I'm happy

[Marketa]

I don't know if this belongs to the general section of the forum, but it's tightly tied with my CD and presenting as Marketa. Also it's about my new hip pads, so I guess I might be ok-ish...? If not, I apologise, dear admin.

Anyway...as I mentioned several times here already, my male-self suffers from depression and that's the reason I became to be. I got my new lace front wig last week and few days ago I got my first hip pads. Due to time constraints I had the time to try different outfits in them yesterday and when I saw myself in my beige bootcut trousers in my standing mirror (about 10th outfit), I started jumping a little and clapping my hands out of happiness and said "I'm so happy".

My male-self haven't said that for I guess two or three years at least, but yesterday it was my genuine reaction. And part of that is also thanks to you, because we (me and my male-self) were able to point at, name and physically manifest what we need and with your guidance, advice, love and acceptance you've helped us in many ways.

His depression is still on the table and far from gone, but it's a huge highlight that I felt genuine happiness :)

Oh and I'll make and post some photos on Sunday, hopefully.

[shineyleggs]

It's amazing what sometimes little things like some hip pads, or breast forms can make such a difference, in how we see ourselves, and how it makes you feel that it makes you blend in, and makes us feel so much better, even if it's a small thing. I know how you feel, even just some new panties or a bra can make the difference in the day. Keep smiling even if it's just on the inside. It's the small steps that make you feel better.

[kimdl93]

That is so wonderful, Marketa! That moment of glee sounds like a recognition of yourself in the mirror

The first time I really saw myself, long ago, I was frightened. Since early childhood I had struggled with a combination of the desire to become a woman and the fear of giving in to that desire. Many years later, I saw myself again and the fear was gone. I had come to like the woman in the mirror. I hope it is so for you too!

Depression is insidious. I know from personal experience. But I also know that it?s possible to keep it at bay. The moment you feel those negative thoughts or hear those self-deprecating thoughts, reject them. They are not true. Remind yourself that you are a good and beautiful person, inside and out, no matter what feelings or thoughts might be trying to convince you otherwise.

[Heather76]

I am fortunate that I don't suffer from depression or ever feel depressed about anything. That said, when I'm Heather, I am always delighted and feel great. I'm so glad Marketa makes you find so much joy. Maybe you simply need more Marketa time in your life...if that's possible.

[alwayshave]

Marketa, I am so glad that you liked the result of your wig and hip pads. They do make all the difference.

[docrobbysherry]

What a deliteful post, Marketa!:)

I know just how u feel. When I saw a shapely, naked female in my mirror? It flipped the entire direction of my crossdressing and eventually the direction of my life as well! :daydreaming:

And yet, more than 1/2 the CD's and trans I know r satisfied seeing just a man with boobs in their mirrors!:eek:

[GracieRose]

I recall the first time that I had a reaction like that. I looked in the mirror, and for the first time in my life, I saw ME! It was different. I had never realized that I had been looking at a stranger in the mirror for a lifetime, until I experienced seeing my self. I also have always had a forced fake looking smile, no matter how hard I tired (and the harder I try, teh worse it looks). As Grace , I smile easily, and I smile a genuine looking smile.

[bridget thronton]

Glad you are happy Marketa

[Helen_Highwater]

And the good part is, there's more to come. The time you look in the mirror wearing "the" perfect outfit. The skirt/blouse or dress that is that goldilocks moment, everything is just right.

Then beyond that is the abject terror followed by a sense of calm that ends up with a feeling of elation, that being your first time out in public and knowing you blended in. You got it so right no-one really looked at you.

I do hope dressing helps you overcome your depression. Gives you a focus, something that lifts your spirits.

There are many here and I'm one who feel a sense of calm, of normality when dressed. In our right place. If I can't dress for a while that doesn't get me down as I know I've found the real me and I'll be able to return to Helen in the future.

[Jane G]

Such a lovely post to read Marketa. I think we all can relate to it.

[Connie D50]

Marketa, I can feel the smile and happiness even as I read your post. Can't wait to see some pictures when your ready.

[Maria 60]

What a great post for us to start the day. My wife always tells me she sees my best smile and happy emotion when she tells me she bought me something fem, and the bigger smile when she asks me to try it on. Hopefully the fem side could shed some life on the male side.

[SophiaRose]

Marketa, thank you so much for posting about that experience. No doubt you brought a big smile and more than a bit of happiness to everyone on the forum. The struggles are real and times of joy can feel fleeting. I'm so happy you found that amazing life affirming moment to draw strength from as your journey continues.