Joining a dating site.

[Philippa Jane]

In a bid to increase my social circle I have tried a couple of dating sites'
One in particular is called Senior Lesbians and I have had a number of likes. For some reason the algorithm (I assume that is what pairs people up) keeps sending me profiles from way over the other side of the country. I have specified within a 50k range, heck I might even go to 100k but not 5000k. I guess it is to be expected that you get the odd request to join in a threesome with her husband. Not my thing. I was a little perplexed at how a couple of guys got past their admin. Clearly not lesbian material.
Anyhow I moved on to Tinder and got an immediate hit from a guy who is 10 years my junior. I have joked with a number of friends that I now have a Toy Boy. His opening line was "what's up kinky lady" . One would wonder if he had read my bio where I have stated that I am trans and perhaps that has made him think this makes me kinky.
I will add that I have put my preference is for female company. I want to shop with another lady for clothes and makeup.
Some here may have heard of Stitch which caters to over 50's of both sexes. This may be much better for me as there does seem to be a number of people in my area who are doing interesting pastimes. Theatre, book clubs, and generally just meeting up for coffee.

One of the hardest things at any age is starting a new social circle all over again.
It can be done, you just have to put yourself out there.

[Maria 60]

I believe the bigger problem is what your doing needs patience and as we get older that's something we seem to have very little of. I have a few divorced friends who did meet a lot of interesting people on some sites and some not so interesting. You just have to do your homework and follow your gut instinct.

[Philippa Jane]

Hi Maria.
I have more years behind me than in front of me so time is of the essence.
This is why I get nail extensions, lash extensions and wigs. I don't have the time to wait for things to happen naturally. I know the hair is a lost cause. lol

[Helen_Highwater]

Philippa,

I can understand your desire to grow a social circle however I'm not sure online is always the way to go.

There once was a member here who cannot, like Lord Volder.... be named having been banned from the forum to arguing shall we say too vigorously. She having gone full time like you need to to try to incorporate some of her old circle of friends but also add new ones to replace those now distancing themselves. She chose to join various groups. She previously ran an art class and enfemme decided to continue with that. All went well and no issues other than the odd misgendering/name but more out of old habit than malice.

She also join a local National Trust group and again, although new to those there, was accepted and now regularly meets up and goes on holiday breaks with the group. Doing these things brings you into contact with multiple people and through them others and she got invited to other things.

Dating apps are more about one to one, especially Tinder which seem more about casual gay sex than meaningful relationships, than enlarging your social circle. Are there any night school classes, particularly those of a creative nature, you might be interested in available to you nearby? Walking or gardening groups. Activities that give you access to multiple people which will increase your chances of making new friendships.

[SylphDevine]

Good luck, and be careful. Advertising that your trans on dating sites can sometimes be a recipe for disaster.

[Philippa Jane]

Hi Helen.
I can see what you are saying and I am trying to enlarge my circle.
Tring the dating sites was just a toe in the water. There has to others who are trying to find a connection.
As to any sort of class, I have very few creative bones in my body but I do think it is something to look at.
I have wondered about a makeup course. I just need a push.
As to Tinder this just shows how na?ve I am. I did not realise it was a gay site.
All of my old "friends "have gone. I did mourn them at first but I had to move on.
This is where I hope Stitch will help.

- - - Updated - - -

Now this is interesting to me.
The Stitch site has just contacted me as it seems there has been a request for me to show my age.
There is no compulsion within the application so I did not volunteer it.
I don't really see that it should be an issue.

Sylph Devine. I did put that I was trans on a dating site because I don't want anyone to think I am misleading them. It can bring out the crazies but that is a risk I can deal with. I appreciate your concern.

[kimdl93]

I met my second wife on a prominent dating site. Our relationship endured 18 years, the marriage lasted 16 years. But that was back in the early days of online dating. Now the pool is contaminated by a significant number of scammers and predators. Even my experience back then leads me to think that one is better off cultivating a social circle among people in real life. Aside from automatically attracting grifters and creeps, real life allows you to engage with people who are in your proximity, not hundreds or thousands of miles away. You get to see the context of their daily lives and they can see yours, rather the enhanced, Facebook version of their lives.

All that needs to be taken with a grain of salt. I am at a stage in life where I frankly do not want to start a new relationship. I have spent 40 of 71 years in two relationships, been integrated into to sets of extended family and raised 4 kids. I think it?s enough. Am I lonely? Ocassionally. But I recall asking my widowed mother how she dealt with loneliness and her response was, there is a difference between loneliness and solitude. I appreciated solitude.

[SylphDevine]

Sylph Devine. I did put that I was trans on a dating site because I don't want anyone to think I am misleading them. It can bring out the crazies but that is a risk I can deal with. I appreciate your concern.

Having been stalked and doxxed more than once it's important to have guardrails, especially when making oneself vulnerable to total strangers. Being outed against your will or knowledge can be devastating in real life.

Thanks for the props, we all have to look out for each other. Our village is a very special one. You all are very precious to me.

[docrobbysherry]

Philipa, practically my entire social life is based around Sherry and my dressing. And, I'm still in the closet!:eek:

There's a large group of trans we meet up with regularly I've known for years. Mostly we meet at clubs and bars. But, most of them r trans that live out and they get together regularly several times a week for dinners, shopping, or other fem excusions that I have no interest in.:straightface:

Unless a sexual relationship is of primery importance I think u mite investigate the local trans near u. I've met a number of Aussie trans at major T events in the States and they r all wonderful!:hugs:

[Sometimes Steffi]

Have you tried meetup.com?

There meetup groups for all different interests, not necessarily sexual. Could be eating out, wine tasting, meditation, biking, kayaking, etc.

I'm active in a couple of local trans groups. We meet in public spaces.

I was also a member of a GG clothing swap that included a few trans members who attended as girls. Even though I'm not passible, I was always treated like one of the girls. It helped that the organizer encouraged us and would even kick out GGs who openly didn't accept us.

I'm also a member of some other (cis) social groups that meet for food, drinks or entertainment at various venues. I could go as boy-me or girl-me and blend in, but I haven't attended yet because I haven't decided which one of me to be. But, there's no reason that I couldn't be in boy mode one time and in girl mode the next time.

[Philippa Jane]

Thank you Sherry.
I find the trans community here somewhat sparse. The online forums I am on for my area seem reluctant to meet up.
There is a group called Alphabet Allsorts who meet from time to time but I have lost track of them.
At the beauty salon I use the girls there tell me of other trans clients and I have passed on my email but there has been no contact.
I am not to bothered about a sexual relationship just someone to get to know and spend time with. Then who knows.

Hi Steffi.
This group called Stitch is supposed too be like you say. Coffee, plays, eating out and just generally trying to get people out and enjoying life.
So far the people I have made friends with (all GG) have invited me along to some good nights out but I am looking for a more one on one relationship.
Someone to sit at home and share a glass of wine with over a home cooked meal and or to watch TV with.
The search goes on.

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

I have no useful experience in dating sites, it's been about 28 years since I tried that. However, I can imagine joining a club/group of some sort with people who do things that I like to do, then making friends with someone, and THEN having some one-on-one time. I can't imagine becoming friends with someone online and then going to his/her house without some social time first. Maybe you need to do some of the nights out first? Just a thought.

[Maid_Marion]

It may be that the "safe communities" are across the country from you. In the USA I am lucky to live in one of those safe communities.

A girl I knew came to work for a better than accepting employer. Not only did they know she would be doxxed, I'm sure they considered it "on the job experience" as their new Social Media PR Specialist!
Even so, I'm sure that it had to be very stressful to delete all those Facebook posts!

They both needed each other!

[Philippa Jane]

I had never seen or heard the term "doxxed "before and I had to look it up.
That is unlikely to happen as most of the information I give out is public knowledge anyway.
I did meet someone online once and agreed to meet in a bar. No issues there but we never gelled.
Any meetings will be in a public place.