Why do I bother

[Maria 60]

I don?t know why this happens. Last night we were going out for dinner at a restaurant with an outdoor patio that we enjoy because summer is short. I always try to express some fem side even if it is only underdressing.
I put on my flower pink panties with beige pantyhose that I was planning not wearing socks and a camisole. As I was locking the door of the house I seen the straps of the cami form behind, I asked my wife if she seen the same as me. She told me because the cami has spaghetti straps there a little thick and there showing a little. She told me what do I think everyone is looking at me, after all I?m not not a movie star. I decided to go and when we got there it was very crowded and when we sat down having people all around me I started feeling uncomfortable. I felt my pantyhose feet on display and I was wondering if the couple behind me could see the cami. My wife caught on very quickly that I was feeling uncomfortable and told me to relax and her main question was why do I bother doing it if I?m not going to enjoy it and now I?m worried about my surroundings more then enjoying a beautiful night. She is write, I don?t know what it is, I get all riled up and then I get wings like a chicken. I can?t explain it.

[Stephanie47]

Sort of brings to mind some of those old lingerie/undergarment ads saying "only you know for sure" or something like that. One of the hazards of under-dressing is the potential for revealing what you're trying to hide. You're right in that dwelling on the "what if?" can be a mood killer. I'm of the belief there is a time and place for everything. The positive feeling of the sensual material or even the thought of feeling partially feminine is outweighed by the angst of discovery.

[docrobbysherry]

You're rite, Maria, I don't get it either? The very reason I gave up underdressing when I first began dressing 25+ years ago was because it became so pointless!:straightface:

What's the point of dressing up sexy and pretty if no one ever sees u?:sad:

[NancySue]

I agree?why? For me, comfort and underdressing works. It?s panties, bra, & thigh highs. Daily. A nice way to start each day. Sometimes a touch of makeup, body lotion, etc. yes, I?m pretty sure, some have seen my nyloned ankles. Oh well.

[kimdl93]

Remember that scene in Shawshank Redemption, where Red the narrator describes Andy walking out of the warden’s office wearing the warden’s freshly polished shoes? Red said “seriously, how often do you really look at a man’s shoes”

I think that pretty much applies to anything we wear when in drab mode.

[alwayshave]

Kim, That is an excellent point.

[Stephj]

To each their own I am just an underdressed I enjoy wearing panties and a bra daily sometimes ladies jeans. I wear them at work going out and at home. I have been outed a few times because the adjusters on my bra show threw my shirt I just own it at 60 I just don?t care what others think

[Marketa]

Kim gets the point.

Also there were studies made about this concept, that everyone is looking at you. The most famous is a study about a scar on a face. Movie FX artist made a huge ugly scar on participants faces, then they showed them mirror to see it. When they were "satisfied", the FX artist adjusted it a little, so it stays and put some powder on it. And then the participants went into city and their lives for a day and huuuge percentage admitted people were looking at them.

The thing is, that the adjusting after they saw themselves in mirror was actually removing the scar. They had nothing on their faces.

And what might help you actively next time, Maria, might be my method. When I was out for the first time in the city and started panicking like you did, I asked myself: "Do you know them? -No. -Do they know you? -No. -So why do you care what they think? F them in particular!" I used this dialog like three or four times and it made me feel relaxed again every time.

[docrobbysherry]

That's an excellent point, Marketa. If you're "outed" by someone who doesn't know u, that doesn't count!:thumbsdn:

For 2 reasons: Because you're a stranger, they don't care and not knowing u they can't tattle on u even if they want to!:heehee:

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

Maria said "...I get wings..." I love wings.
Kim mentioned Shawshank. I love Shawshank.
The first time I went out with painted toenails I knew that everyone knew. I was wearing cowboy boots, no one knew.
The first time I went out carrying something that we can't discuss here, I knew everyone knew, no one knew.
The first time I went out wearing nylons under my jeans, I knew everyone knew. Even though I wasn't wearing socks, no one knew.
The first time I went out wearing a bra under my men's shirt, I knew everyone knew, no one knew.

No one knew. You're cool. Enjoy!

[Debbie Denier]

It is the subconscious fear of being outed Maria. Kim is correct in her observation. Nobody notices nobody cares. Your wife cares . Thats all that matters and your wife accommodates your dressing . Most of us would give our right arms for that level of acceptance.

[bridget thronton]

Not surprised you worry a little about things showing (we all do) - but remember your wife always has your back

[Sandi Beech]

I used to think the same way. I was unable to go down to the hotel bar wearing black pantyhose underdressed because what if someone saw my hose instead of my socks? Obviously I got over that ; )

The thing you have not experienced is going out fully dressed in public and been accepted by all, not just your wife. Those interactions with others, when positive, can build up confidence that is difficult to get any other way.

At least that is my take on it, but the answer as to why bother? Because you have to.

Sandi