Is it wierd to fancy yourself?

[KymG]

As above.
Im single and starting to feel like ive become my own girlfriend, as it were.
Just that look in the mirror, looking hot, (thinking i look hot) and liking my feme self. Looking down and seeing boobs and nice legs etc.
It scares the hell out of me but somehow feels so right. Help! What is happening to me? Why do i need this? Hate myself for it, but at the time feels great.
I know there is no answer but i need to vent.
Also stops me from looking for a partner.

[Kris Burton]

I don't think this is weird at all. We all like seeing that feminine version of ourself in the mirror, and I think we all strive to be as attractive as we can be. I know I do. If I find my own image attractive, it's my hope that others do as well. Are you making connections with other CD/TG persons? If not, perhaps you would feel less isolated if you do, and perhaps less strange.

[Marketa]

I think the femme version of ourselves gives our male-selves the feminine energy we need and that brings balance into our lives, as it should be.
If you look into a mirror and think of yourself, that you're looking hot, that's a good thing, because you're obviously doing CD right. It's far better than being disappointed by what you see.
And don't hate yourself, Kym as you're doing nothing wrong. Unusual? Maybe. But not wrong.
Also the partner thing: It's actually quite simple. Are you happy and satisfied being single? Do you like your single life? Because being alone and being lonely are two different things.

btw. I fully understand you, because my male-self and me are in the very same situation.

[KymG]

I used to be happy to be single, now im sick of it. But, what woman wants a part time crossdresser?
Its held me back for a long time.

[Heather76]

Kym, if you pay attention, and I'm sure you have, there are plenty of women out there who are happy to have a cross dresser for a mate. We read posts from members here who are fortunate to have found some of those women. Are they easy to find? I doubt it. But, please have a positive attitude about it and your chances will greatly increase. Also, play the odds. If you figure 12 out of 100 women would be accepting and supportive of a cross dresser, start with "candidate # 1" and work your way through them. Heck, you might find that cross dressing loving woman on your 3rd try. If not, move on to # 4. You will never find her if you don't try.

[Geena75]

If you allow that when we dress up we want to look attractive. Naturally, the standard we go by is what we, ourselves, see as attractive in a woman. The color and style of hair, how we do our eyes, the clothes we choose, while being affected by our physical attributes, are tailored toward what we find attractive in a woman. It comes as no surprise that we fancy the feminine image we see in the mirror.

I will admit that there have been times when I see my reflection after a good transformation session that I hardly recognize the person I see. Who I see is a woman whose looks align with my tastes. As odd as it sounds, part of me would like to date Geena, or at least take her out to dinner.

[docrobbysherry]

Kym, I would wager that if every dresser here were honest? They would admit there were times they were turned on by one or more aspects of dressing!:o

And, seeing a sexy woman in your mirror has to be near the top of the list!:daydreaming:

It certainly works for me!:devil:

As for finding a woman that will date a dresser? It's certainly possible but not likely. And, many married dressers don't tell their SO's in advance about their "hobby". And, some naively think it will go away!:doh:

I wish u luck finding that unicorn!:battingeyelashes:

[CharlotteCD]

Those women are out there. It seems easy to find somebody who is "progressive" and "accepting" of transgender spectrum individuals, or pure crossdressers, but finding somebody who is accepting when it's in their own house is a whole other challenge.

I feel blessed to be in the position I am, where I could dress at home every day if I wanted and my girlfriend would be fine with it. It's my choice not to and that's truly incredible to have that freedom.

[SophiaRose]

I believe fancying yourself is pretty common. After-all, you're dressing to look like what you're attracted to. A simple trip down Google scholar lane will inundate you with research and books about the subject of being attracted to ones self dressed as a woman.

The more difficult part, IMO, is to make sure you have a healthy relationship and desire for your partner. It's not just about finding someone who will be accepting, it's more about ensuring we're fully present for them when we're with them. If we're always thinking of ourselves dressing, especially while being intimate, then it's cheating them out of our full support and love. I've recently been questioning my own presence with my wife during our 30 years of marriage. It's tough to unpack. Ultimately, my thoughts are to find someone and give yourself to them completely. You won't regret it.

[Sandi Beech]

Kym,

Considering some of the outfits I go out wearing, yes I understand. It can be quite a thrill.
As far as meeting someone, I think it is a matter of putting yourself out there in person. If by chance you meet someone you care for , great. But things are more complicated if you spring it on the person much after the first meeting.
I have met a lot of women during my outings. Most who show interest seem to be more curious than anything. Occasionally, they are attracted to us just like you are to the image you see in the mirror. It is not often, but it does happen. So do not be shocked when it does. Your chances diminish if you only dress up at home unfortunately.

Sandi

[Genifer Teal]

It's actually quite common. There is a technical term for it. Autogynophelia. (SP?) We dress in a way that we think looks good. It is only natural to be al attracted to ourself.

[Michaela Jane]

I am single (widowed) too and also enjoy what I see in the mirror. Lucky enough to live on my own, closest family some 6 doors down the road, the rest 1000's of miles away, gives me the opportunity to dress every day, mostly all day. I always like what I see in the mirror when I am wearing a dress, skirt, leggings, shorts, or any other femme clothing. The strange thing for me, though, is that I am kinda looking at a headless version because I don't always wear a wig, so ignore that bit. If that makes sense. :/

[Sabine Janus]

Makes sense if you think about it.

You have certain "ideals" about how women look and dress so you'll reflect that in the image you create. If you succeed, you would of course be attracted to the image in the mirror.

[NancySue]

Totally not unusual. I understand the ?feels so right? and feels great part. For me, it?s calming and relaxing, too. Accept it. It?s here to stay. Enjoy it. Part 2, there are s/o, partners and wives who accept cding. I?m married to one and yes, it?s fantastic. I told her before the nuptials. She appreciated my honesty and courage. Neither of us understands where it comes from, but we know it?s permanently here. Good luck in your search.

[Helen_Highwater]

Last Saturday I had my usual 4-5 hours home alone time. Dressed with hip and bum pads forms, wig as I usually do but that day decided to put on a corset. I've lost weight and I've been pleased with what I see in the mirror when dressed but that day, OMG, there in front of me was this absolutely shapely femme figure. If I'd been looking at an actual female would I be drawn to her, you bet with a figure like that so fancying ourselves isn't a strange thing.

We seek to create that which we covet and if by any chance we get close then we're bound to be drawn to that which we see.

[Fiona_44]

When you dress to look pretty it's not unusual to look in the mirror and be attracted by what you see.

[JulieC]

There is an answer. It feels right because this is who you are. What is happening to you is that your true self wants to be fully recognized as being a whole person, not some outwardly male person who has a hidden femme bit. That's not to mean you have to live femme all the time to feel healthy, but rather that accepting all of you as you is important to mental health.

I hope you can stop hating yourself for it. It's been a life long journey for me to find self acceptance, but I think I've finally gotten far enough along to achieve a balance. You can to. But first, try to set aside the self loathing. You look great in your avatar, and that is you. It's no less a valid image of you than any other pic of you that's been taken. You hide it from the world, but it is YOU.

As for dating; if it's stopping you from looking for a partner, DON'T LET IT. You're allowing fear to control you. Sure, go out en drab, but go out. The way I found my amazing wife was through regular dating. I've dated a few women who were not accepting. They're in my past. My wife? I told her ~2 months in, and she was accepting. If she hadn't been, I was going to break up with her and move on. You have a right to be you, you have a right to be happy. Just keep dating. GET OUT THERE :)

[alwayshave]

I don't think it is weird at all. I have never taken a selfie of myself in male mode, but put on makeup, wig and a dress and I'm snapping away like a teenage girl.

[MarinaTwelve200]

Hey, us CDers are hetero males. It's NATURAL to fancy an attractive looking woman, even if she is only in a mirror. (Depending what YOU look like, of course) If I say so, I think I look pretty good myself. (Save for days when it just doesn't work) It is FUN to look (and feel) Pretty.

JulieC, What you say is only so for some of us. "Marina" is NOT who I really am, just the opposite, she is who I am NOT. Indeed, breaking away from my true persona is what gives ME the "high". Us Crossdressers are different people with DIFFERENT motivations and reactions, so there is not just one answer. I will say however, I do NOT think there are as many reasons as there are cross dressers. Around 50 max, but usually 8 or 10. ( "Relaxation, disassociation, fetish eroticism, etc.)

[Rhonda Jean]

I believe fancying yourself is pretty common. After-all, you're dressing to look like what you're attracted to. A simple trip down Google scholar lane will inundate you with research and books about the subject of being attracted to ones self dressed as a woman.

The more difficult part, IMO, is to make sure you have a healthy relationship and desire for your partner. It's not just about finding someone who will be accepting, it's more about ensuring we're fully present for them when we're with them. If we're always thinking of ourselves dressing, especially while being intimate, then it's cheating them out of our full support and love. I've recently been questioning my own presence with my wife during our 30 years of marriage. It's tough to unpack. Ultimately, my thoughts are to find someone and give yourself to them completely. You won't regret it.

A lot of truth and wisdom packed into that short post.

[Stacy Darling]

We were never brought up to Fancy ourselves. "THAT was last century."
WE need to love our own selves now, and for me personally if my new partner is me for that reason. so be it!
Love YOU!
xxStacy

[Sometimes Steffi]

There's a lot of good advice and info above. I will add some random thoughts.

It's OK to look. You may need to think harder if you want to buy.

If you read the posts, there are many SOs that are accepting. Some of them are really into it. You just have to look for the needle in a much larger haystack

I've often been Out & About, and catch a view of myself in a store mirror. My first thought is, "Cute chick." Then I recognize that the "cute chick" is me. Then I think, "Cute chick".

I've been out in male mode and occasionally show a pic or two to an SA. There's one pic that I show of me all done up in a long, red, sequined evening gown. I get a lot of positive comments on that, like, "Is that really you?" Sometimes, they appear to lust after the dress. One SA said, "I don't even have a dress like that."

I'm in a local "social group" and often go out with them. I've had a lot of wonderful interactions with random GGs. One of them "hit on me" at a bar. We kissed. Another time I was flirting with a waitress at a restaurant. I invited her to "crash" the dance party at he Keystone Conference. We hung out all night together. Afterwards, my CD friends asked who the GG was. I said that she was "my date"

[danniUK]

Hey, us CDers are hetero males.

That's probably true for the majority but by no means all of us. Bi and proud here.

- - - Updated - - -


I don't think it is weird at all. I have never taken a selfie of myself in male mode, but put on makeup, wig and a dress and I'm snapping away like a teenage girl.

This 100%!

[Sometimes Steffi]

Danni

If I understand "Bi" correctly, you're attracted to both men and women.

If so, you can still "fancy" your femme self.

[Cheryl T]

I don't know that "fancy myself" is an apt term.
If you mean am I attracted to myself then no. In guy mode would I be attracted to my feminine image, then probably. I do like how I appear most of the time but I don't fancy myself.

[danniUK]

Danni

If I understand "Bi" correctly, you're attracted to both men and women.

If so, you can still "fancy" your femme self.

Yes - I was just pointing out that the assertion that we're all hetero males wasn't true.

I've wondered about this for a while: I'm equally drawn to the body of both genders, but looking in the mirror I only find my femme self attractive (which can even be when I'm naked, so long as I've recently shaved my body)

[Patience]

I don't pretend to understand this weird urge any better than anyone else but I always thought this desire to look pretty contains, for better or worse, an element of narcissism.

There's nothing wrong in indulging this narcissism from time to time provided one doesn't get too carried away. Feeling good about being pretty is one thing, but actually fancying one's own femme persona might be interpreted by some as a form of avoidance. If that's what's going on with you, only you can tell.

Of course, if you end up deciding you're the one for you and you want to give it a try, I wish you luck and hope both of you will be very happy.

[Julia1984]

Autogynophilia is an outdated, discredited, and distinctly unflattering psuedo-scientific "explanation" of "why" men (not women) cross-dress. It's based on the premise that XDing is a paraphilia, ie a form of sexual deviancy. This is wrong-think of an extreme kind.

[docrobbysherry]

And, yet it does apply to many of us, Julia!:o

Sherry's been turning me from when I first began dressing 25 years ago in my 50's!:battingeyelashes:

[Dutchess]

Autogynophilia is an outdated, discredited, and distinctly unflattering psuedo-scientific "explanation" of "why" men (not women) cross-dress. It's based on the premise that XDing is a paraphilia, ie a form of sexual deviancy. This is wrong-think of an extreme kind.


Sexual deviency as in it deviates from the norm and that's all and absolutely it does exist , and it's a word to describe exactly what op is talking about somebody who gets a charge sexual or otherwise out of himself as a woman and is turned on by it or likes other men looking at them as hot sexual women .
AGP messed up my life worse than somebody just simply putting on women's clothing.. When AGP surfaces , that's what most people here claim as the pink fog

That is most crossdressers I know . It absolutely is a paraphilia and there's nothing wrong with that .
It's outdated and discredited only by those who practice it and don't want people to know what they are actually doing and that's fine too.

Reddit has several pretty large communities of young AGPers who completely embrace it. It actually looks very strongly like that's where young CDs are going . I've actually met up with several posters from here on some of those threads . They don't try to hide it behind cross-dressing or trans or it's part of me or whatever goes on here and they're pretty out and forward with it.

OP I can hook you up with Reddit communities of people that feel the way you do - with no denial and absolutely no shame. They're mainly in their 40s and under but they're very upfront. They're not going to claim it's something else or that they don't know why etc etc ...they know why . So I have to warn you about that..

They don't have the shame and guilt the older generations have. It's really pretty refreshing .

[stefcd1]

I finally came to realize that I am both male and female and that my female self is becoming more dominant as I grow older. Working remotely I pretty much stay dressed as female 24/7 and get out fully dressed at least once or twice a week. Do I want to physically transition? Probably not but I can definitely see myself living fully as a female for extended periods at a time like weeks or even months. Any of you other ladies where I am?

[Linda Stockings]

Dutchess is quite correct. Autogynephilia was only discredited by those who didn't want to acknowledge they were that way. Articles published in professional medical journals can easily be reviewed by searching it in Google, Scholar Google, or going directly to any search engine that includes professional journals. Also search for articles on transvestic fetishism. You'll see that both are alive and well, and still active topics in research. I'm not going to dissect everyone's response in this thread. And I'd rather not encourage any arguments, it's not worth the trouble to anyone. I think researching the facts is the best way to go.

[SophiaRose]

If you want a deep dive into fancying yourself read some literature from Anne Lawrence: Book:Men trapped in mens bodies, and opinion paper: Becoming what we love. She's a transexual and a self proclaimed AGP. Her book can be found online for free by googling. It is basically a collection of interviews which she cherry picks vignettes to help make her arguments. Whether you believe her conclusions or not its an interesting read. Her paper is interesting as well. If you decide to read the book, take care because it may be triggering for some.

[BaliGirl]

If you want a deep dive into fancying yourself read some literature from Anne Lawrence: Book:Men trapped in mens bodies,

Here is a link to a free download of Anne Lawrence's book: https://www.academia.edu/40106849/Men_trapped_in_mens_bodies

You will need to register to get your free download, but if you don't want anything to be traced back to yourself, you can always use a free throwaway email account. Feel free to DM me if you want more detailed instructions.

And to answer the OP's question: No, I don't think it is weird to fancy yourself. I'm attracted to boobs and legs in pantyhose (among other things). When I put my forms in a bra and put on pantyhose, I'm attracted to that. Not weird in my book.

[SophiaRose]

You can access it directly if you don't want to use an at https://gendercriticalwoman.blog/wp-content/uploads/2022/05/men-trapped-in-mens-bodies_book.pdf[/url]

[Genifer Teal]

If you are attracted to women and you make yourself look like an attractive woman, it seems reasonable you might find yourself attractive. It would be different if you were attracted to "her" because it was you.

[kitten kaboodle]

In my journey to become aware of who I am I began looking at my feminine side and cross dressing emerged from that. The interplay of male and female aspects within ones self is well worth examining and should always be approached with deepest love for both. There are no psychological descriptions required as it is just like meeting old dear friends who have been away . First love your totality, then the rest of the world .

I don't know that "fancy myself" is an apt term.
If you mean am I attracted to myself then no. In guy mode would I be attracted to my feminine image, then probably. I do like how I appear most of the time but I don't fancy myself.

[SuzyZahn]

No! When one feels so sexy and the image in the mirror is enticing, whats not to ,,,ya know!?

[DianeT]

If the seduction your female alter ego produces on you goes as far as getting in the way of finding a real partner, then I think that you may need some professional help, since beyond that point the whole matter is taking away from you some chances of living a happy and fulfilling life. I don't know your age, but note that many members here are old enough to have already had (and hopefully seized) these chances, and they may feel they are less of a concern now, while it may still be important for you.
I personally don't believe in autogynephilia as it is typically described because it contradicts millions of years of evolution, but I'm always up and happy for a debate. In my particular case, I can be attracted to my fem self when the disguise is well done, but not in the sense that I'm attracted by the creature I'm seeing like I'd want to touch her or make out with her. No, I'm attracted to some female cues and symbolisms that this presentation projects. The silhouette, the elegance, the clothes, the long hair will induce reminiscences in my brain of past impressions these elements produced on me when signaled by genetic women. As a consequence, it would be more a motivator for finding a mate (if I didn't already have one) that indulging more in the dressing.

[Jessica Secret]

I had that same own girlfriend feeling in my teens, but in my case my dressing led me to wanting a relationship - with a guy - which ended up happening. I couldn't imagine getting into a relationship with a woman given my dressing and I am madly in love with my guy.