ones doing the supporting. Keep doing what you're doing I'm sure your husband really apricates it

[Eliza*queen]

So we did it! Overall it went well. We started the day with the makeover. The results were good, I would have liked a little more contouring but the girl who did it was wonderful. She was open and receptive of what we were looking for and kind and friendly. We did some shopping there afterwards and then headed to the hotel. I did the checking in while she waited in the car. The walking in and out of the hotel was terrifying. We had to ride in the elevator with other people several times throughout the day. There was a comment which amped up my anxiety and shut me down completely. I eventually shook it off but it was hard. We got some take out and ate it in the car. Then we took a stroll through target. I kind of blacked out and again shut down, trying not to look at anyone so if they were staring or commenting I wouldn't notice. She took it in stride and was confident and belonged, if only I could have been. After that we dolled up, both wearing a lbd and headed for the club. We looked fabulous. The show was fun . The crowd was very diverse which was nice. After the show we enjoyed the club. There were several other crossdressers there which was awesome. She did get hit on a few times and had many complaints. I was pretty uncomfortable with people hitting on her but she didn't entertain it for a minute. I was happy she was getting positive affirmations because it made her feel good. We did chat with a couple people which just made the whole outing worth it. She has been wanting this experience for who knows how long and had an amazing time! I was so happy for her . It was extremely intense for me. I did not care for being in public, was way to anxious to enjoy it at all or even function properly. I wish I could feel and do better in that way, it's just I love her so much I just can't handle other people being hateful towards her in the slightest. I did however really enjoy the club and being able to be with her in a relaxed way not having to think about anyone else.

I want to thank you all for the great advice and for giving me some mental preperation before hand. Sorry no pics, she would not approve. She did look gorgeous tho. Long black dress with a slit , beautiful makeup, and natural hair , long and a little wavy.

[char GG]

I'm so happy that you went out and it sounds like you had a lovely time. Except for the few hiccups, please try not to pay attention to people who cannot be polite. It happens but sounds like you reacted just fine.

I also hate it when people are rude and think a CDer is fair game to hit on. I won't say any more about that topic just now.

[Suzie Petersen]

That is wonderful Eliza! Sounds like it was a great success and a great first time out.
I can't tell you enough how good it is to see you being so supportive, many of us out here are quite envious (the positive kind of envious).

And a big congratulations to your sweetie for surviving her first time in the wild! It gets easier with time, I promise.

As with most things in life, if you do or say something to which there is a divided opinion among the people you are around, you can expect to get some reactions. Cross dressing and other trans related behavior is definitely one of them, and as several mentioned to you prior, it can be expected that there will be some snide comments and some looks. That is what most of us fear and try to avoid, and the whole thing about trying to completely pass as a female is all about avoiding that. Reality however, is that unless you start medical transition at a pre-puberty age, most males by far cannot completely pass, and for those of us who just do this now and then, there are just too many tells to deal with.
The trick then becomes to develop a thick skin and some selective hearing, and just let it go.
I am sorry it got to you a few times during this outing, but you handled it well and next time will be easier for a number of reasons.

There are places you can go where the acceptance will be 100% and guaranteed, like TG Support groups etc, but you can also simply toughen up a bit and just do mainstream things together.

What a wonderful story to start the day!

Hugs
Suzie

[Sandi Beech]

Sounds like a good outing. It really only gets easier. I am kind of surprised that someone made any negative comments because I have been out many times without such. Anyhow, a venue like that is always welcoming, and you do usually have a diverse crowd at a drag show.

We tend to view being hit on as negative here, but it is really no big deal if someone starts off asking to buy a drink or something. It is easy to decline. I only had one negative experience when an intoxicated individual wanted to hug me and I got mad, but that is rare and not that hard to deal with inside a club with the support of the staff.

A word of warning , it is addictive, at least for the CD. Just saying. Enjoy the future outings.

Sandi

[nancy58]

Wow! Your husband is extremely fortunate to have such a caring, understanding wife. Everyone else has already given you real good advice, so I'm only an echo. Relax. If you have a TG or other other LGBTQ+ support group available, that's a great place to start. My first few outings outside my local support group were generally to parks, where I wouldn't have to be close to other people, but I also went to a coffee shop at Barnes & Noble one time and just sat at a table sipping coffee and writing in my journal. The more I went out, the more I realized that most people don't even notice. I am certain I've been "clocked" plenty of times, and I've been "sirred" a couple of times, but I've gone so far now without a terrible experience that I'll probably react badly if/when it comes. The biggest obstacles were all based on my own judgments of crossdressing, and those are mostly silenced because of my good experiences and because of help from my therapist.

[Mary Loo]

She did get hit on a few times and had many complaints. I was pretty uncomfortable with people hitting on her but she didn't entertain it for a minute. I was happy she was getting positive affirmations because it made her feel good.

Did you mean compliments?

Thanks for sharing the story of your outing together. You deserve a gold star and accolades for doing that. Despite times of discomfort, it sounds like there were good times, too.

[KristyPa]

Hi,
The best advice I've followed is check out the place first, you will know what to expect if you decide to go as a girl. Second, don't over dress.
The first time I went out to a bar as Kristy I was way over dressed. Wore a very dressy dress to a bar were everyone else had jeans on. No one cared or paid any attention it was simply me knowing I was way overdressed.

Every time you go out it gets much easier, your more relaxed. This is how it was for me.

[sweetdreams]

Deep breaths help.

I guess the first time I fully dressed and left the house was to a beauty salon to get a make over. It was my second visit (first was in drab). I didn't feel any stress in the salon, just one of the girls.

After the makeover I thought I looked as good as I ever would. I had to take the look out for a test spin. I went to one of the busiest malls in the city and in I went. Argh.... this was scary. Clocked by two GGs initially who gave me dirty looks. I almost chickened out, but took a deep breath and continued on (what's the worst that can happen). I strolled through the mall at a slow pace watching everyone to see if they were noticing me. Nope. Not another odd look. Got oogled by a few guys. On the way out I walked past the makeup counter in a large department store. I thought if I was going to be clocked again, this would be where it happens. Nope. Not an odd look from anyone. Wow. I pretty much passed (blended in).

I think LGBTQ environments would be the lowest stress place to go for a first outing. Safety is important so keep that in mind.

I'm not sure how well your husband passes. Owning it is a good attitude. I'm here, this is who I am, deal with it!

By all means have fun with it. Very unlikely the mob with pitchforks and torches are going to show up.

[kimdl93]

Congratulations on a successful first shared outing. It must have been so much fun getting makeovers together and shopping.

I am not surprised that you were somewhat on alert during this first time out. I went out with some of my closest GG friends and observed a similar protectiveness in them. That kind of hyper awareness is understandable, but often it can exaggerate the perceived negatives and even make a glance or comment seem like something when it was not.

I have two suggestions for the future. Accept that she will be read sometimes and, rarely, an individual may seem to make an in complimentary remark. It happens, but don?t let it spoil your fun. Just laugh it off and go back to enjoying the moment. The more often you go out, the less anxious you will feel. Once that is out of the way, the two of you can allow yourself to fully enjoy the times when no one notices or cares.

[BLUE ORCHID]

That was Just totally Awesome,

[Genifer Teal]

Glad it went so well. I can only imagine how overwhelming it was. Stay on the horse, keep at it. It gets better. You haven't really fully experienced it yet. Until you are in the moment, the whole time and not lost in your thoughts or fear or whatever.
This is kind of what I was suggesting to look out for. It's important and great that you had a good time. Don't let the parts that maybe weren't so great. Creep in and cause you to second. Think this like your wife getting hit on if you're seen as 2 women Going Out or a woman and a friend. You're not seen as a couple like you would otherwise. So yeah, that's gonna happen and don't be surprised if someone might come along, especially at a place like that and has an interest in both of you. Bet you didn't consider that. That would happen to a friend of mine when she went out with her wife. They didn't mind at all.
Can't wait to hear about next time you go out.