Post Mortem

[Sometimes Steffi]

Has anyone, particularly those partially or totally in the closet, contemplated what happens if you get "hit by a bus".

I might have mentioned before that I had a complete ceiling collapse, from corner to corner to corner to corner 5 weeks ago. One room was (and still is) completely encapsulated in blown-in insulation that has fallen in from the attic. My wife's bedroom (we sleep in separate rooms) suffered collateral damage and had some insulation in her doorway and a light dusting throughout.

We are starting to go through contents of both rooms sorting trash from treasure. Among other things, there are medical and financial records, some recent but many going back years.

It prompted me to think of what my wife and daughter would find if I were to die suddenly. Some clothes largely visible in my "she cave", others in bags, boxes, suitcases and duffle bags. Others hidden under my bed, in my closet and dresser and in bags that haven't been put away. Some things may be readily visible but others may be better hidden and not show up for months post mortem.

Am I the only one? Does anyone care about those left behind.

Does anyone have a plan to keep some of the secrets secret after you're 6 feet under?

[Geena75]

As I'm getting older and still hiding my 'peculiar pastime' from family, I have wondered at the scenario you describe. At present, I'm allowing that as I get even older, I won't get the charge out of dressing up that I do now and may well divest myself of the clothes and things. I also recognize that I may well be a lifer.

I keep my stuff stored in a couple boxes in the basement which would no doubt be opened some time after my passing. I suppose the route to take would be to have a large envelope on top containing a declaration of what I liked doing, explaining the contents. I would address it to whoever opens the box and suggest they use their best judgement as whether to share this information or dispose of the contents and keep it secret. It really won't matter to me anymore since I'll not be around to deal with it. My images in my computer would need to be dealt with otherwise. A private password protecting the folder would probaby do it.

[StephanieLake]

I think about it quite often. I do care about those left behind, but I can't worry about it. My wife knows I CD, but doesn't know about my wigs and forms. Will she be surprised? Probably not. Upset that I kept it from her. Yes.

I worry more about getting in an accident while fully dressed. She will see the clothes, including the bra, forms and wig, that they removed from me and I'll have to explain it at some point.

[Kris Burton]

Generally, I don't think about this or my demise generally unless someone reminds me - like now! My wife is totally aware of my crossdressing, but she is the only one. My two adult sons and their SOs are unaware (I think). Both my wife and I agree that there is no need for them to know, taking the attitude that it is our business and no one else's. Same is true of anyone else. All of my Kris items - clothing, forms and photos - are readily available in plain sight should they or anyone look. Should they be discovered in my living years a matter of fact explanation will be given. We have not discussed the possibilities post mortem, but I can only imagine the same philosophy will hold true. After all, though perhaps an unusual pursuit neither I nor anyone else is doing anything wrong. However, as I write this response I recognize it might be worthy of further discussion.

[SophiaRose]

I only worry about the most embarrassing things like gaffs, lacey underwear, breast forms. Ironically, I?d actually like be remembered at my wake as a gal all dolled up wearing something elegant. At that point I would want the world to know everything and have a party to celebrate my coming out.

[siva]

I think about it every time I dress up/see my stuff lying around. I like the idea of Geena to write a big letter about the contents and say the following on the envelope "Reader discretion is advised"

[Stephanie47]

Firstly, I checked for prior posts and didn't find the answer: "What happened?" to make the ceiling fall in on you? As to your question, yes I have thought about it. Yikes, it's not just my femme stuff but also all my other stuff, same goes for my wife. I keep telling my kids that they better hope mom and dad do not die together. At least, if we die separately the surviving spouse can dispose of the other's stuff. My wife did quip the other day I should start getting rid of some of my "stuff." I don't know if she was alluding to my femme stuff which I am assuming she does not know the extent of my wardrobe. If I were to get a terminal diagnose I'd probably start donating to a woman's charity most of my wardrobe that is in about 24+ Xerox boxes. I'd also learn real quick how to sell on ebay. If my wife and I get wiped out in a tragic accident I'm "toast" burnt to a crisp.

[Marketa]

I'm childfree and single, so if I suddenly demise honestly - I don't care what will people (especially family) find, because I'll be dead and I think their finding I was CD will be their least sorrow.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Firstly, I checked for prior posts and didn't find the answer: "What happened?" to make the ceiling fall in on you?

The insurance company claims bad ventilation in the attic.

I claim that the ceiling was installed with glue and too few smooth nails. Over 50 years, gravity probably took its toll. Maybe the weight of the additional blown in insulation didn't help.

As a practical comment, my insurance company is spending too much money on the "emu" mascot, and not enough money on insurance, at least at the front line.



I don't know if she was alluding to my femme stuff which I am assuming she does not know the extent of my wardrobe.

If my wife and I get wiped out in a tragic accident I'm "toast" burnt to a crisp.

Ah, yes. My wife knows but we're DADT There are boxes of girly stuff that she doesn't know about. And no one but my wife knows.

I've been thinking of deputizing one of my TG friends to go through Steffi's stuff and distribute it to deserving girls in my TG social group.

I have a TG friend who lost his house in the divorce and had to do a top to bottom house cleaning. There were even boxes in the crawl space. He recruited half a dozen friends (me included) to sanitize his house before turning it over to his ex.

[Debbie Denier]

If I was dead then I wouldn?t be around to face or experience the consequences. My wife knows I have crossdressed in the past as she found my stash. Hence I think she would be disappointed to find that I had continued after purging.However I think it would be worse to have an accident, be found out and face the consequences after previously telling her CD was over when it was not.

[CDJoyce]

Rather "spookily" I was just thinking about this before I switched on the computer as I now only wear men's underwear when I go from our small town or the doctors. I agreed to this with my wife. If my wife goes before me I thought I'd leave a video or letter explaining why I started wearing knickers as my usual attire. I've explained it elsewhere on the forum. As for my other clothes I think they will be lost in my wife's clothes by that stage.

[docrobbysherry]

I can't do anything about anything after I'm dead. So, I never worry about that. I have too many real worries!:sad:

I'm 80+ and worry more about me NOT being the next one to go in my family!:doh:

[Judy-Somthing]

Wow I've been thinking about that alot lately.
I haven't been on here much since my wife retired due to I haven't been able to get a safe three hours to dress.
I have my stuff in a wall.
I told my wife 4 years I like to dress and It's been tough ever since.
I told her I got rid of everything and she looked pretty hard.
Everytime we argue she gos to me being a disgusting cross-dresser.
If she ever finds my stash it will just confirm I'm a lier.
I feel in order to save the marriage I better get rid of my stash.
I find it hard to get rid of my stash but I love her and and don't want our relationship to get worse.

I want to dress very much but, I don't see it happing anytime soon.

[Monique65]

I keep my every day items such as panties, bras and night gowns in my dresser drawer with my wife’s blessing, and she would take care of them. My more intimate and private items are stored in a well concealed “hidey hole” behind an HVAC duct in a closet and I’m sure will never be discovered.

[danniUK]

Right now only my wife and one of my friends know about my dressing.
In truth - I don't know whether you'd call it a mid life crisis or some other thing - I've had the revelation that life is far too short to hide who you are, and I'm pretty much ready to come out to the entire world, or at least I would be if it weren't for the fact that I know my wife would hate that. She's great and has been supportive but that'd be the last thing she'd want.

So yeah, if I died tomorrow I wouldn't think twice about, say, my adult child finding my stuff. I'd be happy that the world knew that I was me, even if I didn't get to see it.

[RoseReve]

Hello,
funny (in a way!) I happened to think about it this morning when I was doing some exercise in my local park,
and I thought to myself that I would like to be buried dressed as a lady, and just thereafter I also thought that I am going to end my life as a woman.

I very recently realized how much this is real in my life...This is my reality. I also thought that I lived my first 51 years officially as a man, but I'd like to live the second half as a woman, because it's what I am, it's what does me good, and all the male pattern has done me much wrong during my entire life so far...

I also thought I will actually be a woman five years from now.

These are projections, aspirations, I'm not really sure I'll actually do this, but in this case, all that links me to a woman will go public pretty soon!!!
I'm together thrilled and afraid to have written this, but these were today's thoughts...

Anyway my whole family will know, because such a complicated karma doesn't have to remain unacknowledged.

All the best to you, thanks to be here,

Cheers,

Rose

[Bea_]

My daughter would be the one to deal with my things if something were to happen to me. My wife is handicapped and would not be able to purge my things alone. I'm quite sure my daughter knows that her dad isn't exactly manly, but she has no idea of how deep it goes. My thinking is that I should write a letter to her to be read when I'm gone. I'd love to have a heart to heart with her but she's raising four sons and I'm afraid the knowledge would make her want to keep them more distant from me in order to protect them from any influence my dressing might have on them.

My daughter has noticed my shaved legs. She picked up on my new pierced ears within seconds of seeing me after piercing them. So, she knows something is up. I'm guessing we'll either have a talk after her sons are adults, if I'm still around in another ten years. Or I'll try and bring myself to write things down to give her a better picture of things when she's dealing with my stuff.

[Lori31]

I think about it all the time. And I don't have an answer for that specific question yet.

[Cheryl T]

No, I no longer care.
If they truly know me as a person then what I leave behind won’t matter. If they are so shallow that it changes their opinion of me then so what, I’m dead and don’t care.

[Lilly Diadem]

I'm probably moving into the not caring group as I get older.
I wouldn't want to leave my Wife in a mess when I go but there are worse things to leave behind than a stylish wardrobe !

[JesseVF]

My wife knows what I have so she would quickly deal with it. If she goes first I?ve always thought I would have some type of conversation with my adult son without getting into a lot of details so he would be prepared when he comes across my items.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I always have crossdressing in the back of my mind, so I've been thinking about this a lot lately in my idle time.

My father died about 9 months after getting a terminal diagnosis, and he was mobile for 8 of those 9 months. When going through my late father's things, my brother found some questionable stuff, what I can only call pornography. It was quite a surprise, since "he wasn't that kind of guy." He would have been quite able to remove and destroy it before he died. I wondered why he didn't It also made me wonder what other secrets he took with him to the grave.

Another thing I though about is what happens to my "online presence", here and everywhere else, including all the femme vendors with whom I have signed up. I've read stories about how long it takes to clean up someone's online presence even under "normal" circumstances.

In addition, I have a storage locker with a monthly payment due and a PO Box with a semiannual payment due. I've always paid cash for these to ensure another layer of protection. More stuff to think about

[CarlaWestin]

5 feet under? I thought I paid for 6 feet! Keep digging.

Hopefully my wife would sue the bus company and then sell everything and buy a condo on the beach somewhere.
Or maybe find another DADT IDWTSI CD life partner that is my size.

On the flip side, I'm in optimistically good health and I do think about how this activity will be in my 90's.

[BethanyCross]

I have given this a lot of thought as I don't want to be talked about negatively after I am gone. I ask myself why should I care since I will be dead, but I still do. My wife and I are in a DADT relationship. I have 95% my goodies in two boxes and she has agreed to dispose of them without looking (if I go first). If she has passed, I have decided that I will put it all in one box and put a note on it asking that they follow my wishes and dispose of it without opening. Best I can do, I guess. I don't even want to think about the conversations if they open them and find my dresses, nighties, heels, bras, and (gasp) breast forms!

[Sometimes Steffi]

5 feet under? I thought I paid for 6 feet!

Ahh. Just checking to see if anyone is really reading the thread.

Would you believe that you get a discount for a 5 foot burial rather than 6 feet?

Alternately, you can believed that I fat fingered the post.

In either case, I corrected it.

No harm, no fowl.

[Meg]

Having just gone through my wife's recent passing and attending to her affairs, I have been thinking about this. If she were still with me it would not be an issue. However, as my son will be the one attending to my affairs, I am left wondering if I should, as others have said, leave a letter letting him know I was not hurting anyone and this was just another side to the man he knew as Dad. My son is definitely an Alpha male and we have shared many "manly" activities together and have a good relationship, so he should understand. Maybe not accept, but understand. A line from a song by the late John Prine says it all, "Please tell the man, I didn't hurt anyone, I was just trying to have me some fun." Meg

[sabrinaedwards]

I have thought about this as several of my close friends have died unexpectedly. I have looked in to renting a storage locker and storing everything there. In that manner, my secret would not be discovered.

[JulieC]

My wife and I have had multiple discussions about this. Nobody else in the family knows, including our kids. She wants to be able to tell the kids after I'm gone. It's a debate point. If we should both die at the same time, family members are going to find my stash. So, the plan is (that I need to get around to) is to place sealed envelopes in the various bins labeled something like "In the event that I die, please read" and explain it all.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I have thought about this as several of my close friends have died unexpectedly. I have looked in to renting a storage locker and storing everything there. In that manner, my secret would not be discovered.

You may want to check your rental contract. If you fail to pay your rental, they can auction of the contents. I had to designate someone in case I don't pay. I named someone who has been read into the program. I may need to update it because he recently moved.

[Jennifer2918]

I work in an industry that gets called to assist when a deceased person has unexpectedly passed away. I have seen several persons discovered when they have passed and its always interesting what you see and how they lived. From my perspective, its just interesting, nothing more. I have seen a person pass in the presence of a blow up doll, dressed only like winnie the pooh, completely naked watching television, a male wearing panties cooking in the kitchen, and a person who was dressed for church, holding their rosary beads. Again, it's just interesting, nothing more and with no judgement. Luckily, most people I know in the death field, its sad to say, but its just another person to take care of. And as far as disclosing if a person was crossed dressed or something else, they standard disclosure is the person passed away being hit be a bus, fell down a flight of stairs, passed while being a home, passed in their sleep, etc. They don't go into detail about how the person was dressed, what they were actually doing, etc.
Now at the funeral home / mortuary, they will ask how you want the person presented/dressed. Sometimes a person leaves very specific direction on how they want to dressed in the casket. But that comes from the person, not the family. If the family doesn't know about a person crossdressing or any other preference, they may not find out until they start going through the persons stuff (like cleaning out a persons apartment, storage unit, or house). But even then, it most likely will be an immediate family member or two, not the whole family. Generally, this is done by someone close or very close to the person and normally out of respect, they don't share with the whole family.

[Davinnia]

All my femme clothes are in one half of our built in robes, wife's in the other half, male clothes in the spare room so nothing hidden, wife is fine with my dressing.If I went first I'd expect my wife to keep any items she wanted (both same size except for shoes) & donate rest to charity & dispose of wigs, forms etc. If she went first, same would apply. I've heard of people not clearing out a partner's things for years, cosmetics still in the bathroom cabinet, too , hard to part with things.That would be my excuse to visitors who found stuff. Both die at the same time : our lawyers are executors of our wills as we have no family so that's up to them whether to be shocked or surprised when clearing our house, we won't be there.