how important

[audreyinalbany]

so here's what I'm wrestling with: How important is crossdressing to me? My wife is tolerant but not necessarily 'accepting.' She acknowledges I dress but doesn't want to see it or participate in any way. She freely acknowledges that when she goes out its' 'my time to dress' and its okay if I go away for a few days to be en femme or to go out with other crossdressers (not necessarily with other gg's although that's a topic than hasn't been broached). I'd like her to be participatory..to be able to go out together as two GG's and do the things we do as husband and wife...antique shopping, lunch, wandering through museums. What I'm trying to decide in my own mind is: How important is her complete acceptance to me? if a one is "lets get a divorce and I never want to see you again and I'll go live as a woman" and a ten is "let's have a bachelorette party' I'm not sure where I land. I'm pretty sure it's neither extreme.
I'm not a super girly-girl crossdresser. I know some on the site are completely enraptured of presenting as women...."love the feel of silky pantyhose on my freshly shaved legs....." or 'I've finally learned to walk in six inch heels," but that's not me. I like dressing up and presenting as female and I think women are pretty awesome in general and guys are more or less boring and uninteresting.
I'm trying to fine the 'normal' in 'normalizing' my crossdressing.
So right now, I suppose I'm at 'five' I know none of you haven answers and I'm simply ventilating here. I don't know where to draw the line in the sand.

[Aka_Donna]

It sounds like are are more at a 3 than 5. If she can't see you, then can't go out together, duh. Do you really need to go out? Many are happy just dressing at home. Is your home too small that you don't have space for yourself? Read history of other posts and you'll see it's extremely difficult to "go out" without wife without triggering a boat load of resentment, anguish and jealosy.

[Kris Burton]

Hmm...I guess the real question here is what you regard as complete acceptance. I think all couples have their boundaries, and all coup0les must find a balance which is different for each. If she is aware of and acknowledges your dressing, even finding it OK if you go away for a few days to a conference or to spend time with other CDs without conflict that is more than many of us. It sounds like the "participatory" angle is important to you - have you discussed this with her? Only one way to know, and it will be a good way to gauge the level of her acceptance.

[Maid_Marion]

The "pink fog" is a big issue for relationships. Too many cross dressers forget about the needs of their significant others when lost in the "pink fog."
Is that an issue here?

[Raychel]

That is a tough thing, You really need to talk to your wife, Find her acceptance level.
And if you want to stay married then you certainly should respect her wishes.
Discuss it with her, and find your comfort level.

For me when I am with the right person, the crossdressing can and does certainly take a backseat to everything,

[Geena75]

Perhaps the question is not just how important cross-dressing is to you, but more how important is your relationship to your wife? I have the regrettable situation of my wife and household no nothing about my dressing up, so I have to find avenues to do it. I'm very certain that my wife would not have any tolerance to my 'peculiar pastime' and would likely demand a 'cease and desist.' I value our relationship so much that I would have to walk away from dressing up rather than put the marriage at risk.

You have a reasonable situation at present. I agree with others that you should have some conversations with the wife, cautiously, and see what she might consider. Whatever you do, don't try to force anything! Respect her feelings just as she has respected your femme time.

[Genifer Teal]

You are in a tough spot all around. I'll leave it at that. I hope you find peace.

[kimdl93]

There is no reason to draw any lines in the sand. Your desire to present as a woman is one dimension of you life. Your relationship with your wife is another dimension. these intersect, but even the point of intersection may vary. I think most of us long for the participation of an SO. But we can be so fixated on that as to forget what they may want. Spend some time learning what your wife wants and see if by accommodating her, you may find a compromise that meets your wants as well.

[bridget thronton]

Keep talking to your wife and be grateful she has has accepted your dressing at least partially

[Sometimes Steffi]

I think that you've hit the (pink) glass ceiling.

My wife has never seen me dressed, not does she want to. She hasn't even seen pics of me dressed, nor seen my wardrobe. She does let me go out with the girls for a GNO and she does let me go to out of town TG conferences. I have my own pot of money to use and my clothing allowance, and I pay cash, so she doesn't see any bills.

Those satisfactory boundaries for me. I'd like more acceptance, but "it ain't going to happen". Ever.

[Veronica Lacey]

As good a query to ponder of yourself as any other in this life, yes: How important is crossdressing to you?

One answer in my own world was that dressing was important enough to me that I pushed semi-regularly for 15-20 years to get where we are today: a respected equilibrium. It rarely went well or was easy and often involved confusion and some hurt feelings. However, I believe that after 30 years together she understands that it's important enough to me to continue enjoying it when I can. I'll always wish for more but am quite happy at how far she's come with it. She doesn't want to see it nor participate shopping nor any of that but she's sweetly tolerant and accepts that I enjoy it. I dress when she's not here and she knows and sweetly encourages me. She'd never divorce me because of it and if others found out she'd stand behind me in support.

So dressing is important enough to me that I realized when enough was enough and I'll take what I have. If she offers more down the road it will be of her initiative and not mine. And maybe that same year my team will hoist the Stanley Cup. We can have more than one wish...:daydreaming:

Good Luck with this.