My first negative comment

[Sandi Beech]

I just got home from a trip to Denver and went out 6 nights in a row. One night, I used Uber to visit the Blush n Blu bar, which is lesbian owned. Unfortunately the Uber drop off point is at least 100 ft down the street from the bar. As I walked past some people on the street I heard one say f?ing weirdo. I just kept going and it did not bother me in the least. In a way, it is true as I was not dressed to blend at all. So yes I am kind of weird in a way. So what.

The reason it did not phase me in the least is this. I have been out enough and received so much positive feedback over the last 7 or so years, no negative comment can put a dent into my comfort zone. It just can?t be done. If that makes me weird, I happily accept the label ; )

Sandi

[DianeT]

Kudos for the spirit.
Sometimes easier said than done, but in similar circumstances I try to evaluate the value of a comment relatively to the value of its source. In this system a comment from an idiot doesn't deserve much attention. And like a famous Euclidian saying goes, what is asserted without reason can be dismissed without reason.

[kimdl93]

Great attitude, Sandi!

[Kris Burton]

Yours is a philosophy we should all adopt Sandi!

[Sandi Beech]

Thanks all, and by the way I did have a lot of fun. One young woman told me I was killing it as she put it. I am not sure I would go that far, but she and a friend wanted to engage in conversation with me.

I also got to go dancing at Tracks. I might post a picture when I get a chance.

Sandi

[Crissy 107]

Good for you Sandi! You are such a positive example for everyone here.

[char GG]

It's too back that some people feel emboldened to state their bully thoughts out loud, specifically so that their negativity is obvious.

Good for you to keep walking and not engage in such rude behavior.

[Debs]

just 1 comment after 7 years, do you not think thats bloody amazing !!!!, so in 7 years you been clocked once !!!!!!, lol Sandy I know you and Im sure it didnt break your heart.

[Sandi Beech]

Oh i am sure people have said things behind my back. This one just made sure I heard it, and I truly do not care. Besides, if some of these guys ever got to dance with the pretty women I have had the opportunity to dance with and get hugs from, they would likely be jealous, and I am not kidding. Haha. It has been a fun ride.

Sandi

[kimdl93]

Like you, I am sure that I am read whenever I am out in public, but I can?t think of a single rude comment in more than 14 years of going out. Fortunately, most people are mature enough to keep their thoughts to themselves. I rarely go out at night anymore, so perhaps I am not so likely to encounter obnoxious people.

[AmyJordan]

Hi Sandi your self confidence is amazing something like that would devastate me and is a major reason I'm so reluctant to go out in public, you have my deepest respect.

Amy x

[Sandi Beech]

Amy,

You just have to go to the right places, and you would be amazed at how uplifting a good night out can be. That is why I and many others here who venture out try to encourage others to do the same. You just have to trust me. It really can be that good.

Sandi

[docrobbysherry]

Kim, I find it to be the exact opposite! Going out to day time, vanilla venues is where I've gotten lot's of flack.:doh:

Whereas going out to clubs, bars, and LGBT friendly events is where I've found oodles of compliments, support and made many new friends!:thumbsup:

But, then again I believe Sandi and I enjoy root canal dentist visits more than dressing to blend!:thumbsdn:
Which u may prefer when you're out?

[TheHiddenMe]

Amy,

You just have to go to the right places, and you would be amazed at how uplifting a good night out can be. That is why I and many others here who venture out try to encourage others to do the same. You just have to trust me. It really can be that good.

Sandi

There are a ton of right places.

I've probably been out about a thousand times in the last 8 years. With the exception of maybe 10 times (at most), when I went to specific LGBT places (Pride, a bar) I have gone to absolutely vanilla places. Recently my GG friend Michelle heard a snide comment about me when we were out together, and that's the first I've had. OTOH, I've gotten lots of compliments.

I've always said someone may know it's a guy in a dress but they don't know it's ME in the dress--and I just want to make sure it's a pretty dress. I even came face to face with a player I coached four or five years ago, as he was the server at the restaurant I ate at. I don't think he figured out who I was.

Get dressed and get out the door if that is what people on this board want to do. Otherwise, you're letting other people run your life.

[NancySue]

Your strength and resolve is amazing. Way to go! Pox on the rude jerk. No surprise it?s water off a duck?s back. You?re kind of a role model for the rest of us. You are the farthest thing from weird..You?re yourself. 👏👏👍

[Helen_Highwater]

I've not been as fortunate as Sandi in how much time I've had out and about however I count myself as experienced as for the last 10 or more years I've spent a week enfemme 24/7 but unlike Sandi my adventures are more daytime out in muggle land.

In that time I have had a couple of times morons have deliberately misgendered me, referred to me as "mate" or "buddy". The only reaction they get from me is the sarcastic smile, you know, the one that says "up yours". And that the guy who buddies me, it was his business and he got no more from me.

The number of good interactions, complements on something I'm wearing, or conversations with SA's or fellow travellers on public transport, these outnumber those bad ones by a huge margin. I've been out from 9 in the morning returning home sometimes after midnight and never a bad word heard. I've had curious kids ask a parent, " Is that a man" I don't pass, but that's the innocence of youth and I'll forgive those. It goes with the turf.

For me, those who choose to seek to denigrate me with such petty comments reveal their own insecurity. It's they I feel somewhat sorry for in that they have such a bitter and twisted outlook on life. If perhaps they realised that it's nice to be nice, their lives might be the better for it.

[Sandi Beech]

Thanks again all,

Like Helen and Dee, my positive experiences far outweigh the negatives.

And for Dee, maybe what I should have said is there are some places to avoid, but not many. In this case I was walking down an urban street by myself late at night wearing a sexy outfit, for lack of better words. Most GGs would not likely be doing that, just like they would not be in remote areas by themselves late at night. Essentially I stuck out, but I did not know I would have to be dropped off some distance from the bar. In fact I had to pull out my phone and use GPS to see which way to walk. I had to walk back to the same pickup spot when leaving, but the others were gone by then. Anyhow it was still a good trip for me.

Sandi

[alwayshave]

I'm sorry about the comment Sandi. I'm glad you handled it like a boss.

[KymG]

In all these years thats all you have had, im pleased it didnt bother you at all. Id be mortified but would ignore the guy. Wass he with his mates? Hes probably covering up his own skeletons...

[Amelie]

I'm surprised in all your time going out that this was the first time a bad comment was made. When I use to go out I'd get bad comments almost every night. A few fights and a few objects thrown at me. And some of those rough nights came in what people call a safe area. The west village of NYC. The gay area of that time, might still be gay. But one can not fight the whole world. One just has to move on from hate and live the best they can. I sometimes think people didn't like me in general. A lot of the insults weren't trans related. Maybe being goth didn't make matters better. People can be nasty. Glad you handled it well.

Of note: I did a lot of walking and took the bus to go further away. That left me open to meeting the crazies more so than if I took a cab.