Am I non-binary? My crazy crossdressing life!

[BridalGuy]

Hello!
I am 51 years old. Pretty much been fascinated with women's cloths since I was a kid. I've worn expensive cute satin panties only for about the last 20 years or so. It's been wonderful. I am married and my wife is accepting ( thankfully! )

But, about 2 years ago, the panties turned into wanting to try women's jeans instead of mine. I was instantly hooked, and ended up with a closet full of them. I also hit all the thrift stores and found cute matching shirts and tops. I would dress like this mostly at home. But, part of me wanted more. So, I got brave and started wearing my ladies jeans to work - with a generic T-shirt. From a distance I guess it could not be noticed. There was something about the way women's jeans fit, how they look and how they felt on me with smooth shaved legs.

To my amazement - nothing happened at work. Nobody said anything. I felt totally comfortable. Before I knew it - the generic t-shirts were replaced by obviously femm ones - light colors, short sleeves, cut just right. I was thinking maybe this was something I could actually get away with! Wearing a bra daily shortly followed. Along with mild jewelry and even a sprits of something smelling sweet.

Of course, the wife was getting concerned, but I re-assured her that I was not trying to Transition. That's the thing - I love to dress like a girl, but I don't want to become a girl. Yes, I do fantasize about living as a girl, but the reality is that at 6 ft 2, 240 something pounds, passing is just NOT going to happen.

I have recently become fascinated with women more now - on a different plane - I want to be like them!

But, here's the sticky part. There are days when I wake up and cannot wait to get into something girly and go about my day. And then there are days when I wake up and ask myself what the hell am I doing? And I put everything back in the box in the closet! I have leaned not to purge anymore - learned that lesson!

My therapist told me that I am probably best classed as non-binary - because I can't put a label on myself that will stick. Am I a boy or a girl? Well, Sometimes!

Again, I am not looking to transition and change my sex - live life a woman full time. I like being able to say, " Today I feel like a girl! I wish I was one!"

I have come to accept that I CAN have the best of both worlds. There is nothing wrong with being a femm man I guess - with desires to play the girl role now and then - right?

[Raychel]

Wow, so much of what you say parallels what I think so often.
There are many days I wake up in the morning and just wish I could dress in my pretty womens clothes all day
then there are some days when I wake up and think today is a guy day and what the heck am i doing.
I guess it is best to just accept that there is many facets of life and to just enjoy them all at the time.
If you feel like a femme day, and your world accepts it, then go for it.
if you feel like a guy day, then go for that.

I have not really shown my femme side to the world, I am a bit envious in that aspect.
I wish I had the guts to do that.
Just enjoy life. Forget the labels, forget the sticky parts in your mind and enjoy.

[ttacitus]

I can relate. I've always felt a need and desire to wear women's clothes. I do not have a desire or a need to transition, but do try to experience what things feel like to be a woman. But it's more like just certain snippets of femininity - mainly the clothes, not an overall desire to live my life as a woman. In certain respects, I am happy as a man and a father. It does kind of wax and wane but it's always there. Men's clothes don't really interest me much, but women's clothes are exciting and sexy and fun. I wish it was more broadly acceptable for a man to publicly wear women's clothes and I applaud you for doing it.

I've worn women's underwear most of my life, gradually to the point of not owning any men's underwear anymore. Outer clothing I mostly just dress at home but on a few occasions have gone out in women's clothes that don't look to feminine. I don't think I feel any need to be perceived as a woman, I just want to do and wear what I want. It is nice to feel pretty or sexy, but that's not quite the same thing.

I've concluded that I must be non-binary / gender fluid. These terms didn't exist when I came of age (I'm in my mid/late 40's). I guess it helps to have these terms and feel like it's actually a real "thing", and I'm not just some random weirdo for having these feelings.

[bridget thronton]

Nothing wrong at all - keep talking to your wife and wear what makes you happy.

[Bea_]

I'll soon be 69 years old and started late, with panties, when I was in my mid-fifties. Like you, I have progressed. About half of my wardrobe is from the women's departments and that's the half I wear daily since i've retired. I shave from the waist down and I've got a nice rose colored polish on my toenails. But, I love looking in the mirror and seeing the long-haired, bearded guy looking back at me wearing something decidedly feminine.

I've never seen myself as a woman or wanted to be a woman at all. My aesthetic is not particularly male, but I am still a male, albeit a male with peculiar tastes. I love being a dude. I also like packaging my dudeness in things that make me feel good. The dudeness doesn't go away for me.

My wife has had the same concerns your wife has and she'd not particularly thrilled about my taste.

Working with a therapist, I came to the point of understanding that I do have a sort of gender dysphoria but it's not because I don't like being male. It's that I struggle with the fact that my definition of being male doesn't match what's expected of me. I have dealt with severe attention deficit disorder (inattentive) my whole life and I think my neurodiversity makes it hard for me to see or understand many of the reasons for the rules

[JocelynJames]

I have come to see that crossdressing is like Baskin Robbins- there are endless varieties of the degrees we dress, and of course we all have our favorites. In my eyes , it?s you do you, I?ll do me. In a perfect world we?d all be happy with this.

[SophiaRose]

Throughout the years I didn't have any other language to wonder what "label" I should use. I was always confused. The only choice, having grown up in the 70/80s, was wondering why I cross dressed but wasn't attracted to men. Figured I was a very odd duck. Only recently have I, some what reluctantly due to my programming I guess, accepted my self to be part of the LGBT community and gender fluid? non-binary? on the transgender spectrum? I still don't know. After living a very outwardly masculine life in love with a woman, it feels very weird to accept a category other than a heterosexual male who just happens to love his true feminine nature and wears a dress as often as possible. Does it even matter what category we fit into?

[Brenn]

Sounds a lot like my experience. I just enjoy the clothes and wearing what makes me feel comfortable. I don't have or want a label. I'm just me, wearing my clothes.

[siva]

I think there are lot of girls like you, who just like dressing up a girl and don't want to transition or not attracted to men
i still haven't come out to my wife. I dress outside of my neighborhood and come back home as a male

[docrobbysherry]

I'm definitely binary. Because I grew up when women mostly dressed very fem and pretty. So, I dress like that or not at all!:daydreaming:

Most young T's dress androgenously now. And, few young women dress to the 9's like I do. Were u dressed partially when the doc diagnosed u?:daydreaming:

I wonder if u r binary or not and was hoping some here would speak up? But, maybe because u continue to increase the depth of your dressing no one can be sure yet?:battingeyelashes:

[Fiona_44]

You are right, there's nothing wrong with wanting to dress like a woman now and then.

[Heather76]

I would prefer dressing en femme 24/7, but the reality of life prohibits that. I don't care to be a woman and don't want to transition. However, wearing women's clothing is what I enjoy. I would love to put makeup on every day and let my hair grow out so I wouldn't need wigs. I am a MIAD who would like to always be a MIAD. I wear panties 24/7 as I have no men's underwear. I love wearing a bra and forms. But, I can only be cross dressed about 60% of the time, at most. I do have to go outside which precludes CDing 24/7.

[Rachelakld]

I love having both sides.
I'm not saying girls can't climb 13 meter trees with a chainsaw and enjoy cutting them down.
I'm not saying girls can't enjoy a good workout with weights at the gym.
I'm not saying girls can't wear jeans, hi vis overalls or drive big machines.

My daughter calls me "co-conscious" (it's is what teachers are taught in university about the variety of personalities they might experience in the classroom)

[Kris Burton]

I may be just a matter of semantics, but to me "non-binary" indicates a blended, androgynous look. Many prefer that. For others, myself included, the duplicity is the point. BG - it sounds to me you are in that camp as well. I say enjoy it!

[chrissy111]

I have always thought labels were kind of silly. Why do I need to be called anything other than my name no matter how I'm dressed.

[Sometimes Steffi]

To-ma-toh / To-mah-to

There are multiple definitions on what it means to be non binary. Here a are a couple of typical definitions

Non-binary is used to describe people who feel their gender cannot be defined within the margins of gender binary. Instead, they understand their gender in a way that goes beyond simply identifying as either a man or woman.

Genderfluid - One who identifies as genderfluid doesn’t have a fixed gender identity—meaning, they may identify as male, female, or nonbinary on a shifting basis. Gender-fluid people choose not to abide by the socially-enforced binaries of male or female.

I'm like you, but I would consider myself gender fluid, boy some days, girls some other days, sometimes both, but not in dress, but how I think and interact with the world. I typically present as all boy or all girl, but for several years (pre-COVID), I went to yoga classes wearing nail polish, femme yoga pants and a femme top, either a tank top or racerback top.

During the 1970s, Hershey's (nee Peter Paul) used the jingle, "Sometimes you feel like a nut / Sometimes you don't", to advertise Almond Joy and Mounds in tandem.

[Camille58]

I agree with everyone here! I don't know for sure how to label myself, and as time goes on, I find myself caring less and less. I guess non-binary fits best, but there are so many ways to define that! I have come to the point that I refuse to let myself be restricted to shopping in one side of the store only. If I like something and can figure out a way to rock it, I'm going to wear it! Life is just too short.
As for what is going on inside my head, that's a different story. I feel pretty confident that I am a man with a strong feminine side that I didn't know existed for most of my life. Once I realized it, I had to express it. In fact , I really believe it is my best side!

[alwayshave]

BridalGuy, I'm not big on labels, but if you feel comfortable with it, then that's you.

[Camille58]

I agree with everyone here! I don't know for sure how to label myself, and as time goes on, I find myself caring less and less. I guess non-binary fits best, but there are so many ways to define that! I have come to the point that I refuse to let myself be restricted to shopping in one side of the store only. If I like something and can figure out a way to rock it, I'm going to wear it! Life is just too short.
As for what is going on inside my head, that's a different story. I feel pretty confident that I am a man with a strong feminine side that I didn't know existed for most of my life. Once I realized it, I had to express it. In fact , I really believe it is my best side!

[cd300]

I can totally understand where you are coming from.
I know if I could I would dress more feminine all the time. But the rest of being a woman isn't something I think I can fo day in and day out. I love my fem time no doubt. But I like being male too.

[April Rose]

These days I'm in androgynous women's clothes more often than not. Its been such a (scary) hot summer in the states that shorts and tees or tank tops have been something of a uniform. Mine have been mostly from the women's side. Add hair long enough for a ponytail and earrings 24/7 and I'm pretty sure I give off a non binary vibe.

I'm only just starting to embrace the concept myself.