The clock is ticking and I'm frantic to catchup!

[SophiaRose]

I started CDing when I was 7 and now I'm in my 50s. I've always dressed opportunistically and without much thought put into it, mainly sticking to lingerie, hosiery, dresses, and sporadically experimenting with makeup.

That changed in May when my wife went on a couple of back to back business trips. It gave me a-lot of time on my hands and so I tried going a bit further. After watching many YouTube CDing tips videos I eventually began to watch a few about the psychology of "why do I do this?". Down the rabbit hole I went. After many more videos, podcasts episodes, and reading a couple of books I realized I wasn't such an outcast and I started looking for support groups with like minded individuals. Hello CD forums!

Now I'm a bit addicted to hearing about others experiences and seeing how amazing you all look. Honestly, I'm a bit envious. I'm also feeling a bit frantic about catching up: get some shaping garments, find clothes that actually fit, wig, forms, go out side, come out to my SO...Ugh. It's like I'm trying to take all of these steps at once and I need to really really slow down. Anyone else been through this? Advice on setting priorities? How long did it take you to go through these steps?
The fog is thick, maybe a therapist is in order.

You ladies are great!
Thank you!

[Maid_Marion]

One way to find clothes that fit are to shop at a 2nd hand store like Savers and try stuff just for fit, rather than style. Once you know the brand names that fit you can go online and see where you can buy those clothes.
Sizing is usually consistent within a brand name.

These days stores like Victoria's Secret will fit crossdressers for bras, assuming you are in the size range of the bras they carry. Women come in all shapes and sizes so fitting can be a challenge without the help of an expert.

Most crossdressers have what is known as an Inverted Triangle body shape, which is top heavy with no hips. There are helpful style guides for every body type.

[Raychel]

Everyone has their own pace and style, Do what makes you happy.
The pink rabbit hole can be very overwhelming and even scary at times.
Take your time, experiment and do what is best for you and your wife.

But I would say first off, have the talk with her and see what her thoughts are.
Hiding all this is not a great thing. It is so hard when she finds out.
You know her best and know the best way to approach the subject with her.

Good Luck

[Marketa]

Welcome, Sophia.

The problem is you want to buy all at once. I clearly remember that, because I started in April and now I'm looking for another wardrobe :) So my advice is: at the beginning buy basics. Breast forms, some tops and bottoms, but if you're going to buy a wig, go for at least lace front - they are only like 10-15% more expensive than comparable non-lace ones, but look 100x better. If you have the option to go to CD shop, do it and get their advice and ask questions. If not, measure yourself about 73x, so you'll get your measurements.

From the beginning buy cheap to get an idea, what fits you size-wise and also style-wise, because there's a difference what you love on pictures and what on yourself. Once you get it into an eye, you can go more expensive, but no leaps, small steps.

And for the love of the God all-mighty: talk to your SO. There's a whole special section for exactly this. Don't keep it secret. Or at least not for long.

[Fiona_44]

No need to feel frantic at all. Being in your 50's is young, I didn't introduce Fiona to the world until I was 70. And you seriously need to think through what will be the impact on your wife and your marriage if you reveal this side of you to her. Therapy is always a good option.

[NancySue]

I can understand. My journey is very much like yours, except, I took the leap of faith and risked it all by telling my wife pre- nuptial?s, figuring she?d dash for the nearest door. She didn?t. She accompanied me down the proverbial rabbit hole. She?s been supportive and helpful. Yes, it?s fantastic. Now retired, I?m free to dress whenever, which is most of the time. My recommendation echoes others, slowly introduce Sophia to your wife, as others have suggested. Best.

[Kris Burton]

Sophia - I will join the chorus here and state without hesitation that priority #1 is tell your wife what is going on. I didn't begin to crossdress actively until I was 69 (72 now) and had been married for 40 years. The best thing I did was to tell my wife right away. The stress of anything else was too much and not fair for either one of us - this is supposed to be pleasurable right? . If she is accepting, I think you will find all of the other things - wardrobe, makeup, meeting others etc. - will fall into place and your female persona will flourish. If not, then at least you both will not be imprisoned by living a shadow or false alternate existence.

[char GG]

I understand that you are excited about your pink fog. However, I will echo others that say "talk to your spouse". You are in position to be outed sooner or later.

There is a lot of information about communication with your SO. You can start here with this post written by a GG:

https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?13841-How-to-tell-your-partner

[Sometimes Steffi]

From the beginning buy cheap to get an idea, what fits you size-wise and also style-wise, because there's a difference what you love on pictures and what on yourself. Once you get it into an eye, you can go more expensive, but no leaps, small steps.


Many of us are afraid to do it, but you can actually buy from a brick-and-mortar, retail store and return what doesn't fit. When asked why you're returning it, just say, "It didn't fit her". You don't need to tell the SA that "her" is your alter ego.

[Geena75]

Back up the bus about 11 years and I'm a lot like you. I'd tried things when I was young, then once in a great while. I got more into it about 12 years ago, experimented more, and found this forum. I realized that there are a lot of others who like dressing up, and was amazed by their looks. It took me nine years to "catch up," mostly because I wear a beard. Finally I got a good opportunity with some coaching, cleaned off the face and went all in. It took a couple months more to be really satisfied with my look. I still grow the beard back, but aim to take it off again in the fall for some more Geena experiences.

My advice is for patience. If you are not open about cross-dressing with your spouse you should either consider having 'the talk' or remain 'opportunistic' about dressing up. (Count me in as the latter, btw). I've at least a couple months to go before cleaning off the face again, and I can feel a bit impatient right now. Take your time.

[docrobbysherry]

Relax, Sophia! I never even thot about trying on women's clothes until after 50! Then, I spent the next 10 years dressing in a vacuum trying to figure out what the heck was happening to me!

Finally, I showed up here and found I wasn't alone in the world!:hugs:
And, by then I'd worked out a lot of the dressing details u mentioned. But, I still learn new fem things here nearly every week!:battingeyelashes:

Since then Sherry has travelled to big T events around the country where I met hundreds of dressers of all types. And, have dressed in many other countries. I have the pics to prove it!:daydreaming:

Still having the time of my life in my 80's as u can see from my avatar. So, don't worry about catching up. U have all the time in the world. Enjoy the ride!:battingeyelashes:

[kimdl93]

Definitely no need to rush, particularly with coming out. Beware the addictive response. These can lead one to making impulsive decisions with deeply regrettable consequences.

[danniUK]

Hi Sophia
My path has been very similar to yours - I first CD'd when I was a teen (so a little older than you) but it too was only ever an opportunistic thing up until this year (my late 40s).

It took me a little while to talk to my wife about "the change" - I'd gone from occasional dressing in the bedroom (which she knew about and liked to a certain extent) to liking to dress during the day in a completely non-sexual way.
When I did tell her she said "Thank God, I thought you were having an affair!" because I'd been asking when she'd be getting home etc and I guess just generally being secretive.
She's taken it better than most though not actively enthusiastic about it. She's more ambivalent about my dressing... I'd prefer if she actually liked it but it's certainly better than hating it!

Finding this site changed a lot for me though. I'd gone nearly 30 years thinking that my dressing was some dirty secret. Now I know I'm not wierd, not abnormal and not alone!

I'd reiterate what some other have said about buying clothes - go.slowly and buy cheap to start with until you have a feel for sizes and what actually suits you.

I've had luck with buying from Amazon since their returns are (generally) free and easy. And I'll admit that when I get a recommendation notification - "We thought you'd like some new shorts" came up today - it's a bit of a thrill when they're now always for women's clothes!

[Sometimes Steffi]

Finding this site changed a lot for me though. I'd gone nearly 30 years thinking that my dressing was some dirty secret. Now I know I'm not wierd, not abnormal and not alone!

And I'll admit that when I get a recommendation notification - "We thought you'd like some new shorts" came up today - it's a bit of a thrill when they're now always for women's clothes!

For a long time, I thought I was the only one in the world who was a transvestite (what a loaded word). Crossdresser is much more normal sounding.

I love getting messages that are more personalized, like:
Hey beautiful, like what you saw?

The perfect dress is calling your name

[Maid_Marion]

A couple years of diet and exercise got my waist from 28 to 25 inches! Then it stayed between 24 and 25 for a few more. This year it dropped to an obscenely thin waistline!
Now I can confidently go outside in the heat and humidity wearing a crochet crop top that shows off my belly button!

No wig either. I've grown out my hair so that it reaches the middle of my back. I've switched from a ponytail to pigtails as it seems more feminine.

I'm now 61 but look like I'm in my 30s.

Marion

[SophiaRose]

Thank you all for the great advice. It wasn't easy to hear but I needed to hear it. The chorus is wise indeed.

I've read the coming out to your SO threads about 3 times and continue to absorb something different. I've also been reading the threads within the loved ones section which is helpful. Getting a perspective from other SOs and family that are affected is most important, and scary for me. Another resource I've tapped into is the Fox and Pheonix pod cast. Episode 34, "Significant Ones". That was a punch in the gut but very helpful to hear the two hosts, Savannah Hauk (CD) and July Rubenstein (GG), discuss the issue.

My heaviest concern is the emotional toll it will take on my wife. Additionally, transferring the burden of my secret to her to also keep as a secret isn't fair and ultimately I won't ask her to do so. That means indirectly coming out to her support group which is most likely her family. So be it, I actually think it will help us.

I plan on working on this for the next 6Mo before addressing since we've got some pretty serious prophylactic medical issues to tackle and I don't need to be adding any more stress to our marriage. In the mean time I'm going to apply the brakes a little though its been hard so far to keep from shopping and dressing much much more frequently.

You all are a bright lighthouse in the fog!

[Sometimes Steffi]

It took me nine years to "catch up," mostly because I wear a beard. Finally I got a good opportunity with some coaching, cleaned off the face and went all in. It took a couple months more to be really satisfied with my look. I still grow the beard back, but aim to take it off again in the fall for some more Geena experiences.

For about 30 years, including courtship and marriage, my wife had never seen me without facial hair of some kind from a mustache, goatee, to "pork chop" side burns and full beard, and back and forth. At first I got it to look older. One of the reasons that I kept it so long was to avoid progressing my crossdressing. I never liked to look of a guy with a beard in a dress. Not that I object to others here doing it, but it wasn't for me.

I was encouraged to shave my beard, and then the crossdressing dam broke. I got into full dressing, wigs, makeup, going out dressed, meeting other crossdressers IRL, the whole nine yards.

I still let my beard grow back, mostly do to laziness. Last Halloween I went out with the girls as Victor/Victoria. I wore a women's tux suit, with a red ruffled blouse. Uncharacteristically, I kept my full beard. I convinced myself that it was going with the costume theme. When one of my TG friends first saw me that night, she asked, "Is that beard real?"

[CarlaWestin]

Sophia, as many or most of us do, lavish yourself in photography. There a real fascination with getting images that surpass expectation.
Personally, I enjoy getting video and then editing the adventures into mini stories.

[Jane G]

Such a lovely name SophiaRose. It's not a race. just enjoy what you have and build on it when you can. I get that life is short, but never forget there are so many other things you could be doing.

[Natalie5004]

And after a while a switch get turned on. For me I feel like a woman 1/2 time. Even if I am not dressed up.
I guess it is because I have longish nails, painted toes, shaved legs, no beard and a young face for a older person. I can pass for 50 but I am close to 70.

So, go slow but keep in mind that the feeling is always there and there are things you can do to feel fem when not dressed.

[Debbie Denier]

Today is only yesterdays tomorrow.

[Cheryl T]

Sounds like me 20 years ago.
It wasn't that I wanted to catch up, it's that I wanted to finally be me and enjoy this part of myself without hiding anymore.
I came out to her and I am one of the lucky ones. She was willing to talk, learn and see what happened. She became fully accepting and now life is good, really good in all ways.

[Julie Frisky]

Hi Sophia, I think I am in the same situation a little bit, wanting to try everything, I'm glad you raised the thread as there is some really good advice on hear that I will certainly take.