Being outed

[Aubrey Cane]

I am writing this in hopes to see how others have handled being outed about their secret we hold.

To start with a little back story, i am 43 and my crossdressing started when i was 8. Like most I discovered my mom?s pantyhose and was instantly hooked from that day. As years passed i slowly started wearing panties as well and it wasn?t until college when i was in my own place where my curiosity really started taking off by adding heels and dresses. Fast forward to when i was about 35 and moved to Arizona where it was time to go the full nine yards. I have been fully dressing for about 8 years secretly. My wife at the time knew about my pantyhose and panties wearing and was ?Ok? with it but i knew she would not accept the full crossdressing. We ended up getting divorced for other reasons and i started dating a new woman who i told up front about everything. She was accepting of it but made it very clear that it was an at home thing and going in public was off the table.
We were together for 7 years and we recently broke up and this is where the outing comes into play.

When we broke up she decided to go ahead and out me to my entire family, friends, co-workers, etc as a way to get back at me i guess because we had broken up. She even went to the lengths of sending pictures of me fully dressed to everyone and not just telling them.
It did cause a lot of friction in my family and obviously all my friends dont talk to me anymore.
My family basically acts like it didn?t happen and they just dont even bring it up or say anything which is fine with me.

Has anyone ever experienced this and what did you do, because i am at the point where i think about dressing but I can?t get myself to actually do it. I know i just need to get out of my head and be happy and stop over thinking it but i am just curious how some of you may have handled something like this.

[CharlotteCD]

My soon to be Ex Wife told one of our mutual friends without my permission or even asking me. She claimed it was her right to be able to talk to a friend about things like that.

I made it quite clear she had no right to tell anybody my private business. She doesn't/didn't care.

[Aubrey Cane]

That was the response my SO told me as well, she said I destroyed our relationship so she had every right to tell who ever she wanted and everyone needs to know who my alter ego is.

[Steph_CD_62]

I know when my ex-wife split up, she moved 1/2 way across the country which was fine with me.

I had a guy call me that lived in the same area that my ex-wife moved to. He asked me if it was true that I was a crossdresser and I said yes. It was a strange phone call and I'm not sure of the purpose of it. We were still going through our divorce, so maybe the ex-wife put him up to it. I didn't care what he thought of me.

A couple months after I went to divorce court (she didn't show), I was at the bar with my daughter's godfather, which we did a few times during the year. After we had been there for a while, he told me that an acquaintance of ours told him that my ex-wife called the acquaintance's wife and told her that I wore women's clothes. I kept silent after he asked me about it, so I didn't admit it or nor did I deny it. I have not seen him since. Which makes me believe that my silence enforced that I was a crossdresser. I tried calling him about a month later and got his voice mail, he never called me back. It was his loss, not mine.

Not sure how many others my ex-wife, the acquaintance or my daughter's godfather have told. But no one else had confronted me about it. I live in smaller city, so I am sure if others know that they would have let me know. Plus, I live in a very conservative part of the US, and I know crossdressing is NOT accepted by most of the people that live my area.

I did tell my current wife about my crossdressing within a couple of weeks of meeting her, and I have no fear that she is going to tell anyone. However, I know she talked about it with her mother shortly after I told her, but her mother has never brought up the subject.

My kids and the wife's kids know about my crossdressing, but we don't talk about it.

[kimdl93]

I have had a similar experience. My wife of 19 years divorced me do to circumstances other than my cross dressing. I had a brief affair, so I cannot blame her for her reaction. After we separated she pretty much told everyone we knew about my cross dressing, family and friends alike. But I think her spite and anger backfired, because I was not ostracized and really only a few people had the courage to even ask me about it. I have remained pretty much under the radar with the majority of these people.

[Suzie Petersen]

Aubrey,

Sorry to hear of your predicament, I am sure this is very stressful for you. I have not ever been outed, except for the attempt my RV Microwave oven made not too long ago, so I don't know what I would do to be honest.

I do think that a lot of the reason crossdressing is seen as a weird thing, is that many of us are ourselves treating it as weird. We sneak around in the shadows, get all embarrassed about it if confronted, lie and behave oddly (or worse).
If we were able to simply reply along the lines of "Yes I am in fact a crossdresser, isn't that great!", and just act "normal" about it, there would be less of an issue, I think.
Of course it is not as simple as that, but I believe part of the burden of normalizing it, is on us.


Aubrey: It did cause a lot of friction in my family and obviously all my friends dont talk to me anymore.
My family basically acts like it didn't happen and they just dont even bring it up or say anything which is fine with me.
People will act however they will act, and a lot of it has to do with how it was presented to them. If they are on your Ex's side in this, they can and likely will use it against you, but if they are not, then they are your allies to win over and keep on your side.

We often hear that "all my friends disappeared" but we also hear from some that it made no difference! I believe it is largely up to you to work on keeping or maybe reinstating those friendships, if you want them. Act normal, treat it as no big deal, and talk about it if they are interested in learning more. If not, then leave it be and do what you used to do with those individual friends.
Family is the same thing.

But if you isolate yourself, avoid them, go dark, then they have every reason to agree with your Ex that you are possibly a weirdo!
It is a lot harder for people to talk behind your back, if you are standing right there next to them!

Now having said that, I don't know you and if the pictures and the words your Ex sent out are of you dressed as a hooker standing on a street corner downtown, then you have a bit more of an uphill battle ahead. In that case, you might think of relocating to some foreign country! Thailand comes to mind!

It also seems to me you have a opportunity now to just say to heck with it, I am me, let me live as I want and just implement your dressing into your daily life any way you want. People already know, right! Not much to lose there. Act normal about it, and very possibly you could get the last laugh in this situation.

Best of luck to you
Hugs
Suzie

[Aubrey Cane]

I am trying to just move forward with everything, The friends do both me at all because i actually gained new friends from the circumstances who actually fully support me and are willing to help me evolve in my crossdressing. Friends come and go and honestly losing those friends really didn?t change anything in my daily routine.
The family still talks to me but only when it?s something important, although my dad has not reached out or responded to my calls or text since it happened and that was 11 months ago.
It has somewhat backfired on my ex as well tho, she has reached out numerous times to me and we actually went out to lunch because she said she needed to talk to me. During that lunch she did apologize for doing what she did and she also told me that all the friends that she told and showed pictures to has complexity stopped communicating with her.
She tried to ask me about how the crossdressing was going and i just told her that it was none of her business anymore and she lost the ability to talk about that with me anymore after what she did.


I do agree that i need to just get to being me and not care what people think because at this point anyone i “really” cared about finding out already knows and strangers knowing or seeing me presenting as a female doesn’t bother me.

[nvlady]

I am 99% sure that my ex outed me to everyone where I worked (I am retired now). The missing one percent is because everyone there respected me and disrespected her so much that I never heard one single word about it.

[Aubrey Cane]

Ill never understand why ex SO feel it?s necessary to out people like they do. I would never nor have i ever aired out someone else?s business.
I know they feel like they are getting revenge but in reality it makes them look like a horrible person. Just shows to other people that you can?t trust them with a secret or private things.
Ill never understand it

[Suzie Petersen]

That is exactly right. It is done as revenge, and it is a really cheap shot. You are right that it in many cases says more about the person spreading the information, weather it is uncomfortable truths or direct lies.

People are people, and unfortunately in many cases, when people feel wrong has been done to them, they reach into the most ugly part of their soul to get even.

You did right in telling her that you have lost trust in her because of this.

Of course, there is often at least 2 sides to a story, sometimes more, so you also need to look inside and think about if you brought any of this on yourself. We can almost always become better people if we truly think through our own actions and behavior before lashing out.

Hugs
Suzie

[CharlotteCD]

Ill never understand why ex SO feel it?s necessary to out people like they do. I would never nor have i ever aired out someone else?s business.
I know they feel like they are getting revenge but in reality it makes them look like a horrible person. Just shows to other people that you can?t trust them with a secret or private things.
Ill never understand it

I want to tell the world what my Ex-Wife did to me, and that isn't because she hurt me, or to get revenge, it's to get even because she's going around acting holier than thou and pretending the relationship just ran it's course and failed.

It's possible that spouses feel the same way because the crossdressing partner excludes that element of why the relationship failed, and they want the world to know that the crossdressing partner is a liar.

I don't know. Just spitballing.

[Aubrey Cane]

Oh I definitely take blame on myself as well, even tho she was accepting of it and helped in my makeup and dressing and everything i did push it on her more than i should have. I also didn?t communicate very well her on how much i actually wanted to dress in Fem. So i dont put the full blame on her at all.
She did express at lunch that day that she did feel neglected when ever i would fully dress because i was so into the way i looked that i never paid her any attention and looking back i was very selfish and should have taken her feelings into account.
And what?s done is done and i look at it this way she helped me more than hurt me, because as much as i wanted to tell my family i never had the balls to actually do it.
It?s all a learning experience and all we can do is learn from it and be better

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I want to tell the world what my Ex-Wife did to me, and that isn't because she hurt me, or to get revenge, it's to get even because she's going around acting holier than thou and pretending the relationship just ran it's course and failed.

It's possible that spouses feel the same way because the crossdressing partner excludes that element of why the relationship failed, and they want the world to know that the crossdressing partner is a liar.

I don't know. Just spitballing.

I mean essentially we are lying to our SO by hiding it from them, so the revenge comes from feeling betrayed. So i do get it in a sense.
And everyone reacts differently to situations, i could have easily retaliated with her dirty laundry and things people dont know about her but i didn?t.

[Heather76]

When I hear stories like those I'm reading here, I believe my response to being outed would be to tell people:
1. Yes, I have cross dressed for some time.
2. At first I didn't care for it, but my ex insisted I do so as she got really hot and excited pretending she was with a lesbian.
3. After CDing all the years we were together, I've come to enjoy it.

Yes, lie and put the burden on your ex. If they are nasty enough to talk about what went on behind closed doors, there is no reason to treat them like they deserve your respect. Sorry, if this offends anyone, but I have no respect for people that betray a confidence regardless of their reason. They want a relationship with no secrets yet are willing to tell others the most private and intimate details of our lives. It's people like that which causes people like us to try keeping our feminine side a secret.

[MissSixties]

Correct Heather, that would be my story, i had no desire she wanted a lesbian thing and suggested i dress up for her enjoyment...lie, but hey she has no right to tell the world so evens out!
Not that i have this problem my wife is 100% on board with me dressing and going wherever i like

[Aubrey Cane]

When I hear stories like those I'm reading here, I believe my response to being outed would be to tell people:
1. Yes, I have cross dressed for some time.
2. At first I didn't care for it, but my ex insisted I do so as she got really hot and excited pretending she was with a lesbian.
3. After CDing all the years we were together, I've come to enjoy it.

Yes, lie and put the burden on your ex. If they are nasty enough to talk about what went on behind closed doors, there is no reason to treat them like they deserve your respect. Sorry, if this offends anyone, but I have no respect for people that betray a confidence regardless of their reason. They want a relationship with no secrets yet are willing to tell others the most private and intimate details of our lives. It's people like that which causes people like us to try keeping our feminine side a secret.

I definely agree with you, they want everything our relationship to be a secret and ?no one needs to know our business? but when shit hits the fan so to say they are quick to dish out all the details.
Again i could have easily aired out her laundry too, showing everyone pics of us together while i was dressed and telling everyone she supported me and helped me progress my crossdressing. Because she did tell everyone she never knew I crossdressed to make her look like a victim.

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

I LOVE Heather76's idea!!! I don't expect to ever have to use it, but it's still a great idea!

[Aubrey Cane]

Correct Heather, that would be my story, i had no desire she wanted a lesbian thing and suggested i dress up for her enjoyment...lie, but hey she has no right to tell the world so evens out!
Not that i have this problem my wife is 100% on board with me dressing and going wherever i like

I could have easily done that but im not that type of person, because normally the truth always comes out and if someone actually asks me what happened i will tell them the facts. The only person who actually asked me what happened was her own sister and i told her that she knew about me being a crossdresser and her own sister said that is was completely wrong for her to do what she did.

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I LOVE Heather76's idea!!! I don't expect to ever have to use it, but it's still a great idea!

And i wish i would have thought of that because my SO was bisexual and it would have worked so perfectly.

[Dutchess]

Ill never understand why ex SO feel it?s necessary to out people like they do. I would never nor have i ever aired out someone else?s business.
I know they feel like they are getting revenge but in reality it makes them look like a horrible person. Just shows to other people that you can?t trust them with a secret or private things.
Ill never understand it


It didn't make me look like a horrible person at all It actually gave me my dignity back to let certain people know what was really going on...

Why did I do it? Because I was tired of being used.. I was tired of being jacked with... I tried to accept this thing because I'm Quite open-minded but he totally ran over me with it.
I finally got to the point where it was either sex all the time with him pretending to be a woman or no sex at all so I went without Any intimacy or sex or love for that matter roughly 4 years Before I had enough and to his shock I ended up leaving with a another gender fluid guy Surprise surprise.. That one didn't lie or force me to have sex with him dressed as a woman all the time .
.
I asked him before we married if he had anything he wanted to tell me ..he lied of course and said no. I thought he was probably bisexual when I asked him that...He didn't tell me that he had a second life and a second identity and second everything... Plus a heavy duty t porn/sex addiction... which I know that a certain population here have as well

I finally busted him one day In my room in my clothing with another crossdresser in my bed watching trans porn on my laptop... That was real fun . He spent most of the day trying to tell me I didn't see what I saw . That was the first I knew of his second life right there..

After that day He ghosted his family in the Netherlands.. he felt guilty bad and he was afraid I was going to tell them that not only was he promiscuous he was promiscuous with males in women's clothing... The family tried and tried and tried to contact him anyway that they could. He knew we couldn't put them off forever So instead of telling them the truth like you should have he blamed the whole thing on me... that I was jealous of the grown kids I was jealous of his ex-wife blah blah blah went on all the reasons he put that I wouldn't let him talk to his family

Que the hatred of me by an entire Dutch family for the next decade..... That was sure fun also.

So finally a few years ago it's been a while now His dad and his daughter accosted me on my Facebook page in public on a thread that was very active with a lot of my long time friends and demanded to know where he was... so I told them I told them big time you better believe that .... with photos too.

And I warned them If they bothered me anymore that I was going to out him all over the entire world they left me alone all right... They left me alone and I've kept my promise

I'm not here to argue with you or anybody else .
I don't care anymore . I cruise by here every now and then not often anymore... You asked why

Somebody else was talking about being offended when their wife asked them about Possibly having an open relationship... a lot of us do that when we are tired of having sex with somebody dressed as a woman. Or like me when our spouses do this and they totally leave us intimately physically and emotionally...
I see that a lot in my women's groups of people that this has happened to.

You don't really want to split up but when a lot of people really start up with this you , many times, become no longer sexually compatible with them anymore.

Adios
And you better believe if anybody did anything to me remotely like Heather suggested I'd see them in court. Anyway I could. You want to talk about revenge... Don't even try that ...

[CharlotteCD]

Dutchess, it was my post about being offended about the open marriage suggestion. It was not for any of the reasons you suggest.

I was attentive, I listened, I owned anything I did that upset her, I never dressed around her, I actually threw my stuff away for her etc. I gave that marriage every ounce of strength I had.

She is the one who left me emotionally and mentally because she couldn't cope with my illnesses (she knew I had a weak immune system) and my insecurity (which she caused by lying to me about men messaging her).

We aren't all bad people.

[TheHiddenMe]

My phone outed me to my wife's best friend. It sent a picture and my wife's friend saw it and replied "Gorgeous". I texted her and explained and she was ok with everything, and that I was still (male name) to her. We have met since then and it doesn't seem to be an issue.

I guess there is a certain amount of "when life gives you lemons make lemonade" to being outed. You don't need to worry anymore if anybody knows, and you can be freer to just go out dressed. Kind of like once your wet in a water balloon fight you've got nothing less to lose.

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

Thank you Dutchess for a very different perspective!

[alwayshave]

Aubrey, I'm sorry you find yourself in this predicament.
Heather, Brilliant.

[Christina C]

My late partner and I ended up leaving a town in South Carolina because a coworker, for reasons I do not know even to this day, outed me on a construction site which brought out every anti-LGBTQ clown on the project and needless to say life was pure hell for a while until we finally moved back to Florida to get away from it.

[char GG]

Making up stories about your partner is not any better than being outed. It's all about mutual respect. Two wrongs do not make it right. Take the higher ground.

That said, if someone is CDed, answers the door, walks around the block or wanders around town/mall hoping someone will see them, buys bras & undies in a store, waits for someone to comment on their painted nails or toes, wears bras under their man shirts or stockings under their man pants, or told someone outside "In confidence", they have basically outed themselves. Don't expect others to keep your secret.

Dutchess was giving her perspective according to what happened to her. She was not calling out anyone in particular so not to take it personally.

Every relationship is different.

[Aubrey Cane]

Dutchess thank you for giving us a very different perspective that most of us didn?t realize, and you gave him the opportunity to tell you who he was as a person before you got married and he betrayed you. I?m sorry that happened to you.



Char, I agree with your assessment also, if someone is doing all those things they are definitely outing themselves.

[Stephanie47]

Aubrey: "She also told me that all the friends that she told and showed pictures to has completely stopped communicating with her." I think when a person does something like your former wife did, they figure any words spoken to her are not private. I also suspect the manner she told those people were not something just a matter of fact but so long tirade.

When my wife and I had "The Talk" in the early 1980's she did blurt out if we ever got divorced she would tell everyone. Later, she told me she would not spill the beans. Frankly, I did not tell her of my youthful wearing of my mother's garments because that occurred many years before I met her. My interests were rekindled after we were married. She ending up telling me it was alright with her if I joined a support group. During our conversations she did ask my why I did not tell her. I asked her if she remember a discussion she had with her female cousin about the young couple who lived down the street. Her cousin worked with the wife. My wife and her cousin filleted the husband about his cross dressing. They ended up divorcing over it and fortunately they did not have any kids. My wife admitted to withholding secrets from me that would have made most guys walk away from her. Those secrets were so deep and scarring for her that they affected our marriage more than my cross dressing ever did.

I know these stories always bring up the issue of "lying by omission" of a critical fact, but even after a false statement of acceptance, it can blow up in the guy's face.

[Cheryl T]

I've never had that problem.
The one girlfriend I told kept it a closely guarded secret and took it to her grave.
My spouse is fully accepting and would never do anything to hurt me.

If I were in that situation her side of the family would never speak to me again. On my side I have 2 gay male cousins and I'm sure I'd be welcomed by them. As for friends, well it's times like these that show who your true friends are. The fair-weather variety will vanish and the true friends will remain. I've seen that in other things in my life. Lost some, gained some and now it's a very small group, but those in the group can be counted on.

It seems when the breakup comes there is always a need for striking back and this is surely something in our lives that becomes a weapon for others.

[Raychel]

Very wise words from Dutchess and Char.
As always the GG's voices are heard and definitely valued here.
I think everyone needs to hear the other side. and think more about how the women
in our lives may feel. It is so easy to focus on ourselves and not think about the other side.

My Ex threatened to out me to my father, I was deathly afraid of that.
I took the bull by the horns and told him myself, Under my terms and
made sure that he understood and got the story straight. My Ex was/is
very good at making up stories, telling untruths and lies. I fealt it was much better for
him to hear it directly from me. Now if anyone asks. I am not afraid to just tell the truth to
anyone and everyone that may need to know. It honestly has made life so much easier for me.
:thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:

[SophiaRose]

Aubrey, I think you're approaching this in a healthy way by not retaliating. As Char said: hold the high ground. If your ex is truly sorry then call her out on it and ask her to apologize to those she outed you to. Even though you were upfront with her from the beginning and what she did was immature and spiteful, you can keep your integrity and self respect by letting it go. How you respond (vs react) is more telling about ones character.

[KymG]

When I hear stories like those I'm reading here, I believe my response to being outed would be to tell people:
1. Yes, I have cross dressed for some time.
2. At first I didn't care for it, but my ex insisted I do so as she got really hot and excited pretending she was with a lesbian.
3. After CDing all the years we were together, I've come to enjoy it.

Yes, lie and put the burden on your ex. If they are nasty enough to talk about what went on behind closed doors, there is no reason to treat them like they deserve your respect. Sorry, if this offends anyone, but I have no respect for people that betray a confidence regardless of their reason. They want a relationship with no secrets yet are willing to tell others the most private and intimate details of our lives. It's people like that which causes people like us to try keeping our feminine side a secret.


Totally agree. If they are nasty enough to out you, then this is deserved.

[NatalieR]

It's so depressing that a former partner would do that. I can't imagine betraying someone's confidence like that no matter how upset I was. I guess I am really fortunate, I have pretty much outed myself - either all the way about my gender stuff, or a little bit "I dressed up for this charity event, here's a pic!" to most of the important people in my life and it has been a non-issue. Of course it took me awhile to get there and there are still some people I would prefer not know for a variety of reasons. But now I'm at a place where I feel like if someone finds out they find out, and I'll deal with it. I hope you can have contact with your dad again, it would certainly hurt to lose family members over something that just really isn't such a big deal! Best wishes to you!!

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

I've never understood how two people who were once in love could later hate each other and want such harm to come to each other. My ex-wife and I are much happier now than when we were together, but we remain friends to this day. Same with most of my ex girlfriends, and the others and I just don't talk.

I hope my thanks to Dutchess wasn't taken as sarcastic, I meant it when I said I appreciated her perspective, and I'm sorry she had to go through that kind of deception and outright meanness. It's good to hear the other side of things now and then, the world had become too polarized lately.

[Crissy 107]

Aubry Cane, I agree with your assessment also, if someone is doing all those things they are definitely outing themselves.[/QUOTE]

Yes I agree but an ex or soon to be ex outing you to damage you to friends, coworkers, family or whoever is just that person being very vindictive. Different then one of us going out shopping or whatever.

[Jasmine23]

Hi Aubrey,
So sorry that you had to go through this, it really is all of our nightmares come through. Your ex for whatever reason must have felt hurt, rejected and possibly jealous of you as Aubrey and was lashing out at what she thought would do the most damage, so that you would feel hurt like she did, it doesn't excuse her behaviour at all, but, I can see where she was coming from, very easy to hit you at your weakest spot. Honestly I don't know how I'd handle that, I can't even imagine the turmoil you felt at the time. From your chat with her it sounds like she actually regrets doing it, but, unfortunately you can't unring a bell!

The fact it happened 11 months ago means that you are over the worst of it now, everyone knows now and you know where you stand with everyone, those you have lost don't matter, they weren't true friends, those who stood by you are your true friends and you know you can count on them in the future, it also sounds like you have even picked up some new friends which is great. So some good has come out of this nightmare scenario. I bet you are surprised by who stood by you and also by those who rejected you, it's often those you think would be against you that end up on your side and vice versa. As others have said, you really have nothing to lose now, embrace the situation and dress up as often or as little as you want. A truly horrible situation that you have had to live through and I hope and wish the best for you, as they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Best of luck Aubrey!

[Glenda58]

My X told her boyfriend, and he was going to tell everyone. I told him great I didn't have the guts to tell everyone but if they know then I can dress full time. My attorney told me let him and we could sue him.

[Genifer Teal]

"It did cause a lot of friction in my family and obviously all my friends dont talk to me anymore."

OBVIOUSLY? That has to be the saddest part of this thread.
I must live a sheltered life. I am fortunate this is not so true where I live.

[Aubrey Cane]

I did get in touch with an attorney over the matter, they basically stated that there would be a case for revenge porn for her sending pictures to everyone as long as i have proof pictures were sent. I did reach out to everyone i could think of that she would send them too and got confirmation from about 10 people that they did receive photos from her and they would be more than happy to send me all text messages.
Now i just have to decide if this is the action i want to take or not.

[Amy Lynn3]

Aubrey Cane:

May I suggest you take the high road. If you SO does/has taken a position of revenge you go higher and allow her to go lower. Bitterness and hate only destroys the person it's in. I have found most people just consider the person that provided the information with a grain of salt. Keep your head high and let others continue their nonsense and you go on with your healing, while the other are eating themselves up from the inside out.

[Raychel]

I will tend to agree with Amy.
If you just let this die out, then she really did not gain anything.
You will just be living your best life and she will feel pretty stupid for the actions she has taken.
If those people are willing to send you the pictures, Then obviously they now know and are
accepting enough to send the pics and are on your side.

You can retaliate, but what will you really gain. She has done her damage.
And people are still on your side.

[krissy]

my first wife told all my male friends i was 23 at the time i was a certified transmission builder and master tech i had worked on cars since i was ten. Any way we broke up she first told a real good male friend he was a black friend he was like a brother to me i had to confess to him i thought i was going to die .i ran out of his car crying he told me he didnt care we were still brothers but it wasn't true it hurt me bad out of every body knowing he is the one person i didnt want to find this out about me and forget all the other guys she got to me bad i almost gave up on life .it took me a long time to get over that one.im 66 now i still have fears but im also seeing that life is passing by so fast and i want to be happy so i dress as much as i can my wife of 45 years cant stand this part of me it hurts that i cant share something that is so important to me and my happiness . just know there is nothing wrong with you and i know its hard to accept yourself but you have to .for your own peace of mind.good luck to you hope you dont give up on yourself be strong.do you .:sad:

[Sometimes Steffi]

Yes I agree but an ex or soon to be ex outing you to damage you to friends, coworkers, family or whoever is just that person being very vindictive. Different then one of us going out shopping or whatever.

I always thought this was strange behavior. It would seem like outing your husband to co-workers could cause a job action that could lead to a reduction in earnings. A reduction in earnings could lead to a reduction in alimony. Maybe I'm just being too logical and it doesn't really work that way.

[SylphDevine]

This thread completely blows my mind in every way shape and fashion.

Lying about what happened to get even isn't a solution either. I think the real problem here was the lack of trust to begin with.

If you're not open with your partner/SO that means you're lying to them about whatever the issue is. Crossdressing? Money? Emotional relationship? Intimacy? Chores? Pick any.

Trust is mutual. I'm about to have my 45th anniversary with my wife. I trust her with everything. We only fight when she reveals something she "was afraid to tell me because of my reaction".

That's how relationships and marriages fail. lack of trust.

As far as her outing me? I'd have had her in court over it so quick her head would have spun. I say that because that's how it works for me. Lie to me once? Shame on me. Lie to me twice?

Shame on you.

I'm deeply sorry for what happened to you Aubrey, but this is the same thing as ANY defamation. She broke the law doing what she did. It's not illegal to crossdress in any jurisdiction that I know of. So her malicious gossiping? If it hurt your personal life in any way that's defamation.

I'd talk to a friendly, understanding lawyer about it and see what they think.

My .02

[Natalie5004]

With the rights that we have in this country I do not think the court would listen to any of this.

[@tammileetilliso]

Since she told several people and everyone knows, continue your CD. It's the best revenge. Be full and happy against resentful people. *using Google Translate.

[CynthiaD]

Revenge is for little people.

[Janet Murray]

When I hear stories like those I'm reading here, I believe my response to being outed would be to tell people:
1. Yes, I have cross dressed for some time.
2. At first I didn't care for it, but my ex insisted I do so as she got really hot and excited pretending she was with a lesbian.
3. After CDing all the years we were together, I've come to enjoy it.

Yes, lie and put the burden on your ex. If they are nasty enough to talk about what went on behind closed doors, there is no reason to treat them like they deserve your respect. Sorry, if this offends anyone, but I have no respect for people that betray a confidence regardless of their reason. They want a relationship with no secrets yet are willing to tell others the most private and intimate details of our lives. It's people like that which causes people like us to try keeping our feminine side a secret.

Excellent!!!!!