Does your CDing affect your sex life with S/O

[Jenniferp18]

This is mainly for the closet dressers that get sexual pleasure out of CDing. I don?t want to get to graphic and get banned from the site but this is a legit problem. Sometimes when I?m in the pink fog I?m more turned on by the CDing than I am with sex with my SO. It?s been a struggle more than a few times to perform with my SO because my mind is so wrapped up in the pink fog. I was wondering if anyone else has had this happen and what did you do to help it out.
Just a little background my relationship is in its 19th year and as far as I know she knows nothing about my CDing and would most likely ask for a divorce if she ever found out.

[kimdl93]

Honestly, my cross dressing was not a problem so long as it was considered a sexual thing. The problem began when I finally acknowledged that the desire to present as a woman ran considerably deeper.

[Kitty S]

There has been a positive change since I have started dressing. It really revived our sex life after 25+ years of marriage, we are like newly weds again. I know this isn't common, I am very lucky indeed.

[Steph_CD_62]

My crossdressing does not affect my sex life.

If I am wearing a nightgown in bed and my wife want to get frisky, either she will ask me to take off the nightgown or we will have our fun while I am dressed.

I do know that I get more aroused while I am dressed while we are having our fun, but I still get aroused no matter if I am naked or wearing a nightgown.

[CarlaWestin]

Just a little background my relationship is in its 19th year and as far as I know she knows nothing about my CDing and would most likely ask for a divorce if she ever found out.

It won't be the CD'ing although that will be lightning rod of blame. It will be the deception.

[DianeT]

I don't CD often enough that the sexual component in it may cast a long shadow on our sex life, however it influenced my sexuality all my life (or perhaps it may be more aptly be described by saying that my CDing was influenced by my sexuality), so it's difficult to tell. But I believe I have a sex life with my wife where the CDing has no part, as far as I can tell and judge.

[Connie D50]

Jennifer, only you would tuly know that question. my wife was very effected by my crossdressing in our sex life. it started ok and then it got ugly, name calling holding back sex.

[Jenniferr]

Personally, for me, CDing has affected my sex life. I confessed it to my wife while we were still dating but very serious. She was not happy about it but said she loved me empnough to accept it. For the first year of marriage I kept it pretty well under control, being newlyweds I didn’t feel the need. During year two she discovered pantyhose in my dresser and WW III broke out. The next 17 years she progressively got more into it, buying me lingerie, taking me panties shopping, giving me her hand me downs, and very actively participating in bed while we were both dressed. Then for 20 years it was a sexless marriage, more like two roommates. My CDing was relegated to late at night after everyone was asleep. And she flipped out every time she saw my lingerie in the laundry. We each do our own, but she could see mine in the laundry basket. For the last year or so, I have been dropping hints and making comments about how I would like to revive our former life. It seems like she has started to pay attention. We recently went away to a bed & breakfast for a long weekend to celebrate our 40th anniversary. She brought a baby doll nightie that I had given her for Valentines Day but she had not worn yet. She is very aware of how turned on I get by baby dolls, whichever of us is wearing it. We had a very fun time with only her wearing it this time. But now that we are starting to get our groove back, I have hopes that it won’t be long before we are sharing nighties again. All I can say is, my wife went from hot to cold and back in a matter of minutes sometimes, and some of the time it was CD related other times it was not. I would suspect that even the most accepting and supportive S/Os do the same. Good luck to you.

[SophiaRose]

I feel your struggle Jennifer. I spent a-lot of time in my own head - half the time wishing I could dress while under the covers. My wife, who has no idea I CD as far as I know, was very frustrated because she always had to initiate intimacy and it was the source of many of our marital challenges. While I'm still in the closet, so to speak, I'm gradually coming to peace with my wiring. It's enabled me to focus much more on our partnership both in and out of the sheets. I don't know exactly where you're at in your journey but finding some peace with who I am helped a great deal and has changed many things. How at peace do you feel with CD'ing both when you're in vs. out of the fog? The pink fog is like being in a storm and not necessarily the best place to reflect on ones anxieties. The struggle is real.

[Snide_lobster]

I've been struggling with something, and hopefully this thread can help.


To what extent if any does being a CD increase the likelihood of ending up in a dead bedroom relationship?

Background, I've been struggling to get over a breakup with a serious ex who identified as asexual. I won't get into all the details, but she was the one to break it off "for my own good", and after months of therapy I'm finally starting to realize that no matter how the dice fell that relationship would have been unfulfilling because of our incompatibility (I'm not proud of everything I did, but it's over and nothing I could have done differently for better or worse would have changed that).

Yet one fear/paranoia I have is that my hobby/fetish/whatever you want to call it, will condemn me to a dead bedroom relationship regardless. I don't plan on hiding this side of me, the timing will depend on the person and how the relationship is going, but I wouldn't want to keep this private more than about 2 months at the most, so there shouldn't be any "ha-ha surprise" moments. That being said I know most women (even the most supportive) are usually tolerant at best or think they can accept it and it corrodes over time, or they really dislike but chose to live with it (in whatever bounds the relationship allows). Now, I'm not explicitly looking for someone to actively participate in my dressing (although I would love it if that happened organically), but how likely is it that even an initially accepting partner would grow unattracted to me over time, even if I plan on respecting their boundaries however they fall?

I guess I need to know if my fear of a forever unfulfilling sex life is just doom and glooming or accepting the cup that's given to me. (There are other things that make this more complicated, I'm an "interesting" intersection of traits/quirks/and social circles, but that's for a deeper conversation).

[Geena75]

I am of the opinion that there is definite sexual component to cross-dressing. That doesn't mean that the individual becomes aroused or otherwise, but I suspect that something related to endorphins occurs and stimulates certain pleasure centers of the brain. That would account in part for the semi-addictive aspect of the activity. Of course, it would vary greatly with each individual.

My spouse and I are at that stage where intimacy is infrequent to say the least. The greatest effect crossdressing has had on me is that I enjoy wearing panties. When I snuggle the wife I like the feel of the panties she is wearing and feel almost let down when she slips them off.

If you are having negative feelings in intimacy with your SO, I would suggest trying to separate sexual feelings when you dress up, perhaps by focusing more on feeling feminine.

[alwayshave]

My wife is supporting of my CDing. She also knows that it does turn me on. She will sometimes have me put some lingerie on and play. Sometimes, if I have it on she will ask me to take it off. Totally depends on her mood.

[Meg]

I was upfront with my wife when we started dating. I told her I had no desire to transition or take it out of the house. She said she was fine with it. I will say that as a younger man, it was more of a sexual turn on for me.
We incorporated it into our sex life. Not always but occasionally. She started a new job and soon was not coming home from work etc. The strife was growing in our relationship. Our sex life suffered. My performance suffered. I soon found out she was having an affair. Needless to say, as she was leaving me, it was said that my cd'ing was the cause. She has since been through one more divorce and numerous failed relationships. I'm guessing they were not all crossdressers.

[docrobbysherry]

I lost all interest in sex and women after my divorce. Which had no thing to do with dressing. Because I didn't seriously into it until after we broke up! I thot I was done with sex because I was over 50.:sad:

But, suddenly having the house all to myself for 4 days a week I had lots of time to experiment.:heehee:

And, within a year my new interest in dressing renewed my desire for sex and women. And, I began dating again!:hugs:

[Meg]

I can relate Sherry. I was not sure about pursuing another relationship after my divorce. I was mad at the world so to speak. I was not dressing much then either. Not sure what started my dressing surge, but glad it came. I would love to find someone to share it with.

[Debs]

Different twist to my situation, my wife became seriously ill 15+ years ago, she lost all interest in sex or even holding or kissing, but in the beginning 20 years ago sex was fine even with me dressing (I did tell her about me dressing from day one), now I am her carer , I still love her dearly and will never leave her and will take care of her for the rest of her life, so I think to compensate for the lack of intimacy she lets me dress all I want, I can even go out and stay out overnight with my girlfriends and go clubbing. Before I leave her overnight, I prepare all her meals and arrange for our daughter to pop in and make sure shes ok while Im away, I know sounds selfish, but I cook, clean, shop everthing as my wife is poorly and not capable of doing it herself, but dam I need a break now and again to keep my sanity. I told her if I dont have a break and I come ill we will be in a right pickle. At the moment this arrangement works, who knows in the future.

[prene]

My sex life almost completely gone. I have not found an accepting girlfriend. I did have one who somewhat tried but could not handle my dressing in bed. When I have had a relationship with a gg who does not know about my cding it could be better. I feel like the feminine one, my last girlfriend just wanted sex and not much foreplay before and none after sex.

I want to have a girl friend who is accepting and envy a lot of you here who have accepting spouses and girlfriends. I have a therapist and we have been talking. I did have one encounter with a guy. I was scared as ever and yes I kept my clothes on. I did like being the feminine one and loved the power of a feminine figure but still hoping to find an accepting gg.

I hope I am not to graphic ... I do not want to get banned.

[Gillian Gigs]

I know that the title of this thread is, "Does your CD'ing affect your sex life with S/O", but let us not forget to address the needs of your spouse. Compromise is like, "you scratch my back, and I will scratch yours"! So maybe it is time to find out where your spouse's "itch" is and incorporate it into your bedroom play time. I'm not the type to kiss and tell, but my spouse has her "itch" and I make sure that we both get what we want. I call it win-win!

After all, she has been accepting of my "kinky" side, so find out her tastes, you will never what you might find out!!!!

[Jenniferp18]

SophiaRose I am in that exact situation with my wife. She is very frustrated that she is the one that has to initiate intimacy. Sometimes I feel that I get turned on more by my CDing and for me I have hard time switching my brain off to be the man in bed, but usually when we are getting intimate I can continue because I am very attracted to her and she does get my blood pumping if you will and that gets me out of the fog but other times I stay in the fog and I can’t focus. I don’t know why I’m wired the way I am and to be honest I am more in the fog than not. I have been CD’ing most of my life and have come to peace with it and I actually enjoy it very much. I just don’t know what to do because I love her very much and I know that she would never except my CDing. Thank you for your response!

[JennyOpalstar1]

Well, I can say that intimate relations with my SO have dropped considerably. Things are still cozy, and warm, but many things now get in the way of "doing it". I am a patient and supportive soul, so we deal with each issue as it surfaces.
Heh.
I'm sure we'll work it out, eventually.

;-)

[Stephanie47]

Early on in our marriage there was bedroom play that sometimes include nightgowns for me and sometimes hosiery. This was before my love of the feel of nylon nighties progress to something more. It was purely an enhancement of playful activity that had mutual benefits. It all blew up about a decade later when our toddler daughter open the bottom draw of my armoire and yanked a vivid red Vanity Fair bra out of a box that I kept my minimal wardrobe in. "The Talk" ensured and ended up with "If I wanted to be married to a woman, I would have married a woman!" And, "Why would a guy wearing a bra if he has nothing to pack into it?" She wanted nothing at all to do with any sexual relationship with a woman for reasons I will not go into here. Further, she told me to never buy her anymore nighties as I was thinking how I would look in them. Not true, but how am I going to counteract her thoughts? It took a long time for that to change. There is a difference between a guy wearing a nightie and a guy fully transformed into a woman. It's beyond a clothing fetish. My recommendation is to never force anything on a woman that she is not comfortable doing.

[Stacy Darling]

So, I'm Drag & CD mostly.
Being so self consumed with your self can do that.
Only way is to put your self adoration aside at times.

xx

[Gi Gondin]

In my situation CD has a huge part in our sex life.
It was constructed together, with a lot of experimentation until became something that is shared by me and my wife.

I can assure you that being a CD did not condemn me to a sexless marriage. On the contrary, it probably propelled a relationship that had many challenges from it?s beginning and helped us to get to a spot very rewarding in our relationship.

From the moment I told her that I was into female attire, that she wanted to see me dressed, to building a wardrobe that would fit me, buying wigs, hiring a makeup artist, going out for the first time, going out to lgbt venues, taking makeup lessons,? every time I knew I had won in a lottery.

Do not give up the right to be in a relationship that you can be your truly self! No matter what you are.

[Cacique82]

I?ve always loved when she wears lingerie and she still does when we?re intimate.
Once I came out to her she accepted it. I?ll wear a nightgown most nights but when we?re together I may also add some panties and stockings. Its a wonderful thing.
She may see nylon panties on me but they are nothing more than fabric to her. Doesn?t bother her.
There?s also times I don?t put anything on. All depends when the mood strikes. I am not dependent on lingerie to be intimate.

[Adelina]

Honestly, my cross dressing was not a problem so long as it was considered a sexual thing. The problem began when I finally acknowledged that the desire to present as a woman ran considerably deeper.

I find my situation a lot like this, Kim. She sees it as a fetish and a sexual game she can play with me in the bedroom. Increasingly, I see it as my identity and I want to go further. I?m not sure it will go too well.

And yes, I often find CD and feminine activities much more exciting than traditional most of the time.

[Betty70]

Crossdressing is, in my opinion, closely related to sexual activity.
One can also ask the opposite question: how does sexual activity affect CD?
In my case: it has a significant impact: if everything is going well, I have no desire to crossdress. On the other hand, when I meet with reluctance, refusal, lack of interest from my spouse, the desire to dress up intensifies a lot and the next day I turn into a woman.

[sandy_folsom]

I’m lucky that my wife is open to my dressing up. For me it’s more sexual than an identity. Her sex drive isn’t very high and she no longer wears anything sexy so maybe subconsciously I’m making up for the lack of femininity in the house.

I’ve grown my hair past my shoulders and her only complaint is that the Roomba in our bedroom needs to be cleaned out more often. Working from home, I’ve been dressing up while I work. I’m a bit disappointed when I have to wear drab clothing when I have to leave the house.

My wife even paints my toenails despite that she doesn’t paint hers.

[Kelli_cd]

Sadly, my wife lost interest in sex some 19 years ago. I only went full time panties 7 years ago, so it hasn't had any effect. She doesn't want to know anything or see anything, so I make sure she doesn't.
Unfortunately, that means I can't wear bras when I work from home. I got away with that during most of the lockdown.

[Raychel]

It worked the other way around in my marriage,
Once the intimace diminised, the crossdressing came back with a vengence.

that sure did not help the intimace, But I will say that it was totally gone.
And many other reasons told me it was never coming back.
I decided to just enjoy my life and let the cards fall.

And boy did they fall. that was close to 10 years ago now.
And I will honestly say my life is much better, certainly happier.