Nobody Cares.

[Genifer Teal]

I was out at a restaurant Monday and 7 foot tall guy walks in. Everybody turned their attention to him. They watched him sit down. you could tell people we're talking about him. after about 5 minutes, nobody cared. They went back about their own dinner. Maybe if they were leaving, they took one more look in his direction.

This isn't about height it's about standing out. That's how it compares to us being out in public. Sure, we're gonna stand out. We're Going to attract attention when we enter a room. Most people will quickly forgot and get on with whatever they were doing.

I share this for anyone hesitant to go out. It's not the big deal when you think it is. People really don't care so much.

[chrissy111]

I totally agree, when I first started going out I noticed that after a glance or two I was just another person in the crowd.

[RoseReve]

Hello, thanks for your interesting testimony.
I think it depends also on the way you are doing it. First time I went out I had a really "average girl walking the streets" kind of outlook. I had no difficulties at all.
The second time, I wanted to go to a party in my neighborhood, but I made the mistake to get there fully clothed for a party...It has been a very difficult experience, a lady even laughed at me in a very loud and offensive way, like a guy trying to get the attention of a girl in a bad manner...Very rude and inelegant. On this occasion I understood that for some people we are the lowest degree of humanity...After this, I always went to parties in a rather modest outlook, and put on my funnier clothing once into the safe place...!!!
A third time I went out fully dressed as a very elegant girl, it was a bit over the top, but I was with friends, and it was in a very LGBTQI friendly neighborhood...
So I would say, yes people mostly don't care, but it can also depend on the way you are dressed, the place your at or into, and the people around you.
Not being alone being IMO a #1 rule...And it's so much more fun !!!
All the best,
Rose

[Kris Burton]

Theses testimonies reflect exactly what I have found out too. If you dress to blend in all likelihood you won't even get a second glance. Recognize also that dressing to blend does not have to mean dressing "down" - there are many lovely styles that also can blend in with your surroundings. Blending with style is how I like to think of it. If you can go with friends all the better - safer and more fun!

[susann_gardener]

Great and true observation. However, I do not have any clothes that won't attract attention. Nothing casual. I'm sure my red metalic skirt, sheer blouse and 8" heals will get me made every time!

[kimdl93]

So true. I seldom get even a first glance, let alone a second thought.

[Fiona_44]

True Genifer. As long as you put a little effort into blending in (clothes, mannerisms, makeup), you rarely get a second glance.

[JohnH]

I find nobody notices me while wearing my dresses. Yesterday I went to a doctor's appointment while wearing a dress, and nobody gave me second glances.

John

[Stephanie47]

I think it depends a lot on your presentation; physical attributes and dressing appropriately for the venue and occasion. The seven foot tall guy will get a glance because he stands out, towering over others. I've seen a troupe of female basketball players arrive at the local mall. One can read their jersey tops they were a local collegiate basketball team. I think what a lot of us do not want to contend with is the viewer who has a problem and will not let it go and ruins the day.

[tbryant2k16]

Think it comes down to if your dressed in a way to attract attention or to blend in with other women. A 7' guy is going to standout more than a 5'6 guy. But in many ways I think back to that Jurassic Park scene where Dodson is trying to disguse himself. Then Nedrey yells 'we have Dodson here!!' And no one cared.

[alwayshave]

Some people care. I just don't care that they care.

[Helen_Highwater]

While not as extensive as some, my experience of outandabouting has taught me that if you dress like a woman of your age would wear to the venue you're in then that's half the battle. Certainly hip and bum padding, a decent wig, learning mannerisms, not walking like John Wayne is perhaps the biggie, all contribute to the picture you paint.

Folks are usually too busy with their own lives and usually pay scant attention to others around them. People make assumptions on the information they see. I've had a GG who was walking next to me as we exited a store comment about someone's car alarm going off. Only when I replied, not mastered the voice yet, do she do the double take and realise I wasn't female. Everything she'd seen up to then had told her otherwise.

So yes, as others have said, put that bit of effort into your presentation and it's surprising just how little folks around you will notice you.

[Andrea Renea]

Absolutely not a big deal.

The vast major of people never give a 2nd look.

The ones that do, as you said go back to what they were doing.

[Philippa Jane]

Jamie (alwayshave) now I get it.
I totally agree with your post.
I dress for me although I try to blend in. I am not about to look like everyone else in the room. Where is the fun in that?
Strangely enough, the only time I can recall someone really staring at me was when I had barely any makeup on and passing me as I went into a shopping mall.
You know how it is when someone does a double take and you spot them doing it.
Perhaps I walk around with blinkers on.

[siva]

I agree nobody cares. Everyone got their own lives and are busy.

[RoseReve]

Blending with style is how I like to think of it.

Blending with style is the best!!! That's what women do all their lives:) Except for some and on some occasions, but mostly the rest of the time! And it's so good to develop one's own style, one's elegance...Feels very rewarding to me, to understand how a single detail can change the general outlook...
I like it so much maybe because my wife has always done so, and she is my real teacher in these matters: she taught me (without her wanting it!) how to pick even the most simple and/or cheap cloth or accessory with the best of attentions...And it works. I hardly buy something unfitting nowadays, unless for size reasons.

Have a great fun you all!!!

Rose

[CarlaWestin]

I generally agree on the passing issue. And occasionally I dress to pass but most of the time I dress to pass right by.

[Genifer Teal]

My comment about my observation was not meant to be about passing or looking a certain way. I am speaking to those people who feel they are unable to go out because of a certain aspect of their look. Many of us will probably get noticed entering a place regardless of how good we may think our look is. I am suggesting that won't last for long. You may disrupt the moment as you walk in. But people will quickly go back about their own business and conversations. We are unlikely to be the focus of someone's attention the entire time we are there. So just because a certain something isn't right or can never be right or you're too tall or whatever you can still go out and be out. You just gotta get past the first five minutes.

[Sandi Beech]

Right Genifer, I do not dress to blend. I dress to be noticed, and even then it is the same. It is not enough to distract most people from whatever they have going on. You might get a couple of double takes, but that is generally it. Of course I have had a number of women approach me, but those have all been very positive experiences. I love it.

Sandi

[docrobbysherry]

Some people do care, Gen. And, I'm one!:devil:

When I go out shopping, to lunch, or any vanilla venue? I don't want or need the distraction my dressing causes wherever I go.:daydreaming:

The stares, fish eyes, guffaws, and comments all distract from my purpose(s) for going out. Whether they r real or imagined doesn't matter. And, then there's the curious or well meaning customers, servers, and SA's that must make conversation about my dressing. Not unpleasant but distractions none the less!:sad:|

I much prefer to be the old man that no one notices or chats with when I'm out and about doing my business. Rather than making it all about me!:battingeyelashes:

That being said, I equate "dressing to blend" with an audit by the IRS!:doh:

[NancySue]

I hear and to a large degree agree, but, definitely not around our conservative, religious, nosy town. There are lots of multiple generations of highly opinionated good old boys who would care and be very vocal, thus our being extremely careful.

[RoseReve]

You just gotta get past the first five minutes.
Pretty accurate reflexion IMO!

[Brynna M]

It?s not so much if strangers I don?t care about and will never see again care it?s the thought of confrontation or worse seeing someone I do care about is one of several reasons I don?t see myself going out?

[docrobbysherry]

Then, don't dress close to home. Problem solved, Brynna!:thumbsup:

[Genifer Teal]

Pretty accurate reflexion IMO!

This is why I enter the room proud with my head held high like i'm saying I belong here too. I kind of walk in like I own the place but not really not that cocky. Just with an air of confidence, which isn't necessarily real as long as it looks the part.
My point is to establish that I belong here too. I don't wanna walk in timid like a scared cat or whatever and the first person that comes near me makes me run for the door. I just want it all to be kind of normal. Like saying I'm here now. Treat me like anyone else . Since we've established, I have everyone's attention the moment I walk in and that might be the most I'll have it. I might as well get my point across right away and establish where I fit into the room.
On a side note, a place they frequently went to totally straight. A friend of a friend said they saw me one night and I walked in like a model so I guess it's working.

[Fiona_44]

Gen, you are absolutely correct that having confidence is key to how you present as a woman. About 6 months after I went out in public for the first time, I finally had gained the confidence I needed. Since then I too have found that it makes a huge difference as to how you are perceived and dealt with by members of the general public. I usually act confident but not cocky at all.

[RoseReve]

Then, don't dress close to home. Problem solved, Brynna!:thumbsup:

You are so right Sherry! Brynna, a good thing for example is to go out in your neighborhood with a neutral outlook, and to change for something girlier when you have reached a place further from your own. A big mantel can be of a great help:) No one has to know what's underneath!
Same for make up: a neutral basis can't be spotted from afar. And you can add colors and lipstick later.

When my nails are polished I'm wearing glothes if I don't want people to know it. Same for the feet: a pair of sneakers doesn't reveal the colorful nails! Until you change for your beloved heels :heehee:

Sure all of this is a little bit of work. But women have to deal with it everyday also, when they don't want to attract too much attention on themselves.

And if you take it on the good side, it's a bit like a spy life, trying to maintain the cover and achieving difficult things at the same time!!!

Have fun anyway, it helps a lot!

[Jasmine23]

I think it depends where you go out and how you dress. If you dress to blend in and go out where you aren't known, and in a fairly accepting area, it's less of a big deal. However if you go out in your local area and dress inappropriately, this is going to draw attention and likely to be negative, unless you are in a very liberal area. It's not just crossdressers who get negative attention for dressing inappropriately, women do too, it's just human nature that we tend to pick on people who stand out from the crowd.

I do agree if you dress to blend in and act confidently then people are less likely to care, especially strangers as they aren't going to see you again.

[JulieC]

I'm reminded of an event that happened many years ago. I pulled into a convenience store off of a highway in the desert during summer, out in the middle of nowhere. I'm gassing up the car, and as I finish a high-priced sporty convertible pulls up to a gas pump near me. A young woman, probably 25 or so, steps out of the car in moderately high heels and wearing a string bikini that was really just a suggestion of clothing. I made my way into the convenience store. While I was in there, she comes in having put on a short jean skirt. She gets her things, cashes out and leaves. Almost immediately the two employees of the store began to make a number of very negative comments. I called them out on it, noting she was not doing anything illegal and it's a free country. They went silent, I left, and I'm sure they had negative things to say about me.

Moral of the story; it's true...nobody cares. To your face. It doesn't matter what people say behind your back, especially when it's people you'll never meet again. But caring? Oh, people care alright. People care.

(ps: Why is the software rendering my post twice in the same post? I have to go in and edit it to remove the second)

[Lacy PJs]

I hear and to a large degree agree, but, definitely not around our conservative, religious, nosy town. There are lots of multiple generations of highly opinionated good old boys who would care and be very vocal, thus our being extremely careful.

I totally agree. While some mention appropriateness of dress and others mention venue, I would have to add locale. In some areas for whatever reason, people either are more accepting or simply don't care. But where I live, that would certainly not be the case. If you were made, that would be one thing but if people figured out who you really were... it could have rather strong consequences.

I guess it just takes some areas of our country longer to accept new social norms.

Lacy PJs

[Sometimes Steffi]

While not as extensive as some, my experience of outandabouting has taught me that if you dress like a woman of your age would wear to the venue you're in then that's half the battle.

There's another aspect also. Women over the age of 50 or 55 are pretty much invisible to the general public. So, if you dress as someone of that age, you will be pretty much invisible also.

I ignore my own advice and often dress as someone much younger. I like getting the attention as long as it isn't rude or violent.



You are so right Sherry! Brynna, a good thing for example is to go out in your neighborhood with a neutral outlook, and to change for something girlier when you have reached a place further from your own. A big mantel can be of a great help:) No one has to know what's underneath!

A lot of times I've gone out (in my car), I've been mostly dressed, but wearing an oversized sweatshirt over my top, and no makeup or wig. I can got to a parking lot and pull off my sweatshirt and put on my wig. Then I can do my makeup in my car unnoticed. After all, many girls put un makeup in their car.

Another approach I use is to go out in male clothes but underdressed. Then I find a relatively deserted parking garage and move to the back seat of the car to change. If someone walks by, I just freeze. Human's vision is optimized to pick up things in motion. It's much less perceptive for things not moving.

[sometimes_miss]

Don't just assume that no one cares.

[Connie D50]

Wow what a great story for all of us. Thank you for posting it.

[Jean O]

Fiona, I like the thoughts. I just started going out in public and generally so nervous I barely hold it together. Nice to think that will change over time.
Jean

[Genifer Teal]

Don't just assume that no one cares.

It's like the proverbial tree falling in the empty forest. Maybe they care, but if they don't say anything, does it matter?