Answering the Why question

[Jenn A116]

I see many of us struggle with the why of our CDing. As in why do I do it? And how do I answer why when asked by somebody else?

After many, many years of contemplation I decided that a perfectly good answer to the Why question is "Because I enjoy it".

How about you?

[Keremy]

Preach it sister.

[CynthiaD]

I don't know why I crossdress. But when I do I feel correct. Male clothing makes me feel incorrect. I wear male clothing occasionally because I have obligations that require it. I wear female clothing because it's just my clothes.

I have speculated however. The men in my life were weak. Drunks, skirt chasers and so on. The women in my life were intelligent and strong, and held the families together. It is natural to admire strength and be drawn to it. Perhaps that’s part of the reason.

Perhaps it is genetics. I've heard speeches by anti-trans people that start off, "If you are XY you're male. If you're XX you're female. . . ." This is not true. There are XX males and XY females. There are individuals who are XXY. They are usually male. Genetically they are both male and female. There are individuals with a single X and no second chromosome. They are female but genetically they are neither male nor female. Many other variations are possible. In all of this genetic diversity, isn't it possible that there are females who are born with male body parts? Just idle speculation.

[Kayy]

"Because I enjoy it".

Same for me!

[Raychel]

I have tried to answer this very question several times.
I always come up with a long answer somehow.
It usually turns into a whole conversation

I like the feeling of the clothes, it relaxes me. It gives me time to escape from the world
like a mini vacation for me. ect. ect. ect
I always tell the truth, But I have to say
that is the best answer I have heard.

"Because I like it"

[Geena75]

Why do I keep doing it? For me it's because it is interesting, exciting, and fun. Why did I start doing it? That would be a long discussion and I'm not sure there is a definite answer. Besides, if there was it might mean I could stop.

[NancySue]

I?m in Cynthia?s boat. I believe it?s genetics. Early in the womb, we?re both x and y, until at some point it?s one or the other. Could it be maybe a x or part of one snuck in? I don?t know. All I know is the PF has been with me since age 4, when, out of curiosity, I slipped on my first pair of nylons. Oh the rush, which is still here and enjoyed. Comfort, too. I?m retired with a supportive wife. Life?s too short. It?s lingerie daily. I stopped wondering why. All I know it?s here. Might as well enjoy it, which I do.

[docrobbysherry]

I do it, "Because I can!":tongueout

[Jennifer_Ph]

Because mens clothe and shoes are boooooooorrrrrriiiiiinnnnggg!

[chrissy111]

Doc, best answer ever.

[Marketa]

For me it's because it helps me fight depression. Something like natural anti-depressives but without side effects, except my slim bank account.

But last Friday another reason popped-up. Standing on concrete bus stop in the afternoon in who-knows-what heat in my linen trousers I couldn't wait to be home and change to skirt. It was a breath of fresh air (pun intended) when I finally changed to a skirt and a crop top.

In men's clothes it's so hot when you don't want to wear a tank top and shorts but to look a bit elegant.

[PaulaJeanette]

When my wife posed the question, my response was that I feel relaxed when wearing women's lingerie, specifically panties and a bra. She has somewhat gotten accustomed to my wearing panties as "they are similar to briefs"...her words. Unfortunately, my wearing a bra is still a work in progress. Last November, while she shopped at an outlet, she found me looking at bras and asked "what are you doing?" My response surprised her and MYSELF when I answered "I want to wear a bra." She has stated seeing me wearing a bra would ruin her image of me as her spouse. Consequently, I've tried to keep the peace by honoring her request to not let her see me wearing a bra.

Ultimately, the consensus for WHY is also I like it...A LOT!!! Enjoy yourselves ladies!!!

[Joanne Curl]

Like most of us, I ask myself this question all the time. The truth is, I dress as Joanne (when I can) because I like to. I wish I had reasons that I can could explain it but as much as I’ve tried it just comes down to I dress because I like to and it just feels right and I feel like “me” when I do.

[Fiona_44]

I live as Fiona because it allows me to express the feminine side of my personality which turned out to be more more prominent that I ever knew.

[Bea_]

I always felt generic and often invisible as a regular dude. Once I'd seen myself in various femme items and outfits, i didn't feel generic or invisible. I'm still a dude, and present as a dude, but I don't think anyone would consider me to be generic.

[Brenda Freeman]

I do enjoy it, actually love it. I also love how I look dressed just as I like how women look. I am so glad I started to dress as I am much happier too!

[siva]

I like it and I enjoy it when dressed up

[DianeT]

When I dress nicely as a man I feel good. But when I dress nicely as a woman I feel fantastic. There is a wow factor that isn't there in male mode. I suppose that as a heterosexual male I am more sensitive to the feminine wow factor than the male one. Then there are other factors like taboo breaking and fetish, but when I casually think about crossdressing, for example during a discussion with my wife about it, the thing that immediately comes to mind is that I'll look and feel great.

[krissy]

I had to come to terms with it I'm 66 i know I'm not going to quit. when i wear my clothes i9 feel complete , happy,it just feels right .but i have a wife of 43 years and she cant stand this part of me .i get confused with her she used to be with women in long relationships but with me she wanted a strong man. i play the part but i just cant wait to just lose my self in silk and makeup and oh yeah perfume .you know sometimes i wish i could share this part of myself with her i feel im not able to share this part of myself. its an important part of me. sometimes it screams let me out we tried kissing once while i was dressed it was the most wonderful kiss i ever had in my life our lips slid around because of the lipstick but that was too much for her so never again just enjoy you be resoectful have fun:)

[kayegirl]

Well if you find a better reason, please let us know. In the meantime I'll stick with Doc, Because I can.

[SophiaRose]

I have no doubt that our biology predisposes us to CDing. Maybe in 20 years we'll be able to link the neuro to the phyche but for now I'm content just really enjoying both the process of trying to achieve my version of a female persona, and being that person.

What's also very interesting to me is what fuels it so strongly? For those of us that started in adolescence I believe our developing sexuality had a lot to do with our desire to explore this.

What fuels it today, 45 yrs later, is something different. I love the look and feel of the clothing but also love transforming into the side of me locked away from social norms. Thankfully the excitement of dressing and enjoyment I get from it has never worn off. Full steam ahead!

Ultimately, I think the "why" is a moving target, continually evolving, and if you embrace this and are one to enjoy the journey then life can be sooo much more fun.

[Leslie Langford]

If someone were to ask me, my stock reply would be "I really don't know. All I know is that I didn't choose to be a crossdresser - it chose me..."

[GraceH]

I agree with about everything others have said, but I'm intrigued by the genetics question. In 2020 oldest brother died from COVID complications, and about a year later my daughter got married. My niece attended, as did my son. For whatever reason, my son decided to wear a dress to the pre-wedding social get-together-- He maintained that he often does (I never saw that while he was growing up, and he never saw me dressed). So, was that a genetic predisposition coming out? My niece saw him in a dress and became emotional and confided in my wife that when she was around 10 years old, she found her dad's (my oldest brother's) stash of women's clothes. I had no idea he crossdressed either; my niece had a bad experience with that, as when she told her mom, her mom was apparently blindsided and felt betrayed. Sounds strongly like there are genetics at play.

[CharlotteCD]

Had this exactly thread a few weeks ago. Same answers every time.

We don't know. We just do because it's a positive thing for us somehow.

[Sometimes Steffi]

One of the operative theories is a hormone imbalance in utero. Since the gonads develop in the 1st trimester and the brain in the second trimester, excess estrogen in the second trimester can feminize a male baby's brain. I like to call this "estrogen poisoning". Easy now girls; it's intended as a light-heated joke. Could the mom have a genetic defect that predisposes "estrogen poisoning" in multiple sons? I'll leave that question to real scientists.

But, I have a genetic defect called "mosaicking". I underwent genetic testing in my 20s, because we were unable to conceive baby #2. It turns out that out of 50 samples, 48 were XY, two were XXY (Klinefelter syndrome). They didn't teach me about mosaicking in 10th grade biology.

BTW, we never had baby #2. We did have 4 confirmed miscarriages in the first or early second trimester (and maybe a few unconfirmed early 1st trimester miscarriages.).

[Debbie Denier]

I like how it feels and I enjoy it.

[kitten kaboodle]

Ah, such a big question that could be asked about so many subjects including why does our culture put up such strong norms on how masculine or feminine is perceived. Cross dressing is a beautiful way to rebel and push at the envelope of my human awareness. To look in a mirror and laugh with joy

[michelleddg]

Baby, I was born this way. It's in my DNA.

Hugs, Michelle

[Christina89]

Because I feel free at times from reality. No stress about work or life when I become Christina for a bit.

[alwayshave]

Because I always have. I can't remember a point in my life where I wasn't compelled to dress.

[Stephanie47]

I doubt if there is any solid scientific reason for my need to wear women's clothing. My former PTSD counselor is of the opinion that each man and woman has some DNA in his or her genetic makeup of the opposite sex; in some it is more than in others. Perhaps, that covers the entire range of sexual identity/sexual orientation; 100% gay/lesbian to 100% straight and in between. I suspect there are many who suppress feelings other than those prescribed by societal norms and expectations.

Me? As a single digit kid I had no need for girls. I had no sisters or female cousins and no female playmates. It was sports, sports and more sports and playing cowboys and Indians. I did my best to get in trouble with the school principal and my parents. My butt was reddened frequently. I did like the feel of my mother's nylon slips and would fondle them and eventually don them. I had no desire to be a girl or emulate a girl. My raging hormones came into play I had the normal boys urges and lusted after unobtainable starlets (Oh, Annette Funicello, my heart sang) and neighborhood teens and the occasional knockout teacher. Why was I draw to wearing women's attire? Not a clue. There were times in my life when there was zero interest in women's clothing. Those times were when male hormones probably were flooding my being; combat infantryman in Nam trying to stay alive. Also, when dating and marrying wife. Then, poof! There, it surfaced again. Go figure!

Personally, although I find dresses and frilly undergarments pretty and sensual, I cannot say that is the reason for doing what I do. It makes no sense to me that a boy or man who incur the negativity of society just because it felt good, especially when considering I am a child/teen of the 1960's.

[Misty_cder]

"Because I enjoy it"

Well said Jenn. And like others have said, dressing calms me. I'm also very lucky to be in a relationship with a wonderful wife who accepts my dressing which makes it even more enjoyable.

[Hannah878]

Because mens clothe and shoes are boooooooorrrrrriiiiiinnnnggg!

This is so true!

[JesseVF]

I agree with what I?ve heard about the genetics and that ?something happened? in utero at about 6 weeks. Otherwise why would so many of us start at such a ridiculously early age? I actually have a couple other unusual physical conditions that were that I won?t get into, but they were medically explained with the same something happened way, so guess I tend to believe that theory even more.

I?ve only had to answer the why question from my wife. One thing that made sense to her when asking why would I choose to wear uncomfortable garments (bras etc) is that I told her that it?s not that they?re so comfortable, but they are always very comforting to me.

[Larissa Cassandra]

I also think it must be something genetic and/or an imbalance in sex hormones during fetal development. And in my case there were a lot of experiences during my childhood that contributed. But I was in an all-male household during puberty, with a macho father who continually instilled strong masculine values into my brother and me. I can't say that I'd have turned out any differently if my mother had been around, but if she had been, and I had tried on her clothes or makeup during those years (and maybe been caught by her), I might have realized much earlier that I have a very strong feminine side. But that was many years ago, and I would still have had to hide my crossdressing, unless the feelings were able to get much stronger and I became one of the pioneers in the trans world. But that didn't happen, and now I still don't know for sure why I am the way I am, but it's comforting to know that I'm not alone. Whatever caused me to prefer all things feminine, I've accepted it and feel good about my true self. I'm just sorry I wasn't born later, since now the young people are much bolder in their gender expression. For those of us who are a lot older, it would be very difficult and painful to come out to our friends and family, from whom we've been hiding all these years. Most of them just don't get it, and never will. Many say they're fine with gay and trans people, UNLESS it's somebody they know or are related to.....

[Lacey New]

I have been searching for the answer about ?why? for years. I have my own theory that probably applies to me and me alone. As a young teen, I started to notice girls and that they aroused me. When I would occasionally get a glimpse of panties ( girls wore skirts to school back then) I really enjoyed what I saw. Well, between my mother, sister and a common laundry hamper, one day when I was home alone, there was a pair of nylon brief panties sticking out of the hamper. Something told me to put them on and when I did, it was a tremendous erotic rush. I took care of business in short order feeling ashamed of myself and vowing to never do it again. It did not take long to break that vow. I was like a drug addict looking for the good feeling. It did not take long for me to figure out that I?d a pair of panties felt so good, perhaps adding a bra to the mix would make it even better. And it did. Quite possibly there is some biological reason for the good feeling, a release of dopamine or some such but clearly, it became an addiction for me. And now in my later years, the rush is no longer there but it is still all about pleasant feelings.

[Brynna M]

The short version is I like feeling pretty and put together.
I?m not sure this gets to the core of it but even though I?m not pretty I like how I look when I?m dressed in a way I never feel no matter how much I try to look good as a guy. Not that I hate my male self I just can?t imagine myself looking good as a guy

[ShelbyDawn]

Oh, I absolutely enjoy it. but it's more. There's a sense of rightness that goes with it. It has nothing to do with how I look. I know I'll never pass but that's not what maters to me. It's the way I feel when I'm dressed. Something about it centers me, makes me feel more myself.

[BethanyCross]

I can believe that there is a genetic predisposition towards being feminine but I think there can also be an environmental factor. I had a mother who grew up quite poor, consequently she learned to do everything she could to save money. I was the first son with an older sister. I theorize that she often had me wearing my sister's hand me downs as an infant and toddler and the attention and affection I received when in my sister's clothes made me like wearing them. I do remember I was occasionally sent to school in panties and was even given a girls swaeater being told it was a boys sweater.

[Meg]

I would like to have that answer. All I know is it brings peace to my soul. My late wife asked, I just told her that it started when I was quite young and it was so calming to come home from a demanding job in a hot, dirty environment, shower, shave and slip into something soft and sensuous. She understood. But there were restrictions. The compromise was panties, hose and sleep dresses. I felt lucky to have that much understanding. Meg

[Amelie]

I might have answered this before and maybe I am now contradicting what I previous said. I never asked why I look the way I do. Never cared to wonder why. My clothes can be anything, no specific gender style. The only thing that matters is how my face and hair looks. Rock band t-shirt, ripped jeans and army boots are fine with me as long as my face and hair look like I want them to be.

[Seek2B]

Followup question (if I may) from a GG:

This might be impossible to answer, but I'm curious if it would it still be interesting/exciting if there wasn't any taboo associated with it?

I'm wondering if one reason why women are less likely to secretly cross dress is because (nowadays) the world of traditionally "masculine" hairstyles/shoes/clothes are open to both genders--it's considered a style choice not crossdressing. Hopefully the same freedom will be available to men in the near future, but I also wonder if it would mean the loss of a special secret world/identity?

[audreyinalbany]

style choice may be one thing, but actually trying to present as female is another. Women wearing 'masculine' hairstyle/shows/clothes are not (necessarily) trying to present as male whereas for many of us for me, at least) its the female presentation...the hip padding, fake breasts, hair, make up. I don't know why but sometimes I just like to appear as a female

[KymG]

Mostly because I enjoy it, but partly because I have no choice. I couldnt be without this, its a part of me.
I wish it wasnt but ive come to accept it a bit more.
Luckily i have two supporting friends and i can discuss it when it gets me down.

But yes its mostly enjoyment.

Maybe we are the lucky ones?

[countrygirl]

I have tried for years to understand why I crossdresser. I have stopped trying to stop and figure out why. I know I am happy when I get to be Amanda, I can be not as depressed and frankly I think I look better when I get to be my female side.

[Seek2B]

style choice may be one thing, but actually trying to present as female is another. Women wearing 'masculine' hairstyle/shows/clothes are not (necessarily) trying to present as male whereas for many of us for me, at least) its the female presentation...the hip padding, fake breasts, hair, make up. I don't know why but sometimes I just like to appear as a female

Thanks for clarifying difference between style choice and female presentation. Do you feel like a different person when dressed (i.e., are you in touch with different feelings as a female, or do you leave behind certain burdens/expectations that are part of your life when presenting as male)?

[Jessica Secret]

I dress because romantic lingerie is very exciting, relaxing and arousing for me. I couldn't imagine not wearing it and my boyfriend loves it when I do.

[Jane G]

To be me.

[Sallee]

Thats the best answer I can come up with. Its FUN for me.

[Aaron Zwidling]

I am with the general consensus on this one. I have been doing it for fifty years now more or less and a lot of it comes down to simply enjoying it. For me I think it also comes down to in general liking women more than I like men. Not every man and woman of course, and both sexes have their stereotypical faults but if I am trapped on a desert island with a small group of people and the choices are all men or all women in the group then I definitely go with the all women group. Not just for the sexual attraction part either, but more because I find women (in general) more open minded and honest and less repressed than men.

To answer seek2B's question yes I think a little something could be lost if it wasn't somewhat taboo still.

[Monique65]

I gave up trying to figure out why years ago.

[Cassie2024]

The only thing I can say is that dressing is a manifestation of a significant part of my personality. One can argue the way my brain formed with hormonal secretions during gestation. I do not know. I do know when i was not dressing, i had a longing, a searching, ... i was missing something. Once I dress, i find what I was missing. i connect with me. I feel grounded. I do not have to dress 24/7 and I can go long periods of time without dressing, but eventually, i feel the same old longing. I now know exactly what I need to do to feel better.

[Angie G]

I also enjoy it and that I can
.:hugs:
Angie

[Jean O]

I enjoy the feminine side and dressing reinforces that. It give me a strong desire to continually improve my looks, movements and to be attractive to the opposite sex. (Whichever one applies)

[MarinaTwelve200]

Jane G--- And I do it to NOT be ME. CDing is a very interesting study.

[il.dso]

I've accepted that fact that I crossdress because I enjoy it, so profoundly.
What I now can't understand is why the URGE has so dramatically increased, almost to unbearable levels, at age 63...

[jjjjohanne]

Once I was out in public at a clothing store as a man in a dress. A woman and her granddaughter came upon me. The child may have been 5. She asked her grandmother why I was wearing a dress. Her grandmother said, "Because he likes to wear a dress. Don't you like to wear one?"

There are a lot of whys to answer:
* Why do I like women's clothes?
* Why do I prefer skirts and pantyhose over pants and sneakers?
* Why do I want to dress pretty in public more than I do at home?

I don't know.

[Georgia Rose]

Simple answer - I just enjoy it. I get a real buzz from putting on makeup, a nice dress, stocking, heels etc whether it is for 1 hour or many.

[DAVIDA]

I am, therefore, I do.:)

[Jenn A116]

Excellent phrasing Davida!

[missjoann49]

I started very young as I was an only child and my mother had always wanted a girl, That being said whenever my dad wasn't home she would dress me every chance that she got.
That being said it is just a way of life for me and I am happy with who I have become

[Mercedes]

I have never known why I like to dress in women’s clothes, nor have I spent time asking myself. I accepted that part of myself and feel fortunate that it did not cause me any emotional or personal issues.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Jenn, :hugs:, I am just a Str8 guy that has enjoied wearing ladies clothes 77 Years now, ?Orchid**O:daydreaming:O**

[Nikkilovesdresses]

I feel like there must something terribly wrong with the world, when wearing a skirt on a summer's day feels a million times better than wearing trousers, even shorts, and society is telling me that a man wearing a skirt is wrong.

Roman soldiers wore short skirts, beefy Scotsmen still wear skirts, even David Beckham occasionally wears skirts, yet still the taboo is there- if I wear a skirt in public I risk scorn, ridicule, possibly violence.

I hope when Musk rules Mars, he'll find it in his heart to implement an 'anything goes' dress code, because for all our incredible advances in technology, mankind still hasn't figured out that it really ought to be ok for a man to wear a skirt.

[Abbycd41]

I’ve thought about this for a while, and the best answers I have come up with is I enjoy it and I feel much less stressed when I am dressed.

[CDMargret]

I was at an event dressed to the nines when I got asked that very question. I popped right off with "I just love the clothing, how it feels and how sexy they are." Guess that's my why answer...

[Giselle(Oshawa)]

for me it's a compulsion that controls me