Would you stop me?

[TamT]

I've been a CD my whole life, but in a very long and toxic DADT relationship that has forced me to hide everything. But I'm getting old. Many things have happened to me in the last few years, and some related to health. Having working at home since the pandemic, with my SO over me 24x7, I supressed any attempt to dress, except for underwear.

I feel that I lost my time, including the better days of my CDing life. I've done a purge early in my relationship, but then I started to collect all kind of woman clothes that I used once and then I stored. I think I have styles from 4 decades.

I started working in a new place some months ago as a consultant. After some time, without the eye of my SO over me, I began going with female jeans, then with blouses under the sweaters instead of shirts and, recently, using only female clothes with unisex shoes. I also use forms and pads everyday. At some point, when I felt that I abused of this, I talked with the guy that hire me and he said that he never noticed it, but he is OK with this. Then I talked with the team and they were also OK, so I did a major jump: instead of neutral/androgynous/unisex colors or designs, I started using feminine only clothes, including a small shirt-dress with leggings. I added some accesories (but not ear rings or a wig) and soft makeup.

Of course, my SO does not know I'm doing this, and I don't know how far I could go... But I'm happy, finally free! Would you stop me?

[Stephanie47]

I am assuming "Would you stop me?" refers to your wife. If your wife finds out there is hell to be paid. Are you so sure she is not going to find out? No possibility of an encounter outside of work with your wife along?

[bridget thronton]

Hiding things from your wife can be dangerous.

[prene]

Carefull

[kimdl93]

That is a question you are probably asking yourself.

You have come out in the new work environment. You feel happy and free, which is good. But can this continue without your spouse becoming aware, one way or another. And you describe the relationship as toxic. Seems like you would be well advised to talk with your wife, with a full understanding that it may not go well.

[Connie D50]

I might be time to talk to your wife and be prepared for what might come next.

[chrissy111]

I'm with Connie on this, you really need to have a conversation with your wife.

[Natalie5004]

Most people on their deathbeds mention regrets because they lived their life that people expect of them and not their true self.

[docrobbysherry]

I'm curious why u stay with your wife, Tam?:straightface:

[Sometimes Steffi]

Sometimes you have to keep a secret to keep the peace. But, like many of the others have said, if she catches you, you won't have a shovel big enough to did your way out of the hole you've dug for yourself.

But think about Sherry's question of staying with your wife. My marriage has been "less than satisfactory" since I really got into crossdressing in a big way some 15 years ago. My wife knows very little about what I do dressed and even less about the extent of my wardrobe. Some day it's all going to come spilling out. My attitude is, "Make my day".

[JocelynJames]

I have never been in this situation, but you gotta live your life Tam. Just as long as work people never meet your wife?1 question, when do you wash these clothes?

[Nyla F]

Stop you? No. Be true to yourself.
Of course you know what this could mean to your relationship with your SO.
But do you want to live the rest of your life being something you are not?
You SO has to make their own decisions.

[Debs]

Tam, I got to a point in life where do I go next ?, so I sat down with my wife who aready knew I dressed and asked could I have some me time once a month, otherwise I would hide it forever and that would lead to a breakup. She said yes. So I dont have to hide or lie anymore, I actually stay out overmight, I leave the house dressed and return home the following day still fully dressed, she inspects me before I leave and I get her approval on what Im wearing, what she dosent see is my little red dress tucked in my luggage for a night out, lol Now I know this sittuation will be different for all concerned, but she will have to decide , my wife is far better off with me paying the bills, so I guess that was part of her decision , she has lots of freedom to do whatever she wants without the restrictions of paying bills. The final question is, if you split up could you both be finacially ok apart ?, I could live very comforably alone, I know it sounds harsh but my wife would suffer alone. after long thoughts could I give up dressing ?, NO I cant , so had to have the chat.

[Genifer Teal]

You could be putting your family's financial stability at risk. That's something you should talk to her about. If something gor back to her, she would be really annoyed and understandably to find out what about what's going on Behind her back

[Kris Burton]

I think full disclosure is always best. In my opinion anything else is unfair - to both of you. A prison of your own making as well as a source of stress.

[TamT]

Thank you all for your replies...


I am assuming "Would you stop me?" refers to your wife.
Nope. She wanted me to stop since she knew about my CDing. So, no question mark from that side.


I might be time to talk to your wife and be prepared for what might come next.
She does not like this, and every bad thing that affects her is because of my CDing. I'm guilty, always guilty.


Most people on their deathbeds mention regrets because they lived their life that people expect of them and not their true self.
I feel I'm one of those...


I'm curious why u stay with your wife, Tam?
I loved her a lot. I did the purge when we married, but I couldn't suppress CDing, the urge came back many times. We went to couples therapy, but she quit because it is "his problem" (mine). She had a stroke (CVA) when our sons were young. She does not work, but she takes care of the whole family, including of my mom!!! Then, I asked the same question myself many times, and I think that I'll divorce when our sons make their own lives, but DADT for now.


question, when do you wash these clothes?
As I can only wash few times a year (when she travels for instance), I have lots of clothes, thousands of panties, ...


The final question is, if you split up could you both be finacially ok apart ?
Short answer: No.
Medium answer: I cannot provide for two homes.
Long answer: the above reply to Doc.

T.

[NancySue]

I echo Kris. It is a dilemma. Have you ever heard of female ESP? I believe they have this gift. My point is, there?s a chance she already knows, but doesn?t know what to do. I thought my wife would run when I told her. She suspected, appreciated my honesty and courage. She?s totally supportive. It?s great.

[Sometimes Steffi]

1 question, when do you wash these clothes?


Have you ever heard of laundromats?

When we bought our first house, we negotiated a lower price, but they kept the washer and dryer.

When laundry day came, I took everything, mine and hers, to the laundromat. Why me and not her? I had a much shorter commute and could usually finish by the time she got home from work. I did this for 6 months until we could afford an washer and dryer.

[alwayshave]

Tam, Of course I wouldn't stop you. But, you may want to check with your wife.

[Dutchess]

"I loved her a lot. I did the purge when we married, but I couldn't suppress CDing, the urge came back many times. We went to couples therapy, but she quit because it is "his problem" (mine). She had a stroke (CVA) when our sons were young. She does not work, but she takes care of the whole family, including of my mom!!! Then, I asked the same question myself many times, and I think that I'll divorce when our sons make their own lives, but DADT for now."




After reading all this I don't see why you don't just get the divorce now instead of using her as cheap labor and wasting all of her good years..

If the kids are over 10 then let her go be with a decent man who will really love her instead of blindsiding her after 20+ years..

This situation is not fair to her either.

On the AGP forums on reddit I notice a strong trend with much younger dressers that are now openly suggesting NOT getting married ( to genetic women) if you are of this persuasion. I very much agree.

[_jenni_]

The company Christmas party is going to be a real trip

[Jane G]

Your wife will find out. I can't see any other possibility, just a question of when. You either start the conversation on your terms and see how it goes, or wait until she finds out and start it on those terms. Your being unfair to both of you. If you love her, as you say you do. Then you have to tell her. If that means you lose her, then so be it. But fearing that happening will just eat away and errode both of your lives. You both only have one go at life. Live it as openly and honestly as you can.

[Maria 60]

It’s very strange how I’ve seen a few friends who came across health issues and the ones who made it through for some reason totally changed their lives. One friend slowed down his work and started spending more time with his family and another did the total opposite and left his wife. When I asked them what happened to make them change they told me when you make it through a health issue you begin to revaluate your life and don’t want to surpress of hold back on and want to live life. A very close friend of mine came out to his wife that he was gay, when I asked him how this came about, after 61 years. He told me his life was passing him by and lived a life to make everyone else happy and he had enough and wanted to live the way he wanted to live the rest of his life. I don’t know if my wife likes this side of me or if she just tolerates it but I told her if she doesn’t want to see it I will do it without her seeing it but if she asked me to stop that wasn’t going to happen. In a relationship there has to be a happy medium that both live there fantasies and life. Just my two cents

[DavynaCD]

Never, to be yourself is all that you can do

[CarlaWestin]

I think full disclosure is always best. In my opinion anything else is unfair - to both of you. A prison of your own making as well as a source of stress.

I couldn't agree more. I was raised with an attitude that sometimes the truth is the most painful path but always the correct one. Although we met under, ehem, kinky circumstances, my disclosure moment 10 years into marriage didn't go well at all.
I heard. "I can't tell any family and I can't even leave." which was truly hurtful. That was long ago and now it's not anything more than as if I like to tinker around the garage. DADT yet total nonacceptance on her part so I never do anything to make it an issue.
My point of view is why would she want to ruin the good life we have by pressing an issue that doesn't affect her and is something non toxic that I truly enjoy?