Attention to detail

[Helen_Highwater]

Yesterday I went out for a few beers and a chance to chat with ex work colleagues. Sat facing the bar I watched people come and go as they bought drinks. At one point there were a number of mature females in the queue. Two were in dresses and of course I checked them out, a third in a skirt and blouse.

I wasn't immediately drawn to what it was that had me thinking, is this someone from our community? Analysing what I was seeing I was first drawn to the waistband of the skirt which was too low. Then the ratio of hips to shoulders drew my gaze. The shoulders weren't particularly broad or muscular, it was the narrowness of the hips coupled to the low waistband that drew me.

When she turned around having bought her drink, makeup, hair, bust size all good, but now I was looking closer than I perhaps would have done had she paid more attention to what are relatively small things, but the devil is in the detail and I "read" her when perhaps, because her general presentation was good, I wouldn't have if the small things didn't gain my gaze.

With hip and bum padding, a higher waistline I doubt very much if I'd have given her any more attention than the other females. I would not have realised she was one of us.

It was a valuable lesson for me in that making time each time I go out to do the best I can to create that femme shape will pay dividends. The less "not quite right" signals we send out, the more likely we are to go unnoticed.

I'm sure she goes about her business in a confident manner and I wish her well for the future. No one I was sat with commented so she wasn't doing a bad job by any means it was perhaps due to us knowing what to look for that failed her this time.

[kimdl93]

It?s been a long time since I have read another crossdresser, but certainly hip/shoulder ratio is a clue one can pick up without being too close. I know from personal experiences that hip padding has indeed paid dividends, at least in terms of helping blend in. I am just a little more confident with that bit of extra security.

[Sandi Beech]

Helen,

I totally agree that we know what to look for, and when we are being observant, those little things can tip us off.

The thing that many do not realize is that even if we fail to pass, we can still look pretty. We just have to put a little effort into the presentation whether blending or more on the flamboyant side. People, especially women, take notice when we have gone to a lot of effort and seem to appreciate it.

Sandi

[Sometimes Steffi]

So, was she really one of us?

One thing to remember is that GGs come in all shapes and sizes. There are many, mostly 40+ who could easily pass for men in their normal presentation.

I was in a hotel once at the breakfast bar one time and I saw this "man" with a baby pink backpack purse. I was thinking of giving "him" a slight ribbing about "his" pink purse. I know, bad protocol! But, as I watched him more, I determined that "he" was a very manly-looking woman. At least so I thought. I have no idea "what was under the hood".

There was another time when I was shopping that there was a very femme cashier. I was sure that she was one of us. I talked to "her" when she was alone intending to invite her to my TG social group, but "she" was very much insulted that I (falsely) made him as a woman. I have no idea "what was under the hood".

Then, there was this girl I saw at a table across from me at a restaurant. By all accounts, she was an attractive GG, and she had a "date", but something was "a little off". Then I thought I saw her slightly adjust her wig, which I hadn't realized was a wig. I'm thinking, "You look great girl!" But, then again, GGs can wear wigs for any number of reasons. My conclusion was CD/TG, but a great presentation. I am not sure "what was under the hood".

[Debbie Denier]

I saw a sister in Oxford over a year ago. I held the door open for her. Her voice gave her away when she thanked me. Otherwise I would never have known. After she spoke my attention was then drawn to an ID card on a lanyard around her neck. It had her photograph and Trans conference. Apparently from an event held in the local theatre down the road.Her fem appearance was outstanding.

[SophiaRose]

I think it?s easier for us to clock each other vs the normal public. After all we spend an inordinate amount of time checking women out for their beauty and how they put their hair, makeup, and outfits together. Are we more externally and internally critical than normal folk?

[CarlaWestin]

The paying attention to detail in my own presentation has diminished over the years because I've never socialized or done much more than shopping while in Carla mode.
Why try to get little small details perfect when there are masculine triggers that I simply can't change. As society progresses into more acceptance I just have the attitude of, "Because I'm a crossdresser."

[NancySue]

I?ve not had the opportunity to read another cder, but I very much enjoy watching what women are wearing and body language. Sadly, around here, it?s mostly jeans, yoga pants, tee shirt, no makeup uncombed hair, etc. This makes blending in difficult. As I?ve said before, I love and do wear hose. Rarely seen and noticeable, same with heels or even makeup.

[docrobbysherry]

Helen, I been to a lot of T events over the years. So, I've seen 100's, maybe 1000's of dressers in person?:daydreaming:

Yet, the ones that had realistic fem figures I can count on my fingers!:straightface:

[Tricia Lee]

Helen, +1000 on the importance of hip to waist ratio. You need hips to have a good chance of passing, for the reasons stated.

I just looked at some of my own pics from before I started wearing hip padding. At the time I felt comfortable with my unpadded look, but now I cringe at it. I went out a lot with no hip padding then but would never do it now. IMO something close to an hourglass figure is the #1 thing that can reduce the amount of unwanted scrutiny you get from people.

Like you said, even with everything else in place, that one miscue in creating a feminine appearance will attract attention. In my own experience, as soon as I started doing hip padding I objectively noticed less attention that felt like being read.

What else was there about the sister's appearance that was a give-away after you noticed the lack of hips?

[CynthiaD]

I ran into a sister in Las Vegas last summer. I wouldn't have noticed, except she kept letting her voice slip into a masculine register. She was working as a hostess at one of my favorite restaurants, but disappeared later. I hope she didn’t chicken out

[Marketa]

That's why I wear A-shaped skirts during the hot summer weather. I would boil alive with hip-pads panties.

But I'm looking forward for colder weather, so I can finally wear them again, because tbh I actually miss them and how they shape my figure.

Also as Steffi mentioned women (or people in general) come in all shapes and sizes. Some have no curves whatsoever just like some man are just stick figure.

[Helen_Highwater]

What else was there about the sister's appearance that was a give-away after you noticed the lack of hips?


Looking back I'd say it was the fact that her skirt waistband was too low. females tend to have a higher waistline than males. That's one of the big differences in the way jeans are cut male Vs Female. It made her body proportions look wrong and exaggerated the width of the shoulders.

I think it's worth pointing out that she moved about in a busy pub and as far as I saw no one paid her any notice so she was doing pretty much most things right. And yes, I'm 99% sure she was one of us.

[audreyinalbany]

it is also true that as we age, both genders tend to become somewhat more androgynous

[Jenn A116]

Interesting observation. I probably wouldn't have jumped to the conclusion that she was part of our community though. I would probably come down on the side of thinking it was just proof that not everybody fits the "gender norms" that we have learned.

As for myself, I am conscious that my hips/butt need enhancement to help me "pass". My shoulders are fairly wide as is my guy chest. Forms give me a top-heavy look that I balance out padding. Of course there are still lots of other giveaways when I'm out in girl mode.

[Stephanie47]

Yet, the ones that had realistic fem figures I can count on my fingers!:straightface:

Given the sad physical shape of society these days, female and male, are there many with a true female or male shape anymore? I think mannerisms or lack of them is a bigger giveaway than body shape. Women seem to make adjustments to their visual while we seem to have to think about it. I think I have seen many cross dressers but since they were short and not an hour glass shape, they flew under my radar. My choice of dresses are empire waist so I do not have to bother with hips and butt shape.