Throw it all away

[Verona]

Why do I sometimes get an overwhelming guilt and want to throw all my stuff away?
Anyone else feel the same sometimes?

I have trashed my stuff so many times in the past usually down to dressing in secret, but my wife now knows and enjoys me dressing so why am I still often riddled with guilt?

[NancySue]

I used to, mostly out of self guilt. Fortunately, I no longer have those feelings. I keep everything as one never knows. I thank my supportive wife for it all. You know we are very fortunate to have them. They?re rare. My take is get over it, enjoy, have fun. Life?s too short.

[Verona]

I agree Nancy, the feelings are still there though but not as strong. My wife is amazing and would never let me purge.
The regret after purging is great too.

I think my wife is probably going to be my life coach for the next few months

[Leah87]

I do tend to purge from time to time, but mainly out of necessity, not guilt. Had a purge today, in fact!

I end with more stuff than I can possibly hide away so the occasional purge is a fact of my CD life.

I envy you having supportive wives, but genuinely very happy for you.

[Kris Burton]

I think a lot of folks get caught up in a guilt/shame cycle that goes back to their earliest days, many to childhood or teen years. During those years it has been ingrained in many of us that what we are doing is wrong,even immoral. Those teachings, either direct or indirect, stay with us and put us in danger of a dreaded purge.

[Bea_]

I?ve done partial purges a few times , all happening after some event when I?ve felt particularly rejected by my wife. I?m missing some of my favorite items as a result. I?m trying to just give her permission to reject my aesthetic without allowing that rejection to overwhelm me.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I've gone through guilt and same, but I'm a packrat at heart. Packrat behavior beats guilt and shame in my book all the time. I've never purged.

In fact, I've occasionally thought of helping purgers out. Instead of purging, send it to me. I will keep it until you want it back. The only condition is that you pay S&H both ways and the cost for me to store it.

[GracieRose]

You feel guilty and feel like throwing it all away because you've been groomed for so many years by society to feel that way.

[Judy-Somthing]

I think we've all done it. I think it's because a lot of people think it's, let's say not normal for a guy to dress up as a woman.
When I was a teen I would cut it up so I couldn't change my mind and pick it back out of the trash.
I still would love to dress up but my wife finds it disgusting. She keeps a close eye on me so I haven't been able to dress in over two years. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

[Debbie Denier]

I have purged started over again and purged most of my life.

[Traci H]

I think I purged twice before. Now not going to happen again. When things flare up with my wife I have stashed much of it away, but not purged. I know better. There were a couple of things I wish I still had, but most of my collection is intact. It?s who I am and I pray my wife will be just a little supportive one of these days. Not holding my breathe however. I do believe I have accepted myself at this point in my life.

[DAVIDA]

I think there's a difference between purging and culling.
I have never purged, which is, to me, getting rid of everything, and I have culled the things I had in excess, or just didn't wear it anymore.
I have had over 500 pair of shoes and have culled them down to maybe ten.
I only have dresses now, and I had a hundred or more skirts and tops, along with various pants.
No guilt at all.

[CynthiaD]

I’ve had a few purges. Then one day, I was looking at my stash and said to myself, “These are my clothes and I’m not going to throw them away.” I haven’t purged since.

[Helen_Highwater]

Verona,

While huge advances have been made in regard of acceptance of the LGBTQ community there is still an undercurrent of hate lurking in parts of society. The pressure to conform to a binary model still looms large.

Add into the mix a culture war where the Trans community has become a target used to polarise society then it becomes very difficult to shake off the feelings that what we do is wrong.

Thankfully the evidence that society has become far more accepting is here in these posts. All the exploits of the outandabouters laid out, telling tales of interaction with Joe public that happen without any conflict and often the complete opposite as the muggles engage freely with us.

The more time you spend here in these pages them more your feelings of guilt will fade.

[Donnell]

I may purge individual items I outgrow, are old or soiled. But read too many stories from those who regretted. If my guilt comes on, I just don't dress for awhile. Till the urge returns. I find myself regretting when I feel I'm not getting acceptance. Though my wife supports my doing so, I know she accepts it because she knows I enjoy it. It does nothing for her necessarily. I love her support but wish for her to be more involved. When I think that way I start to feel guilt. I wont dress. She will notice and question what's going on. I'll usually give her the correct female answer...."Oh, nothing ". In a few days I get over it.

[GretchenM]

I agree completely with Helen. We all respond to social pressure and standards - some are defiant; others don't want to diverge too far because of a fear that they will be forced into isolation by shunning. Right now the social wave is severely fractured with lots of pressures in both directions. But the LGBTQ movement has gained a good deal of acceptance; the others are pushing back. Social change historically has occurred in waves with each wave toward change gaining strength, then pushed back, and then it surges forward again. It is not a straight line.

My view is to not purge but store your things if you feel guilty. Then wait. The social environment will shift back in time. But don't drive yourself into a hole with guilt - that creates depression which can destroy you. If you are not comfortably being who you are physically in your expression then shift to supporting your identity mentally and wait out the negative wave. Not much fun, but it can work.

Nobody can make you stop thinking what you believe to be true. Besides, your desire to dress and express as female-like begins as a mental condition that reflects your inner self that defines you. You don't have to express it outwardly if circumstances are not favorable; but you do have to be that person otherwise because that is who you are. Denying that will leave you with nothing but that which is contrary to what your brain tells you. Your brain will fight back and that is not healthy. Always be yourself irrespective of what your clothes indicate.

[Cheryl T]

Been there done that.
Too many times to consider. It’s part of the journey. Once I accepted myself all that ended.

[Cheryllynn]

As others have said, once you accept yourself the purging usually stops. I had purged numerous times over the years starting when a teenager (things I had acquired from various sources)...it does get expensive and the post-purge regret can be crushing.

[Michelleredhead]

I dress in secret and i have mozt of my clothes stored at a friends house. My friend knows i dress and i go there to dress have a cuppa and a chat.
I couldnt throw any of my outfits away, and i eouldnt buckle to what society expects of me.
Michelle xx

[Natalie5004]

I think you have to accept yourself as who you are. There is nothing wrong with it. Do not purge, it gets expensive.

[Jackiemtv]

Here is my suggestion. When you feel the urge to purge, wait it out. It will pass and you will be glad you didn't.

[JohnH]

I have NEVER purged any of my "feminine" clothes as I was not brought up to feel guilty for wearing those clothes. Also I don't like to throw anything away unless it is passed its useful life.

And for those who dress in secret, I will tell them I have gotten almost no pushback for wearing dresses, as I wear them when I shop, go to church and doctor appointments, etc.

John

[audreyinalbany]

although I can't say as I've every 'purged,' from time to time I've had to 'thin the herd'

[Traci H]

Yes, purging and culling are two different things. I?ve gotten past the purging, but have a very hard time embracing the culling. I know it needs to be done, but I have a hard time parting with many things. I have too many dresses and hardly get to wear one, but damn I like to keep them all.

We are talking about moving at some point. It would be easier if my stash was more compact. As it stands, there would be a bunch of sealed boxes that would be marked garage. Not to be opened by anyone but me!!!

[Andrea2656]

I have not purged though I have been tempted at times. I have recently tried to throw away items that are dated or don't fit anymore. This is important, otherwise you end up with a lot of stuff to sort through and regret that this doesn't fit... this is ugly...

[mbmeen12]

https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?272741-Purging/page2

I've been trending lately of going to the search glass in upper corner of page and coping links for people's questions. Truly not trying to be "AITA" but honestly there are so many previous posts to assist you. My personal advice pack it up, talk to your wife and explain your feelings. When the pink fog returns she'll understand and probably say I told you so lol.

[Claire M]

Verona, been there .. done that ... many times. I had a decade where i purged sometimes every month. I was so sure after each purge that was the last time. I didn't need to do this any more.

I was brought up ithe youngest in a large catholic family. Guilt and shame were the norm, as was the need to hide anything that might bring ridicule from my older siblings or our community. These became so ingrained in me that, to this day I find it hard to share this part of my life, even with my wife.

I keep a small wardrobe (a couple dresses, skirts, wigs and makeup) and dress when i feel like it. When i don't they stay in the closet. I ve gotten past the shame and guilt. I dress for me and there's nothing wrong with it.

[freeindress]

Purged a bit when moving to another apartment, then much more under pressure from an ex that was accepting at the beginning of the relationship then became almost hostile towards the end. Many years later, not missing what was gone, except a few dresses (she kept the cutest one and I did not have the b@lls to reclaim it).

[Nyla F]

I purged several times. It stopped when I finally accepted myself for who I am. It wasn't easy because my wife does not want anything to do with it. But eventually was able to say to her this is who I am and I'm not going to live the rest of my life feeling guilty about it. Counseling helped get there.

[Karren H]

I have not felt guilt in a number of decades. Mainly after I realized this was part of me and was never going away. Resistance is Futile - the Borg