Eek! I just came out

[danniUK]

I posted a while back that I was thinking of coming out to my three closest friends - https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?284017-Coming-out-to-my-oldest-and-closest-friends&highlight=

Well the weekend away finally arrived!
We got here last night, time for a few beers and a catch-up then a meal. Plenty of wine and beer in the pub then around half past midnight people started turning in, leaving just me and my friend J.

We took a bottle of wine down to the river and drank/talked. He's the person I thought would be the.most receptive, would be the easiest conversation. Eventually I just blurted it out - my history with dressing, how it's come to the fore this last year, how I'm still working my way through exactly what this all means to me. How I think it might actually be more than just dressing up - I think I've been trying to not to admit to it being deeper than that. I just told him it all.

It was lovely. Big hugs, he asked just a few questions but was totally accepting. He's a LGBTQ advocate at his company, he asked if I wanted to talk to some of the people he knows through his work there. I felt like a weight had been lifted.

So this morning we've all gotten up and had breakfast, I haven't been able to have a side chat with him yet but will definitely get the chance later today (we're all going off on a day's walk).

I now need to decide if/how I'm going to talk about it with my other two friends!

[Miel GG]

You've taken a big risk but all turned well, good for you. My concern is that now you've introduced an element of unbalance into your group of friends, with one having to hush about your "big secret". Hoping you'll be able to out yourself to the rest of the group with the same success. Take care.

[Jade P]

I am out to my wife but we have become non intimate married friends. I am pretty much in the closet otherwise. My wife may divorce me one day over my gender fluidity and the lies and hiding it from her. I know, I know, I should have told her before we married. If we do divorce my issue will be known to many and I will be out of the closet. I will be extremely sad to be divorced in many ways, but I rationalize that being outed by my divorce I would dress however I wish. I love and accept myself, I realize others may reject me but that is on them. I am a good person. I have the right to dress in what feels appropriate for me. Love this community!!

[kimdl93]

I am glad that conversation went well.

[GretchenM]

You did the right thing and in the right way. It is liberating to reveal yourself AND your feelings to another. The what is one thing but the feelings indicate the why at the most personal level. Your friend accepted it and is supportive. That is success. Congratulations.

[Suzie Petersen]

Good for you and a good start. I am glad you did it this way, and not all 3 of them at the restaurant as you suggested earlier. I think this is a lot better.

First reactions from people are hard to judge by, there can be a secondary reaction after they had time to digest, but since your friend is already active in the LGBTQ community, the chance of acceptance is very high.

Hope you have a great hike and that the whole weekend goes the way you hope.

[Jenn A116]

Congratulations on that huge step!! Hope your circle continues to expand.

[Fiona_44]

Nice going Danni! It's difficult to tell the first of your friends but I'll bet you felt a big sense of relief afterwards. And it gets easier with each person you tell. I've told most of my friends and acquaintances about Fiona and it got to the point where I actually started looking forward to telling people because it made me feel wonderful introducing them to the real me.

[docrobbysherry]

One down, two to go. Good luck, Danni!:thumbsup:

[jayme357]

Jade, I am exactly the same situation and have been for many years. I wish I had some great advice to share but unfortunately I don’t. It has been nine years. We are still united at the hip but there has been no sex nor affection for the entire period. Hang in there and think things through before taking any action. Lots of hugs.

[bridget thronton]

I am glad you have an ally - hope his support continues

[daphne g]

I did this years back with 2 best friends from school but separately
I can only say friends are friends or they’re not,turns out the 2 were ok about it

[DianeT]

It seems that everything went well, glad for you. But opening up about big subjects while substantially intoxicated... may not be the best idea*. You need to have a clear mind to decide what to say and what not to. And to have an accurate recollection of what was said exactly (may be useful down the road).
About telling other friends, if you are with someone, you may want to get the green light from your partner first.

-- EDIT --
*Unless drinking was required to build up the courage to tell...

[danniUK]

Thank you all for the positive comments!

I thought I should address the use of alcohol. I wasn't properly drunk, at least not sure much that I wasn't in control of what I was saying. Being honest, drinking together is something that us as a group of friends has always done. And to be fair: Yes I do think I needed the dutch-courage to start the conversation!

So on the Satueday evening I got chance to talk briefly one-to-one with one of the other two. He'd commented on my hair, which I've started to grow because I want real hair instead of wigs when I get dressed.

"So what's the plan with the hair, what you gonna do with it when it's long?"

I decided to just be completely honest.
"I'm thinking a shoulder-length bob cut, you know - like was popular with girls in the 90s" (at least it was in the UK!)

He laughed and said, "Right, but kind of a male version?"

So I smiled and said, "Nope. I want a girl's haircut."

He paused then said, "You're not transitioning, are you?"

I wasn't sure where to go next so just tilted my head sideways in a bit of a shrug gesture.

"Well that's not a 'no'" were his final words before someone else sat with us and the conversation turned to something else.

So not exactly an "outing", but I think it's a decent enough starting point next time we have a phone chat.

[Suzie Petersen]

Lol, No, that's definitely not a no!
This should be interesting!

[Crissy 107]

Danni, Interesting thread, good luck with everything.

[Debbie Denier]

Congratulations Danni. Pleased you had a positive outcome.

[Kitty Sue]

That's great. We can be quite surprised at who will be receptive. Two friends of mine, one was in the Outlaws Motor Cycle Club (biggest bikie gang in U.S other than Hells Angels) and the other a boxer were totally cool with my dressing. I told them. They had no issue with it at all.