Saw a MIAD, my reaction surprised me

[Nyla F]

Warning: what I'm about to say is brutally honest about my instinctive reaction and not intended to disparage anyone. I'm not judging them or or any other MIAD, nor questioning their choices.

I saw a "man in a dress" (MIAD) today walking down the street. I put that in quotes because I obviously don't know their gender identity. They had a beard and no makeup that I noticed, but I tried not to stare. They wore a casual above the knee dress.

I was a bit shocked. At first by what I saw, then after by my own reaction. You'd think as a crossdresser I would be all "you go girl!". But instead I felt uncomfortable. Why did I instinctively react this way?

The gender binary expectations of my brain run deep. I think if I had clocked someone who was somewhat passable I might have reacted more favorably...because that kind of person is trying to present in a way that fits gender norms. But that is "thinking" and what happened was an unexpected instinctive reaction.

You have to understand, when I crossdress I do so privately and I don't wear wigs or makeup. I look in the mirror and I am definitely a MIAD. So thinking of this afterwards there was a part of me going, there is NO way I would go out looking like that because I would be mortified to be seen that way. And yet even though I often see a MIAD in the mirror, I was shocked when seeing an other MIAD. Makes no sense. I dream of a future when we can all be ourselves and break down gender norms.

So bravo to this person for having the confidence to be themselves. I wish you the best.

[Helen_Highwater]

Part of the secret to going out and being mostly unnoticed is being dressed in such a way that the brains of those around us do a quick check list of does that which I'm seeing conform to my expectations. If sufficient boxes are ticked then further detailed examination doesn't happen, we blend. It's the if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck.......

If as in your case those subliminal boxes aren't ticked then our brains react. It's part of our survival instinct. We then rely on our conscious brain to take over and process that which we're seeing. To rationalise our reaction.

So I would say your response was what I'd wager one many of us would have. Instinctive, normal. It's how we deal with it once past that point that matters.

[Genifer Teal]

Changing gender is very different from challenging gender. They each require a different level of acceptance. To each their own. It doesn't make it easier.

[Kayy]

The first time I saw a man wearing a skirt, I was surprised, and to be honest a bit jealous, and I did stare., until I realised what I was doing. Since then I’ve made a conscious decision not to do anything out of the ordinary (like staring) that would signal to others that the person was somehow odd or out of place. It’s happened a few times since, I’m no longer surprised, my initial reaction was due to unfamiliarity, and of course thinking I wish I could do that!

[kimdl93]

I have similarly ingrained reactions.

[bridget thronton]

Normal reaction I fear - the brain is wired to detect things that are different but that is not the same as judging someone else (when you processed what you saw you were able to say bravo which is how I hope people react to me when I am clocked)

[JocelynJames]

I had the same reaction when I saw someone at the local ice cream place several weeks ago. A sundress and flip flops. Pretty typical of women?s summer wear. Longish hair?.but then a nearly full beard and that distinct male brow. I was slightly startled then thought ? she?s owning it right there!?

[HollyGreene]

I saw a man wearing a nice sun dress (of which I was quite envious) in a store recently. His young son (about 5 years old) was with him, and totally unphased by it. He referred to him as "dad", which seemed a bit strange, but was perfectly true.
I wasn't shocked to see him. Just envious.

[ColleenA]

Nyla, I think your reaction might be perfectly reasonable. For decades, before I ever started leaving my house, I would dress privately, without wigs or makeup - similar to you. It was about the clothing. Consequently, I did not feel a need to present myself in every possible way as a woman. I didn't care that I looked like a MIAD on the outside. In my mind, in my fantasy, my image as a woman was complete.

Now that I go out, I definitely take the effort to review my whole presentation. I go over all of those check list items Helen mentioned. Wig, nail polish, lipstick, rings and other jewelry, how I walk - my hope is that most people give me no more than a cursory glance, and then move on.

As to a MIAD, I would never attempt that. Let others challenge (wonderful word, Genifer) gender expectations; that is not me. One reason is that I want to be seen as, and treated as, a woman. It still gives me a little thrill when the words "Ma'am," "her" or "she" are used about me.

Another reason (or two) is that I have a bra fetish; to me, that was the starting point of my crossdressing. Thus, if I am wearing a dress, I will want to wear a bra. My assumption is that any man who is interested in being seen in a dress, yet perceived as a man, would not add a bra and forms. So to me, there is no point in going out somewhere in the middle of the gender spectrum. To me, it is all about experiencing the two ends of the binary.

[Maid_Marion]

There is a well known issue known as the uncanny valley, in which we feel very uneasy about what we are seeing.

I ran into this all the time when I'd male fail. Present male but had too many feminine elements in my presentation so I fell into the uncanny valley.

It is much easier to present female and stay out of the uncanny valley. Even when my ID, like being in a doctor's office, doesn't match my female presentation

[Jasmine23]

As someone who has never gone out publicly I could not do what he did, if I ever do build up the courage to go out I'll want to try to " pass" as best I can and be treated as a woman, I'd imagine it's the same for most of us on here, we want to be perceived as female or at least as feminine and try our best to be as feminine as possible, so to see someone make no effort to hide the fact they are male gives mixed emotions and raises some questions like, why don't I have the courage to do that?, why didn't he make any effort to pass, is this how other people see us? I'd love to have half that person's courage, but, I think our goals are totally different, for him, he wants to be gender non conforming and may even like the attention he gets from being different, for me and I think most crossdressers we want to feel what it's like to be seen as a woman and not stick out in a crowd!

[Sandi Beech]

I am not surprised at your reaction. I think most of us tend to think in binary terms, like you said from years of social programming. I think our brains get a bit confused when someone is not clearly presenting as male or female since that identification translates into how we address that person. I have socialized a LOT while crossdressed, and I believe younger generations are more flexible in their identification of others. I say that because I have been asked many times right after introduction what pronouns I like to use. Some are very up front with that question and clearly want to address me correctly. It is interesting you referred to the person as they. That is a tough call without asking about pronouns in your case.

Regardless, there are interesting people in the wild and I think most of us here do not want to pre judge anyone. Yet it is easy for us to slip up from time to time when caught off guard. I have gone out in MIAD presentation a number of times, and I know I am approached by others far less often than when I am presenting fully female. The weird thing is that I do not see myself the same way I see other males, and that is the part that makes things complicated. The MIAD you saw probably feels the same and is likely why we refer to the spectrum. There are an infinite number of points between zero and one : )

Sandi

[NancySue]

I had a similar experience at Walmart recently (surprise, surprise). Same thing, skirt, flats beard, no wig, etc. Yes, I looked at him and shook my head. What was he thinking? When going out my/our total objective is to blend in. Being starred at is the last thing I want. Most women locally don?t wear makeup. I love to, but keep it subtle.

[Fiona_44]

I could not do that nor do I have any desire to do that. I love living as a woman and want to be seen by everyone as a woman.

[audreyinalbany]

I never present as MIAD, but always want to go full on feminine presentation. its debatable how well I succeed. Occasionally I've run across a cd out in the wild and I humbly confess I always think to myself, "I hope I'm blending better than her" I confess, I'm kind of a bitch sometimes. Along the same lines, I do zoom meetings with my therapist and every time I see myself on camera I compare myself to how I look in the mirror and it ain't even close !!!! I see myself on camera and say, "I hope I look better than her !!!"

[MonikaCD]

@audreyinalbany - Mirrors (and by default most smartphone taking selfie using front camera) flip your real image, but camera on a live call does not, because it needs to show others how they can see you in reality. You are used to your flipped image, so - if you don't have perfectly symmetrical face, which no body really has - image on the screen during meeting will be strange and you may look ugly to yourself. There is no point in comparing that, because everyone except you see and are used to your not-flipped image as you are used to your flipped image. If you like yourself in the mirror - that's enough. If you look strange on a photo, just check it's reflection in a mirror and it will be much better.

[Raychel]

It deeply trouble me to hear of these stories.
I am one of those miad's, makes it real scary to step outside.
I have driven dressed a few times, and even that can be scary
a simple bathroom stop can be super scary.

[Nyla F]

Normal reaction I fear - the brain is wired to detect things that are different but that is not the same as judging someone else (when you processed what you saw you were able to say bravo which is how I hope people react to me when I am clocked)

Bridget, the brain wiring explanation makes the most sense. It is a survival instinct. The way we perceive the world is largely about matching patterns and expectations, so that anything unusual stands out.


There is a well known issue known as the uncanny valley, in which we feel very uneasy about what we are seeing.

I ran into this all the time when I'd male fail. Present male but had too many feminine elements in my presentation so I fell into the uncanny valley.

It is much easier to present female and stay out of the uncanny valley. Even when my ID, like being in a doctor's office, doesn't match my female presentation

Marion, uncanny is the perfect word for for this.


... It is interesting you referred to the person as they. That is a tough call without asking about pronouns in your case.

Sandi, I figured that using "they" was the safe thing to do when unsure of pronouns. Don't you you think?


It deeply trouble me to hear of these stories.
I am one of those miad's, makes it real scary to step outside.
I have driven dressed a few times, and even that can be scary
a simple bathroom stop can be super scary.

Hi Raychel, it is good to meet another MIAD on this forum! I wonder if it might be a small amount of comfort to know that people's initial reaction to seeing a MIAD is mostly instinctive and one that some of us crossdressers might even experience. And this would also explain stares as people try to understand what they see, even if they don't want to be rude. I suppose what happens after that is what matters. In my case I tried to act normal and continue on my way.

[alwayshave]

Nyla, I was out to dinner with my wife. We are sitting in the front window when a MIAD walks by. My wife's reaction is, "couldn't she even try." My wife is very supporting, but she does react to a MIAD.

[Raychel]

I suppose it is a knee jerk reaction to people when they see a miad.
I am sure it would be shocking for anyone to see.
I understand that. But for those few of us that do prefer to dress that way, it
still make it very uncomfortable to go out.

But I am sure that is the way it will be unless someday it becomes commonplace enough
that people no longer react in such a fashion.

That would take a lot of exposure to the world.
I suspect that would never happen.

[DianeT]

A MIAD is actually the real crossdresser by etymological definition, since he is just wearing the clothes of the other gender, and not additionally trying to imitate it with forms, makeup, mannerisms etc. As I see it, it is probably the less transgender form of CDing, at least in outward appearance.
My wife doesn't want me to be a woman, but is okay if I dress like one (with some boundaries).
So I MIAD with my wife, and disguise myself as a woman when alone. I enjoy both, the MIAD for being able to interact with her while dressed and the disguise for the experience.
I took pictures of myself while in MIAD with my beard and my glasses, and there's nothing shocking or really worth noticing. It's just clothes. I would probably be more unsettled if I put a makeup, forms or wigs and keep my beard and these clothes. But without these props, hey, it's just me. If I ever wanted to go out one day, I suppose I would be much more comfortable to do so as a MIAD than presenting as a female, because since I don't identify as woman, only the first presentation would be my real self.

[Raychel]

Well I guess I blur the line even more.
I dress with Forms and body shapers.
But no makeup or wig. It would be confusing as can be
for someone outside the LGBTQIA+ spectrum.

And with some people so nonaccepting, Well it can be scary

[DianeT]

Then you are a little further along the transgender scale as I see it. What you are doing is still close to my definition of MIAD (MIADF?), since you are not trying to pass as a woman. I would still identify you as a MIAD if you wore some makeup. Not sure where I'd stop. Heavy makeup? A wig? Maybe. We're a spectrum. Labels are fun but they can only take us as far. To be honest I thought about wearing forms too in MIAD mode, hips in particular, but in my eyes it wouldn't be just the clothes anymore, and I like to explore this feeling of "just wearing my clothes" rather than trying to present as a woman. I guess your view is different? That you still consider them "your clothes", even with forms?

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

I'm curious. If you see someone who is obviously a man, and not trying to look like a woman, but wearing a dress, why do so many of you refer to him as "her"? Why can't he be a MAN in a dress?

[Raychel]

I can only speak for myself.
But I would prefer to be referred to as him.
Everyone has their own prefered terms though.
So what I think is probably different then others.

[Bea_]

If I ever get out, I'd be like the guy you saw. I understand your reaction but in the few MIAD's I've seen in the wild have not had that reaction for myself. I'm always curious about the person who is in the dress. I also am curious about the reaction he's getting from others. I like being a dude and use only dude pronouns.

I like femme clothes, shoes, underthings and accessories and even wear light makeup even in full male mode. I stick with my male physique, just wishing I had my younger fit physique and not a feminine figure. My style is more casual . comfortable and maybe a little bohemian. I've been slowly experimenting to see what I can become comfortable with but also have to consider my wife's comfort. I expect I'd probably be more likely to be open if I didn't take her apprehension into account.

My would-be style has been described as freestyle and that fits. I find that i enjoy being my own stylist and that's kinda the extent of my dressing.

[Natalie5004]

This weekend in SLO, CA. I saw one of us around the downtown area. Broad daylight around 4pm Saturday . She is a tall girl. She was not scared but walked like she belonged there. She was about 5 steps in front of us, my wife did not notice but I did because I always look at women. She doesn't.

Miss if you are here please say hello.

[Jane G]

It's something that I hope we can all get the handle on. The first time I saw a MAID out in public I recall that I had to consciously accept what I was seeing. Happily I have seen several in recent years and my brain now just moves on to the next person, after a inward smile.

[Di]

Interesting post reflecting on why you reacted that way.
When we of all people want acceptance in our life.
Mod hat on
Please keep the discussion to why ect
And Not
Going against this rule
[QUOTE][/Ridiculing members/non-members, or the manner in which they express themselves. This includes any complaint about the way females, males, transgendered, or any other cross-section of the membership / non members dress, the way they express themselves QUOTE]

I will NOT Tolerate that for one second.

Thanks everyone for your effort.

[Heather76]

I've seen a couple guys cross dressed but without makeup or wigs and very obviously a MIAD. The 1st one I saw made me think he should either dress all the way or not at all. The clothes he was wearing simply looked really bad on him. The 2nd MIAD I saw was wearing something flattering even though there was no pretense to pass. It simply looked nice on him. I suspect they both have a lot more confidence than I have as I could never do that. While I know I don't pass, if I can blend, that is good enough for me.

[Nyla F]

I'm curious. If you see someone who is obviously a man, and not trying to look like a woman, but wearing a dress, why do so many of you refer to him as "her"? Why can't he be a MAN in a dress?

This problem of mislabeling someone is why is put "man in a dress" in quotes and used neutral they/them pronouns.
However in the context of this forum, we often err on the side of using female pronouns with each other, so doing so in describing a MIAD is understandable.
But also since "man" is part of MIAD, and there is an underlying assumption that this person is not trying to downplay their male characteristics, in my opinion male pronouns in this situation are also acceptable. After all, me and some others who might be seen as a MIAD identify as male.

Most importantly, we want to be respectful of others. And I would give people here the benefit of the doubt and assume positive intent when it comes to pronoun usage.

[prettytoes]

You are not alone. I feel exactly the same way. If I go out, it's only around our 2 acre property. I dress because I like the look and feel of women's clothes. There's no way I'd ever pass as a woman, nor do I try to. Wearing a skirt or dress seems to have a calming effect for me, and my best sleep is when I'm wearing a silky nighty. I stopped trying to understand it and just do what makes me feel good. My legs and pits are always smooth as well as polished toenails. I've had a few instances of foot doctor appointments with polished toes...the nurse loved it and complimented me (it was just after I got my holiday pedi) and the doctor didn't say a word.

[Jade P]

I have not seen a MIAD out in public. I did notice a man shopping for cosmetics as I was out shopping with my family. I did not stare but I was happy to see him doing what I do. One time I was shopping for cosmetics and a woman shopper seemed indignant that I was doing that. Another time a lady in sales acted offended while I was buying pantyhose from her. They were both jerks!! If I were to dress as a woman in public I would try to look as feminine as I could. One thing is I hate the feel of wigs, Hopefully I would still look like a woman with a short haircut. I think its great for those that like presenting as a MIAD but I feel I would want to be seen as a woman, gender fluid person or as a crossdresser.

[Bea_]

Part of Carl Jung's theory of personality is that the things people do that make us react strongly is part of our "shadow". It's the part of ourselves that we want to distance ourselves from. If one cannot come to accept a personality trait or behavior in others, we cannot truly accept that part of ourselves. I've found that to pan out in my own life.

The reaction is not about the MIAD one sees, but that part of ourselves that fears an association to that person. I'd guess, the stronger the reaction, the stronger the fear of others associating us with that person.

[Nyla F]

Part of Carl Jung's theory of personality is that the things people do that make us react strongly is part of our "shadow". It's the part of ourselves that we want to distance ourselves from....

Thank you Bea, this is right on point. How do we react, especially in ways that are strongly counter to our own interests as crossdressers. My theory is that we are a product of our environment in ways that we would rather not admit, and that can surprise ourselves. And to your point, would we want to be associated with someone like ourselves?

[Steph70kk]

I have not seen a MIAD out in public. I did notice a man shopping for cosmetics as I was out shopping with my family. I did not stare but I was happy to see him doing what I do. One time I was shopping for cosmetics and a woman shopper seemed indignant that I was doing that. Another time a lady in sales acted offended while I was buying pantyhose from her. They were both jerks!! If I were to dress as a woman in public I would try to look as feminine as I could. One thing is I hate the feel of wigs, Hopefully I would still look like a woman with a short haircut. I think it?s great for those that like presenting as a MIAD but I feel I would want to be seen as a woman, gender fluid person or as a crossdresser.

What is the difference between a MIAD, a genderfluid person and a cross dresser? Maybe it?s the beard and the wig 😆 I am a man wearing dresses, I'm not trying to pass (no beard, no wig, light make up, nail polish). I think some will see me as a MIAD, some as a crossdresser. I feel that I?m genderfluid.

I am conscious that I will make others uncomfortable with the way I present, especially if it?s the first time they see a MIAD. I know it takes a lot of courage to go out in a dress (presenting as a man, a woman or something in between). Acceptance will come with time. The more people are used to seeing a MIAD, the more it will feel normal to society.

[chrissy111]

I feel that for one to get respect we need to give it. How can I expect to be treated fairly if I"m not willing to respond in kind.

[danniUK]

There is a well known issue known as the uncanny valley, in which we feel very uneasy about what we are seeing.

I ran into this all the time when I'd male fail. Present male but had too many feminine elements in my presentation so I fell into the uncanny valley.

It is much easier to present female and stay out of the uncanny valley. Even when my ID, like being in a doctor's office, doesn't match my female presentation

I'm in absolute envy of you, Marion!

[Meg]

This past weekend I saw a MIAD. He was not by any means presenting fem. He was with a larger group, apparently on business at a hotel. It was a large man wearing a long spaghetti strap dress. The gentleman I was with made a semi-derogatory comment, not to the MIAD, but to me. I was able to explain it is just clothes and he was not hurting anyone. Now the confession, I too was at first taken back by his presentation. But in nano-seconds, I realized how I was thinking and processed. The strange thing was I had the initial internal reaction, even though I traveled to Florida from Wisconsin this spring, while wearing a denim skirt and hose. I was not presenting as female during this trip and yet I was guilty of the same initial thought last weekend. I am starting to see that the hard wiring in our brains can be hard to override. Meg

[Bea_]

Since I'm a MIAD, I want to add another thought that other comments have brought to mind.

What I see is that our reactions to someone like the OP described is, to a great degree, just the fact that certain presentations have not been normalized into our experience. It makes me think of the sixties and seventies when long hair on men became a thing. The early adopters, the first ones through the gate, were totally ostracized in polite culture. I remember my dad's reaction back in those days and see a strong similarity to what many of us here experience. Now, as a gray haired guy with almost waist length hair, I get compliments on a regular basis and am never treated the least bit negatively. In the decades before the mid-sixties, long hair was a "woman" thing.

[Rhonda Jean]

I have two different reactions on two different levels. I saw a guy very recently with his (presumably) wife and kid. I don't like the look, so that was my first reaction. But on another level I see a guy who is so unafraid and who at least appears to be unapologetically authentic, all the time, everywhere, with everybody. Looked like his family just accepted it as normal. I have to assume that he dresses the same way when he visits his parents, his in-laws, at work, and everywhere. I am envious of that. I've done the MIA_ thing many times, just not dresses or skirts. Makeup, heels, leggings, long nails, nail polish, and every hairstyle imaginable with my own hair. For some reason I cant explain, I draw the line at skirts and dresses. I suspect he might draw the line at the same place, just from the other side of the line. I was in total male mode when I saw this guy and I wondered if I had not been, would he be as accepting of me. I wondered what I would look like from his side of the line.

Back when my hair was mid back I used to go to a hair salon that was next door to a tattoo studio. On this particular day I had my hair flat ironed and wore it down over one side of my face. Not wildly fem, but fem. I don't remember what I was wearing but I was definitely not fully crossdressed. Given the scenario I was probably in something like skinny jeans and a loose top. No makeup or boobs for sure. Two guys from the tattoo studio saw me walk in. Afterward I went to a fast food place nearby and the guys from the tattoo studio where also there in line. Big guys, twice my size. Multiple big earrings and other piercings, lots of tattoos, one had kind of a mohawk with shaved sides. When I walked in they both gave me that look and started whispering and laughing, obviously at me. I was no more outside the mainstream than they were, just on a different side of the mainstream.

Seems to me that those of us who fall somewhere outside the mainstream regardless of what side should be less judgmental, and that includes me. I am a work in progress, but I am making progress. That doesn't mean that we can't have strong opinions. I've given a lot of people a lot to react to over the last 50+ years and with very few exceptions they've cut me a lot of slack and I'm grateful for that. I'm sure the guy I saw recently does not care one bit what I think, which is part of what's cool about what he was doing, so if I react less or better than I once would have he'll never know or care, but I'll be a better person for ME if I temper my reaction.

[JohnH]

I'm pretty sure I'm nor read as a MIAD when I wear a dress out in public, not when a woman calls out, "Is that you, Connie?".
When I wear men's business casual I still get read as a woman. I get strange looks when I'm so attired when I enter a men's restroom. And while wearing men's business casual waiting for my wife to use a women's restroom some woman walked up and asked me if I was waiting to use the restroom.

John

[Raychel]

I am conscious that I will make others uncomfortable with the way I present, especially if it?s the first time they see a MIAD. I know it takes a lot of courage to go out in a dress (presenting as a man, a woman or something in between). Acceptance will come with time. The more people are used to seeing a MIAD, the more it will feel normal to society.


I think Steph nailed it pretty well with this comment.
The more we have the courage to step out, the more it will be generally accepted.
If people become accustomed to seeing men out in dresses. Someday it will be
just commonplace and everyday life.

[frax24]

Your feeling and reaction to this is valid, I would do the same.
But if I?m going out, I?m dressing the part completely.

[Sandi Beech]

Funny thing, I am on a business trip this week and I wanted to go out dressed up in the morning before work yesterday but did not have time for makeup etc. I went to a McDonald?s, and I went inside to eat. I was dressed fully female from neck down. No one said anything at all. The odd thing is I have been out many times in full female attire, but I sensed I was a lot more nervous about going out in hybrid mode. Still there was a bit of a thrill about it. I think I actually like shocking people sometimes. I am different for sure.

I am headed out tonight but will be in fully fem attire.

Sandi

[TamT]

I am conscious that I will make others uncomfortable with the way I present, especially if it?s the first time they see a MIAD.
As I cannot dress at home (SO hates CDing), I started going to work dressed, but in a way that I could be ignored, in order to not make others feel uncomfortable. So, just jeans, simple blouses or sweaters.

At some point I wanted to use more colorful or feminine clothes that I have, so I had to talk to the boss. He said that he never noticed me being a MIAD (or MIAWO for Women Outfit, if that exists), and he allowed me to use whatever I want, but he also said that I should not take in count what others think, just me being comfortable with myself... that is the limit... but no skirts!!! I think that this last statement is because I still present myself as a man and I could look weird, and that might others feel uncomfortable.

I just posted an update in another thread where I also went MIAD to a trip abroad. During the event, nobody cares how I was dressed even when it was more femenine than usual. At the end I travelled back to home fully dressed (makeup, wig and a dress).

[Sometimes Steffi]

Afterward I went to a fast food place nearby and the guys from the tattoo studio where also there in line. Big guys, twice my size. Multiple big earrings and other piercings, lots of tattoos, one had kind of a mohawk with shaved sides. When I walked in they both gave me that look and started whispering and laughing, obviously at me. I was no more outside the mainstream than they were, just on a different side of the mainstream.

I'm a Vince Lombardi kind or guy, "The best defense is a good offense."

I wouldn't even think about messing with big guys twice my size. But, if they were big guys my size, I might consider messing with them back. Like talking to the person behind me in line, and saying something like, "Can you believe those guys? Look at all those big earrings and other piercings, lots tattoos, and get a load of that Mohawk." Or open up my phone and facetime someone.

OK, I wouldn't do it unless there were 9 very big friends with me. But, it's nice to dream.

[IwishIwasTracy]

I am someone who has gone out as a MIAD, and I liked it. I can never pass as a woman, so why try? I felt free to finally be out in the world being me. If you see me stop and say hello, tell me you like my dress, or give me smile. MIAD's will do more for us to showing the world crossdressing is ok and crossdressers are just people.

Tracy

[Meg]

Yes Tracy, I agree. That is why I traveled south in a denim skirt and hose last spring. I just wore a Polo shirt with the skirt. Illinois and Indiana didn't bother me. But as I traveled through Georgia and Alabama I was wondering what kind of situation I might encounter. ( I know I am stereotyping ) I shopped at a Walmart in Florida, a Target and MacDonalds in Alabama and bought gas in Indiana and Tennessee. I checked into my motels dressed the same way. I wanted people to see that they are just clothes. And I learned that driving in a skirt is a lot more comfortable than wearing pants or shorts. More men should try it. No binding and my boi bits could breath. I will do it again next spring. Hopefully we can become main stream someday soon. Meg

[Sometimes Steffi]

I'm not as brave as you.

It was about 50 years ago that my GF (now wife) and I decided to drive from St. Louis to New Orleans. We normally drove in shifts then, and we always have. I agreed to go on one condition. She would drive through Mississippi. If we got stopped by police while she was driving, she could always "talk southern" to them. After all, the was a southern girl. I'm from New England, and back then had a very obvious Boston accent. I would be "made" as soon as I opened my mouth. I had read about the 1964 events where white northerners went to Mississippi went south to register black voters. These events led to the 1988 movie Mississippi Burning.

A Yankee and a southerner could get married without much problem, but couldn't travel safely in Mississippi. When I say "without much problem", both of our dads did have problems. My mom straightened out my dad by explaining to him that he could either gain a daughter or lose a son. Her mom had a similar talk with her dad.

[Geena75]

Honestly, MIAD is just not for me at all. Mind you, if someone wants to do so, that's fine. If I dress up I want to look feminine. Last winter I took some frames of myself dressed with a week's facial hair growth intending to use faceapp to clean things up, but never did. I can hardly bear to look at them.

[Raychel]

I am someone who has gone out as a MIAD, and I liked it. I can never pass as a woman, so why try? I felt free to finally be out in the world being me. If you see me stop and say hello, tell me you like my dress, or give me smile. MIAD's will do more for us to showing the world crossdressing is ok and crossdressers are just people.

Tracy

Tracy,
This is a great way to think, I wish I had more guts to go out dressed more othen.
On the rare occasions I do go out, I will hide in the cover of my vehicle.
Plan the restroom breaks. and be sure I am not seen by the outside world if possible.

My hats off to you. :hugs:

[IwishIwasTracy]

Today's MIADS moment. I found myself walking along a beach on Lake Michigan wearing one of my dresses. Stopped and had a conversation with a woman like it was nothing at all. Then it was off to Lane Bryant for some shopping. Please join me in the world of MIADS.

TRACY

[Georgina]

There seems to be a crossdressing rule book that I have not yet found. I wear women's clothes because I like them and prefer them to men's clothing. I will not accept that I should have a label. Wearing women's clothes is what you want to make of it and not what others think. So called MIADs are truly out of the closet. Those that wish to blend in with the people are still closeted and not truly free.

[CDJessica4U]

I think someone put it best earlier in the thread - changing gender VS challenging gender (which seems to be the thing now). I've seen some MIAD's that were just downright gorgeous and didn't need a wig or makeup. But I've also seen the opposite. Like most, my wife doesn't seem to notice the ones that "changed gender", but does notice the "challenging gender" ones.

[JohnH]

There is a well known issue known as the uncanny valley, in which we feel very uneasy about what we are seeing.

I ran into this all the time when I'd male fail. Present male but had too many feminine elements in my presentation so I fell into the uncanny valley.

It is much easier to present female and stay out of the uncanny valley. Even when my ID, like being in a doctor's office, doesn't match my female presentation

Since I routinely present en femme my relations with the public has improved tremendously. So when I presented en homme there might have been an uncanny valley effect. So maybe that's why I don't get a MIAD response. The interesting thing is my masculine bass voice doesn't bother anyone.

So some of us such as Marion and myself actually do better presenting en femme instead of en homme.

John

[Stephanie47]

I've never encountered a MIAD as you described. At my age I'd say "I've seen it all." I doubt it would turn my head for a second look. If the person had good hygiene and the attire was tasteful, OK! Me? I do my best to emulate a woman, so I would not go out unless at least clean shaven (no beard shine, here) and with a wig.

[Sometimes Steffi]

There seems to be a crossdressing rule book that I have not yet found.

Have you checked Amazon? LOL. They claim to sell everything ever published.

Or ask Mr. Google (https://www.google.com/search?q=the+crossdressing+rulebook&rlz=1C1CHBD_enUS895US895&oq=the+crossdressing+rulebook&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUyBggAEEUYOTIHCAEQIRiPAtIBCjE5Mj I2ajBqMTWoAgiwAgE&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8)