Really bummed out

[Jacke]

I finally had the opportunity to go out dressed and I went all the way. Help from my wife with makeup, forms, wig, thigh highs, nice dress. I decided to just go for it. But as we left the hotel, the counter person started laughing. Then three women standing outside erupted in laughter. They went behind some columns to hide their laughter, but one woman blasted out that she had laughed so hard she had p__d herself. She was holding her dress out away from her body. My wife and I laughed it off because we wanted it to be a great night. The party we went to was totally accepting of me. I even won a prize in the style show that evening, though it was not for appearance, but for my answer to the question contestant's were asked. In all, the party was great.
It was the next day it all changed. The laughing it off had worn off. But the laughter at me had not gone away. It still echoes in my mind. It has taken away all desire to dress. It just seems pointless. I have always known that because of my size, I will never pass. But passing has never been the point. It was all in fun. I needed something to escape my other physical conditions. Brain damage from a fall 3 years ago has left me dependent on a walker. That did not help my presentation that night either.
I have no idea if this is just a pause or an end to dressing. I do not want to purge, but I might put it all away for a while. At my age and condition it may not come back. My wife suffers from dementia which is progressing. Because of both of our conditions, we probably should move to assisted living. I doubt dressing would be approved of there.
After reading this, I am not really as down as this sounds, but it seems a chapter in life has closed. Thanks to all of you for the encouragement you give to each other. Thanks for being a sounding board in an area most people do not understand. Party on Ladies.

[Kris Burton]

Derisive negativism like you experienced is always hard to take, and it sticks with you. I'm sure all of us have, or will eventually have, experienced similar. It hurts and it does make you question yourself. However, I think one must keep in mind that such overt public display and actions comes from willful ignorance and even perhaps fear. I say press ahead and don't allow such childishness on their part stop you from doing and dressing as you please. Whatever you do, make it your decision and not one that has been foisted upon you by some nameless and faceless knuckleheads.

[SylphDevine]

I'm having deja vu...I read this post a few days ago I thought? I also had the same reaction...**** them if they can't take a joke. Good on you for daring to be real and when people act like that, it's because their own insecurities are freaking them out.

I've been pushing the envelope. I went to work bare legged in a flouncy skirt yesterday. Male attire otherwise. No stockings or heels, just my reg shirt, socks and sneaks. And yes, I was wearing panties.

Got nothing but compliments on the skirt from the women that came in and my boss loved it. She asked why and I said, "because I can", She totally approved and asked if it was my wife's and I said "No it's mine", Grand fun.

Wasn't trying to pass, just making a statement. Don't stop making your statement Jacke.

[Jacke]

Yes, I told about the hotel and party, but not the lasting effects.

[Sandi Beech]

Gee Jacke,

Sorry to hear of your negative experience. There is always a slight risk. That is one reason I have mostly ventured into LGBT venues , where the acceptance rate is very high. I can see how it might make you rethink things, just know that there are very accepting people out there. Going to the right places helps a lot in finding them.

Sandi

[SylphDevine]

Yes, I told about the hotel and party, but not the lasting effects.

I really am so sorry. I can't imagine that scenario, and you braved it. I just give you forever props for your bravery and honesty.

[Geena75]

For many of us, that is the swinging door of the hobby. On one side we dress to please ourselves and wear what feels good. On the other side we try to dress to please convention, trying to pass or blend or whatever. It is often said that we are our own worst critic, but unasked criticism from outside can be harder to take, and rude laughter one of the worst. I imagine that had I faced that kind of response; it would leave sore that would take time to heal.

I would suggest you think over dressing up with the question in mind: "Do I enjoy this?" If the answer is yes, definitely keep getting pretty when the mood strikes. You may want to try venturing out again eventually.

[Suzie Petersen]

I agree with Geena, we are often our own worst enemies.
In this case, and I am sorry you experienced this the way you did, there is an option which perhaps doesn't make it feel much better in the moment, but it would actually make it all a little better in the long term ..... Laugh with them!

I know, this is not the impulse reaction and I know it is not easy, but if you look at what we do from an outsiders perspective and based on current social norms, this can easily be seen as very funny. And, others finding it amusing, is actually one of the better reactions we can ask for!
If you are able to look them in the eye, and laugh with them, then it takes the negative out of the situation and potentially makes it a fun moment for all.

Life is much easier if we are able to not take ourselves too seriously.

[Genifer Teal]

You just need to find the right audience. I find that the lower a person's class or social status the more likely they are to blurt their thoughts out loud regardless how rude it is. You can't win over everyone.

One time I walked past some guy in a crowded train station. We were going opposite ways so it was a fleeting moment. He said look it's a dude b***ch! For some reason I found it funny. I would have high five him for such an original comment. Probably would have shocked him but I'd say it was funny and he deserved it.
That's just how I deal with insults. Just roll with it and move on. Fortunately it's not super common here. I admit my location helps a great deal.

[CarlaWestin]

Jacke, I'm saddened that reactions from others had such a depressing effect. I've seen plenty of head turning and puzzled expressions after reviewing some of my public outing videos. I've also had wonderful conversations with strangers with no reaction to my female attributes. Personally if I heard the p**d myself remark I would have approached the person and helped her finish her embarrassment. Hopefully, you'll be back in the pink again, so to speak.

[docrobbysherry]

Jacke, your post got to me for several reasons. The reason I don't go out to vanilla venues is because whether it's the lafter, critical comments, or just the fish eyed stares. I'm there to shop or eat, etc. NOT to be a distraction or spectacle!:doh:

And, it's NOT your size that's the issue because I'm 5' 8" and 155 pounds!:battingeyelashes:

But, I have some good news! I was visiting a friend with cancer in a care home in Seattle. I was told that one resident has been there for 40 years!:eek:

On one of my visits as I was checking in at reception there was a bearded man wearing a dress and nothing else fem on who began a discussion with me. Then, he abruptly walked off. Before I could say anything the receptionist explained, "Ralph's been here for many years. He suddenly began wearing ladies clothes a few years ago. But, he's very outgoing and always speaks with everyone here. Staff, residentsl, and guests. We all love him!" I asked if that was normal here? She replied, "Normal, r u kidding? Ralph is one of our most normal residents. I wish they were all like him!"

I don't think you'll have any problem dressing if u move to a rest home!:thumbsup:

[Crissy 107]

Jacke, Sorry to hear about your negative experience, I feel so bad for you and I wish I could give you a big hug.
You have a loving accepting wife so please do not give up on dressing. You need it just like we all need it.

[bridget thronton]

I like your avatar picture - you have a great wife - your next outing will better

[Jolene Robertson]

Jacke, I'm so sorry that ignorant people ruined your day :( but it's their problem. What you do is your business and people just need to not be rude. I don't pass (very few do IRL) but I will go out of my way to have a conversation with them as long as they aren't hostile. And yes I have been in nursing homes where there was other CD's and they get along fine with everyone. Don't give up even thought it may take some time to recover.

Hugs
Jolene

[alwayshave]

Jacke, I am so sorry that you had this negative experience. I have to think how small these individuals lives are that they would laugh at someone like that.

[Jillcder]

Jacke, sorry you and your lovely wife hade to endure this please do not let these idiots get to you.

[chrissy111]

I'm with Genifer on this, I really don't care what a low life stranger thinks of me. Not my problem it's theirs. Very sorry you had to experience the worst of humanity.

[Natalie5004]

Lean into it. Own it. Be your self. Next time glam up all the way, almost drag. Laugh with them.

[Glenda58]

You owe it girl. don't let anyone ruin your fun and your time.

[JulieC]

First off, a push back for you that can help your own outlook on what happened: REPORT the counter person to the hotel chain. Their behavior was completely out of line. No guest should ever be made to feel unwelcome like that.

Second; this is harder to do, but keep working at it; don't allow them to hold you captive. They are nobodies. They are like two-dimensional people. They have no effect on your life. None. Their opinions do not matter. Shutting down your crossdressing is giving power to them, these people whom you do not know, over an important area of your life. Don't let them get away with it. Mentally fight back. Get right back on the horse. Go get dressed up and tell the little nay-sayers taking up residence in your head to take a hike. Your brain is your own; don't let people ... especially people you've never met before and likely never will again ... live in your brain. This is your life. NOT theirs. Own it!

[siva]

Jacke, so sorry that you had this negative experience. Just think you had a bad dream and move with the dressing. There are some rude people, nothing can be done, just ignore and get pretty

[CynthiaD]

Jacke:

I’ve been laughed at many times. But when someone openly laughs at you, who’s the good guy and who’s the bad guy? Not you. People who behave this way are pigs, and pigs p*** themselves all the time. Don’t run and hide. Stand tall. Stand proud. You’re the one in the right. You don’t need to worry about what pigs think. They’re just pigs after all.

[Raychel]

I absolutely hate hearing stories like this.
And this is the reason I don't go out.
I was ridiculed and laughed at so much when I was a kid.
I have no desire to ever have that feeling again.

Great you had your wife close by for some support anyways.
That counter person should lose her job for acting like that.
That should never acceptable in a setting like that

I am so sorry you went thru this.
If only the world would just be accepting and we would never have to worry about these
happenings again.

[NancySue]

So sorry to hear of your negative experience. We live in a small, nosy, conservative town, which is why we?ve been sooo careful. Going out of town has been our solution, but even so, we planned to have dinner and movie 20 miles away and, you guessed it, we almost bumped into people we knew. Fortunately, we weren?t seen, but it shook us up. We still fear police, accident, etc. but still venture out with crossed fingers. I sense, someway, somehow you?ll figure something out. Best.

[Connie D50]

Jackie so sorry to hear your eventhinking of hanging it up. Think of the great time you had at the party, that is what you went out for not thos ecrazy people in the lobby.